★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Trinity]

Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.

 

[rathodka8inch]

Story- " Surgical Chudai "
Writer- rathodka8inch.


यह कहानी एक ऐसे युगल के सेक्सुअल एनकाउंटर पर आधारित है जो अलग अलग कंट्री मे रहते है और जिस कंट्री के रिलेशनशिप आपस मे अच्छे भी नही है।

कहानी शार्ट थी। राइटिंग स्किल भी ठीक था। पिक्चर भी अच्छा था।
लेकिन,
कहानी शीर्षक से बिल्कुल ही मेल खाता नजर नही आया। सबसे पहले तो मै यही कहना चाहूंगा कि ऐसे सब्जेक्ट और ऐसे स्थान को चूज ही नही किया जाना चाहिए जो विवाद का कारण बन सकता है।
फोरम की लोकप्रियता सिर्फ यहीं नही बल्कि बोर्डर पार भी है। फोरम के मेम्बरान न सिर्फ यहां के है बल्कि बाहर के भी है।

अगर कहानी को सम्पूर्ण रूप से बोर्डर पार के घटनाक्रम को ध्यान मे रखकर लिखा गया होता तो कहानी फिर भी अच्छी हो सकती थी।

मुझे यह कहानी एवरेज लगा।

Rating- 10/4.

आपके समय के लिए शुक्रिया. आपने स्टोरी पढि और उसपे अपने व्यक्तिगत विचार रखे. आपके विचार विना छेद देते हुए कुछ कहना चाहता हु.

कहानी एक ऐसी लडकी की है जिसे शादी होने के बाद पता चला की उसका पती नामर्द है. पर उसके रुदबे को देखते हुए उसे ये भी पता था ही वो कुछ नही कर पायेगी. लडकी आर्मी के बडे खानदान की बहु. उसे कोई पाकिस्तानी च**** ये मुमकिन है अगर उसे अपनी मौत का डर ना हो तो. और ये संबंध कंटिन्यू हो सकते थे क्यूकी व एक देश से है. और शायद खतरनाक हो सकते थे अगर किसी ने देखा तो.

पर मुझे लगता है दुश्मन देश का आदमी कुछ काम के वहा पे था और उसने बिना किसी को shaque हुए अपना काम कर दिया और वही पे उस लडकी का revenge या कहे प्यास बुझा दि. सर्जिकल च**** नाम बिलकुल सही है ऐसा मुझे लगता है.

 

[Clipmaster99]

Story : AnandBhavan - Ek Erotic-Horror Kahani

Written by: @HusnKimallika

HusnKiMallika

Mera review :

Story ka introduction accha hai. Background ka build-up kaafi explain kiya hai.

Jaise Title me diya hai….horror suspense bhi accha hai. Readers ko utsuk kiya hai……ki aage kya hoga?

Bhut-preth ka sex varnan bhi engrossing hai.

Ending bhi kaafi accha laga.

Doh cheez maine notice kiya.

Ek full paragraph (172 words) ka repeat kiya hai. Isspe dyan dena chahiye tha. Issse word count toh badega, but Readers confuse ho jayenge.

में टब के गर्म पानी में लेट गयी। मैं मन ही मन मुस्कुरायी। मैं अपने पैरों …………………..मैं चूत से खेलती रही और जल्द ही मेरी चूत से ढेर सारा पानी बहने लगा।

Dusra…..kuch paragraphs bahut hi lambhe hain. Ek paragraph 245 words ka hai. Readers ko padne me katinayi hoti hai.

Concept aur suspense ke liye mera

Rating : 6/10

 

[Jaguaar]

sauda..

Spoiler: sauda

kehte hain ki ham insaan kabhi na kabhi kisi na kisi ke sath sauda karte hi hain.. un sab me se kuchh saude hame fayda karwate hain to kuchh hamse hamara sab kuchh chhin lete hain.. yeh kahani bhi eze hi ek saude ki hai..

jatin ayush kripal and rahul chaaro bachpan ke dost the..unhone apna school clg and yaha tak ki first job ka safar bhi ek sath tay kia tha.. waqt guzarne ke sath charo ki life ne alag turn lia and charo dost jov business etc. me lag gaye..

ek din sab fir se ikattha hue for a reunion.. charo dost apne life me successful ban chuke the and khush bhi the fir se ek dusre se mil kar.. charo dost me sab se jyada ajib nature ayush ka tha.. woh bhoot pret etc. me manta tha.. un sab chizo me manna koi ajib chiz nahi thi par jo Chiz ajib thi woh ye thi ke wo para normal world se connect hone ke lie ajib ajib rituals kia karta tha.. uske vaki ke dost use is baat ke lie kai bar daant chuke the par us par koi asar nahi hota tha..

is bar chaaro dost ek lake side villa me ruke hue the.. chaaro dosto ne pura din party ki daru pi sab kia.. par unhe nahi malum tha ki unka yeh is saal ka reunion unke lie kafi darawna and life badalne wala hoga..

khair raat ke 11baj chuke the and chaaro dost daru ke nashe me lake ke kinare ret par bethe hue the.. tino dost apni dosti ke purane lamho ko yad kar rahe the par ayush aaj kuchh had se jyada ajib behave kar raha tha.. woh bar bar apni shoulder bag me dekhta and muskurata..

jatin : kya bat hai bhai aaj esa kya laya hai apne is bag me ki tu bar bar use dekh kar yu ajib tarha se muskura raha hai.. kahi hamari hone wali bhabhi ki photo to nahi laye na sath me. ..

ayush ne ek devil smile ke sath apna woh bag khola and usme se ek chiz bahar nikali jo ki ek ajib si murti thi jo ki thodi darawni lag rahi thi..

kripal : abe ab yeh kya chiz hai and tu yeh sab kaha se utha lata hai bhai..

ayush : yeh ajib si murti ek zariya hai dusri dunia ke logo aatmao se baat karne ka unhe ia dunia me laane ka.. and yeh murti mujhe ek antique shop me mili hai hai na kafi khubsurat..

ayush ko esi har chiz bhale hi hadse jyada darawni ho ya ajib ho khusburat hi lagti thi and woh khud bhi yahi chahta tha ki uske dost bhi esi chizo ko khubsurat samjhe..

tino dost uski sari adato se bahot hi achhi tarha se wakif the.. unhone kuchh ba kehna hi behtar samjha par unke facial expressions se saf saf pata chal raha tha ki unhe ayush ki bato par zara sa bhi yakin nahi hai aur yeh bat ayush bhi samajh chuka tha..

ayush : mujhe pata tha ki tum sabme se koi bhi meri baat ka yakin nahi karega par mai is bar apni baat sabit karke hi rahunga.. itna keh kar woh utha and unse dur ja kar beth gaya and ajib si painting ret par banane laga.. usne woh painting banane ke baad us murti ko circle ke bicho bich apne samne rakha and zor zor se ajib bhasha me mantra padhne laga..

uske tino dost use dekh rahe the.. un sab ko yehi lag raha tha ki ayush ka yeh experiment uske pehle wale baki ke experments ke jese hi flop ho jayega par wo sab shayad bahot bure aur khaufmak tarike se galat sabit hone wale the..

thodi der bad ayush chup ho gaya and betha raha.. use kuchh na karta ya bolta dekh uske dost thoda gabhra gaye.. tino himmat karke uske pas gaye and jese hi unme se ek ne hath badha kar use chhua to woh behosh ho kar gir gaya..

tino dost kafi gabhra gaye kyu ki kabhi bhi esa kuchh nahi hua tha jabbhi ayush esi bakwas chize karta tha.. unhone mehsus kia ki ayush ka sharir barf jesa thanda ho gaya hai and uska body temperature bhi kam hota ja raha hai.. unhone jaldi se use uthaya and room me le gaye and use kambal odha kar leta dia and fire place me aag bhi jala di jisse ayush ko thand kam lage..

khair raat ke 2.30baj rahe the and tino dost bhi kambal odhe so rahe the.. jese hi ghadi me 2.45ka time hue ayush ki body me halchal honi shuru ho gai.. pehle uski body ko kai sare jhatke lage and uska sharir shant ho gaya par thodi hi der me woh achanak utha kar beth gaya..

uski aakhe ab badal chuki thi.. jaha pehle uski eyes insano ki tarha normal thi ab uski eyes puri tarha se red and black rang ki dikh rahi thi.. woh khada hua and room ka door khol kar bahar chala gaya.. thodi der bad jab jatin ki nind thodi khuli to usne ayush ko gayab dekha usne baki dosto ko jagaya and woh sab use villa me dhundane lage par woh villa me kahi nahi mila..

achanak hi jatin ko kuchh idea aya and woh usi jagah ki tarf bhaga jaha par pehle ayush behosh hua tha.. jab tino dost waha pahoche jo scene unhone dekha usse unki fat ke hath me aa gai.. ayush ek lash ki ungli chaba kar kha raha tha jese 5star hotel ki best dish kha raha ho.. jese hi use ehsas hua ki koi uske pas khada hai usne us lash ko dur fenka and unsab ki tarf lapka.. usne ek sath tino par hamla kar dia and sab ko gira dia and jatin par toot pada.. usne jatin ke gale par apne daant gada die and bite kar ke maas ka tukda kaat kar chaba chaba kar khane laga..

yeh scene dekha kar kripal and rahul dar ke mare rone lage.. jatin ghayal avastha me ab marne ki kagar par tha.. kripal ne himmat ki and use rahul ki madad se dur le aya and apne chhote se bag me se first aid kit nikal kar uske ghav par patti badh kar uska ilaaj karne ki koshish karne laga.. tino samajh chuke the ki aaj unka samna sach me kisi shaitani rooh se hua hai.. tino soch hi rahe the ki kya kia jaye tabhi kripal ko ayush ki ek ajib si kitaab ka khayal aya jise woh har waqt apne sath rakhta tha.. kripal ne woh kitab dhundi and usme problem ka solution dhundane laga.. ek page par use shayad solution mil bhi gaya par woh kafi mushkil tha..

khair usne woh ritual perform karne ka faisla kia.. usne pehle toh us jagah ke chaar kone par candles jalai and fir room me aa kar room me lage shishe par apne khoon ko girane laga and sath me ajib mantra bhi badbadane laga..

thodi der bad ek kaala saya uske pichhe hawa me dikhai dene laga usi pal shishe me ek shabd likh kar aya SAUDA.. matlab saaf tha ki kripal ko us shaitan ke sath sauda karna hoga.. thodi der tak dono ke bich na sunai dene wali bat chit chalti rahi..

abhi raat ke 3.30baj rahe the.. kripal bola, "woh shaitan ayush ko chhod dene ke lie maan gaya hai par uske sath mujhe sauda karna pada hai.. hamare pas yaha se nikalne ke lie adha ghanta (30minutes) hai jaldi karo warna ham kabhi yaha se jinda nahi nikal payenge.."

chaaro dost ne jaldi se apna sara saman pack kia and room se nikal gaye..

in room..
jese hi chaaro room se nikle woh shisha normal ki jagah poora kala pad gaya and kuchh der bad usme kripal ko koi ghasit kar le ja raha ho wesa scene dikhai dene laga.. kripal chikh raha tha par uski chikh us shishe ki dusri taraf nahi sunai de rahi thi..

in the car..
jese hi chaaro dost car me beth kar villa se bahar nikle kripal and ayush ki aakhe ek sath ek pal ke lie laal rang ki ho gai jese shaitan ki aakhe ho and fir normal ho gai.. ayush shaitani awaz me bola, "sauda pura hua"

kya tha woh sauda?

Story achhi thiii. Story ka genre thoda thrill ke taraf jaata hai. Ayush ek aisa ladka jisko para normal chizo mein bahot interest hai aur uss chiz ko woh sach bhi maanta hai jis wajah se uske dost usse bahot pareshan bhi rehte hai.

Par ekdin Ayush ne uss para normal chizo ko sach mein sabit kar hi diya aur khud ke andar shaitan ko jaga hi liya. Yaha kripal ke dosti ki daad deni padegi jo apne dost ke liye Shaitan se sauda karne ko bhi ready hogya.

Kripal ne Ayush ke badle khud ka sauda kiya hoga tabhi uss Villa se nikalne kd baad dono ki aankhe laal rang ki hogyi thi aur uske pehle uss seeshe mein Kripal ko koi ghasit raha ho aisa dikhaya gaya.

 

[Clipmaster99]

Story :Bete ka balidaan

Written by: MOMSONRP

MOMSONRP

Mera REVIEW:

Aachi Story hai. Title bhi accha hai, readers ki utsukta baadane ke liye.

Introduction kaafi diya hai story buildup me. Taaki aage yeh kyun hua …samaj ne ke liye.

Since yeh story hai, toh facts ka utnah importance nahi rehta. Fir bhi, story ke saat-saat Readers ko correct information bhi dena chahiye.

Jaise ki sirf Family relations me he kidney donate kar sakte hain. Kuch health cases hain, jo medical board certify kar sakti hai, but paise ke liye bilkul nahi.

Ending accha hai. Aur maa ki dharma-sankat acche se bataya gaya hai.

Fonts bahut dark colour mai hain (bold). Padne me aacha nahi lagta.

Finally, paragraphs kahan hai? Poori story 6 paragraphs ki hai. Presentation bahut hi kharab hai. Aakhir story Readers ko hi padna hai na…..

Rating: 5/10

 

[Jaguaar]

KYA YE SHI THA YA GALAT
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MAI ROHIT- AGE 19 MAI ABHI LLB ENTRANCE KI TAIYARI KR RHA HU
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TBHI SHYD ANDR SE MERI AWAAJ AAYI MAI PAANI MANG RHA THAA
MUMMY ANDR PANI DEKAR BAHAR AAYI AU MERA GATE BAND KRDIYA THA
MUMMY- AMIT SUN TUJHE EK KAM KRNA HOGAA MERA
AMIT- JI MALKIN
MUMMY- YE ANISHA HARSH KA KUCH KRNA PDEGA INKA VIDEO BANA TU AUR SUN SATH ME HARSH KO PEECHE SE HAMLA KR AUR USKO NANGE KRKE USKA RAPE KRWA GAND MARA SALE KI PHIR MUJHE VIDEO BANAKR BHEJ BADLA LUNGI USSE BHI
AMIT- MALKIN THEEK H JAISA AAP KAHE
PHIR US DIN RAT KE JAHA TK MUJHE YAD H AMIT NE YE SB KAM KR DIYA KUKI AGLE DIN HARSH KO MAINE GHR KE PAAS DEKHA THA JAHA USKE SIR ME PATTI BANDHI THI
AUR WHATTSAPP PR MAINE US DINR RAT KE MSG DEKHE TO AMIT KA MSG THA
AMIT-MALKIN KAM HOGYA VIDEO BHEJ RHAAAA HU AAPKO
MUMMY- GOOD KUTTE CHAL BHEJ JALDI PHIR AMIT NE BHEJA VIDEO
AGLI CHAT MAA AUR HARSH KI THI
MAA NE HARSH KO USKI GAAND MARWANE KI VIDEO BHEJI- AUR KAHA - SALE AGR YE VIDEO LEAK NI KRWANA CHAHTA TO KAL MERE GHR ME MIL 12 BAJE
HARSH KI TO MAAANO GAAAND HI FAT GAYI HO
AMIT KO BHI MUMMY NE DOPAHAR 12 BAJE KA TIME DIYAA
AB DONO AMIT AND HARSH 12 BAJE WAHA AAGYE
MAA NE GATE KHOLA AMIT NE NAMASTE MALKIN KAHA
HARSH THODA ASAMANJAS ME THA YE MALKIN KU KEH RHA H
PHIR MUMMY NE DONO KO BAITHAYA AUR AMIT KO UNKE TALWE CHATNE KO KAHA
AMIT YAHA MAA KE TALWE CHAT RHA HARSH KO MUMMY NE KAHA JO YE KR RHA H WO KR TU MERA NAUKAR H ABSE MALKIN BULAINGE WRNA TERA VIDEO HOJAIGA LEAK HARSH NE JYADA AANAKANI KRNI SHI NI SMJHI AUR WO BHI MAA KE PAIR CHATNE LAGA AUR SANDALS BHI PHIR MAA NE DONO KO NANGA HONE KO KAHA
DONO NANGE HUE MAA NE DONO KE TATTE HATH ME PAKDE HARSH KA LUND BHI BHOT BDA THA
MAA- DONO KONSE CHAKKI KA AATA KHATE HO RANDO ITNA BDA LUND H
PHIR MAA NE DONO KO KHADA HONE KO KAHA AUR DONO KE TATTO PR KICK MAAARI AUR DONO KO JANE KO KAHA PR USSE PHLE MAA NE APNAAA MOOOT EK GLASS ME BHRAA HUA THA ALREADY WO DONO KO DIYA PEENE KO JO UNHONE PEE LIYA
phir wo dono bahar AAYE DONO APNE GHR BHI GAYEE WAHA MAA KO RAT KO HARSH KA MEESSAGE AAYA
HARSH- MALKIN KAL AANA H KYA
MAA- KUTTE KAL 12 BAJE AMIT KUTTE KO MERE BHI SATH ME LEKAR AANA
phir agle din harsh aur AMIT AAGYE AUR AAJ MUMMY KA SHYD ALG HI PLAN THA
MUMMY NE PHIRSE DONO KO NANGA KRWAYA IS BAR DONO KO DOGGYSTYLE ME LETNE KO KAHA AUR ANDR SE MULI LEKAR AAYI AUR UNHONE WO MULI AMIT KE ANDR DAL DI GAND ME AUR KUCH DER ANDR BAHAR KARNE KE BAD WO MULI HARSH KO DI KHANE JO HARSH NE JI MALKIN BOLKR KHA LI USKE BAD MAA NE HARSH KE GAAND ME GAJAR DALAAA AUR ANDR BAHAR KRNE KE BAD AMIT KO DIYA KHANE JO AMIT NE BHI BITE LI PHIR MAA NE DONO KI GAND ME DALI HUI MULI GAJAR KI EK BITE LI AUR KITCHEN ME RKH AAYI PHIR MAA WAPAS AAYI TO AMIT KO HARSH KA AUR HARSH KO AMIT KA LUND CHUSNE KO KAHA 69 POSITION ME DONO NE WAHI KIYA DONO AB MAA KE NAUKAR BAN CHUKE THE AUR WAHI KR RHE THE JO MAA KEH RHI THI MAA KO SHYD AB CONTROL NI HO RHA THA UNHONE DONO KO KHDA HONE KO KAHA AUR APNI SAAADI UTAAR DI AUR PETICOT BHI AUR BRA PANTY BHI HARSH KE MU ME BRA GHUSA DI AUR AMIT KE MU ME PANTY AUR AMIT KE LUND PR CHD KR UCHALNE LAGI LUND ANDR BAHR LR RHI THI SATH ME AMIT KO THAPPAD MAR RHI THI SATH ME HI USKE MU ME THUK RHI THI USKE BAD SAME CHEEEZ HARSH KE SATH KI KUL MILAKR MAA NE UN DONO KO APNA KUTTA BANA LIYA THA PR MERA BADLA LENE KE LIE KYA YE SHI THA KYA MAA KA UNSE SEX TK KR LENA APNE AAP KO NUDE DIKHANA SHI THA YE TO KHAIR SBKE ALAG ALAG VICHAR H TO YE THI MERI STORY

Yeh kis tarah ki story thi. Kuch tha hi nhi iss story mein. Rohit ne bina matlab me Amit ke maara aur jab Amit ne apne badla liya toh uski maa ne yeh sab kiya. Aur yeh Amit isne kyo Rohit ki maa se maafi maangi aur chalo pachtawe ke liye maang bhi li toh usse Rohit ki maa ki baat maanne ko kisne kaha. Uski aisi kaunsi jarurat padh gayi jo woh uska kutta bhi bann gaya. Bahot hi ajeeb kahani thi.

 

[Clipmaster99]

Story : Ek panth 2 kaaj

Written by : Rajizexy

Rajizexy

Review:

Story me sex suspense ya drama nahi tha. Simple story laga. Description aur narrative accha tha but swad nahi aya.

Story me saas ka sex bhi nahi tha…..na tho husband ke reaction jab Saroj pregnant ho jati hai.

Mera maanna hai, ki story me pictures issliye daalte hain, jab content ka kami ho. Jo pictures aapne daala woh story me nahi ho, toh bhi kuch farak nahi girta.

Ek baat samaj me nahi aaya, beech-beech me red font kyu use kiya hai. Aur kuch jagah pe paragraph ke badle kavita ka arrangement lagta hai.

Bahut swad diya hai tum ne mujhe.
Mujhe to itna pyar pehle aur kahin nahin mila.
Mujhe to tumari saas bhi bahut achhi lagi.
Mera to man karta hai usko bhi pakad kar chodne ka ajj hi.

Rating : 4/10

 

[Clipmaster99]

STORY : Hot Desi wife Rajshree

Written by: IMUNISH

IMUNISH

My Review :

This Story is a COPY + PASTE. I have informed the Link and Proof to the Competition Organisers.

I had posted Review for this story earlier and came to know later that it is a CnP.

The Theme of the story is a delicate topic about “Nymphomania”. This is a subject where a woman is often taken to be slut, when her sexual drive is overpowering and uncontrollable. However, this is often due to a medical condition, which the woman has no control over.

Unfortunately, the theme is handled very badly and haphazardly.

The story is full of grammatical errors. Please use a free tool like grammarly.com to check the errors. I found more than 200 errors.

The Title is not exciting and is rather drab.

The story has elements of Cuckolding, which has been shown rather well. Overall the story has not been handled with finesse for such a delicate topic. Could have been better.

Rating : 4/10

 

[Clipmaster99]

Story : HOUSEWIFE'S CURIOSITY
TURNED TO ADULTERY.

Written by: the IMPERFECT

RAJ_K_RAVI

Review:

This story has only 649 words, which is short of the 700 words minimum that is required to qualify for the contest. The story is likely to be rejected.

But let me give you my Review.

Good story idea, but not very well handled. Remember, this is a servant and he would be wary of suddenly having sex with a house owner. There is absolutely no build-up to the sex that happened.

Why is part of the story in red font and the remainder in the black font? Any particular reason? Also, the Title has been split into 2 lines. This does not look good.

The spelling and grammatical errors are glaring.

he pulled her wife (it should be his wife).

I would suggest you use a free tool like grammarly.com to check for yourself the errors.

This is a Story Competition and requires a high standard of story-telling.

Rating : 3/10

 

[Dynamic2]

ZINDAGI KA TOOFAN

Spoiler

Zindagi ajeeb hotee hai. Kab humko Kis mod par le aaye shayad koi nahi jaanta. Hum kal kaha honge ye bhi shayad koi anumaan nahi lagasakta. Sonu ke saath bhi shayad aisa hi hua is Kahani me.


Sonu ek 20 saal ka engineering me padhai karaha ladka tha. Dikhne me handsome aur tandrust, uska Kad 5 feet aur 11 inch. Engineering ke teesre saal me uski zindagi bilkul hi badal jaayegee usne soncha nahi tha. Ghar me uski maa Poonam sharma aur pitaji Anand Sharma the. Anand Sharma ki ek bade si kapdon ki Store thi aur Poonam unki dharam patni ek housewife thi. Yaha gaur karne ki baat hai ki poonam yaani ki Sonu ki maa ka hi ghar me rubaab tha. Poonam Sharma ek ameer gharane se thi aur Sonu ke pitaaji middle class. Shadee ke baad Poonam ke pitaaji ne hi ye mall bhi Anand Sharma ke liye khol ke di thi. Aur jis ghar me Sonu aur uske maata pita rehte the wo bhi Sonu ke nanaji ke hi tha. To Sonu ke pitaaji bas ek ghar jamai ki tarah hi khud ko mehsoos karte the. Sonu ki maa, Poonam bhi vyavhaar se utni buri nahi thi par shayad paise ka aur uski sundarta ka ghamand tha. Aur wo apne pati aur bete par aksar gussa kiyaa kartee thi. Sonu ke pita bhi patni ke aage chup reh jaate the. Jab ek aadmi patni ki daulat ke sahare reh raha to fir usko jhuk ke to rehna hi padega. Sonu par bhi uski maa choti moti baat par bhi gussa kar detee. Kabhi kabhi to rishtedaron kr saamne bhi. Ya fir Sonu ke doston ke saamne bhi. Sonu aur uske pitaaji ye sab zillat bardaasht kiye jaarahe the.

Sonu ki maa lekin dikhne me bahut hi zyaada sundar thi. 42 ki umar me bhi koi bhi mard gar usko dekhke to bas dekhta hi reh jaaye. Badan itna gora aur chikna ki maano haath rakhdo to fisal jaaye. Uski aankhon se lekar pairon tak maano bhagwan ne badi hi fursat se banaya tha. Bas shayad yahi ek wajah thi ki itna daant khaane ke bawajood bhi Sonu apni maa Poonam par ekdam Lattoo. tha. Uske mobile me usne maa ke takreeban 200 photos save kar rakhen the. Chori chori. Jab wo kitchen me kaam karahi ho tab, yaa fir hall me ho yaa fir kisi shadee byaah me jab acche se tayyar hoke jaaye. Shadee me jab Sonu ki maa tayyar hoke jaati thi to maano dulhan bhi uske aage Feeki lagtee thi. Jab bhi uski maa usko daant to Sonu chup chaap apne kamre me jaata, mobile nikalta aur apni maa ko photos dekh kar apna musal Lund bahar nikal hasthmaithun(masturbate) karke khud ko halka kar leta. Sonu ke pitaaji bhi unki dharam patni se shareerik sambandh ke liye Taras jaate. Ab to shayad ek do saal se dono ke beech zyaada kuch hua bhi nah tha. Sonu ke pitaji thake haare ghar aate aur bistar par sote samay kabhi kabhi neend me apni patni ko bas Hug kar lete the. Wo bhi darrte darrte. Kabhi kabhi hug karne par bhi wo daant detee. " Sojaao chup chaap" bolkar. Aur Sonu ke pitaaji apne jazbaar dabaakar bas lachar hoke so jaate. Din Yun hi beet rahe the.

Diwali par har saal Sonu ki maa gehne khareedti thi. Is baar bhi ek lakh ke zevar khareede. Aur Jis store se khareede waha pe ek mega offer tha. Teen lucky winners ko free Foreign trip plus Cruise. Sonu ki maa ka lucky draw me naam aaya. Aur do free tickets mil gaye. Sonu ke college ki das din ki chuttiyan thi. Sonu ke pitaaji ko to Mall sambhalna tha. Sonu ki maa ne Sonu ko bulaaya aur bola ke tujhe chalna hogaa saath. Sonu ka mann to tha bhi aur nahi bhi. Saath jaana chahta taaki woh apni khoobsurat maa ke sath akela rahe. Nahi kabhi kyun ki woh usko ab akele me baar baar gussa karegee aur usko sab sehna padega. Sonu ne jhijhakte huve kaha " maa woh daddy ke sath aap jaao" . Ye sunte hi Sonu ki maa thodee gusse se bol uthi " kyun tujhe bhi chuttiyan hai na. Tere daddy ko to mall dekhbhaal karni hotee aur fir ek hafte me laut aayenge. Ye free tickets mile hai. Chalo chup chaap packing karlo. Nikalna hai do din baad. Sonu bhi ab sar jhukakar apne kapde pack karne lag gaya. Sonu ki maa aur Sonu dono ka bhi passport bana hua tha. Do do baad Sonu uski maa ke saath trip ke liye nikal pada. Sonu ke pitaaji bhi khush the ki kuch din to chain se reh paunga bina koi rok tok ke.

Sonu aur uski maa India se flight me baith Japan jaane wale the aur fir waha utarkar cruise. Cruise yaani ki ek Badi si ship jo ek alishaan hotel ki tarah hotee hai aur usme har ek suvidha hotee hai. Cruise do din tak sabhi passengers ko Japan ke Samundar me ghumaakar wapas le aayegee. Flight me Sonu chup chaap baitha raha. Uski maa kaafi khush thi. Kaafi din baad wo videsh jaane wali thi. Sonu jab chota tha to ek baar Switzerland gaye the. Uske baad fir aaj videsh jaane ka mauka mila tha. Flight me bagal me hi baitha Sonu kabhi kabhi darrte huve hi apni maa ko dekhraha tha jab uski maa ki aankh lag gayee. Laal saree me jab pallu halka sa sarak kar cleavage ka nazara dikha to Sonu ki maano dil ki dhadkan flight se bhi tez daudne lagi. Raaste bhar yahi haal tha. Flight se jab utre Japan me to Sonu peeche peeche chalte huve apni maa ke mataktee kamar aur Gaand ko dekh Laal Tapka raja tha. " jaldee chal kitna aalsi hai. Woh sab bag rakhe ya kuch bhool gaya" Sonu ki maa fir se gusse se boli. "" ji jii maa sab to rakh liye haa chalta hoon jaldee" Sonu hadbadaKar bola. Flight se utarkar taxi lekar Sonu aur uski maa Cruise ki kar nikal pade. Waha Ghar par Sonu ke pitaaji aaj bahut saal baad jaise chain ki saans le rahe the. Aaj bahut din baad unhone ghar pe hi whisky ka bottle laaya aur sharab ke nashe me khud ko duba rahe the. Itne saal baad aaj mauka mila tha.

Sonu waha apni maa ke saath cruise pahunch gayaa. Tickets dikhaate hi in dono ko cruise me andar bheja gaya. Cruise abhi samundar ke Tat par hi tha. Takreeban 200 log the uspe. Alag alag jagah se aaye huve. Kuch kuch usme Bharat se bhi the. Sonu aur uski maa ko us cruise pe ek alishaan Kamra diya gaya. Kamre me jaate hi Sonu ki maa sabse pehle nahane chali gai. Sonu hall me baitha aur bas mann me maaa ke baare me hi sonch raha tha. Andar uski maa nagna hokar naharahee hogi. Yeh khayal hi bas uske lund me toofan machane me liye kaafi tha. Mann to tha ki woh chupke se jaakar keyhole se andar ka nazara dekh le. Lekin itni himmat kaha thi aur galtee se uski maa ne pakad lia ya usko shak hua to fir Qayamat aajayegee. Bas wo jazbaaton ko aur Lund ko kaboo karne ki koshish karne laga. Nahaakar nikalne ke baad fir Sonu aur uski maa khaane chale Gaye. Cruise pe ek bada sa Dining hall tha wahi par sab log khaana khaate. Khaana khaate huve bhi Sonu apni maa ko taktakaki lagaye dekh rahaa tha. Blouse aaj dori wala pehna tha uski maa ne jiski wajah se uski gori chikni Peeth aadhi se zyaada nazar aarahee thi. SONU bas usi ko dekh dekh khaa rahaa tha. Halki halki hawa thandee si uski maa ke zulfon ko lehraa rahi thi jo uski khoobsurtee me aur chaar chand laga rahe the. Khaana khaakar fir wapas Sonu apni maa ke saath kamre me aagayaa. Kamre me ek King sized bed tha jispe teen log bhi araam se so sakte the. " chal abhi sojaate hai Sonu. Thak gaye bahut" angdai Lete huve uski maa boli. Sonu bhi chup chaap bistar pe let gaya aur ek hi badee see blanket me aagaya aur uski maa usi blanket me bas ek foot doori par let gai thi. Sonu ka dil fir se dhadakne laga. Aaj pehli baar wo apni maa ke itne kareeb tha. Lekin kuch nahi kar paaraha tha.

Raat ke 11 baje the. Sonu ki maa gehree neend me chali gai. Lekin sonu ab bhi jaag raha tha. Mann tha ke bas wo peeche se maa ko pakad le. Par Haaye re Kismat, aisa kaha kar sakta tha. Khud se hi jazbaaton se jaise Sonu lad raha Tha. Khud se mann me baaten karaha tha. "" pagalpan mat kar Sonu soja. Maa uthegee aur tu kuch touch kiya to fir teree khair nahi " Sonu ke andar ki awaaz ne usko samjhaaya. Wo dil par patthar rakhkar ab has taraf muh karke palat kar let gaya. Bahar us samundar me aaj lehren araam dinon se zyaada Oofaan par thi. Aasmaan me bhi ghane badal the aur kuch hi der me tez baarish shuru hogayee. Baarish jo ki toofani thi. Aur yaha Sonu ke dil me ek alag hi toofan tha. Usse raha nahi gaya aur raat ke 12 baje fir se palta aur blanket me hi chupke se peeche se maa ke behad kareeb aagaya. Usko maathe pe paseena bhi aaraha tha aur dil me darrr bhi tha. Lekin dheere se himmat karke Sonu ne peeche se uski maa ki kamar pe haath rakha. Sonu ki maa ko neend me halka sa jhatka laga to bas wo thoda sa hili par fir se neend me doob gai. Sonu ki hatheli ab bhi maa ki kamar pe thi. Aur thoda sa kareeb hua peeche se. Uski maa ki peeth bhi ekdam uske ab aankhon ke saamne thi. Us blanket ke andhera me bhi uski maa ka gora badan aise chamak raha tha maano ki registran me koi Thande paani ki Nehar ho. Sonu ka gala sookh raha tha. Bahar ab barish bahut hi tez hone lagee aur samundar me lehren oonchi uthne lagi. Sonu ka bhi lund ab toofani urooj pe aaraha tha. Sonu ki hatheli maa ki gori kamar pe thi aur uska ehsaas use pagal bana rahaa tha. Sonu ne dheere se haath kamar se hote huve uski maa ke pet pe le gayaa. Na jaane woh ab darr bhool chuka tha mann banaya tha ke jo hoga dekha jayega. Jo anjaam hogaa seh loongaa aur usne halke se apni maa ke gore pet ko sehlaaya aur bahut hi halke se peeche peeth pe bas honth ko rub karaa. Is do tarfaa hamle se Sonu ki maa ko zor ka jhatka lagaa aur uski neend toote. Usko ehsaas hone me kuch second lage par jab usne dekha ki Sonu ka haath hai aur ye uski kartoot hai to jhat se wo peeche paltee aur gusse me aag baboola hokar " Sonu... kyaa karahaa hai. Besharam. Badtameez......"" aur Sonu ki maa ne uske gaal par zor se thappad maaraa.

PHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

SONU ke jaise pairon tale zameen khisak gayee. Thappad se uska gaal laal hogaya aur uski maa ki aankhon me gussa dekh wo samajh raha tha ki aaj to Qayamat aa ho Gayi. Aajtak itne gussa me shayad nahi dekha tha usne apne maa ko. Thappad ke zor se na chahte huve bhi aaj Sonu ki aankh se ansoo nikal gaye. " besharam .. yeh sab maa ke saath. Yahi sab seekh raha padhai kr badle me. Tera sab pocket money sab bandh kara doongee". Fir se ek thappad jadne ko Sonu ki maa ne haath uthaya tabhi ek bhayanak awaaz aai maano ki cruise poora hil gaya... samundar li toofani lehre ab cruise pe bharee padh rahi thi aur cruise chalane wale ko aur staff ko cruise pe kaboo karna mushkil ho rahaa tha. Sab passengers ghabraa kar rooms se nikal aaye. Jhat se Sonu ki maa aur Sonu bhi room se nikal kar bhaage hall ki oar. Samundar li lehren itni oonchi uthgaii thi ki ab cruise ke andar tak paani aarahaa tha. Sab passengers ghabraa gaye. Sonu ki maa ne bhi darr ke Sonu ka haath thaam lia. Cruise kabhi kabhi to aadhi side me ludhak rahee thi. Sonu ek pillar ko tight pakde khada tha Sonu ko peeche se pakad ke uski maa khadee thi. Cruise ka raasta bhi ab kaboo me nahi tha. Samundar li lehren ab apne bahaav ke kaaran cruise ko alag hi Disha me le jaarahe the. Achanak fir se cruise pe zor ki awaaz jaise kisi bade se patthar se takara gai hp cruise aur ab paani pooree tarah se cruise ke andar aagayaa. Sonu aur uski maa kamar tak pani me doob rahe the."" Maa tight pakdo mujhe chodna mat. Tight pakda rakho"" Sonu chillaya.. "" haaa Sonu pakdee hoon. Tu chod mat pillar ko"" sonu ki maa ghabraa kar chillayee. Lekin is raat ka toofan bhayanak tha. Aakhir kab tak cruise uska saamna kar paati. Cruise ka poora system ab down hogayaa aur cruise ek badi si lehar aate hi ab ulta gaii. Saare passengers ab us samundar me doob rahe the. Sonu ki maaa zor se chillayee aur Sonu ko peche se kaske pakad ki. Sonu ab bhi pillar ko pakde tha. Paani ke bahaav me Sonu ki maa ki saree khul gaiii aur badan se alag hogayee. Sonu ko swimming to aatee thi lekin ye samundar tha. Ek vishal samundar aur peeche uski maa usko jakde huve. Cruise ke saare passengers ab samundar me the. Lehren unko sab ko duba rahi thi. Sonu un lebron se ladne ki koshish me tha. Uske gale tak paani tha.. ""maa pakde raho mujhe chodo mat mai tair kar kahin Kiara dikhaa to le jaungaa" .. Sonu ki maa ka jaise poora gussa ghamand toot gaya tha is ghadee. Bas wo to bhagwan se mann me prarthna karahee thi zinda Bach ke nikal jaaye yahan se. Bete ko kaske peche se pakde thi aur beta lehron lo cheerta hua apni maa ko sambhalke huve aage badhraha tha. Apne bete ko is haalat me zindagi aur maut se khud ko aur usko bachane ki koshish dekh jaise Sonu ki maa ko padhtawa aaj pehli baar ho raha tha. Hamesha hi bete par wo naraazgi dikhatee usko daant detee.
Aaj to apne bete par haath bhi uthaya tha. Lekin bete ne bhi to badtamizi ki thi. Yahi sab sonch me doobi woh bas aage koi Kinaara yaa sahare ke intezaar me thi. Passengers sab alag alag Disha me lehron ke saath doob rahe the. Jinhe Tairna nabi aata woh to shayad aaj is samundar me Doobkar zindagi kho chuke the. Ek ghante tak Sonu tairta raha. Uska shareer bhi ab kamzor padh rahaa tha. Door usko kuch kinaara sa nazar aaraha tha halki si chand ki roshni me par waha tak jaane ka raasta abhi lamba tha. " maa dekho waha shayad kuch kinaara ya zameen nazar aarahii"

"" ha betaa lekin woh bhi door hai himmat karke thodee der aur ham waha tak pahunch jaayenge beta" sonu ki maa usko jaise himmat dete huve boli. Sonu aaj zindagi me pehli baar apni maa ke muh se aise sunkar poori taakat lagakar lehron se joonjhte huve aage badhne laga. Ek ghante tak..ek badee si lehar peeche se aai aur Sonu aur uski maa ko uthaakar le gai aur pagal diyaa wo zameen par. Sonu aur uski maa behosh hokar gir pade. Wo zameen ka tukda nahi tha. Ek sunsaan dweep(island) jo ki duniya ke anjaane islands me se ek tha. Na koi Jaanwar na koi insaan bas pedh paudhe. Island ke tat par behosh pade the Sonu aur uski maa. Sonu ki maa ki saree samundar me beh chuki thi raaste me hi. Raat beet gai aur sooraj ki pehli kiran Sonu aur uski maa ke chehre pe padhne lagee. Sooraj ki chamaktee roshni se dheere dheere Sonu ki maa aankhen kholne lagee. Uthke dekhi woh to ek sunsaan sa dweep tha aur Sonu uske kuch hi dooree par pada tha behosh. Sonu ki maa jhat se uthke Sonu ke passs gai aur usko hilaakar hosh me laane lagi. " Sonu.. uth betaa Sonu uth.. Sonu tu theek hai na" Sonu dheere se aankhen kholne lagaa.. aur aankhon ke saamne uski maa thi bina saree ke bas bheege blouse petticoat me.

"Sonu uth betaa dekh uth hum ye kahaa aagaye. Yaha koi bhi nahi. Ab kyaa karen uth. Betaa uthjaa... "

Sonu himmat karke utha aur chaaron taraf dekhne laga. Bas sannata aur kuch door pe bas lambe lambe pedh aur jungle jaisi jhaadiyan. Woh jaan chuka tha ke uski maa aur woh kisi island pe aagaye hai aur fas chuke hai. In sab se anjaan waha Sonu ke pitaaji ko phone aaya ki Jis cruise pe aapke patni aur beta gaye the wo doob chuka hai. Sonu ke pitaaji yeh KHABAR sunke sadme me chale Gaye..eklauta beta aur dharam patni unki. Chahe jaisee bhi ho thi to unki patni aur Sonu unka laadla beta. Unke oopar jaise pahad toot padaa. Zindagi ek hi pal me badal gai. Waha sonu aur uski maa uthke yaha waha dekhe aur madad ke liye koi nahi tha. Ab woh dono akele the aur akele hi zindagi se aur us island se nikalna tha yaa fir nikal bhi paayenge kabhi.. ye bhi nahi pataa tha. Zindagi ne ye kaisi karwat le li thi. Toofan ne ye kaha pahuncha diya tha.

Ye Anth nahi. Zindagi abhi baaki hai. Kahani abhi baaki hai.

Sonu aur Poonam ka nam sun ke laga ki ye " bete ki ajib si khwahish" ki story he pas jese jase aap ke kahani padi... Laga jese ye ek lajwab incest story he. Muje Poonam maa ka swabhab bahot natural laga kyu ki ye sach he ki khubsurat aur Amir aurat kitani bhi acchi kyu sanskari kyu na ho use thoda thoda to khud ke jism par ghamand hone hi lagata he.... story ka plot ek dam Naya he aur action thriller jesa tha par... Yaha par aap ko story ko end kar dena tha.....
Ek husn ki Malika maa ka ghamand uska beta hi ek ek kar ke utar deta to kafi accha hota....

 

[Clipmaster99]

Story: Hunt for the good porn

Written by: sultanastories

sultanastories

My Review:


A story that had great potential but ends like a damp squib.

A more apt title would have been: A woman’s quest for Porn ends in Porn Acting.

As the opening suggests, it is true that Porn is made by men for men. But times are changing and there is much more porn that women can also enjoy. Women generally prefer soft porn, rather than hard porn.

An Indian study suggests that 26% of Indian women have watched some kind of porn. Since the story opening delves into this aspect, I was expecting a juicy and spicy anecdote.

Unfortunately, the sex scenes are drab and unexciting.

There was a great opportunity to describe the protagonists loss of virginity. This scene is described in 4-5 lines. It would have been nice to build the sexual scenario from this point. The sex between the Producer and the protagonist is well and poignantly handled.

While I did not come across any spelling errors, it was disheartening to see grammatical errors. It is imperative that one uses a free tool like grammarly.com in such Contests.

Words like gonna (should read going to) “She begged and convinced her family to work, but the work, it’s none.” (did not make sense). “Why should I make my own porn? (should have read : Why shouldn’t I make my own porn?
After a lot of talking, threats, and pleas, Jamila caved and reached the guest. (did not make sense).

There are paragraphs in the story that have more than 100 words. It makes it difficult to read at one go.

The paragraph below has 134 words….

Jamila starts thinking of all possibilities ………. leap and called Sharma and let him know the decision.

The Group Sex scenes could also have been more explicit.

All in all a fairly good story.

Rating: 5/10