★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[aka3829]

Abhay Smarty Bhai ki story Haivaan (The Devil) ke liye review.

Bahut hi umda. Wah bhai gakab ki story likhi he. Is story me Insaniyat, emotions, ma bete ka ek duje ke liye pyaar , badla , gussa, darindagi sab kuch tha. Kaise un 2 logo ko mara devil ne. Magar sala mantri aur wo thakur bach gya. Leki akhiri me raju urf devil ne khud ko hi goli maar li jo ki achha nahi laga.

 

[Baba__Bhai]

Shandara Zabardast Zindabaad ??‍?

 

[Baba__Bhai]

Bohot hi Zabardast story hai... Maza aa gaya

 

[Chutiyadr]

Story - Haivaan... ( The Devil )


Link- https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-★☆★.16291/post-1477573


Writer- _SMOOKER_X_


About story-

badiya plot aur kasi hui story

narration badiya hai , aur story ko achche se arrange bhi kiya gaya hai , is story me kai events dikhaye gaye hai jo alag alag time frame me hote hai isliye inka sahi tarah se arrangement hona bhi jaruri hota hai ..

story ka first half bahut hi achcha laga lekin second half me thodi gadbadati hui najar aayi ,

raju se devil banne ki prakriya ko thoda aur detail me dikhana tha , baki chije to samjh aa rahi hai lekin 200 murder kahe ye samjh nahi aaya ,jabki uska pata kisi ke pas nahi tha to use supari koun deta tha :hmmm:

kaise pakd me aaya ye bhi samjh nahi aaya…

aur jab wo itana kabil aur takatwar tha wo Manohar ko maar ke marta , ya un logo se badla leta jinhone uski maa ke sath balatkar kiya …….

Kul milkar story ki ending mujhe thodi kamjor lagi ..

Suspense thriller wali story ke sath justification karna wo bhi limited words me thoda kathin kaam bhi hota hai , sab kuchh utane hi shabdo me batana hota hai ….

Baki story damdar thi , flow achcha rakha hai aur itani lambi story ko padhne me kahi bhi bor nahi lagta … ye story ka positive point hai ..

Sath hi suspense bhi achcha rakha gaya hai , shuru se lekar ant tak bandhane me kabil hui hai



Note for writer – abhi bhai bahut hi achchi story hai aapki , aapki mehnat bhi isme dikh rahi hai …

Mere khyal se thoda achcha aur ho sakta tha , khair kitana bhi achcha likho thoda achche hone ki gunjais to rahti hi hai ..



Best of luck for contest ?

 

[Aakash.]

Haivaan... ( The Devil )
First of all I want to thank you for writing a new story and participating in the competition.
Right from the beginning of the story, it seems that Pandit ji is hiding something because the joy of becoming a father was not visible on his face. Firstly, Pandit ji did wrong by hiding his first marriage to Vimala and he fled instead of assuming the responsibility of family. Mathur has a good character in this story, he unknowingly supported the woman and her child.
What is happening in our society is shown very well in this story, people are contracting to kill each other. The story introduces the truth of the people.
Raju was the one who later became the devil, but why did Raju not take revenge? I did not like the ending of the story and I did not understand certain things. While reading the story I was not bored, the flow was very good.
Thank you very much for writing such a good story. I sincerely hope you win this competition.
Thank You...
???​

 

[chintu222]

Review for Haivaan (The Devil)

Story ka screenplay kayi parts mein divide kara gaya hai...aur alag alag events jo ki The Devil ki life mein hote hain unhe dihkaya gaya hai
Sabse pehle ye bataya gaya hai ki ek pandit jiske yahan ek bacche ka janam hota hai...vo koi aam baccha nahi hota balki vo ek aisa baccha hai jo ki Amar hai
Mathur ka character kaafi achaa dikhaya gaya hai..jis tarah usne bacche ko apnaya.
Samay ke saath vo baccha Raju se The Devil bana...iske piche ki kahani missing lagi...thoda bahaut uska description diya jaa sakta tha.
Uske baad vahi sab jo mostly Thriller stories mein padhne ko milta hai...Killing of people...The devil contract lekar logon ko maarne laga
Puri story ke dauran flow bana hua tha...lekin End mein pahaunch kar kuch sawal the..jinka jawab nahi mila tha.
1. Agar Devil itna bada Killer tha..toh fir vo itni asani se kaise pakad mein aa gaya?
2. Manohar ko kyun nahi mara agar vo itna hee kaabil tha toh? Usko maar ke pakda jata..toh aur better hota
Aur bhi chote mote sawal hain...but unhe najarandaaz kara ja sakta hai.

Puri story mein starting se End tak kahin bhi boriyat nahi hui...aue end Tak Suspense bana hua tha...lekin Fir end mein The Devil ne khud ko hee maar liya...ye baat puri tarah se hajam nahi hui
Overall kaafi bhadia plot aur Screenplay tha..Thanks for writing such a good story..and All The Best.

 

[Naina]

Story = [/SIZE[/SIZE
https://xforum.live/threads/%E2%98%85%E2%98%86%E2%98%85-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-%E2%98%85%E2%98%86%E2%98%85.16291/#post-1477573] haivaan(The Devil)
Writer =@AbhaySmarty
Achharya ji ne joh kaha woh kitne pratishat sahi hai yeh toh nahin pata par haa itna jarur hai ki insaan khud se kabhi bure nahi hote.... balki kabhi kabhi uske aas paas ke parstithi ushe aise ban ne par majboor karta hai....
Raju ka bhaav viheen hona hi yeh nahin darshata hai ki woh haivaan ban gaya hai.. Balki ushe banne ke liye majbur kiya unlogo ne joh aaye din ushe darata, satata, tang karta, dhamkata , mar pit karta... aur is kadar is hadd tak karta uske sath ki woh tut naa jaye sharirik roop se hi nahin balki manshisk tor pe bhi ... Par apne swabhav ke anurup usne woh sab tiraskar, utpeedan andar hi andar sahta gaya par uski maa ne kasam deke us sahansilita ko tod diya natiza itne dino dabe huye krodh, aag ke roop bahar aaya.... aur jane kitne log uske sapet mein aake khak mein mil gaya... woh ruka nahin tab tak jab tak ushe malum nahin hua ki agli shikar koun thi... ....aur ush ladki se milke sayad ushe ehsaas hua ki woh kiya karne jaa raha tha... isliye sayad surrender kar diya khud ko... par twist yeh ki ushne insaan pehchaan ne mein galti kar di yeh baat sayad uske aham par aghat kiya iske chalte usne mout ko chun liya khud ke liye... dhekha jaye ushe kya mila, sirf khoya hi to hai ish raah pe chalte huye....


Khair writer ne ish kahani ko fantasy ka touch de ke jish tarike se pesh kiya hai boh atulaneeya hain aur writer sahab se yahin ummid hain aage bhi aise hi story likh ke hum readers ki manoranjan karte rahe...
So Abhay Brilliant story line with awesome writing skill

 

[Rbcl.007]

Story-Haivaan... ( The Devil ?
Weiter- _SMOOKER_X_
Bohat hi acha story tha bhai... Ek bohat hi umda timeline ke hisab se seen by seen kar ke aap ne narrate kiya hai..
Downside -bhai mujhe lagta hai aap iss story ko thoda aur emotional support de sakte the.. Word limit aur bhi baki thi kuch aur word jod ke agar aap thoda bohat maa aur raju ka reaction ko dikhate.. Bachapan ke baad ka... To acha hota like uske maa se dur hone ke bawjood uska apne maa ke bare Maine khayal rakhna... Wo apne maa ko leke itna care karta tha par achanak uska apni maa ka jimmedaari mantri ke upar pura daal dena.. Thoda ajeev lagta hai agra uss position miane aap thoda uss mindset ko dikha sakte the kisi kis situation ke chalte usne aisa kiya to acha hota.. Isiliye uska aakhir seen pe khud ko goli maar dena utna feel nahini hua.... Varna story bohat hi achi thi aur bhai aap se request hai competition khatam hone ke baad iss topic aur seen ko leke ek thread jaroor shuru karna bohat hi plot hai story ke liye... All the best for competition... Bhai

 

[Rbcl.007]

Story- Dangee
Writes harshit1890
Bhai mast narration thi han thoda sa dark tone tha par kya kare aaj kal ke jamane ki jo halat hai isse sirf kale ranga se likh jaa sakta hai.. Shwdon ka bohat hi acha upyog kiya hai aapne.... Pure story Maine shawdo aur emotion feeling ko achese dikhaya tha... Aise story wakeye Maine dil ko lagti hai jis pe sirf manoranjan na hike ek MESSAGE bhi ho.. Really bohat pasand aaya bhai....

 

[Rahul]

Mai apne un sabhi writers bandhuon ka sukriya karta hun jinhone is contest me apni story diya hai ya dene wale hain aap ki har ek story hamare liye kimti hai kyunki bina aapke ye contest kuch bhi ishiliye sare writers bandhuon ko meri taraf se dhanyavaad