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Fantasy CHAMATKAR (Completed)

Opinion Of the Story...

  • Good

    Votes: 229 96.6%

  • Bad

    Votes: 8 3.4%
  • Total voters
    237
  • Poll closed .
anandsngh12

anandsngh12

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UPDATE- 107​

Vo mata ko na pahchan pane ka dukh jatati rahi aur main samjhata raha....kuch din uske sath gujarne ke baad main apne ussi khandani prashn ke uttar ki talash me nikal gaya.

Chalte huye achanak mere kano me kuch logo ke jor jor se cheekhne ki awaz sunayi padi….awaz sunyi padte hi main uss disha me badhta gaya aur jaise hi vaha pahucha to samne ka drishya dekh kar mera kroadh satve aas maan par pahuch gaya.

Ab aage…..

Vaha kayi vampires aur bhediya manav, kuch logo ko maar maar kar kha rahe the…to kuch log sundar sundar ladkiyo se jabardasti sambhog karne ki koshish kar rahe the…..vo sabhi unse bachne ke liye jor jor se dard me cheekh aur chilla kar madad ke liye pukar rahi thi…Ye drishya dekh kar mera gussa mere kabu se bahar ho gaya.

Adirishi (dahadte huye)—rukkkk jaooooo..

Meri awaz vaha ki vadiyo me prati dwanit ho kar goonjne lagi…sab chounk kar meri taraf dekhne lage…mujhe dekh kar unn logo ko asha ki ek kiran dikhayi dene lagi.

Ek vampire—hahaha…..tu manav yaha kaise aa gaya re…..

2nd vampire—hahaha.....ab ye inn sab ko hamse bachayegaaaa....hahahaha

3rd vampire—ye to khud hi hamara bhojan ban ke aaya hai...haahahahahah

Vo sab—hahahahahaha

Adirishi (gusse me)—tadaakkkk…..taddaaakkkk….tadaakkkk……badatamiz log mujhe bilkul pasand nahi hain…

Ek bhediya manav—ye…kyaa bola re tuuu…..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Adirishi (gusse me)—mujhe ek hi baat ko dubara bolne ki aadat nahi hai

2nd bhediya manav—teri ye himmat ki hame chunouti de…..pahle tujhe hi khaunga main ab….aaaaaaaaaaaaa

Adirishi (jor se)—ankh se andha aur kaan se bahra hai kya….? Itni der se kuch suna aur dekha nahi tune....ki tere sathiyo ka kya hua aur kya kaha maine.... ?

Ab ki baar kayi vampires aur bhediya manav ek sath mere upar aag ke gole phenkne lage...vo sab meri pani ki shakti se bujh kar thande ho gaye.....isse pahle ki vo aur kuch prahar karte, maine aag ki shakti ka prayog kar unhe raakh ka dher bana diya....unke dard me cheekhne ki awaz se sab ke kaan ke parde fatne lage aur phir kuch der baad sab kuch shant ho gaya.

Adirishi—aap sab koun hain...aur ye log aap logo par atyachar kyo kar rahe the.... ?

Ek ladki—hum sab jinn aur pariya hain...baki aur bhi kayi log yaha rahte hain....ye sab kilwish ke sainik the....jo har roj kisi na kisi pari ko apni hawash ka shikar banate rahte hain....vo sab hamse sambhog kar ke apni hi tarah ki santan paida karna chahte hain....hamara jeevan to nark se bhi badtar ho chuka hai.

Adirishi—kyo tum logo ka koi ghar nahi hai kya, jo aise pahad ki gufao me rahte ho.... ?

2nd pari—hamara koi ghar nahi hai...kabhi yaha to kabhi vaha bhatakna hi hamara jeevan hai.

Adirishi—ab se aisa nahi hoga....tumhara bhi apna ek lok hoga.

Ek jinn—ye kaise sambhav hoga.... ? koun banayega hamare liye lok…?

Adirishi—main banaunga tum sab ke lok....aur iske liye mujhe tridev aur maa aadi shakti ki aradhna kar ke unki kripa prapt karni hogi...unki kripa ke bina ye karya asambhav hai.

3rd pari—isme to bahut samay lagega…..tab tak to ye hawash ke bhediye hame noch noch ke kha jayenge..

Adirishi—aisa kuch bhi nahi hoga….tum sab apne andar ki shaktiyo ko pahchano….philhal main iss jagah ko suraksha kawach se baandh deta hu….koi bhi iss kawach ko bhed kar andar nahi aa sakta….tab tak main apna kaam bhi poora kar lunga.

1st pari—kya hum apne iss masiha ka naam jaan sakte hain….?

Adirishi—main koi masiha nahi hu…main to upar wale ki banayi huyi srasti ka matra ek manav hu…mera naam adirishi hai.

2nd pari—aaj se aap hi hamare raja hain aur aap hi hamare malik.

Sab—haan..haan...aap hi hum sab ke raja hai.

Tabhi ek vriddh pari ne aa kar mere pair pakad kar rone lagi....maine usko uthaya aur uske bahte huye anshuo ko pocha...aur phir uske dukh ka karan pucha.

Vriddh pari (rote huye)—meri putri ko vo dust kilwish utha le gaya hai....meri beti ko bacha lo.

Adirishi—aap chinta mat kijiye...main abhi kuch upay karta hu apki beti ko bachane ka.

Maine apni ankhe band kar ke dhyan lagaya to mujhe uski ladki ka pata chal gaya....main turant hi vaha se adrishya ho gaya aur jaha vo dust uss ladki ke sath jabardasti karne ka prayas kar raha tha, sidhe vaha pahuch kar visible ho gaya.

Vo ladki jor jor se ro ro kar uss dust kilwish se raham ki bheekh maang rahi thi...uske hath pair rassi jaisi kisi cheez se bandhe huye the....maine kilwish ko pakad kar uthaya aur door patak diya....lekin vo turant gusse se uth kar khada ho gaya aur kha jane wali nazaro se mujhe dekhne laga....uske sainik mujhe maarne ke liye daude par usne unn sab ko hath ke ishare se vahi rok diya.

Kilwish (jor se)—sab vahi ruk jaoo....isne mujhse takrane ki jurrat ki hai...isko saza bhi main hi dunga ab....Andhera kayam rahe...

Kilwish (gusse me)—tu koun hai aur teri yaha aane ki himmat kaise huyi.... ? kya tujhe ye malum nahi ki ye andhere ke samrat Tamraj Kilwish ka kshetra hai.... ?

Adirishi (jor se)—Ilaka to kutto ka hota hai.....sher jis jungle me chala jaye, ussi jungle ka raja ban jata hai...aur andhera hamesha kabhi kayam nahi rahta...andhere ke baad ujala bhi hota hai.

Kilwish (jor se)—tuuu haiii kounnn.... ?

Adirishi (sher ki tarah dahadte huye)—Adirishiiii

Kilwish (gusse me)—to le ab marr…..

Usne turant mere upar aag ki barish karni shuru kar di…main pani ki shakti ka prayog kar uska vaar bekar kar diya.. apna vaar nisphal hote dekh vo aur bhi gussa ho gaya aur iss bar usne pani ki shakti ka hi prayog mere upar kar diya jise maine hawa ka bawandar bana ke uda diya…usne mere upar saanp chhod diye…jinhe maine aag ki shakti se jala diya…..agli bar usne mere upar burf ke gole feke lekin unko main aag ki shakti se hi pighla diya.

Apna har vaar bekar jate dekh usne apne sainiko ko mujhe maarne ko kaha…vo sab hamla karne ke liye ek sath daud pade..unn sab ko main hawa ki shakti se uda diya.

Kilwish (gusse me)—adirishiii…tune kilwish se dushmani le kar theek nahi kiya…..ye pari ab kewal kilwish ki rani banegi….abhi to main ja raha hu lekin bahut jald teri mout ka saman le kar aunga…..mere agle vaar ka intazar karna

Phir vo vaha se gayab ho gaya…uske jate hi maine uss ladki ki rassiya kholi aur usko pakad ke khada liya…ab maine pahli bar uski taraf dhyan diya to dekhta hi rah gaya….gajab ki sundarta samayi thi usme…koi bhi ek nazar uske roop youvan ko dekh le to kaamaandh ho jaye…phir kilwish uske moh pash me fas gaya to kya ashcharya…?

Adirishi—kya naam hai tumhara….?

Vo pari—ji Sonalika

Main usko le kar uski mata ke paas aa gaya....lekin vo ek tak mujhe hi dekhe ja rahi thi....maine ek do bar uski taraf na chahte huye bhi dekh leta tha karan tha, uska abhutpurva soundarya…..halanki rajnandini se koi muqabla nahi tha….rajnandini ke roop soundarya aur sonalika ke soundarya me dharti aas maan ka antar tha…par phir bhi sonalika thi to khubsurat hi, isliye meri nazare bhi usko dekhne ki khatir fisal ja rahi thi…yahi haal shayad uska bhi tha.

Main unn sabse milne ke baad vaha se chala gaya….aur ek sunsan jagah dekh kar tridev ki aradhna karne laga.. mujhe pata nahi kitne din tak main unke dhyan me leen raha..akhir ek din meri tapasya safal huyi..teeno ne mujhe iss karya ke liye apne ashirwad swaroop kuch shaktiya pradan ki….phir main maa bhavani ki aradhna kar ke unka ashirwad bhi prapt kiya.

Tatpashchat maine unn shaktiyo ki madad se jinn lok, pari lok sahit saat states (loko) ka nirman kiya…saato loko ki shaktiyo se ek adbhut singhasan aur ek raj mukut ka nirman hua….chunki ye meri hi shaktiyo se bane loko ki ekatrit shakti se uttapann huye the, isliye sirf mera hi aadhipatya swikar karte the.

Sabhi ko apna apna alag lok milne par behad khushi thi…..unn sabne mujhe hi tann mann se apna raja maan liya tha…isliye maine bhi unki baat ka niradar nahi kiya…..iss dauran sonalika ne apne prem ka izhar mujhse kar diya lekin maine ye kah kar mana kar diya ki main kisi aur se prem karta hu aur main usko dhokha nahi de sakta.

Rajyabhishek ka karya kram maine rajnandini ke sath shadi karne ke din hi hona nishchit kiya, jisse vo bhi mere sath sath saato lok ki maharani ban sake.

Main ye khush khabri dene ke liye tabhka koyilee lout aaya….aur sidhe rajnandini se milne chala gaya…lekin vaha pahuchne par……

 
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anandsngh12

anandsngh12

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Raguhalkal said:
Ye story katam hone ko hai par pata nahi ise late kyu kara rahe ho jo bi ho aap likhte bade ache ho me apse bahut inspired hun bhai apse hi me story likhne ka mann banaya ek tarah se kahu tho muje apse jalan ho rahi hai lakin isme koi ashudh bhavna nahi hai me chahunga ki aage chalke meri story me apki help ki jarurat pad sakti hai ummid karta hu aap help karenge

Or ab ate hai update ki taraf

Rajnandini bhagyashali hi hai kyunki mata mahakali har kisi ke aradhana pe nahi ati or ati bi tho unki wo roudhra roop dekkhr hriday stambhith hoti hai kisi me bi uss drishy ko dekhne ki kshamata nahi hai jo karm se shudh ho keval usse hi wo soubhagya prapt hoti hai or aap yaha per kuch alag tarah ki try kiya jo muje tho bahut pasand aya super yaar thank you
Click to expand...

Story ko to main bhi jaldi se jaldi khatam karna chahta hu, bhai..Par kya karu, main story hi flash back me hai...present me kewal 25% hi story hai baki 75% flash back me hai.

Rajnandini kahani ki main heroine hai, uska role do char line me kaise dikha sakta hu....? phir bhi meri poori koshish hai isko jaldi niptane ki Ummid hai ki iss week me shayad isko end kar dunga...halanki abhi bhi kafi kuch pending hai isme..unko second part me transfer kar dunga.

Bhai meri taraf se har sambhav madad aap ke liye hamesha hazir hai.
 
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Kalyansurya

Kalyansurya

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Superb update bhai
To aadirishi ne Jin lok pari lok kul 7 lok banye our fir un sabi look ka raja be bna kaise rajnandini our aadirishi ko saktiya mell aapne bhut he khubsurat tarike se samjhaya well done bro
Good luck bhai next update ke leya
 
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