★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Trinity]

Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.

 

[avsji]

Bhaiii yehh kyaaa likhh diyaaa. Isko padhkar toh dil hi paseej gaya. Aisa kaun likhta hai bhaiii. Mangal ki toh puri duniya hi ujad gayi. Usne jiske liye itna kuch kiya ab wohi uski zindagi mein nhi raha.

Kaash kaash Mangal ekhaar apne bachhe se mil sakti. Kaash woh ek baar aur apne bachhe ko dudh pila ke usse pyaar kar sakti. Mujhe laga tha Mangal apne bachhe ke paas jaake usse dudh pila paayegi par yeh jo twist laaya aapne yeh bahot hi dukhdayak thaa.

Bahot hi jabardasttt kahani likhi hai aapne. Bahot pasand aayi mujhe.

बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद मेरे भाई
आपको कहानी पसंद आई, बस यही सार्थक कर देता है मेरे प्रयास को

 

[Mass]

Title - Ek panth 2 kaaj
Writer - Rajizexy
Review:
Story is good Raji...you have been "realistic" in showing how Pankaj was reluctant to get his semen test done...kabhi kabhi aisa hota hain jab mard ko woh test karwaana pasand nahi hain...(not generalizing but stating as a matter of fact).
The twist was saas wanting to see the live telecast of Suhani's chudai with kuldip..that was really interesting...shows there was no ill-feeling between saas and bahu. Also, since saas was also away from her husband, she too had her "moments" of enjoyment..
The story goes well wrt the title of your story..

 

[Rajizexy]

Title - Ek panth 2 kaaj
Writer - Rajizexy
Review:
Story is good Raji...you have been "realistic" in showing how Pankaj was reluctant to get his semen test done...kabhi kabhi aisa hota hain jab mard ko woh test karwaana pasand nahi hain...(not generalizing but stating as a matter of fact).
The twist was saas wanting to see the live telecast of Suhani's chudai with kuldip..that was really interesting...shows there was no ill-feeling between saas and bahu. Also, since saas was also away from her husband, she too had her "moments" of enjoyment..
The story goes well wrt the title of your story..

Thanks a lot Mass,u r so good
U have made me speechless
Soooooo nice of you

 

[Shetan]

★☆★ XForum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Entry Thread ★☆★

Desh Premi

xforum.live

Title - Ek panth 2 kaaj
Writer - Rajizexy
Review:
Story is good Raji...you have been "realistic" in showing how Pankaj was reluctant to get his semen test done...kabhi kabhi aisa hota hain jab mard ko woh test karwaana pasand nahi hain...(not generalizing but stating as a matter of fact).
The twist was saas wanting to see the live telecast of Suhani's chudai with kuldip..that was really interesting...shows there was no ill-feeling between saas and bahu. Also, since saas was also away from her husband, she too had her "moments" of enjoyment..
The story goes well wrt the title of your story..


Raji ye real me muje bahot mazedar story lagi. Shash bahu dono ki milibhagat saheliyo ki tarah rahena. Sab kuchh sath sath. Problem bhi dono same or dono hi pap bhi sath or maza bhi sath.

 

[parkas]

Title - Ek panth 2 kaaj
Writer - Rajizexy
Review:

Story bahot achhi lagii. Aapki kahani ka title bhi kahani ke sath match karta hai. Aapne achhe se dikhaya Ek Panth 2 kaaj ka matlab. Mujhe uss story mein jo sabse achha laga woh tha iska narration aur saath mein saas bahu ki yeh bonding jo bahot hi kam dekhne ko milti hai.

 

[Rajizexy]

Title - Ek panth 2 kaaj
Writer - Rajizexy
Review:

Story bahot achhi lagii. Aapki kahani ka title bhi kahani ke sath match karta hai. Aapne achhe se dikhaya Ek Panth 2 kaaj ka matlab. Mujhe uss story mein jo sabse achha laga woh tha iska narration aur saath mein saas bahu ki yeh bonding jo bahot hi kam dekhne ko milti hai.

Thanks a lot parkas
U put my story under lights
Sooooo nice you are

 

[Mass]

Title - AnandBhavan - Ek Erotic-Horror Kahani
Writer - HusnKiMallika
Review :
Excellent story Mallika Madam...the suspense was just too good..midway to the story, I was wondering...how come it was "erotic horror"...but then came the twist..
The Halloween angle was the surprise and the 2nd time when she was about to leave the house.. All the same, an engaging story...

 

[Rajizexy]

★☆★ XForum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Entry Thread ★☆★

Desh Premi

xforum.live

Title - Ek panth 2 kaaj
Writer - Rajizexy
Review:
Story is good Raji...you have been "realistic" in showing how Pankaj was reluctant to get his semen test done...kabhi kabhi aisa hota hain jab mard ko woh test karwaana pasand nahi hain...(not generalizing but stating as a matter of fact).
The twist was saas wanting to see the live telecast of Suhani's chudai with kuldip..that was really interesting...shows there was no ill-feeling between saas and bahu. Also, since saas was also away from her husband, she too had her "moments" of enjoyment..
The story goes well wrt the title of your story..


Raji ye real me muje bahot mazedar story lagi. Shash bahu dono ki milibhagat saheliyo ki tarah rahena. Sab kuchh sath sath. Problem bhi dono same or dono hi pap bhi sath or maza bhi sath.

Thanks a lot lovely Shetan sis.
U r sooo good not shetan
Sooooo kind of u

 

[Rajizexy]

Title - AnandBhavan -Ek erotic-horror kahani
Writer- HusnKiMallika
Review
Fabulous, marvelous, gazab story
Very well done Mallika
So nicely written dear

 

[Riky007]

Bete ka balidaan

Spoiler

Ek hasta khelta pariwar Sharma ji ka. Sharmaji Share market me vhapari the kai Saalon se aur accha khaasa paisa kama lete the. Unki dharam patni sulochna ek pativrata aurat aur dikhne me bhi bahar khoobsurat. In dono ka eklauta beta Sameer jo ki college ki padhai karaha tha. Ghar me koi baat ki chinta nahi thi. Bhagwan ki daya se sab kuch tha aur hasi khushi se din beet rahe the. Lekin wo kehte hai na ki bhagwan kab kismat me kya likhde koi bol nahi sakte. Wo chahe to pal bhar me sab kuch dede, yaa pal bhar me sab cheen le. Sharmaji ne share market me jis company pe sabze zyaada paisa lagaya tha wo company loss me chali gai. Uske share dhadadhad girne lage aur dekhte dekhte jaise Sharma ji ko bhari nuksaan hogaya. Nuksaan itna zyaada tha ka sharmaji kuch hi mahinon me karz me doob gaye. 20 lakh ka karz. Bete ki padhai bhi to chal rahi thi, ghar ka kharch. Sharma hi aur Unki patni gehri chinta me rehne lage. Ghar me maa baap ko pareshan dekh unka Sameer bhi chintit hone laga. Aakhir maa baap ne use itne laad pyar se paal pos ke bada kiya tha. Sharmaji ne faisla liya ki woh is ghar ko bech denge to paise aajayenge 40 lakh tak . Usse karz bhi chukadenge aur fir aage ki zindagi me bhi kaam aayenge. Lekin ye ghar unhone bade hi pyar se banaya tha. Ye baat unki patni aur beta bhi jaante the. Isliye sharma ji ko is faisle ke liye woh rokne lage. Lekin ab doosra raasta bhi kya tha. Sulochana apne sabhi zevar bech bhi de to bhi itne paison ka jugaad ha ho paayega. Bas isi kashmakash me din beet rahe the. Sameer ne ek din internet pe dekha ek ad. Kisi ameer aadmi ne Kidney Donor ke liye ad diya tha. Us aadmi ke ladke ko kidney donor ki zaroorat thi aur jo blood group chahiye tha wo Sameer ke blood group se match karta tha. Sameer ne turant us aadmi ko phone lagaya. Aur usse baat ki. Sameer ns kaha wo kidney donate karne ko tayyar hai par iske badle usko paise chahiye jo ki uske pitaji ka karz door karsake. Us aadmi ne bataya ki wo jitne chahe utne paise dene ko tayyar hai. Bahut din se kidney donor dhoondh raha tha wo. Deal hui 40 lakh ki. Lekin ye baat jab Sameer ne apne maa baap ko bataai to wo dono hairaan hogaye, is majbooree me sharmaji aur sulochana ki aankhon se ansoo nikal gaye. Ye kaise din aagaye the. Apni eklauti aulaad ko kidney bechna padh raha. Bahut samjhaya dono ne sameer ko, lekin sameer to mann bana chuka tha. Usne samjhaya ki insaan ek kidney pe bhi zinda reh sakta Hai. Aur fir jo paise milenge usse hamare sab karz door ho jaayenge. Usne apne maa baap se kasam leli ki usko ruko mat. Aakhir uska bhii kuch farz hai ghar ke liye. Sharmaji aur sulochna ko bete pe garv bhi tha par usko aise majbooree me kidney donate karte dekh ke jaise unke dil bhi to raha tha. Aakhir Sameer ko hospital le jaaya gaya jaha doctor ne pehle uska test kara aur agreement papers sign kare donor ke. Us Ameer aadmi ne operation se pehle hi 40 lakh dediye sameer ke pitaaji ko. Ek taraf paise milne ki khushi, doosree taraf apne hi bete ko kidney daan karte dekhne ka gham sharmaji aur sulochna ko sataaye jaaraha tha. Operation se pehle ek baar sharmaji aur sulochna sameer se milne gaye. Sulochna ne bete ka haath thaama ur kaha " tera yeh karz ham zindagi bhar nahi chuka paayenge beta" Sharmaji ne bhi bola ki bhagwan ne kismat se tujh jaisa beta humko diya hai. Tujhe jo chahiye hoga ham log zindagi bhar denge. Teree har khushi ka khayal rakhenge. Sulochna ne bhi kaha " tujhe jo chahiye mai doongee. Teree har khushi ka khayal rakhoongee beta". Tabhi doctor aaye aur sharmaji aur sulochana ki bole bahar jaane ko. Sameer ko operation theatre lekar chale gaye. Sameer ke dimaag me maa ki kahi wo baat jaise ab bhi ghoom rahi thi " teri har khushi ka khayal rakhoongee". Sameer ek agyakaree ladka tha. Apne maa baap ki bahut izzat kwrta tha. Lekin aakhir wo bhi jawan tha. Kuch do saal se na jaane wo apni maa sulochana se akarshit tha. Sulochana bhi to jaise dikhne me lajawab thi. 42 ki umar me bhi 35 ki lagti thi. Ekdam doodh jaisa gora rang. Lambe ghane baal kamar tak. Badi badi hiran jaisi aankhen, lambi teekhi naak, gulabee honth. Sthan jo ki blouse me bhi uber ubhre nazar aate the. Surahi jaisi gardan. Ekdam gori si kamar jispe side me ek fold padhta tha. Sameer to jaise bas apni maa ko ghar me taakta hi rehtaa tha. Haa bahut baar usko ye sab galat bhi lagta tha lekin ye umar hi aisi thi jab akarshan sahi aur galat ke faasle ko mitaa deta hai. Operation theatre me jaate samay bhi bas apni maa ke baare me hi sonch raha tha Sameer. Uski to bas ek hi iccha thi. Ki kaash wo apni maa Sulochana ke saath ek baar zindagi me jee bhar ke pyar karle. Haa bas ek baar. Chaahe fir bhagwan uski jaan bhi Le le to usko gham nahi tha. Sameer ko operation theatre me behoshi ka injection diya gaya. Yaha sharma ji aur sulochana bhagwan se prarthna karahe the ki sab kuch theek ho. Operation kuch ghanton tak chala. Sameer ki kidney nikal kar usko us aadmi ke bete ke liye rakha gayaa. Doctor sahab operation hote hi bahar aaye aur bole ki " ji operation theekraha. Abhi thodee kamzoree hogi. Par aap log bahut kismat wale ho jo aisa Nek beta mila hai. Is zamane me jaha bacche maa baap ko poochte tak nahi, sameer ne itna bada faisla sirf ghar ke liye, aap logon ke liye liya." Ye sun kar sharmaji aur sulochana fir se jaise ro pade aur daud daude sameer se milne pahunche. Wo so raha tha. Uske bagal me baithke sulochana apne bete ke mathe pe pyar se sehlane lagee. Formalities poori karne sharmaji doctor ke pass gaye . Ek do ghante baad hosh aaya Sameer ko. Sulochana uski aankhon ke saamne thi aankhen kholte hi. " ohh beta, uth gaya tu, kaisa hai abhi kamzoree hai na" . Sameer kuch bola nahi bas apni maa ko utni kareeb se nihaar raha tha. Uski kamzooree bhi mehsoos nahi ho rahee thi usko. " mere laal" bloke sulochana ne sameer ke maathe ko chooma. Apni maa ke honthon ka sparsh jaise sameer ko wo dard kamzoree sab kuch bhula rahaa tha. Wahi baithi rahi sulochana apne bete ko laad karte huve uska sar dabaate huve, aur sameer bas pyar se apni maa ko dekhe hi jaaraha tha. Kuch kehna chahtaa tha, par himmat nahi ho rahee tho usko.

Do din tak hospital me hi rehne ke baad doctor sahab ne bola ki aap sameer ko le jaasakte ho ghar lekin ghar par bhi ek do hafte araam ki zaroorat hai aur khayal rakha jaaye ki bete ko koi bhi stress na ho. Khushi se apne bete ko ghar ke gaye. Ghar pe hi 3 4 din area aram karta raha. Sharmaji ne sabhi karz chuka diye paise se aur bahut bada bojh jaise unke kandhon se utar gaya tha. Sulochana bhi din bhar sameer ki seva me lagee rehti thi. Lekin sameer bhi bas bistar pe leta leta apni maa ko hi niharte rehtaa. Ek din dopahar me. Sameer ne thodi himmat jutaayee aur jab maa usko khaana dekar room me jaarahi thi, sameer ne awaaz lagaayi. " suno na mummy" .... bete ki awaaz sunke sulochana ke kadam ruk gaye aur wo palat ke sameer ke pass aagayi. " has betaa kya baat hai". Sameer ko kuch kehne ki himmat nahi ho rahi thi. Par usne do din se himmat karke apne dil ki baat kaagaz pe likh rakhi thi. Wahi kaagaz usne jeb se nikal kar apni maa ko diya " mummy ye pls aap padh lena. Aur plss mujhpe gussa mat hona. Bas ye meri dil ki icha hai". Kaagaz lete huve sulochana Hairani se boli " arey beta aisi kya baat hai mujhe bata to. Isme likhne ki kya zaroorat. Tujhe kuch chahiye to mai ladoongee ya dilwadoongee na aur fir tere pitaaji ko bolke dikwadoongee"

"Nahi maa. Ye bas aapke liye Hai. Pls aap ek baar room me jaakar padh lijiye pls. " sameer bola. " accha baba padhtee hoon tu araam kar" bolke muskuraakar sulochana room se aagai apne kamre me. Usko kyaa pataa tha us kaagaz me kyaa likhaa tha. Wo araam se bistar pe baithkar Kagaz kholke padhne lagee to jaise uske pairon tale zameen khisakne lagi. Sameer ne jo likha tha shayad wo padhke kisi bhi maa ke hosh udh jaayenge. Sameer usse ek baar pyar karna chahta tha. Pyar jo ek mard ek aurat, ek pati apni patni se kartaa hai. Sulochana ka jaise gala sookh gaya. Uske maathe pe paseena aagaya. Us kaagaz me antim pankiyan kuch yun thi " maa mai jaanta hoon ki aap ye padhke bahut naraaz ho jaao, par mai aapki kitnee izzat kartaa hoon aap jaantee ho na . Par aap se akarshan mera mujhe chain se rehne nahi deta. Aap ki har baat manoonga maa zindagi bhar. Aap is icha ko naa bhi kardo to. Par haa mera dil zaroor toot jaayega. Aapka jo bhi faisla ho mujhe manzoor hai maa. Hamesha aapka Sameer".....

Ye padhke sulochana jaise bade dharam sankat me fas gai. Ek taraf uska saga beta jisne ghar ke liye itna kuch kiya tha aur doosre taraf uski ye icha jo ki paap tha us jaisi pativrata aurat ke liye aur fir sage bete ke saath aise kaise.... kya jawab doon mai sameer ko. Kyaa kahoon usko. Kaise haa kahoon. Na kahoon kaise usko. Uspe gussa bhi nahi narsaktee na hi ye baat mai uske pitaaji ko batasaktee. Sulochana bas yahi sab sonch me padh gai. Sameer aur sulochana ki is baare me baat nahi hui ek hafte tak. Ek ajeeb si dono ke beech jaise hichkichahat aagai thi. Insab se Sharma ji anjaan the.
Ye din tha 12 october 2022..
.................................................................................

Usse theek ek mahine baad 12 november 2022 ko dopahar ka drishya sharmaji ke ghar me...

Sulochana :: sshh, sameer betaa unhunn mat kar wahaa aadat nai unhunnnn

Sameer:: maa plss thoda hatao na saree plss mere liye

Sulochana: shaitan,unnn sunta kaha badmaash unnn darwaaza bandh karaa ki nahi.

Sameer: haa baba, bahar ki gate bhi bandh hai aur darwaaza bhi bandh hai ab to khush. Chalo ba mummy ab saree plss nikalo to kyun ab tadpaana

Sulochana:: unn nikaltee hoon na kitna utaawala horahaa... arey kheench mat ouch beta are uffoo arey

Sameer: hehe nahi rahaa jaataa mummy..

Sulochana:: arey aahhhh arey sameer.. nahi isshhhh ouchhh arey gudgudee hotee arey ouchhhh matt naiii aahh...........hmmmm...............


Sameer ki maa ki sareee, blouse petticoat sab bistar ke neeche pada tha. Sameer ka shirt pant bhi wahi neeche pada tha. Ghar se kuch kilometre door sharmaji apne office me share bazaar me aaye uchal se munaafe se khush the. Unhe kya pataa tha unke ghar pe kya chal raha hai. Sulochana ne jo faisla liya tha wo sahi ya galat ka sonchke nahi liya tha. Bas usne apne eklaute bete ki khushi ke liye liyaa tha. Sharmaji khush the. Sameer khush tha aur sameer ki khushi me uski maa ki khushi thi. Jab sab log khush ho ek faisle se to to kya sahi kya galat.

बलिदान

मगर किसका??

आपकी कहानी में मुझे तो ये ममता का लगा, खैर वो मेरी सोच है।

आपकी कहानी में बहुत स्कोप था जो आपने मिस कर दिया, मां अपनी हिचकिचाहट से बाहर कैसे आई, ये बातें अगर जो आप लिखते तो कहानी का स्तर और ऊंचा हो जाता।

रेटिंग 7/10