★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2024 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Riky007]

Story: कब क्यों और कैसे।
Writer: TheBlackBlood

Story line: आत्मा/भूत के बैकड्रॉप में लिखी हुई एक मर्डर मिस्ट्री है। जिसमे एक व्यक्ति की मौत हो जाती है और उसका शक एक आत्मा पर किया जाता है, लेकिन क्या वो सचमुच किसी मरे हुए इंसान का भूत है या कुछ और?

Treatment: एक एवरेज कहानी को लेखक कैसे पढ़ने के काबिल बनाता है, ये इस कहानी से बखूबी पता चलता है।

Positive points: मिस्ट्री, और मिस्ट्री के खुलने के बाद उसका एक्सप्लेनेंशन।

Negative point: horror जानदार नही बन पाया।

Sugesstion: बड़े राइटर को मैं क्या sugesstion दूं।

Rating: 7.5/10

 

[Riky007]

Story: ...Rage...
Writer: Agasthya




कहानी थी या अंग्रेजी वाला सत्संग

Let me have courage to forgive myself

 

[Black]

Story: ...Experience...
Writer: Riky007

Dear riky bhaiya
Bahut achchi kahani thi
Pehle ek baar main padhne ki koshish Kiya tha
Lekin padh nahi paaya kuchh kaam ki wajah se
Lekin aapki kahani padhke mujhe yahi mehsus hua ki aap jab likhte ho
Toh itna achcha likhte ho ki puchho mat
Somendra ka character bilkul waisa hi tha jaisa har normal mard ka hota hai
Aur urvashi ke baare mein aapne bataya nahi
Phir bhi urvashi aaj ke advance jamane ki aur jyada advance ladki thi
Ya phir yeh kahein ki ladki toh thi
Lekin uska attitude bilkul ek ladke jaisa tha
Urvashi ne wohi Kiya jo use apne jeevan mein karna tha
Aur somendra nahi wohi Kiya jo use apne jaavan mein karna tha
Bechare somendra ko toh pehla Ishq hua tha
Lekin uska lul ho gaya
Saala mere ko yeh aurat jaat hi samajh nahi aati
Badi jindagi kharab hai

Aur ant mein
Hey riky Maharaj aapne ek achchi kahani likhi jise padhke meri aankhon se Khushi ke aansu nikal gaye.uske liye aapka bahut bahut shukriya..

 

[Black]

Story. ("Are They still Human or ... ?")

Writer ( Sanki Rajput )

Dear sanki bhaiya
Kya story likhe ho bahut achchi aur chilling story thi
Bina daraye koi aapse darana seekhe

Aur saala ek baat batao
Yeh humko zaleel karna jaruri tha
English mein likhke
Control

Saala kaise kaise log rehte hain duniya mein ajeeb jaanwar hain

Ant mein
hey sanki Maharaj aapne itni achchi story likhi
Uske liye aapka bahut bahut shukriya..

 

[sweety_honami]

Story- Naam hi yaad nhi aa raha abhi let's say "tragedy of dalhousie" Or "friendship- a tale of nightmare"

Writer- Samar_Singh

Plot- well, u won't believe but while reading it.. I feel like experiencing deja vu. Like I heard or saw this same story somewhere, maybe in my dreams.. Who knows. Anyway, it was not unique but a rare one. The genre u choose is really difficult to execute and that's why rarely anyone choose it.

Storyline- Amazing, u keep me engage throughout the story... The storyline was quite simple, I mean it was so easy to guess.. The driver is the killer! First I thought, nope the writer is playing mind games with me. It's not gonna happen. But in the end u surprised in a different simple way, I'm not complaining for this anyway.

Start- great, I feel that fear which I rarely feel even watching horror movies (except 1920 original) maybe it's becoz i read it at midnight; alone in my room with lights off. First I thought, driver misleading them becoz of business(tourism) or he has contact with the serial killer or something.. but at the end u connect the dot with him directly being the serial killer.

Middle- amazing, in this part u really go insane with glorifying blood shit!! For me it was the core of your story... The pace, the details, the narration was perfect. From the beginning I thought, this is a horror mystery story where we have to find the culprit. But after u introduce priya, the shape of ur story started to change. Well, I have several question.. But it will be better to put them in conclusion, so yeah wait for it.

End- Good, many will complaint about priya's backstory, but I won't. U put good amount of details there to fill the gap in your story. However, the way u conclude the end was not satisfactory. U should have brainstorm more on this part, coz if u end ur story on high note then definitely it will empact on usc. (Or either with emptiness, like we lost something while reading.. Most of time emotion)

Conclusion- u may have a chance if u just brainstorm more on your story and details. Coz it really has the potential... But i can understand if it's your first story (although u already watched aot so i expect more everytime). Now there are some question which I don't get it...

1. If it's all kabeer dream, then in the second time.. Will things really go similar like that? I mean, there was a scene of priya calling him while he was in bed. So this will repeat again? And he will react the same way? I personally doubt.

2. I can understand, the killer was caught and the police also suspect him for the Dalhousie case so they connect it and prove it that the driver kill them all too.. But for a crime scene which attract so much attention from media to higher up, isn't this a loose ending?

3. What's the fault of kabeer in priya murder. If u said that, she blame him too.. Then I can understand that she loose her mind. But as a narrator why u said that "kabeer has some fault too?"

Edit- still there are lot more, but it will just consume your cgpa, so I drop the idea to ask everything.

Overall definitely a good story to read... Thanks for using some of ur precious time to wrote this(although I know u are unemployed) just kidding..

8.5/10 for sure... There are lot of loopholes, which can't be ignore.. So koi nhi u did a great job, ur and scoda stories(first one, naam yaad nhi ) I really like them a lot(although cheekku sexnote was a masterpiece, u can't even think to compare with it and yeah Riky007 masterpiece "experience" Too)

 

[Black]

Story. (. katputli. )

Writer. (. cheekku )

dear cheekku bhaiya
achchi kahani likhi hai aapne
ab aapka dost hoon
isi liye kamiya bhi bataunga
bura mat maaniyega
guruji ki thodi backstory likhni chahiye thi aapko
pata nahi aapne kyu nahi likhi
characters mein thoda aur jyada depth daalte toh achcha hota
phir bhi aapki yeh waali story mujhe jyada achchi lagi

ant mein hey cheekku maharaj aapka bahut bahut shukriya ek achchi kahani likhne ke liye...

 

[cheekku]

Story. (. katputli. )

Writer. (. cheekku )

dear cheekku bhaiya
achchi kahani likhi hai aapne
ab aapka dost hoon
isi liye kamiya bhi bataunga
bura mat maaniyega
guruji ki thodi backstory likhni chahiye thi aapko
pata nahi aapne kyu nahi likhi
characters mein thoda aur jyada depth daalte toh achcha hota
phir bhi aapki yeh waali story mujhe jyada achchi lagi

ant mein hey cheekku maharaj aapka bahut bahut shukriya ek achchi kahani likhne ke liye...

shukriya black bhai ,.... time nikal kar story ko parha
ye story mujey khud pasand nahi ayi
kio kay jaisi likhna chahta tha ... likh nahi paya par phir bhi thanks story padhney kay liye review dene kay liye ,

 

[sweety_honami]

Story- battle for earth

Writer- Black

Plot- wo kya hota hai Black to everyone in story -




Except Lord spammer



Storyline- nice nice, I really enjoyed till the first half.. Although, mujhe padhne me kaafi dikkat aayi kyunki aapke likhne ka tareeka thoda alag hai jisse kaun kab kya keh raha hai samajh nhi aata.

Starting- pehle mujhe ye baat aap bataye ye scoda, neeraj, werewolf kitna paisa diya hai aapko? itni superpower to shaktimaan ki bhi nhi thi aur haa don't tell me aapko sachin ne paise diye the aashna ko single banane ke liye ek masoom si ladki ko story me to happy married couple dikha hi sakte the

Middle- maine kayi jagah skip agar sach kahu to, coz mujhe starting ya first half ke baad utna maza nhi aaya.. It was entertaining throughout, but i was not laughing like as in first half.

End- for me the real hero, the legend was spammer ye kahani sirf aur sirf isiliye mazedaar thi kyunki isme Lord jas-- i mean admin the , lekin ju ko luci ko nhi Trinity ko laana tha.. Luci bind by rules but he (in simple way, makhhan lagane ka tareeka thoda cazual tha )

Conclusion- a good story for entertainment.. U really put lot of effort in including all these character, even though it was NCS but aap ne fir bhi effort kaafi lagaya i now understand why everyone scare of legend "blackwa" In story section

Thanks to including me

11/10 (still cheekku sexnote is masterpiece doesn't matter how much I try to forget about it, he wrote a serious story in a out of world way )

 

[Black]

Story- battle for earth

Writer- Black

Plot- wo kya hota hai Black to everyone in story -




Except Lord spammer



Storyline- nice nice, I really enjoyed till the first half.. Although, mujhe padhne me kaafi dikkat aayi kyunki aapke likhne ka tareeka thoda alag hai jisse kaun kab kya keh raha hai samajh nhi aata.

Starting- pehle mujhe ye baat aap bataye ye scoda, neeraj, werewolf kitna paisa diya hai aapko? itni superpower to shaktimaan ki bhi nhi thi aur haa don't tell me aapko sachin ne paise diye the aashna ko single banane ke liye ek masoom si ladki ko story me to happy married couple dikha hi sakte the

Middle- maine kayi jagah skip agar sach kahu to, coz mujhe starting ya first half ke baad utna maza nhi aaya.. It was entertaining throughout, but i was not laughing like as in first half.

End- for me the real hero, the legend was spammer ye kahani sirf aur sirf isiliye mazedaar thi kyunki isme Lord jas-- i mean admin the , lekin ju ko luci ko nhi Trinity ko laana tha.. Luci bind by rules but he (in simple way, makhhan lagane ka tareeka thoda cazual tha )

Conclusion- a good story for entertainment.. U really put lot of effort in including all these character, even though it was NCS but aap ne fir bhi effort kaafi lagaya i now understand why everyone scare of legend "blackwa" In story section

Thanks to including me

11/10 (still cheekku sexnote is masterpiece doesn't matter how much I try to forget about it, he wrote a serious story in a out of world way )

Ab maine itna bhi kuchh khaas nahi likha tha
Jo aapne itna bada review diya
Woh kya hai Werewolf bhai ne mujhe bola tha entertainment purpose ke liye likhne ko
Aur waise bhi bade bade logo ka character daala tha dark likhne ke liye waise aadmi bhi toh hone chahiye
Poore brhmand ke sab se bade hawsiyo ko kahan se dark dikhata
Isi liye plot pe dhyan nahi diya
aur power's Un ki Waise hi thi
jaisi original superheroes ki thi
Aap kisi ki ho jaao woh alag baat hai
Lekin hum aapko kisi aur ka hone doon
Mushkil hogi
Trinity ko isliye nahi daala
Kyunki unhone permission nahi di thi
Bahut bahut shukriya honami jee

cheekku be like
mujhe Kyu toda

 

[sweety_honami]

Story- katputli

Writer- cheekku

Plot- Black magic, great.. But execution was not up to the mark.

Storyline- Nice, good work in small amount of time.. Really, I saw some of ur previous post on cc so I came to know u write all of this today only!... So there's nothing to complain about it, atleast u finished it and post it.

Start- I get sachin wibes from raja idk why in starting... Background introduction, character development everything was missing becoz of lack of time.. U tried to spend most of ur time on core which I think not a bad move.

Middle- good, it was the core and atleast it justifies the title of the story.. Even though u don't know hindi that well, yet u tried.. Hatsoff.

End- the ending was too weak, there are several question unanswered and several stuff that doesn't put up with logic. But I thought it will be tragic love story, but u change it in happy ending.. Thanks for that. I can ask questions but it will be just a stupidity from my part. Coz I know if u get enough time u will execute it well and no question will be unanswered..

Conclusion- good thought and a serious story... Don't get sad, u just lack time which I completely understand.. So chill and do your best next time, u have potential but u also need to learn too. Also except for the sex part, I really enjoyed reading sexnote.. My revo was bit of roast coz I just the story so funny that I can't control my laugh.

Time/10

Declaration --> sexnote >>>>>>> any other story on forum

Note- stay away from staff (except scoda) I hope u will get it