★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2024 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[sweety_honami]

Story- raaz

Writer- Black

Plot- a murder mystery, short but a good one.

Storyline- 11 baje hi likhne baithe the aap to yakeenan execution aur details aur behtar ho sakti thi. Kahani kaafi simple thi aur aasani se samajh aa jati hai.

Starting- good, shuru se hi pta chal raha rha tha ki meera ne past me kuch galat kiya (wait wait wait Samar_Singh tumhari story ki meera yaha kaise aa gayi ) aur uska guzra kal hi uski aaj ki takleef ki wajah ban chuka tha.

Middle & End- good, there was lot of pieces that are missing in this story.. But lack of time can justify it anyway. Emotion to feel nhi hua but mystery I mean "raaz" Jarur tha.

Conclusion- overall a good story, nothing more nothing less.. 4 stories in this usc, hatsoff for your dedication

7.5/10 ... Btw, wo bachhe end me aaye kaise? Don't tell me "ye raaz bhi usi ke saath chala gaya"

 

[cheekku]

Story- katputli

Writer- cheekku

Plot- Black magic, great.. But execution was not up to the mark.

Storyline- Nice, good work in small amount of time.. Really, I saw some of ur previous post on cc so I came to know u write all of this today only!... So there's nothing to complain about it, atleast u finished it and post it.

Start- I get sachin wibes from raja idk why in starting... Background introduction, character development everything was missing becoz of lack of time.. U tried to spend most of ur time on core which I think not a bad move.

Middle- good, it was the core and atleast it justifies the title of the story.. Even though u don't know hindi that well, yet u tried.. Hatsoff.

End- the ending was too weak, there are several question unanswered and several stuff that doesn't put up with logic. But I thought it will be tragic love story, but u change it in happy ending.. Thanks for that. I can ask questions but it will be just a stupidity from my part. Coz I know if u get enough time u will execute it well and no question will be unanswered..

Conclusion- good thought and a serious story... Don't get sad, u just lack time which I completely understand.. So chill and do your best next time, u have potential but u also need to learn too. Also except for the sex part, I really enjoyed reading sexnote.. My revo was bit of roast coz I just the story so funny that I can't control my laugh.

Time/10

Declaration --> sexnote >>>>>>> any other story on forum

Note- stay away from staff (except scoda) I hope u will get it

thanks Aashna ... tum ney time zaya i mean nikal kar meri story ko padha ,
ham aapkey bohot shuker guzar hay mohtarma ,... mein thora introvert type ka banda hu internet par bss
funny banney ka try karta hu ... kabhi kabar over bhi hojata hu ye nahi pata kio .. laundo kay roast sey
gussa hojata hu phir unhey pel deta hu ... par ladkiyo ki izzat karta hu isliye unhey pyar sey roast kardeta hu ... ju ko nahi kiya shukar karo

is story ko 6000 words ka likhna tha ... to isey pura execute kar pata ,, lekin asli zindagi mein time nahi mila
aur mila to cc mein tafree kar raha tha .... bss phir 2 ghanty thy adha ghanta socha bacha 1;30 ghanta phir kiya ......likh daali


agar mein pura serious hokar likhu to .... aesi story likh dalunga kay samaj hee naa pao gy

 

[Black]

Story- raaz

Writer- Black

Plot- a murder mystery, short but a good one.

Storyline- 11 baje hi likhne baithe the aap to yakeenan execution aur details aur behtar ho sakti thi. Kahani kaafi simple thi aur aasani se samajh aa jati hai.

Starting- good, shuru se hi pta chal raha rha tha ki meera ne past me kuch galat kiya (wait wait wait Samar_Singh tumhari story ki meera yaha kaise aa gayi ) aur uska guzra kal hi uski aaj ki takleef ki wajah ban chuka tha.

Middle & End- good, there was lot of pieces that are missing in this story.. But lack of time can justify it anyway. Emotion to feel nhi hua but mystery I mean "raaz" Jarur tha.

Conclusion- overall a good story, nothing more nothing less.. 4 stories in this usc, hatsoff for your dedication

7.5/10 ... Btw, wo bachhe end me aaye kaise? Don't tell me "ye raaz bhi usi ke saath chala gaya"

In jethalal voice
Haaye main mar jaaun

Aashna jee lag raha hai aap April waala function cancel karwa ke maaniyega
Itna pyara review Dene ke liye bahut bahut shukriya
Woh kya hai third waali story funny thi
Phir 10.45 pe socha yaar aise nahi kuchh dark ho jaaye
Toh 11 baje shuru kar diya likhna
11.56 ho chuke the isi liye jo sahi laga likh diya
Mujhe likhna bhi nahi tha
Woh toh pata nahi kaise man kar gaya likhne isi liye likh diya
Aur Raaz ko Raaz rehne dete hain..

Ek baar phirse aapka bahut bahut shukriya..

 

[avsji]

Story: पूर्ण अपूर्ण
Writer: avsji

Bdiya pyari story bhai ji.
Smaj ki shadi na krne k prati soch ko short story me bdiya se dikhaya h

Baki short story me readers k liye mushkil ho jata h kyuki chitra ka support krke Shobha ko bhi najarandaj nhi kr sakte aur shobha ka support krke chitra ko bhi najarandaj nhi kr sakte.

बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद भाई! आपको कहानी पसंद आई, जान कर बहुत अच्छा लगा।
शोभा - चित्रा - मनीष -- अगर देखें, तो ये किरदार हर तरफ़ हैं।

इस फोरम में आप सदेव मेरे पसंदीदा लेखक रहे हैं
मेरा एक मित्र है जिसकी जिंदगी की कहानी बिल्कुल की मनीष के जैसी है हाँ यह बात और है तलाक के बाद आज तक उसने विवाह नहीं किया
आपने उसके आगे की कहानी लिखा है
मनीष के मन के भीतर उमड़ रहे भावनाओ के चलते दोराहे पर पहुँच जाता है फिर द्वंद की भंवर में फंस जाता है l आवेग में स्वयं पर काबु रखा पर जैसा कि होता है उसने किसी की भावनाओं का आदर किया तो किसी की भावना को ठेस पहुँचाया l यहाँ तक अपनी भावनाओं का तिलांजलि भी दिया l
बहुत ही कड़वा व तिक्त उपलब्धी रहा

बहुत ही ज़बरदस्त कहानी लिखा है आपने l मेरी शुभकामनाएँ

10 में से 9.5

भाई साहेब, कहाँ हैं आप आज कल?
बाहत बहुत धन्यवाद कहानी को पसंद करने के लिए।
कहते हैं न, कभी किसी को मुकम्मल जहाँ नहीं मिलता। बस, वही बात है। हमारा जीवन अनेकों समझौतों का प्रतिफल ही तो है
और सब कुछ मीठा मीठा हो, संभव नहीं!

Story:- पूर्ण अपूर्ण
Writer:- avsji

avsji with another banger. This is the best story I have read so far in this contest. It has everything that you expect from a good writer. I am just fan of his descriptive writing. Despite having the constraints of words yet writer will make you feel like you are part of the story with his immersive writing skill. Story is simple, predictable but still having ton of emotions and brilliant ending which is extremely realistic, sometimes you need to sacrifice your own feelings for the sake of others and can be felt by any many individuals. Vocabulary of this story is top notch and yes, I again struggled with few words as I had to translate some.
For me this story is winner of this contest.

5/5 for this masterpiece.

बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद मित्र! कहानी आपको पसंद आई, जान कर मन अति प्रसन्न है।
मेरी कहानियाँ पसंद करने वाले कुछ ही लोग हैं, लेकिन उन्ही के कारण अच्छी कहानियाँ लिखने की प्रेरणा भी मिलती रहती है। कोशिश करता हूँ, फिर भी कठिन हिंदी लिखने की आदत कम नहीं हो पाती
आपके शुभ शब्दों के लिए आभार! लेकिन अब जीतने हारने के लिए नहीं लिखता (कारण? क्योंकि जज कौन है, पता ही नहीं! ऐसे व्यक्ति की प्रतिक्रिया का क्या अच्छा या बुरा मानना?)!

Story: पूर्ण अपूर्ण

Written by: avsji

This is the best story of this contest IMHO. One might say the storyline is a bit simple, but the way you have written it, and the way you have presented it, was just marvelous. I mean every word and every sentence makes you feel its essence. I was completely lost in the story for quite some time. I read it a few days back and read it today again. Your writing makes us awestruck. There are no mistakes in the whole story. I am just mesmerized by it.

Xossip par ek writer the or bade achhe dost the "Ashiq Tera" ID name se, Your writing reminds me of him. Just loved your story.

Best of Luck for the contest!

बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद! आपको कहानी पसंद आई, इसलिए मुझको भी अच्छा लगा।
अधिकतर लोगों का जीवन भी साधारण ही होता है, इसीलिए कहानियाँ भी साधारण ही लिखता हूँ! आपका observation सही है। कहानी का प्रस्तुतिकरण ही सब कुछ होता है। उसी पर ही ख़ास ध्यान रहता है मेरा।
अगर आपने मेरी अन्य कहानियाँ नहीं पढ़ी हैं, तो उनको भी पढ़िए

 

[Samar_Singh]

Story- Naam hi yaad nhi aa raha abhi let's say "tragedy of dalhousie" Or "friendship- a tale of nightmare"

Writer- Samar_Singh

Plot- well, u won't believe but while reading it.. I feel like experiencing deja vu. Like I heard or saw this same story somewhere, maybe in my dreams.. Who knows. Anyway, it was not unique but a rare one. The genre u choose is really difficult to execute and that's why rarely anyone choose it.

Storyline- Amazing, u keep me engage throughout the story... The storyline was quite simple, I mean it was so easy to guess.. The driver is the killer! First I thought, nope the writer is playing mind games with me. It's not gonna happen. But in the end u surprised in a different simple way, I'm not complaining for this anyway.

Start- great, I feel that fear which I rarely feel even watching horror movies (except 1920 original) maybe it's becoz i read it at midnight; alone in my room with lights off. First I thought, driver misleading them becoz of business(tourism) or he has contact with the serial killer or something.. but at the end u connect the dot with him directly being the serial killer.

Middle- amazing, in this part u really go insane with glorifying blood shit!! For me it was the core of your story... The pace, the details, the narration was perfect. From the beginning I thought, this is a horror mystery story where we have to find the culprit. But after u introduce priya, the shape of ur story started to change. Well, I have several question.. But it will be better to put them in conclusion, so yeah wait for it.

End- Good, many will complaint about priya's backstory, but I won't. U put good amount of details there to fill the gap in your story. However, the way u conclude the end was not satisfactory. U should have brainstorm more on this part, coz if u end ur story on high note then definitely it will empact on usc. (Or either with emptiness, like we lost something while reading.. Most of time emotion)

Conclusion- u may have a chance if u just brainstorm more on your story and details. Coz it really has the potential... But i can understand if it's your first story (although u already watched aot so i expect more everytime). Now there are some question which I don't get it...

1. If it's all kabeer dream, then in the second time.. Will things really go similar like that? I mean, there was a scene of priya calling him while he was in bed. So this will repeat again? And he will react the same way? I personally doubt.

2. I can understand, the killer was caught and the police also suspect him for the Dalhousie case so they connect it and prove it that the driver kill them all too.. But for a crime scene which attract so much attention from media to higher up, isn't this a loose ending?

3. What's the fault of kabeer in priya murder. If u said that, she blame him too.. Then I can understand that she loose her mind. But as a narrator why u said that "kabeer has some fault too?"

Edit- still there are lot more, but it will just consume your cgpa, so I drop the idea to ask everything.

Overall definitely a good story to read... Thanks for using some of ur precious time to wrote this(although I know u are unemployed) just kidding..

8.5/10 for sure... There are lot of loopholes, which can't be ignore.. So koi nhi u did a great job, ur and scoda stories(first one, naam yaad nhi ) I really like them a lot(although cheekku sexnote was a masterpiece, u can't even think to compare with it and yeah Riky007 masterpiece "experience" Too)

Thank you

Devi ji main forum chhod ke chala jata tab hi review deti,ek to ju ke liye 4 ghante me story chhapi thi.
Loopholes bhi usi chakkar me reh gye.

I have answers off your questions but let them go.

You gave the review Thanks for it.
Now after 15 March I will come back in next season.

Kal raat hi 5-6 story ka idea notedown kiya hai, but that all for next season.

Thanks

 

[Mak]

Story: katputli

Written by: cheekku

Kafi improvement dekhne ko mila hai dost. Is kahani me tumahara presentation achha tha, ek flow me chali kahani or pahdke maja bhi aaya. But, kyunki tumne kahani jaldibaaji me likhi hai, ismen kaafi loopholes hain, Guru ji ka maksad sabse bada rahasya rah gaya ki aakhir wo sabko kathputli bana kar karwana kya chahte the. Agar time hota to is kahani ko behtareen bana sakte the, anyways jo bhi thode samay me likha hai tumne use kafi achhe se likha hai. A good read!

I really liked the idea and the way you presented this story. Keep it up, buddy!

 

[Samar_Singh]

Review
Story - RAAZ
Writer - Black


What the hell....was that...

Itne kam shabdo me aisa kuch likhna bas tumhare hi bas me hai... Kisi background story kisi explanation ki jarurat nahi padti.. jo bhi likha hai vahi kafi najar aata hai definitely agar word limit 7000 ki jagah 1000 hoti to ye story jitne ki potential rkhti thi, NCS ke hisab se achi thi.

Jab Meera vo meat khati hai tab hi samjh aa jata hai ki jarur ye human flesh hai, laga tha ki shayad uske husband ka hoga, but call clear karta hai ki vo uske bacche the then last me sab ek jhut nikalta hai, acha hua sab sirf ek dhokha tha Meera ke raaz ko jan ne ke liye, varna BC kuch jyada hi dark story ban jati.


4 different stories on 4 different theme, you nailed it in USC.

 

[Riky007]

Story: बेकरार मिलन
Writer: JOKER.

Story line: वैसे तो मुझे समझ आई नही की क्या थी इसकी स्टोरी लाइन, बस इतना समझ आया कि ये किसी लंबी कहानी की बेस स्टोरी है, जिसमे हीरो हीरोइन एक भटकती आत्मा को परास्त करते हैं।

Treatment: ऐसा लगा जैसे किसी को एक कहानी का प्लॉट बताया गया है इसमें। कब क्यों कैसे ये सब पाठक को खुद ही suppose करना पड़ेगा इस कहानी में। लेखक बस अपने दिमाग में आए प्लॉट को लिख कर इतिश्री कर गया है।

Positive Points: अच्छा प्लॉट है।

Negative points: कहानी ही नदारद है इससे

Sugesstion:


Rating: 5/10

 

[Samar_Singh]

Review
Story - Katputli
Writer - cheekku

Plot - A boy name Raja who is in love with a girl name Riya, saves her from a man who is a guardian of him and do black magic on Riya.

Kahani ki theme achi thi, good thing is sex note ki tarah faltu ka sex nahi bhara story me.

You write this just some hours before deadline so I appreciate that in a short span of time you written a good story and worth to read

Ofcourse if you have enough time it'll will be a nice story and maybe masterpiece like sex note.

kahani apne main plot par puri focus rehti hai, itne kam time me isse behtar kuch likhna bahut mushkil tha.

 

[Samar_Singh]

Review
Story - Internet wala love
Writer - Hunter1920


Plot - Ek ladka internet par ek ladki se batein karne lagta hai aur apne teenage love ki feel karta hai.


Teenage love experience par likhi hai kahani, kahani ka narration bilkul aisa tha jaise koi ek dost dusre dost ko apne dil ka haal suna rha hai.

Kahani me jo details di gyi vo bahut achi thi, kai log relatable feel kar sakte hai, jaise dheere dheere unki bato ka aage badhna hi hello se shuru hone se lekar phir ghanto apni baato me bita dena.

Jyada ladka ladki ke jeevan me ye phase aata hai aur gujar jata hai, Khair use pyar bhi bhi nhi keh sakte ek anubhav jarur milta hai.

Kahani ki theme competition ke hisab se utni mazboot nahi thi, ek straight way me kahani chalti hai aur khtam ho jati hai.