★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2024 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Shetan]

Pa


Pati ( veer) ke roop me aadarsh pati, bhagvaan samaan, shareef, izzatdaar, bade dilwala pati mila kavita ko, kavita ek samjhdaar , suljhi huyi padhi likhi aurat mili veer ko

Good story

Bahot bahot shukriya Logan

 

[KDM 1994]

STORY = SURAJ
WRITER= BLACK
Bhai Apke Story Ka Plot Sabse Alag Hota He Story Me Apne Sab Kirdar KO Achese Darshaya He Story Me Havas Ke Chalte Ek Aurat Be Apne Sate Kelate Priwar KO Barbad Kar Diya...Apke Story Me Hme Pta Chlta He Ki Payar Or Havas He Do No Alag He...

 

[Black]

STORY = SURAJ
WRITER= BLACK
Bhai Apke Story Ka Plot Sabse Alag Hota He Story Me Apne Sab Kirdar KO Achese Darshaya He Story Me Havas Ke Chalte Ek Aurat Be Apne Sate Kelate Priwar KO Barbad Kar Diya...Apke Story Me Hme Pta Chlta He Ki Payar Or Havas He Do No Alag He...

Shukriya mehrbani
Aapni apna qeemti samay nikaalke
Meri kahani padhi ..

 

[Black]

Story: साजन
Writer: Black

Story Line: Romance पर आधारित ये कहानी एक ऐसे व्यक्ति की है जो बचपन में बहुत गरीब होता है, लेकिन अपनी मेहनत से कई मुकाम हासिल करता है, और जिस लड़की से उसकी शादी होती है, उससे बेहद प्यार करता है, साथ ही साथ अपनी मां को भी बहुत चाहता है।

Treatment: कहनी बहुत ही उम्दा तरीके से लिखी गई है, लेकिन लेखक ने कहानी अपने ही अंदाज में कही है, और बहरीन तरीके से कही है। वैसे सबसे पहले मैं ब्लैक भाई को धन्यवाद देना चाहूंगा की मेरे सजेशन को माना और कहानी में फैंटेसी के अलावा भी कुछ ट्राई किया और बढ़िया से किया। सरप्राइजिंग एलिमेंट ये रहा कि हम ब्लैक वाली फैंटेसी ढूंढते ही रह गए, लेकिन कहानी पढ़ने में मजा भी आया।

Positive points: सबसे बड़ा तो इसका सरप्राइजिंग एलिमेंट ही है। कहानी पूरे फ्लो में चलती है, और शुरू से ही बंधे रखती है।

Negative points: कुछ भी नही है मेरे खयाल से। हां कंपटीशन में ये अव्वल आयेगी या नही ये नही कह सकता, क्योंकि कहानी खास नही, लेकिन कहानी पेश करने का अंदाज खास है।

Sugesstion: अच्छा लगा आपका दूसरी विधा में लिखना, और बस यही कहूंगा, कहानी आप अपने अंदाज में ही लिखें, साधारण कहानी भी मजेदार हो जाती है।

Rating: 8.5/10

Riky Bhai yaar
Aap jab bhi review dete ho
Badi khushi hoti hai
Main tahe dil se shukriya ada karta hoon aapka
Aap aise hi mera sath dete rahiye
Maine socha ki ek baar Aisa bhi kuchh likhta hoon
Bada dimaag kharab ho Raha tha
Baar baar man kar raha tha
Ismein kuchh dark daal doon
Lekin phir yaad aaya ki writer wahi hai
Jo har tarah ki kahani likh sake
Isi liye maine simple story likhi
Kahani maine khaas likhi bhi nahi hai
Bas socha padhne waale ko achcha Lage...

 

[Riky007]

Story: Moh
Writer: Kdry9

Story line: adultry पर आधारित ये कहानी एक शादीशुदा औरत की कहानी है जो मोह में पड़ कर अपनी जिंदगी बरबाद कर लेती है। ऐसी कहानियां बहुत ही कॉमन हैं और इनमें सिवाय औरत की बरबादी के कुछ होता नहीं है।

Treatment: लेखक ने प्रयास अच्छा किया है, लेकिन ऐसी कहानियां रिपीट मोड़ में चलती हैं तो कोई खास कनेक्ट नही हो पाती पाठकों से। न ही मुख्य किरदार से किसी को कोई सहानभूति होती है।

Positive points: लेखक एक उम्मीद जागते हैं कि कुछ अच्छा कर सकते हैं वो, क्योंकि कहानी पूरी लय में चलती है, और कहीं पर भी कोई कन्फ्यूजन या गलती नही की है लेखक ने।

Negative points: ऐसी कहानियों का कथानक ही सबसे कमजोर कड़ी होता है।

Sugesstion: आप की शैली अच्छी है, बस टॉपिक अच्छा चुनिए, क्योंकि ऐसे कंपटीशन में ऐसे टॉपिक बहुत ही साधारण कहानी पेश करते हैं।

Rating:6.5/10

 

[Black]

Review
Story - SAAJAN
Writer - Black

Plot - ek ladki Jaya ki shadi usse dungi umra ke aadmi se ho jati hai, lekin uske pati ka pyar dekhkar vo khud ko khushkismat manti hai, parivar me kuch dukh use jhelne padte hai lekin ant me sab thik ho jata hai. Saajan aur Jaya ki Prem yatra hi ye kahani hai.


Vaah Black Bhai kya likhe ho.
Pehli baar apni darkness se alag kuch likha aur usme bhi jhanda gaad diya.
No koi khun khraba naa koi extreme situation, simple pyar ki simple problem aur sab sahi

Vaise mujhe tumhara vo dark writing style bahut acha lagta hai, lekin this story was something different and heartwarming.

Kam shabdo me pura background ache se samjha diya. Saajan ke roop me bilkul ek ideal husband ka character daal diye ho. Aksar aisi shadi hone par ladki jindagi bhar ansu bahati hai lekin Jaya ke liye sab uske ulat hai.

Jab kaliya ka character aaya tab laga ki ab to pakka kuch khoon khraba hoga, jaisa tumhara style hai, lekin aisa nahi hua, achha kiya. Lekin ye kaliya ne Seema ko pataya kaise? Mtlb simple story me bhi kuch to mystery rkhni thi tumhe.

Mujhe koi kami iss story me nahi lagi....mast story.

Samar Bhai
Bas experiment Kiya tha
Jo safal hua
Dekhna chahta tha ki aisi story bhi likh sakta hoon ki nahi
Aur likh bhi liya
Waise maine socha tha
Ki Saajan ko villain banaun
Lekin phir socha ki ek dark story likh chuka hoon
Ab nahi light story likhta hoon
Aapka tahe dil se shukriya...

 

[Ahahahaha]

Pakeeza maa bahan
​

Spoiler

me rihan meri family me abbu
ammi sabana 39


bahan hina21


Me 23 lund 9inch
Mere abbu ik madarsa chalate h
Jisme ladke ladkiya sb padte h
Abbu ladko ko padhate h Ur ammi ladkiyo ko
Meri ammi abbu dono bahut dudakkad hai
Ammi ko raat bhi lund liye bina raha nhi jata
Meri bahan ab ik teacher h aur ladkiyo ko padhati thi
Meri bahan ik pakeeza ladki thi kabhi limitcros nhi ki
Hamesha burkhe me rahti thi
Kabhi koi ghr me gair mard aa jata to uske saamne bhi nhi jati
Ammi abbu ki chudayi ki aawaze han dono aksr sunte the
Me to lund hila leta tha

Dosto me pahle sehi sex ka deewana hu
Abbu mujhse bolte tu deeni padai krle
Pr me thoda bigd gaya tha mohlle ke ldko ke saath
Maine zid karke school paas kiya college gaya

Ammi bahan bahar to abbu ki bajah se burkhe me jati
par ghr me bahut tight kapde pahnke rahti
Jiska seedha asr mujhpe bada
Apni bahan aur ammi ko dekh mera lund tan jata tha khayal to aa jata tha kabhi kash ammi ya bahan chodne ko mil jaye
Par kabhi koshish nhi ki bs khayal tha ik

Mere bachpan ke teen dost jigri
Rakesh rahul ravi
Inki gandi baton ki wajah se me ammi aur hina ko chodne ki sochne laga


Meri ik gf thi saziya mere hi college me rhi
Me use bahut chodta
Wo sali bhi hamesha burkhe me aati thi
Me kabhi kabhi uske boobs burkhe ke uper hi apne doston ke saamne dawata tha
Rahul. Yarr kisi mulli ki hame bhi dila
Me. Me sale teri gf h to usko chod
Rakesh. Yaar bura mt maanna
Mulliyon ko chodne me jo maza h wo kisi me nhi
Hm aisi baton se bura nhi maante
Ok doston saziya ka gangbang karte h
Rahul . Maaan jayegi
Me. Maanegi plan h me aaaj saziya ko jb chudu to tum video bana lena aur fir blackmail krke chodege

Ik me saziya ko chod raha tha mere dost video banate huye aaye
Saziya ghabra gayi

Me. Salo video q bana raheho niklo yarr chodne do
Rahul. Sale aaj ise hm bhi chodege warna ye video poore college me virel hogi

Saziya pahle to bahut royi gabrayi maine use bahut samjhaya aur zabardasti ghodi bana diya
Rahul ne apna lund saziya ki choot me daal diya aur chodne laga
Ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhrandi mullli kiya choot h teri ahhhhhhg

Me. Ahhh saziya maza aa raha h chudne me uncutlund se
Ravi ne muh me daal diya

Saziya bhi maan gayi aur choosne lagi

Fir rakesh ne saziya ko lund pe bitha aur lund choot me gusa diya aur maine peeche se gaand me daal diya
Aur rahul ne muh me
Aur lagatar hm saziya ko chode



Fir maan gayi aur hamne milkr saziya ko bahut choda

Fir aise hi ham saziya ko roz milker chodte
Rahul. Yarr mulliyon ki baat hi alg h bahut maza deti h sali randiya

Yarr rihaan koi pakeeza mulli ho tab maza aayee uska gangbang karne me
M. Yar ab pakeeza mulli kaha se laun
Ravi. Sale tere baap mad****sa chalata h usme padti h mulliyan
Me. To salo me to nhi padta usme

Ham aisi gandi baton se bura nhi maante the
Ravi. Yarr chal tere mad*se chalte h
Me. Chal fir
Ham phli baar gaye fir ladkiyan nikli
Rahul. Ufff yarr kiya mst mulliya h randiyo ki gaand dekh yarr
Yarr rihaan tu kismt wala h aisi mulliyan tujhe hi milegi
Hame in mullliyo ko kab milga chodneko

Rakesh. Ahh rihaan us mulli ko dekh wow kiya mast maal h sali ki gaand dekh ahh

Me rakeski baat se sisk utha wo meri sagi bahn ke baare me bole
Meri bahan bala ki khoobsurt thi
Figure to budhdhon ka lund khara karde
Fir mere dosto ki najar se bahan kaise bach jati
Rahul. Ahhh rihaan yarr ye kon raand h bahut mast maal lg rahi h ise patwa de
Bahut maza degi ye rihaan
Bol na sale kuchh

Me. yarr wo nhi pategi kisi aur ko dekh
Ravi. Baki sbne chahra chipa rakhe h jo dikh rahe h wo kash nhi
Yarr uske baraber wali mulli dekh ufff sali gaand aur figure

Mera lund aur tn gaya sun ke ab wo sb meri ammi ke baare me bole
Meri ammi bhi ik mst kase huye badn ki auart thi
Koi nhi khta do bachho ki maa h
Ammmi ka figure ufff

Ham sb bahut gandi gandi baten karte rahe
Me bhi apni ammi bahan ke baare me gandi vaten karne laga
Mujhe bhi maza aane laga apni ammi aur bahan ki gandi baton me
unhe kiya pata wo meri sagi maa bahn h

Fir ye hamara roz ka bn gaya hm roz aate mere abbu ke mad*se ki ladkiyo ko cherte the
Meri ammi aur bahan mujhse pareshan ho gayi thi
Wo dono mere dosto ke saamne kuchh nhi bol pati thi
Ghr aake ammi mujhe chillti ke un aawara ladko ka saath chorde
Mujhe bahut tane deti ke
Tujhe sharm nhi aati apni maa bahan ko cherta h un haramiyo ke saath milkr
Khuda ka kuchh kaof nhi tujhe

Ammi mujhe damki deti abbu ko bolne ki
Me us time ammi se mafi maaang leta
Fir doosre din ammi aur bahan aur ladkiyo ko cherne aa jata dosto ke saath

Ab mujhe ammi aur bahan ki liye gandi baten dosto ke muh se maza deti
Maine ammi hina ko chodne ki thanli

Me ik din phone me porn dekh raha tha
Achanak hina aa gayi
Usne aawaze sunli
Wo bahut gussa huyi
Hina.. Bhai aisi gandi video mt dekha kro bhayya bahut guna h
Bhayya kuchh to uper wale se daro
Ik waqt ki bhi namaz nhi padte
Me . Tu pad to leti h mere badle ki
Ab mujhe mt samjha tu dekhe to aa dekh le
Hina. Mujhe khuda ka kaof h me itna bara guna kabhi nhi krungi

Ik din achank abbu ko heard pada aur abbu ki death ho gayi

Me abbu ki death se bahut pareshan hua
Kuchh month kisi se nhi mila
Ammi hina mad*sa chalati thi

Kuchh moth me sb norml hua
Ammi aur hina ab bahut tight burkhe pahnne lagi
Meri niyat fir bigdne lagi

Me din raat yahi sochta kaise apni ammi aur bahan ko chodu mere dimag me kuch nhi aaye

Fir maine socha qna hina ko porn dekhne ki adt dalu

Hamare gher do hi room the ik me ammi ik me hina

Raat me porn dekhu aur janboojh ke thodi si volume kholdi

Hina phone chala rahi thi
Aawaz wo sune bhi pr kuchh bol na paye
Me aisa hi roz karta aur raat ko apni bahan ki gaand sahlata ufff bahan ki kiya gaand thi
Main fir hina ki gaand pe maaal nikaalne laga

Maal girte hi meri bahan thodi hilti pr uthti nhi

Wo bhi sochti hogi kitna harmi bhai mera apni sagi choti bahan pe gandi nazer h
Pr aag to hina ke jism me bhi lg gayi thi

Agli raat maine volume thoda aur tez kar diya
Hina kasmasane lagi
Porn me ik hijabi ladki ka ganabang ho raha tha
Me volume aur tez krke sone ka natak karne laga
Phone uski tarf gira diya

Hina ki bhi halt kharab hone lagi aawazo se
Hina himnat karke mere paas aayi aur mera phone utha liya
Aur apne bad pr chali gayi

Maine dheere se aaankh kholke dekha
Hina porn dekh rahi thi

Me bahut khus hua
Mera plan kamyab hota dikhayi diya

Mere phone bahut porn thi aur gande gande photos hijabi ladkiyon ke

Hina dekh kr bahut garam ho gayi wo apni choot masalne lagi
Kuchh der me wo sant ho gayi
Aur phone mere paas rakh gayi

Me kmhi college jata dost bolte chal yarr tere madrse ki mulliyo tarte h
Me inkar karke ghr chala aata

Fir doosri raat bhi me be fikr hoke porn dekhne laga
Ab hina ka koi dr nhi tha me tez aawaz me porn dekhun
Hina mujhse choti thi to uski himmat na ho mujhse kuchh kahne ki
Aur badi himmat karke boli
Hina - bhayyw aawaz dheere karlo me pdh rahi hu dikkat ho rahi h

Me - kiya yarr tu sara din pdti rahti h kabhi free hoke video bhi dekhle

Hina - me nhi dekhti aisi gandi video aur bhayya mujhe aur ladkiyon ko padana bhi hota h
Tumhari tarh aajad thodi hun

Me - to padhane ke liye akl chahiye roz roz padne se kiya akl aayegi
Hina. Ilm badta h badne se tum bhi padho kuchh

Me. Tu hi padh me aise hi theek hu

Kuch der mer hina let gayi maine fir aawaz tez kardi aur phone hina ki tarf gira ke sone ka natak kiya

Kuch der me hina fir aayi aur mera phone le gayi
Aur baar apni salwar me haath dlkr choot masalte huye porn dekhe

Meri ab samjh nhi aaye kiya kru bahan to garam ho gayi h
hina apne phone me porn daalne lagi mere phone se

Fir wo mera phone rakh gayi aur apne phone me porn dekhe

Uski gaand meri tarf thi ufff dosto bata nhi sakta uski pakeeza gaand kiya kahar dha rahi thi
Dil kar raha tha abhi hina pe chr jaun

Pr himmat nhi huyi

Main achank utha hina ke paas gaya
Aur peeche khare hoke me uski gaand sahlate huye bola
Ahhhh gudya porn dekh kr maza aa raha h
Hina ghabra gayi aur boli nhinhi bhayya wo wo me

Me. Koi baat nhi yarr dekh le aaj kl sb dekhte tu befikr hoke dekha kr
Ye sb dekh le fir new daal dunga aor

Hina pani pani ho gayi
Main bhi jiyada aage nhi badha
Qki abhi hina poori nhi bigdi thi

Koi bhi ladki ka saga bhai jb use randi banaye to wo bn hi jati h

Subha huyi wo naha dhoker mad*sa jane lagi
Hina - bhayya mujhe aaj market jana h mujhe madarse me lene aa jana
Me. Q kiya kaam h
Hina. Kuchh kapde lane h
Me. Ok beti

Me fir college jaldi aaker hina ko market le gaya
Me. Achha hina kiya padhati h tu ladkiyo ko
Hina. Tumhe samjh nhi aayega wo sb
Me. Achha raat wala content bhi padh dena
Hina. Muh banate huye bhayya please
Me. Koi na yarr gudya tu meri jaan h ikloti bahan h meri
Tujhse mazak nhi krungw to kisse karunga

Maine hina ko apne se chipkaya
Hina ka jism ufff bahut garam tha
Aaj pahli baar hina ko maine gale lagaya

Fir hm ik shop me gaye
Hina. Kaise kapde lu
Me. Meri maane to jeanstop lele mast lagegi usme
Hina. Bhai khuda ka kaof kro me aise kapde nhi pahnti
Me. Yarr pahan ke to dekh ikbaar please mere liye try kr
Me tujhe ik baar jeanstop me dekhna chahta hu

Hina samjh gayi mera harami bhai meri jawani tarna chahta h

Hina. Ok bhayya sirf tumhare liye pahnti hu

Uffff meri bahan aaj to jeanstop pahanwa raha hu kl tujhe nangi kardunga

Kuchh derme hina jeanstop me aayi uffff mera lund jhatke maarne laga hina ko dekh kr
Ahhhh yarrr aisa mast khazana mere gher me chipa tha
Hina ki moti gaand ufff aur tane huye boobs


Hina bahut sarmaye aur mere saamne khari ho gayi
Maine hina ke saamne hi apna lund acjust kiya
Aur bola uffff meri gudya pari jaisi sexy lag rahi h
Mn kr raha h tujhe aise hi zindagi bhar dekhta rahu
Tu sharma q rahi h
Hina. Bhayya sb mujhe dekh rahe h
Me. Gudya tu bahut pyaari lg rahi h to sb tujhe hi dekhege
Unko chor
Chal ghoomne chalte h
Hina. Aise hi koi dekh lega bhayya
Me. Nhi dekhga aur dekh bhi lega to kiya bigaad lega
Hina. Bhayya me ik teacher hun me jin ladkiyon ko padati hu wo dekh lengi to unse najre kaise milaungi
Me. Tu khali ki tension matle koi nhi dekhne wala h hame chal ab
Aur apne baal khule chor de

Maine hina ke baal khol diye
Hina. Bhayya baal mt kholo
Me. Gudya khule baal aur pyare lgte h ais
Ab lali hoton pe aur lagale bs
Ruk aata hu

Me ik selsgirl se lipistic maang laya

Hina. me laga lungi
Me. Nhi me khud lagunga apni gudya ke

Me hina ke honton pe lali lagane laga
Mera lund jhatke maare
aisa lg raha tha abhi hina ke hoton ko choosne lagu
Itni hot bahan shayd kisiki ho


Hina ki saansen tez ho gayin
Wo sage bade bhai ke itne kareeb kabhi nhi aayi

Me. Uffff ab lg rahi tu angle chal bata kaha chalegi ghoomne

Hina. Bhayya me aaj tk ghoomi hi nhi mujhe pata nhi

Me. Gudya aaj ke baad me tujhe dunya ki saari khusya dunga
Chal aaj tujhe movie dikhake lata hu

Hina. Bhayya guna h movie dekhna
Me. Ham insan h farishte thodi h jo guna na ho
Chal
Maine hina ke gale me haath dal diya

Hina sisk uthi pr mera haath nhi hataya

Hina pahli baar cinema hall me aayi
Main janboojh kr sexymovie dikhane laya

Ham dono andr gaye hamare barabr me kuchh couple the
Ik ladka bola
Bhai aapki girlfreind h ye
Me. Han
Ladka. Bahut cute h aapki gf

Ik aur cuople hina ke paas tha

Wo ladki hina se baat krne lagi
Ladki. Mujhe lg raha tum pahli baar apne boyfreind ke saath nikli ho
Jo itni dari ho
Yar yaha kon dekhne wala h tumko maze kro
Waise itna hot boyfreind h tumhara
Uffff

Hina. Ki saanse tez ho gayi sb mujhe hina ka bf samjhe
Hina mere kaan me boli
Hina. Bhayya yaha mujhe sahi nhi lg raha h
Sb glt samjh rahe h appne jhoot q bola bol dete bahan h meri
Me. Pgl abhi sb norml h bahan bolta to sb tujhe ghorte
Ab tension mt le movie dekh
Maine ik haath hina ke gale me daal diya

Movie chalti gayi movie me sex seen aane lage
paas wale couple kissing kare

Hina garam hone lagi wo apne aapko bahut muskil se roke
Me uska sholder sahlaun
Movie me sex chal raha tha full open aawz thin

Sb apni apni gf ko masal rahe the
Me dheerre dheere apne hont hina ke kano ke paas Le gaya
Aur dheere dheere maine apne hont hina ki gardn pe rakh diye

Hina machal uthi maine apne hath hina ke boobs per rakh diye aur zor zor se hina ke boobs dawane laga

Ufff dosto poocho mt kitna maza aa raha tha hina ko masalne me

Hina machal uthi me boobs dawata raha
Wo achank uth khari huyi aur boli
Hina. Bhayya ruk jao galt h ye chalo yaha se
Pas wale couple bhi chonke ufffye bhai bahan hai

Hina waher aayi aur boli bhayya mera burka do
Mujhe burkha pahnna h

Maine bhi kuchh nhi bola aur burka de diya
Hina burka pahnke nikl aayi
Hm bus se aa rahe the bus me bahut bheeg thi
sb khare the
Bus me kuchh harami ladke aaye wo aps me bole
Ufff yarrr kiya mst mulli h dekh yarr
Randi ki gaand aur boobs kase huye h ahhh ye chodne ko mile yarr
Sali mulliyan hoti bahut hot h
Chal aage chal maze lete h mullli ke

Unhe pata nhi tha wo meri bahan h wo mujhe bole bhai thoda peeche aao
Me peeche aa gaya mujhe hina kisi tarh garm karni thi
Aur mn bhi hua dekhu ye sb bahan ke saath kiya krte h

Wo ladke mere bahan ke peeche khare ho gaye ik ne apna lund hina ki gaand pe tek diya
Hina aage huyi to aage ik ladka chala gaya
Sb dheere dheere mere bahan ko aage peeche se dawayen

Aage ik ladka meri bahan ke boobs ka maza le peeche ik gaand ka
Hina tarsti huyi nigah se mujhe dekhe

Maine bardast kerne ka ishara kiya
Itne me ik ladke ne meri bahan ki kamr pkdli

Hina pahle hi bahut garm thi
Uski aankhen band hone lagi
Achanak breck lgne se usne hina ke boobs dawa diye
Meri bahan sisk uthi

Me fir hina ke paas aage khara ho gaya
Hina ko thodi raht mili
Hina ne mere seene pe sr rakh diya uski aankho me aansu aa gaye

Maine us ladko peeche hatne ko bola

Hina achank mere se chipk gayi
Aur sisk ne lagi
Me. Gudya kiya hua ro q rahi h
Hina. Kuchh nhi bhayya tum door q gaye

Me samjh gaya wo dr gayi
Me. Nhi gudya yahi tha ab aa gaya na

Fir ham ghr aa gaye

Me sote time ammi aur hina ki gaand boobs touch krta
Aur unki gaand pe maal girata
Jiske baare me ammi hina bhi jaan gayi
Pr kuchh boli nhi

Hina ab mujhsw kafi open ho gayi
me usse gandi gandi baten krta
Aur use porn dekhna ka bolta
Wo bolti mere phone me daal do me khud dekh lungi

Mere dost sb pareshan the roz mujhe bulate milne
Ik din me bhi gaya
Ravi . Sale tu kaha tha itne time sale teri mad*se ki ik mulli set bhi ho gayi h
Bahut line deti h
Bs dr lgta h kaise baat ho yarr tu karayega hamari baat

Me. Chal dikha kon si mulli h ravi ne jis pr ishara kiya mujhe jhatka laga
Wo meri sagi bahan ki tarf ishara kare

Me .sale ye kaise set ho gayi mujhe yakeen nhi
Ravi. Sale ab nhi dekh rahi
warna roz dekhti huyi jati h
Chl aaj iska peecha karte h kaha rahti h
Me. Yarr bat suno me nhi ja sakta hu
Rahul. Sale tujhe kiya problem h abe tere bina hm kuchh nhi kar payege
Sabse pahle tu choot maarna uski

Mera lund jhatka mara apni bahan ki choot ne nam se

Itne me ammi aur hina nikl gayi

Doosre din meri bajah se hina mere dosto ko na dekhe

Rahul. Sali is mulli ko kiya hua randi roz to bahut line deti thi ab nhi dekh rahi h
Ravi. Yaar chodne me bahut maza aayega isko
Me. Haan yarrr maza to full degi sali
Doosri wali bhi mst h
Ravi . Han uski maa h wo sali wo to aur jiyada mza degi
Dono ma beti mast randiyan h
Yarr rihaan kuchh kr
Me - salo mera lund khud shant nhi ho raha dono ko Dekh kr inko chodna to padega hi

Fir doosre din hm sab ladkion ko ghoore

Ham aise hi baten kar rahe the tabhi ammi aur hina aayi
Ammi mera name lwker boli
rihaan sara din aawara hi frta rahta chal ghr

Mere dost ammi aur bahan ke aate hi chonk gaye
Wo hairan the unhe aaj hi pata chala ye mere ammi aur bahan h
Unhone aajtk meri ammi aur hina ko nhi dekha tha
Qki anmi aur hina pahle abbu ke dr se hamesha muh chipa ke rakhti thi
Meri ammi aur bahan abbu ke jane ke baad kafi aazad ho gayi ab burkhe bhi aise ke sara jism saaf dikhe
Ammi to gazb ki lg rahi thi

Hina chor nazro se mere dosto ko dekhe
Jisme hina ik teacher thi

Me apni bahan ki nazro ko dekhu

Fir ammi hina chali gayi

Mere dost kuchh na bole
Rahul. Sale bata to deta teri ammi aur bahan h ye
Me. Salo to tum kiya goorne se man jate
Ravi. Sale wo teri sagi maa bahan h
Me. Salo in dono ko dekho to kaisi hot maal h
Ravi. Han yarr mast to h pahle batata to set kr lete

Ab krlo set bahan ko lund pareshan bahan ki choot fadne ke liye .
Rakes. Sale fir vhi teri sagi bahan ammi h
Me. Salo lund kuchh nhi dekhta ye dono chud gayi to mad*se ki jane kitni mulliya chodne ko milegi tumko
Hamara hi raaz hoga kachhi kaliyan milengi
Rahul. Han yarr kuchh plan h hm tere gher aaye
Me . Ok aa jao
Fir sham ko mere dost roz ghr aate aur ammi aur bahan ko khoob ghorte

Mere room me hm sb nange hoker muth marte
Mujhe Kuch samjh nhi aaye
kaise chodo ammi aur hina ko

Me. Salo kuchh baat bhi kiya kro bahan se meri
Meri bahan to tumko line deti h

Rahul. Yar dr lagta h

Me. Salo aaj room khol kr muth marte h me hina ko butata hu
Hamare lund dekh kr grm hogi hina

Fir ham sb nange apne lund door ki trf karke hilaye aur meri bahan hame chaye dene aayi
Room khule hi uska muh khula ke khula rah gaya
Meri bahan ham sb ke lund khare hoker dekhne lagi
Hm anjaan bante huye neeche grdn kiye muth mare
Kuchh der meri pakeeza bahan jisne aaj tk lund nhi dekha nhi
aaj 4 lund ik saath dekhe aur teen uncut lund
Kuch der me maine jaise hi hina ko dekha
Meri bahan bhag gayi wahi chaye rakh ke
Rahul. Ufff mulli bhagle
kisi din tujhe poore ghr me bhaga bhaga kr chodege ahhh rihaan bahan mst h teri

Fir ye hamara roz ka bn gaya ik baar ammi ne dekh liya hame muth marte huye
Wo bhi aise hi bhagi


Meri ammi aur bahan samjh gayi thi me hi harami hu
Pr kuchh bole nhi

Ik din ammi nani ghr gayi thi
Hina akele thi
Maine try kiya baat nhi bani maine dosto ko call ki wo sb aa gaye

Me. Hina yarr aaj ammi bhi nhi h pleaae yar aaj koi new dress pahn ke dikha na please aaj mini dress jo tere liye laya tha wo pahn ke dikha de
Hina. Aaj ammi nhi h bilkul nhi tumhara bharosa nhi
Me. Tera rape thodi krdunga
Hina. Tumhara bs nhi chalta warna tum mera rape bhi krdo

Me. Tujhe apne sage bhai pe bharosha nhi h
Hina.bharosa to jaan se badh kr h
Me. To ulti baat q kr rahi h
Hina. Bhai shaitan ka koi bharosa nhi kab bahka de

Itne me mere dost aa gaye

Me doston ko andr le aaya maine hina ko chaye banane ka bol diya
Kitchen saamne thi
Meri bahan abhi burke me thi madrse se aakr chenge nhi kiya tha usne

Mere dost sb meri bahan ko bath kr ghoorne lage
Rahul. Bhai gaand gazb ki lagti h teri bahan ki
Ravi. Rihaan ik baar chud jaye fir aur nikhr jayegi ye

Me. Yarr kb chudegi sali itni koshish ki chudne me nhi aayi
Rakesh. Wo teri sagi bahan h itni jaldi tere neeche nhi aayegi
Hm try karte h
Me. Ok try kro me waher ja raha hu
Kuchh kr lena

gudya kuch leaun tu yahi rahna
Hina . Ok bhayya jao jaldi aana

Fir me wahr se jhank kr dekhne laga kiya kr rahe sale
Mere dost hina ke paas gaye aur bole
Rahul. Yarr hamse kiya glti huyi
jo hame ab tum dekhti bhi nhi
Pahle to tum bahut dekhti thi
Hina Thoda gabraye wo akeli ghr me aur teen gair mazhabi ladke uske itne paas aa gaye

Hina. Wo aap log baitho bhayya ane wale honge
Rahul. Uski trnsion mat wo kuch nhi kahne wala hamara jigri dost h wahi to chor kr gaya h
dro nhi yarr

Rahul ne meri bahan ke sholder me haath rakh diya

Idher mera lund tan gaya ahhh meri pakeeza bahan teen gair mazhabi ladko ke saath bilkul akeli

Hina. Thodi peeche hati aur boli please bhayya aate honge dekh lenge tum sofe pe baitho
Ravi. Hina tum bahut khoobsurt ho ham deewane ho gaye h tumhare
Tum hame igone q kar rahi ho
Tumne hi pahle hame apne peeche bulaya
ab khud bhag rahi ho
Hina. Maine kb bulaya
Rakesh. Tum hame dekh kr muskurati thi na
Ab natk q kar rahi ho jb maoka mila h

Achanak hina ko rakesh ne peeche se pakd liya aur meri bahan ke boobs dawane laga
@@@
Hina. Gabra gayi aur rakeah se jhootne ki koshish kare
Hina. Plese mujhe choro warna me shor macha dungi
Rahul. Meri bahan ka muh pakd ke ik thappad mara
Sali randi pahle hme ishare deti h ab natk kar rahi h
Macha shor randi hamara kuchh nhi bigdega tu zaroor badnaam ho jayegi

Wo teeno mere bahan ko masalne lage ravi meri bahan ke honto ko choosne laga
Rahul. Meri bahan ki chot masalne laga ahhh sali mulli kiya garm maal h tu randi jiyada natk mat kar warna tera rape karke net pe video uplode kar denge

Hina saath dene lagi aur boli please abhi nhi mere bhayya aane wale honge

Ahhh randi wo kuch nhi kahega wo khud tujhe chodna chahta h chal neeche baith lund choos mera

Mere teeno dosto ne lund nikal liye
Hina bahut ghabra gayi thi par shor machati to khud badnaam hoti ab wo kiya kare uski shamjh na aaye wo neeche baith gayi
Uske saamne teen uncut lund the
Meri pakeeza bahan mere teeno dosto ke paro me baith gayi

rahul ne meri bahan ke pakeeza muh me lund gusa giya
Aaj pahli baar meri bahan ne lund choosa

Ab maine socha me chala jata hu me nhi chahta tha meri bahan ko pahli baar ye teeno bhi chode
Me bas hina ko bigadna chah raha tha
Take wo mere neeche aaram se aa jaye

Wo teeno baari bari meri bahan ka moh chode
Hina ko upkiya aaye pahli baar lund hina choos rahi thi

Rahul. Ahhh randi burke wali randiya hoti hi garm h sali choos rand ahhh

Ravi ne meri bahan ka burka fad diya
Andr se meri bahan sirf bra panty me thi
Rakesh. Ahhh sali randi andr se kuvh nhi pahna tune
Mullliya sali burke ke andr hoti hi nangi h dekh rahul me kahta sali mulliyan burke ke andr nangi hoti h

Hina. Ufffmera burka q fad diya please chordo bayya aate honge
Rahul. aaj teri choot gaand sb faad denge ahh burka chor
Aur aaj hi chudegi tu tera bhai bhi chodega tujhe
Uski tension mt le

Me sochne laga maine aaj glti kardi ab inko kaise ruko warna ye sb bhi meri bahan chodege ab

Meri kuch samjh na aaye mujhe ammi aati dikhayi di

Ammi ko dekh kar meri fat gayi
Ye kiya ho gaya sala ab meri aa gayi
Meri kuchh samjh nhi aaya me wahr hi chip gaya

Ammi jaise hi andr gyi ammi cheeekh padi
Hinaaaaaa ye kiya h allah ka koaf nhi h tujhe kutya
Haramiyon me tumhe jaan se maar dungi
Ammi ke aate hi mere dost bhi gabra gaye wo sb ulte seedhe bhage ammi ko dhakka dete huye

Hina sir bra panty me thi ammi thappad thappad mare hina ko

Ammi. Randi itni aag bhari h tujhme bata deti mujhe
Jamana kiya kahega ham aur ladkiyon ko ilm sikhate h aur tu ye galeej kaam
Gair mahabi ladko ke saath

Aur rihaan kaha h tujhe akela kaise chor ke gaya wo
Uski kambakhti me nikalungi

Ammi ne fir gusse me hina ke thappad marna chalu kar diye

Hina. Rote huye ammi meri galti nhi h wo mujhe damka rahe the me dr gayi thi
Meri video banali aur bole netpe daal denge
Ammi aap hi socho aisa kuchh hota to hamari kiya izzat rah jati

Ye rihaan kaha gaya h
Hina. Wo ammi nasta lene gaye the pata nhi kiya ho gaya abhi tk nhi aaye

Meri fat gayi me kiya karu ab

Idea
Maine apna sr ik pattar se foda aur khoon jagah lagake
Langdate huye aaya

Ammi mujhe dekhte hi sara gussa bhool gayi aur bhagte huye aayi
Ammi. Rihaan mere bachhe kiya hua tujhe
Me. Ammi mera accident ho gaya me bahut der beshos pada raha kuchh log chor ke gaye h
Ammi. Rote huye koi tujhe hospital q nhi le gaya kameena chal jaldi

Ammi aur hina dono gabra gayi mujhe hopitl le gayi

Docter ne patti ki

Kuchh der ammi aur hina aayi
Ammmi . Beta ab theek h kaha kaha lagi tujhe
Docter bola darne baat nhi inko bas srr pe lagi h aur kahi kuchh nhi hua
Ammi. To langa q raha h
Docter. Pata nhi chot nhi h shayad aise drd ho theek ho jayega
Mujhe lagta sr pe kuchh mara gaya h

Hina mujhe ghoorne lagi
Wo samjh gayi maine ammi se bachne ke liye khud sr fod liya

Ammi bhi ajeeb najr se mujhe dekhe aur muskurate huye bole koi nhi beta kuchh nhi hua tujhe khuda ka shukr h

Me dawa leke aati tu aaram kar

Hina mere paas aayi aur gusse se boli bhayya mujhe pata h koi accident nhi hua tumhara
Ammi se bachne ke liye ye sb tha
Bhayya tumne mujhe fasa diya

Me. Tu kaha fasi tune ne bhi sara ilzaam dosto pe daal diya
Ab sb chor bhool ja sb
Hina. Bhayya ammi ki najar me main gir gayi bilkul
Fir ammi aayi aur boli le dawa khale
Shukr h tu theek h aur idher teri bahan
Me. Kiya hua ammi
Ammi. beta meri ik baat manega
Agrr zara bhi meri izzat karta h
Me. Bolo ammi aap meri jaan ho
Ammi. Tu kabhi apne dosto ko ghr mt lana
Me. Ammi kiya hua batao to
Ammi. Beta kuch nhi bs meri baat maan aur unka saath chorde warna bhoolja mujhe teri ammi hu
Me. Ammi tum sabse bar ker ho
me unka saath chor dunga
Ab khus
ye batao hua kiya
Ammi. Unhone teri bahan ke saath battamzi ki
Me.gusse ka natk karte huye ammi kiya bol rahi ho me salo ko chorunga nhi
Ammi. Beta tu kuchh nhi karega tujhe kuchh ho gaya to me sh nhi paungi
Tu hi ham dono ka sahara h

Din beet gaya agle din ammi hina madarse se aayi aur ammi boli rihaan ammi ke ghr ja rahi hu tu ghr hi rahna kahi mt jana apni bahn ko akela chor kr
Me. ok ammi

Ammi chali gayi me uth kr gate lock kar aaya room me gaya hina pat leti thi ufff uski gaand kahr dhaye

Me hina ke uper chr gaya hina ki gaand ki darar me mera lund fas gaya
Hina ka jism bahut garm tha
Me. Kiya kar rahi h gudya meri
Hina. Bhayya hato mere uper se me tumse nhi bol rahi
Me. Gussa h mujhse
Hina. Han bhayya tumne kl mujhe fasa diya
Me. Yarr hina tu hi bata me kiya karta koi aur chara bhi to nhi tha
Hina ki gaand me me lund gis raha tha

Hina Palatne ki koshish kre maine bhi palta liya ab hina ki choot me lund gise

Me hina ki aankho me dekhta hua
Sorry gudya mere paas koi chara nhi tha ammi achanak a gayi
Hina. Bhayya achha ik baat batao kal tum mujhe apne dosto ke saath akela chor gaye tumhe kaisa lag raha tha
Wo sb ager mera rape kar dete to
Me. Nhi karte me aa jata ager wo tere saath kuch glt karte
Hina. Matlb tum yahi the
Me. Han me dekhna chahta tha meri gudya kaha tak jati h
Unke uncut lund bahut pyaar se choos rahi thi tu
Hina. Tum mujhe dekh rahe the lund hilate hoge tum na
Hina sharma gayi
Me. Han jan tujhe kaise pata
Hina. Ik Porn tumne di thi usme jab ik ladki ka gangbng hota to uska bhai chip kar dekh muth marta h
Me. Han tujhe achhi lagi porn
Hina. Han bahut tumne mujhe bhayya bahut bigaad diya
Pahle me kuchh bhi glt nhi sochti thi
Tumne jabse porn dikhayi h mera dil bhi chudne ka krne lga
Jab porn me ik bhai apni bahan ko chodta tha to mujhe lagta tum bhi mujhe kash aise hi chodo
Me. To me tere paas aata to bhagti q thi
Hina. Bhayya dr tha thoda sage bhai the tum khoshish bhi to nhi karte the thodi zabardasti krte mujhse to me kab ka chud gyi hoti tumse
Me. Ab chudwa le to ahhh
Me hina ko kiss karne laga hina bhi mera poora saath dene lagi
Maine kuchh der apni bahan ke hont choose fir hina ke boobs dawane laga burke ke uper se
Ahhh hina utaar burka apna is shareefi ke libaas ke neeche ik randi chipi h
Hina. Fark karo wo randi bhi tumari sagi bahan h
Me. Ahhh hina tune itne achhi baten kaha se seekhi h
Hina. Bas aa gayi
Me. Chal nangi hoja utaar burka apna
Hina. Bhayaa kl un kutto ne mera new burka faad diya
Me. Gudya tension mt le wo tujhe usse bhi manhge burke lake denge
Tu unko apni ik baar choot de dena
Gudya tere paas jo choot h isse to hazar burke kharide ja sakte h

Hina ka jb maine burka utaara to hina andr bra panty me thi



Ufff hina randi hi bani rahti h tu hamesha burke me tu nangi rahti h
Ammi bhi nangi rahti hongi shayad
Hina. Ahhh bhayya jiyada tr ladkiya burke me nangi hi hoti h
Ammi main kabhi kabhi bra panty bhi nhi pahnti aise hi chali jati hu

Maine hina ki bra panty bhi nikl di
Hina ki choot aur boobs ufff
Boobs brown
Aur choot Bilkul gori pakeeza thi
Ik vhi baal bhi tha

Hina ki choot ko me chatne laga
Hina. Ahhh bhayya kiya kr rahe ho ahhh bhayya chato ahhh
hina mera sar choot me dawane lagi
Fir me bhi nanga ho gaya aur hina ko bahon me leker kiss krne laga
Me. Ahhh gudya nangi kitni mst lg rahi h tu ahhu randi bane gi ab meri

Hina. Ahh bhayya bana do mujhe randi ahhh bhayya lund choosu
Me. Ahh choos kl tune lund choose to maza aaya
Hina. Han bhayya maza bahut aaya tabhi to fir dil kr raha h choosne ka

Fir kuchh der mera lund choosa maine poora lund hina ke muh me gusaya
Mujhe hina ka muh chod kr jannat ka maza mil raha tha

Kuchh der me main hina ke uper aa gaya ahhh hina ab raha nhi ja raha h
Hina. Ahhh bhayya daldo fir ahhh

Maine hina ki choot pe lund set kiya aur dheere deere lund ka topa daal diya
Hina dard se machli
Maine hina ka muh dawaya aur zordaar dhakka mara adha lund hina ki seal torta hua gus gaya
Hina machane lagi
Maine fir doosra dhakka mara mera poora lund gus gaya

Hina cheekhne lagi ahhhhhi ammi mar gayi ahhhh bhayyaa nikallo ahhhh me mar jaungi

Maine hina ki ik na suni aur poora gusa ke ruk gaya
Kuchh der me hina shant huyi
Me. Ahhh gudya bs jitna dard hona tha
ho liya ab maza aayega tujhe
Maine fir hina ka muh dawaya aur dheere dheere hina ko chodne laga



Kuchh der me hina sant ho gayi
Aur mera saath dene lagi
Hina. Ahhh vhayya ahhh dheere dheere ahhh chodo bhayya ahhh aise hi
Me.ahhh gudya ab teri choot ft chuki h ab tujhe jannat maza dilaunga ahhh ahhh

Me dheere dheere speed badane laga
Hina. Ahhh bhayya ahhh dheere ahhh bhayya dard ho raha h bahut bara lund h tumhara ahhh ahhh bhayya
Chodte raho ahhh
Me. Ahhh sali randi maza aane laga tujhe ahhh le ahhh
Hina. Ahhh bhayya chodte raho ahh me jane wali hu ahhh
Aur tez ahhh bhayya ahhhh chodo apni pakeeza bahn ko ahhh bhayya mujhe randi bana do ahhhh
Ahhh fardo meri choot ko

Me. Ahh sali le ahhh meri bahan kiya mst tight choot h teri ahhh bahut maza degi tu ab ahhh


Hina. Ahhh bhayya chodo tez tez ahhh me jane wali rukna mat ahhh

Hina ne pani chor diya
Hina ke pani nikalte hi me bhi full speed me chodu apni choti bahan ko
Aur maine bhi sara maal hina ki choot me bhar diya

Kafi der ham dono nange hi pade rahe

Hina ki choot sooj gayi maine pankiller di sham tak hina theek ho gayi
Aaj poore din hina nangi nhi
Poore ghr me hina nangi hi firti rahi
Fir raat ho gayi

Hina bhi bahut khush thi nangi hoker abhi tak wo ik pakeeza ladki thi jo hamesha shareefi ka libas burka me rahti thi
Aur aaj poori nangi khoome ghr me
Me poore din kiss krta maslta raha hina ko

Me. Gudya maza a raha nanga rah kar
Hina. Bhayya bahut achha lag raha h kash sari zindagi aise hi rahu
Me. Mujhse shadi karle tujhe hamesha nanga hi rakhuga
Hina. Bhayya shadi ham kaise kar sakte h
Jamana nhi manega aur ammi to maar degi ager hamare baare me pata chal gaya to
Me. Gudya ager me ammi ko bhi chod lu to kaisa rahega
Hina. Uff bhayya tab to maza aa jaye
Ammi bhi waise bahut hot h
Ammi ko lund nhi mil raha ab
Unki choot me bhi aag lagi hogi

Me. Bata gudya kaise chode ammi ko
Hina. Bhayya ammi ke sote huye boobs dawao
Aur apna maal nikalo gaand par bhayya tumne jb meri gaand pe maal nikalte to meri choot meaag lag jati
Dil karta tha tum usi time mujhe chodne lago
Partum chodte nhi

Maine fir us raat me hina ko bahut baar choda
Poore gher me har tareeke se hina ki choot mari
Fir ham dono aise hi ammi se chip chip ke roz chudayi karte hina kabhi tabiyat kharab ka bahana karke ghr ruk jati
Maine ik din hina gaand bhi maar li
Ab me choti bahan ke dono cheedo ko siddat se chodta tha

Ik din maine fir hina ko nhi jane diya aur ammi ke jate hi hina ko nanga kr
Hina jaldi se nangi ho gayi

Ahhhhina chal aaja
maine hina ko pat litaya aur hina ki gaand me lund gusa diya
Aur chodne laga
Ahhh hina teri gaand marte huye jiyada maza aata h
Hina. Ahhh bhayya pahle thodi der choot mar liya kro
Me. Ahhh hina ik aur lund hota wo teri choot me hota me teri gaand marta ahhhh
Hina. Aah bhayya apni bahan ko ksi aur se chudwane me sharam nhi aayegi tumhe
Me. Ahhh gudya sharam kaisi ab

Itne me ammi aa gayi
Ammi ko shak tha ammi ne pakd liya hame
Me hina ki gaand be fikr hoker maar raha tha
Hina bhi mase se marwa rahi thi

Ammi. Hinaaaaaaa haramzadi randi kahi ki
Rihaan tujhe jaan se maar dungi harami tujhe sharam nhi aa rahi apni sagi bahan ko chodte huye

Me ghabra gaya meri samjh me na aaye kiya kro
Ammi mujhe marne ke liye aayi aur maine ammi ko pakd liya
Aur ammi ke boobs dawane laga
Me. Ahhhhammi maza karna galt nhi hota ammi tum bhi hamara saath do bahut maza aayega aapko bhi
Ammi.chor rihaan mujhe me maar dungi kutte tune bahan chodli ab apni maa bhi chodni h tujhe kutte choor

Me. Ammmi please maan jao tumhe bhi bahut time se lund nhi mila hoga
Ahhh ammi boobs to bahut mast h aapke ahhh ammi. Tumne bra nhi pahni h kiya
Hina. Please ammi bahut maza aata h bhayya ka lund lene me
Ammi chudwa lo tum bhi
Apne bete ka lund lene me tumhe bhi maza aayega

Maine ammi ka burka faad diya
Ammi burke ke andr poori nangi thi
Me. Ahhh randiammi jaam shareefi ke libaas ke peeche meri randi ammi h
Hina to bra panty me nikli thi tum to poori nangi h
Mere dost sahi bolte the
Ke teri mulli ammi sali burke ke neeche poori nangi rahti h


Ammi apne badan ko chipane lagi
Ammi. Rihaan please beta chorde me teri maa hu aisa nhi karte

Maine ammi ko pakda aur ammi ki choot maslna shuru kiya
Ahhh ammmijaan ik baar mera lund apni choot me lo to maza aayega
Main ammi ko girane laga
Maine zabardaati ammi ko gira
Hina meri madad karne lagi
Hina ne ammi ke haath pakde aur maine apna lund ammi ki choot me gusa diya
Ammi machal uthi
Me. Ahhhh ammi bol maza aaya lund leker apne aage bete ka ahhh ammmi teri choot to bahut garam h
Ahh sali randi tu nangi rahti h kahi na kahi tu bhi lund leti hogi

Maine ammi ko kuchh der choda fir ammi mera saath dene lagi
Aur fir ammmi bhi chudwane lagi
Ammi. Ahhh beta ye gatl h ahhh
Me. Kuchh glt nhi ammi mujhe pata tum kisi na kisi ka lund leti ho
Ammi. Ahhh beta tere saath bahut guna h ahhh beta ahhh
Me. Ammi bs maza lo sb bhool jao ahhh apne bete ka lund kaisa h

Ammi. Ahhh beta chood mst lund h tera ahhh beta

Maine ammi ko tez tez chodna chalu kr diya




Ammi. Ahhh beta chood me jane wali hu ahhhh chod zor se beta ahhahhh

Us din maine ammi ko bahut choda
Ammi bhi razi ho gayi
Ik din maine ammi ki gaand mari ammi ki gaand kuwari thi
Maine ammi ki gaand bhi faddi
Uske baad ammi aur hina meri parsnol randiyan bn gayi
Madarse se aate hi me dono ko nangi kar deta aur bolta chalo subha tk tum dono nangi hi rahogi
Uske baad mere dosto ne bhi kayi hina aur ammi ko choda
Maine thoda force kiya to hina aur ammi maan gayi
Fir maine hina aur ammi se shadi bhi ki aur ik ik bachha bhi paida kiya

Awesome work

 

[Riky007]

Story: कामावतार
Writer: manu@84

Story Line: मेल प्रॉस्टिट्यूट पर आधारित ये कहानी एक ऐसे लड़के की जिंदगी पर है जो हालातों और हाथों का मजबूर है, और जब वो हर तरफ से निराश हो चुका है, तब उसकी जिंदगी में एक फरिश्ते की तरह एक व्यक्ति आता है जो उसका ट्रांसफॉर्म करके, उसे धंधे में उतरता है, उसी के अनुभव और द्वंद पर ये कहानी है।

Treatment: बहुत ही इंटरेक्टिव तरीके से लिखी हुई कहानी है, और टॉपिक भले ही सीरियस हो, मानू ने अपने तरीके से इसे एक मजेदार किस्सागोई बना दिया है। चप्पे चप्पे पर लेखक ने मुहावरों और बात कही का उपयोग किया है, और बहुत ही उम्दा तरीके से किया है। हां मुझे आखिरी में थोड़ी निराशा हुई, लेकिन वो शायद वर्ड लिमिट के कारण हुआ हो।

Positive Points: कहानी कहने का अंदाज ही इस कहानी का सबसे बड़ा प्लस प्वाइंट है, पूरी कहानी पाठक को बांध कर रखती है।

Negative Points: इसका अंत, मुझे तो निराश किया इसने अंत में आ कर।

Sugesstion: क्या ही sugesstion दूं अब, बस इतना ही बोलूंगा बिल्ट अप और शट डाउन, दोनो का अच्छे से खयाल रखो, कई बेमतलब की चीजें है जिनकी कटडाउन करके अंत को सुधारा जा सकता था। फिर भी मुझे बहुत ही अच्छी लगी कहानी।

Rating: 9/10

 

[Logan(Wolverine)]

Shukriya mehrbani
Aapni apna qeemti samay nikaalke
Meri kahani padhi ..

Kahaa hawas shuru hiti hai wahi par pyaar ki samaapti ho jaati hai.
Sooraj waalo story me main villain rajesh thaa, usi me sooraj ki shadishuda maa ko behkaaya aur use sexual-drugs dekar ( orange juice me ) sex-addict banaya.

 

[Samar_Singh]

Moha - (मोह)

Spoiler

Shahar ki sab moha-maya se dur Manjila naamak ek chhota sa gaon, gaon ki aabadi kam thi aur isliye sab sath me mil-jhul kar rehte the.

Usi gaon me ek joda tha Shilpa aur Aman ka, jiski shadi ko 11 sal hone ko the aur dono ka ek pyara sa 9 sal ka beta tha Aarav. Aman ki maa ka 3 sal pehle dehant ho gaya tha, ab parivar me sirf 4 log the; Aman ke papa Rajivji, Aman, Shilpa aur Aarav. Parivar bhale hi middle class tha par bahut hi khushhal jeevan vyatit kar rha tha.

...

Aman ko M.com complete karne ke bad shahar mehi ek acchi job ka offer tha par uske papa chahte the ki Aman yhi gaon me basi hui unki pushteni jameen ki kheti kare aur gaon me hi unke sath aaram se apna jeevan gujare naki sahar ki bhagdaud me apna jeevan vyatit kare.

Aman bahut hi shant aur agyakari ladka tha aur uske papa ki ichha ko janne ke bad wo wapis gaon aa gya aur apne papa ka sara boj apne sir le liya...

Aman dikhne bhi handome tha aur unke parivar ka naam bhi gaon me bahut achha tha, thode time me Aman ki age ke hisab se uska rista dekhan bhi start ho gaya tha aur eseme ek din Shilpa ka rista unke yha aya. Shilpa uske naam ke jese hi kisi ne shilpkar ne fursat me shilpkari dikhayi ho wesi thi aur uski jawani bhi fut rhi thi to ati sundar dikh rhi thi. Rajivji aur Bimladevi dono ko Shilpa pahli nazar me hi pasand agyi.

Par idhar Shilpa B.com ke dusre sal me thi aur wo apni padhai puri karna chah rhi thi par Shilpa ke papa ke pas utne paise nthi the aur Shilpa aur uski 2 chhoti baheno sabko padhana musqeel ho rha tha.

Shilpa ke papa wese bhi ek ladka chah rhe the taki unka vansh aage badh sake par lakh koshisho ke bad bhi une 3 ladkiya hi hui to wese bhi unko teeno ke prati koi hamdardi nhi thi. Unhone Shilpa bola ki agar damadji tumhe padhana chahe to padh lena ab meri jaan chhod, me ab thak gaya hu tum sabko paal ke.

Ese me Shilpa ki manjoori ke bina unhone Rajivji ko haa bol diya aur idhar Aman ko bhi Shilpa pasand ayi thi.

Wese gaon me shadi se pahle milna julhna nhi hota bas ek do bar parivar ke sath aana jana hota eseme Shilpa aur Aman ki utni bate nhi hui aur upar se Shilpa ke papa ne usko shadi se pahle kuch utla-sidha puchne se mana kiya tha.

Aur ese hi kuchek mahino me dono ki shadi karva di. Shadi ke thode time bad Shilpa ne apni aage ki padhai karne ki ichha jatai aur Aman ko bataya. Aman ko koi problem nhi thi but Bimladevi ne mana kar diya, unhne kaha ki aage chalke ab use hi chulha-chhokha karna hai to ab padhai karke kya fayda aur upar se utna kharcha kyu krna.

Aman Bimladevi ya Rajivji ke aage kuch nhi bol pata aur Shilpa ne apne arman dil me hi daba diye par dil ke ek kone me use esa lagne laga jese uski sari ichhao ko is duniya ne ghont diya ho...

Time bitata chala gaya, Aman handsome hone ke sath sex me bhi acha tha aur Shilpa ko uss mamle me khush rakhta tha.

Aman ke ese hi sundar shvabhav ke karan Shilpa bhi Aman ko pasnd krne lagi thi aur dono ke beech pyar badhne laga tha aur karib 2 sal bad unhone ek bete ko janam diya aur aaj shadi ko karib 11 sal ho chuke aur Aarav ke aane ke bad parivar me khushiya aur badhne lagi thi.

...

Parivar to bahut khush tha par ye khushiya jyada din tikne wali nthi thi kuch esa hone wala tha jiska kisiko andaja tak nhi tha.

Kuch time me election aane wale the aur Manjila gaon aaspas ke sabhi gaon ke bich me padta hai to ruling-party ne election prachar ka dera Manjila me hi dala aur wohi se aaspas me campaign ka prachar karna socha taki thode hi time me jyada gaon cover kar paye.

Aur ye campaign bada tha to uske chalte sabhi bade netao ka Manjila aana jana start ho gaya. Neta log unki badi-badi gadiyo me prachar ke liye aate aur Manjila me apna dera dalte, bhut hi shant rehne wala Manjila aaj gadiyo, campign speakro aur neta log aur unke aadmio ke shor sharabo me gunjne laga tha.

Manjila wasio kobhi yeh sab pasand nhi tha par ruling-party neta lallan ne batay ki ek bar agar campaign sahi tarike se nipat gaya to wo Manjila me sab suvidhye layega aur gaon walo ki tasveer hi badal dega aur isli moh aur lalach ke chalte sab shant ho gye.

Thode din me lallan ka beta aur youth leader Ranvijay apne papa ke kahne pe campaign ki dor sambhalne Manjila me aagya.

Ranvijay aato gaya par rehne ki kuch vyavastha nhi thi to usi din subhah me hi Manjila ke sarpanch ke ghar pahuch gaya aur unko rehne ki problem batayi sarpanch ne turant hi unko ek ghar batane ka wada kiya.

(sarpanch janta tha agar Ranvijay ki kharitdari kari to shayad use badle me kuchh mil sakta hai)

Wo Ranvijay ko pas ke ek makan me le gaya par wha upar ek kahi kamara khali tha aur Ranvijay ko bahut pasnd nhi aya to sarpanch use dusra makan dikhane usko Ranjivji ke pas le gaya aur Rajivji ko sari bat batayi aur pucha ki apke paas wala apka makan thode time ke liye Ranvijay ko rent pe de sake to apki income bhi ho jayegi aur inka kam bhi.

Rajivji ne kaha thoda sochne ka time do tbhi sarpanch ne rajivji ko kone me le jake kaha dekh rajiv sone ki murgi hath me aayi hai isse ko kyu jane de rha hai wese bhi wo khandhar ho gaya hai uska kya achar dalega, isko de dein muh mangi rakam dega rent ke liye upr se bole to kuch paise aur dilva dunga.

Rajivji ne thoda sochne ke bad bola thik hai par use bol dena ki koi extra suvidhaye nhi milegi jo wha hai usi me gujara chalana pdega tbhi sarpanch bola thik me bata dunga wese bhi konsa yeh yha rukne wala hai thode din ki to bat hai.

Fir Rajivji sarpanch aur Ranvijay ko pas ke makan me le gaye, wo do manjila purana makan tha aur Rajivji ke bhai ka tha jo abhi shahar me rehta hai to abhi pura khali hi pada hai par bahut purana ho gaya aur bahut dhul bhi jam gyi thi.

Ranvijay upar ki manjil pa chadha tbhi usne pas me dekha to Shipa kapde dho rhi thi, uski aadhi saree pani me bheegi hui thi aur uske badan se chupak gyi thi, Ranvijay to use dekhta hi reh gaya usne bahutsi ladkiyo ko bhoga tha par ye desi chhuri ne uske dil pe sidha var kar diya tha.

Usko ghar to thik hi laga par usne niche jo dekha useke bad usne turant deal final karkne sarpanch ko bola aur bataya ki aaj hi sara saman shift krega to saf safai karva de.

Thode time me saman set karne Ranvijay makan me aya to dekha Shilpa balcony me zadu laga rhi thi Ranvijay usse dur se dekh rha tha. Juk ke zadu lagane ki wajahse Shilpa ke mumme niche latak rahe the aur uski badi si cleavage puri tarah se dikh rhi thi, upar se uske balo ki late uski aankho ke samne bar-bar aa rhi thi jise wo sahi kar te ja rhi thi ye dekh Ranvijay pighal hi gaya tha.

Ranvijay ko aata dekh Shilpa thodi sahi hui ar boli aap apna saman wahi rkah do me safai karne ke bad set kar dungi ap tension mat le, Ranvijay ne uski meethi aawaj ko sunke haan me sir hilaya aur wahi saman rakhke waha se chala gaya halaki uska waha se jane ka koi irada nhi tha but campaign bhi to dekhna tha.

Yha Shilpa ne sab safai karke uske saman ko kamre me set karne lagi aur kapdo ke beg ko amlari me laga rahi thi, kapdo mese aarhi mahenge perfume ki smell uske naak me beth gyi thi; wo smell use bahut hi madak lag rhi thi.

Wese to Aman ke jesa handsome pure gaon me koi nhi tha par Ranvijay bhi kam nhi tha uss se handsome to nahi tha par amirzada hone ke karan uska style bahut hi alag tha upar ye iss age me itni power mil jane ke karan uska confidance bhi bahut high tha.

Idhar sham ko jab sare kam niptake Aman ghar aya to Rajivji ne usko batay to Aman ne hami jatete hue kaha ki acha kiya, wese bhi wo makan bahut time se khali tha ab Ranvijay ke aane se thodi income ho jayegi.

Rajivji bole han beta aur is paiso se hum apne iss gharki chhat ki marammat karva lenge, pichle sal barish me chhat bahut tapak rhi thi.

Idhar Ranvijay campaign me hone ke bawjud Shilpa ko hi soch rha tha aur use yad kar-kar ke peg pe peg piye ja rha tha. Wo man hi man soch rha tha ki kisi hal me iss kali ko bhogna hai aur iske jism ka nasha karna hai.

Usne itni pili thi ab wo hosh me nhi tha to ek sathi usko ghar chhod ne aya, Isko bed pe leta ko wo wapis chala gaya, thodi der me Ranvijay nashe ki halat me bed se fir se uthne ki try karne laga.

Idhar Shilpa ko pas ke makan me kuch ajeeb si aawaj ayi to wo uth gayi aur usne Aman ko bola ki dekho to kuch hua hai par Aman gahri neend me soya hua tha to Shilpa ne socha ki me hi dekh aati khamkha kyu jagana. Wo dono makan ke bich ek badi khidki hai wha se Shilpa ne jaka par kuch dikha nhi to wo upar ki taraf Ranvijay ke kamre ke pass gyi aur dekha to Ranvijay andr nthi tha, wo idhar udhar dekhne lagi to Ranvijay piche se aya aur usko jakad liya.

Shilpa ko smell se pata chal gaya ki nashe me hai to wha se hatne ki try kri par Ranvijay ne usko piche se kas ke pakad rkha tha. Shilpa bahut hi ghabra gyi. Tabhi Ranvijay bola tu kitni mast maal hai, mene jab se tumhe dekha tbhi se tum par dil agya hai. Sirf ek bar apne badan mujhe sonp de, bad me tu jo bolegi wo me krunga.

Aur yah bolte hue Shilpa ko piche se chumne ki koshish krne laga tabhi Shilpa ne use jor se dhakka diya aur wo nashe me hone ki wajah se ladkhade ke niche gir gaya aur Shilpa turant bhag ke apne ma chali gyi, par idhar uski sanse bahut tej ho chuki thi usko samjh nhi arha tha kya ho rha hai.

Ek bar to esa laga ki Aman ko utha ke sab bata de par fir usne socha ki Ranvijay nashe me hai isliye esa bol rha hai aur agar ye sab Aman ko bataya to khamka wo bhadak jayenge aur kuch ulta sidha na karde wese bhi ye bahut bade log hai.

Par fir usne socha ki kahi dusri bar usne esa kara to, bade log ho fir bhi esa kisi ke sath thodi kar skte the, Shilpa ko ab nind nhi aarhi thi uske dimag me bahut se sawal uchhal rhe the, fir usne socha abhi jane do kal subhah agar kuch gadbad lage to Aman aur babuji dono ko bata dungi.

Subhah sab kam niptane ke bad fir se wo kapde dhone bahar aagyi. Ranvijay apni coffee liye balcony me tehal ne nikla hua tha, Shilpa teerchhi nazro se use hi dekh rhi thi par abhi wo ekdam normal lag rha tha aur upar se wo Shilpa ko dekh tak nhi raha tha.

Udhar Ranvijay ko sab yaad tha aur use dar bhi tha ki kahi Shilpa ne kal rat wali bat kisi ko bata di to kahi kuch gadbad na ho jaye upar se election nazdik hai. Usne socha ki mamla shant hone ke bad kuch krunga tab tak apne aap pe control rakho.

Shilpa bhi ab normal feel kar rhi thi but uske man me abhi bhi thoda dar tha. Ranvijay uske bad 2-3 din apne kam me lag gaya aur idhar Shilpa bhi wo incidant bhul ne lagi thi. Par aek din subhah me Shilpa safai karne Ranvijay ke kamre me ja rhi thi tabhi usne Ranvijay ko kisi se call me bat karte hui dekha, use laga ki Ranvijay chala gaya isliye wo waha ayi thi par use bat karte hui dekh wo waha se jane lagi.

Tabhi use apna naam Ranvijay ke muh se sunai pada to wo fand reh gayi, wo wohi ki wohi khadi rhi. Ranvijay kisi ko bata raha tha ki Shilpa jiske makan me wo ruka hai bahut resist karti hai aur uske type ki nhi hai aur aage bola wese bhi yha ki ladkiyo me wo dam kaha aur sale upar se itne nakhre. Agar wha hota to ek din me koi bhi apni godi me hoti, usko jannat ke maje to karwata hi upar se paiso ki barish, haha.

Shilpa ne sab suna aur usko bhahut gussa bhi aya par aage ki bat sun esa laga ki usko ab Shilpa me koi intrest nhi aur thode dino mehi wo jane wala hai.

Ranvijay ko pata nhi tha Shilpa ne sab sun liya hai woto aese hi bate karte hue apne kam pe nikal gaya par idhar Shilpa ke dimag me wohi batey ghum rhi thi uparse wo dam wali bat Shilpa ko chubh rhi thi.

Kisi aurat ko kabhi koi esa bole ki tujhse jyada dusri achhi hai to uska ego hurt ho jata hai aur yha wohi hua. Shilpa na chahte hui bhi ab dikhana chahti thi ki wo dusro se achhi hai...

Rat ko jab Ranvijay ke aane ka time hua tab janbuj kar Shilpa tight nighty me uske kamre me chaddar badne gai, Ranvijay to dekhta hi reh gaya. Shilpa waha jyada na rukte hui turant nikal gyi par uska irada sirf aur sirf Ranvijay ko yah batana tha ki mein bhi kisi se kam nhi, par Ranvijay to kuch aur hi samjh rha tha.

Dusre din subah Shilpa jaldi safai karne aagyi aur juk-juk kr apne mummo aur cleavage ko janbuj kar Ranvijay ke samne pesh karne lagi, sirf use jalane ke liye par idhar Ranvijay ko kuch alag hi hint mil rhi thi.

Magar Ranvijay bhi koi jalbaazi nhi karna chahta tha, use pata tha ki kahi kuch galat hua to fir aage ka rasta bahut musqeel hoga. Wo dhire dhire apne rang dikhane laga, uske paiso ka power aur jab Shilpa apas hoti to call pe apna rutba dikhata ki kitno logo ko uske niche rekhta hai.

Shilpa bhi dhire-dhire Ranvijay ki bichayi jal me fas rahi thi aur ek din jab Shilpa sham ko chaddar badlne ayi to Ranvijay ne bola Shilpaji ek minute rukiyega me apke liye kuch laya hu. Shilpa ko kuch samjh me nhi aya.

Tabhi Ranvijay ne aek gift box nikal kar shilpa ke hath em thama diya, Shilpa thodi jijak rhi thi to Ranvijay ne bola Shilpaji aap mera kitna khayal rakhti ho mera farz bandta hai apko badle me kuch du.

Aage bola aek bar khol kar to dekhiye agar achha nhi laga to wapis de dena. Shilpa ne anakani karte hui open kiya to sock ho gyi dekha to gold ke jumkhe the usme, uski aankge badi ho gyi.

Ranvijay ne pucha kyu pasnd nhi aaye, Shilpa turant bol padi nhi achhe hai. Ranvijay ne jumkha uske kan pe pas le jate hu bola ek bar try kijiye. Shilpa ne na bolte hue fir se mana kiya to Ranvijay bola Shilpaji agar gift nhi lena to koi bat nhi par ek bar try kriye na, please!

Shilpa ka bahut man tha aur upar se Ranvijay ka itna force karne ke karan usne jumkhe pahan liye aur usko pasnd bhi aaye par usne turant utar kar wapis rakh diye. Usne bola ache hai par mere liye nhi, me ek middle class family se hi aur mere jitne pair hai me utne hi paun faila sakti hai.

Thank you, Apne mere liye itni mangi gift laye par ise me nhi accept kar paungi. Ranvijay bola par pyar se de rha hu na isme kya dikkat aur apko pasnd bhi to aya fir kya harz hai. Aur wese bhi ek bat suno jitne pauv ho chaddar utni lambi kar ni chahiye.

Usne Shilpa ka hath pakda aur uske hath me box rakh diya, Shilpa ko pata nhi lag rha tha kya kre. Ranvijay ne uske dusre hath ko box ke upar rakhte hui kaha meri aur se gift hai ise mana mat kijiye. Shilpa fir jyada na sochte hui usko le li aur apne kamre ma jake almari me rakh diya.

(Shilpa ko ye sab thik nhi lag rha tha aur use pata bhi tha ki Ranvijay ye sab kyu kar rha hai par usko isse koi lene dena nhi tha wo sochi ki abhi thode din me wo wese bhi chala jane wala hai to kya fark padta hai aur wese bhi hath lagi hui gold ki cheez koi kyu jane dega)

Par idhar Ranvijay ko Shilpa ki ankho se pata chal gaya tha ki usko yah sab cheeze kitni pasnd hai, usko pata chal gaya tha ki Shilpa ke dil ka rasta kaha se jata hai.

Ab har din kuch naya gift lata aur kese ne kese Shilpa ko manata rehta taki wo sari cheeze rakh le. Ese hi ek mahina gujar gaya, Shilpaji se ab Shilpa ho gaya tha ab to Shilpa bhi gift ko happly accept karne lagi thi.

Par ek din sham ke time babuji mandir gaye hui the aur Aman ko lautne me time tha to Shilpa ne socha ki Ranvijay ke kamre ko thik kar le to Ranvijay ke kamre me gayi hui thi.

Tabhi Ranvijay ne achanak se uski kamar apne apn hath dal diya, Shilpa thodi hichak gayi. Shilpa boli kya kar rhe hai aap. Ranvijay ne turant apne hath me liya hua pure gold ka kamarbandh nikal kar kaha tumhare liya khas banvaya hai ek bar try kro.

Shilpa boli aap ye gifts lana bandh kijiye, Ranvijay bola tum meri itni khatirdari karti ho uske badle me mein tumhare liye jitna karu utna kam hoga. Ranvijay ne apna ek hath Shilpa ki kamar me dal diya, Shilpa ko thoda ajeeb ehsas hua idhar Ranvijay usko kamarbandh pahnane ki try kar rha tha. Shilpa thoda piche hat gayi.

Shilpa ko wese to ye sab shringar ki cheeze bahut pasnd thi upar se pure gold to itna pyara tha ki kya hi bat... Par use ye sab galat lag rha tha.

Isbar piche se Ranvijay fir se Shilpa ke karib aya aur usko baho me leke gardan pe kiss karne ki koshish karne laga, Shilpa turant piche hati aur boli kya kar rhe ho aap.

Ranvijay thoda dar gaya, use laga ki Shilpa ready hai par Shilpa ke man me esa kuch nhi tha. Ranvijay bola sorry... sorry Shilpa mujhe laga..

Shilpa gusse me boli kya laga; me dekh rahi pahle din se aap mujh par gandi nazar rakhe hue hai aur us din bhi aap jor jabardasti kiye the, mujhe pata nhi chalta aap kya karna chah rhe ho.

Ranvijay bola sorry mujhe malum nhi tha ki aap ko ye sab pasnd nhi, Shilpa me married hu aur aap esa soch bhi kese sakte ho. Ranvijay turant bol pada aap hito hint de rhi thi sab upar se mere sabhi gift bhi accept kar liye hai to me aur kya sochu.

Gifts ki bat sunke Shilpa ko ab thoda guilt feel hone laga, Ranvijay ne moka dekh kaha Shilpa mujhe pata hai ki tumhe ye sab gifts bahut pasnd aaye hai aur aage bhi me isse lata rahunga aur sach batau to tum mujhe bahut pasnd ho, tum galat mat sochna par agar tum chaho to me sari duniya tumhare kadmo me lake rakh du.

Shilpa bas chup khadi rahi kuch nhi boli use guilty feel ho rha tha, Ranvijay aage bola Shilpa mujhe pata hai ki tumhe bahut sare saukh hai jo tumhara pati nhi pura kar pata par agar tum chaho to me rani ki tarah rakhunga. Tumhe to pata hoga mere papa ruling-party ke bade neta hai aur humre bahut sare business bhi hai to tumhe kisi tarah ki koi kami nhi hogi.

Shilpa ne kaha nhi ye sab galat hai me shadishuda hu aur mera ek beta hai aur me apne parivar se bahut khush hu. Ranvijay ne kaha pata hai par kya kru mere dil ko tum pasand aa gayi ho agar tumhari marzi hai to batao warna me tumhe force nhi karna chahta.

Shilpa boli nhi meri marzi nhi hai aur na hi kabhi hogi, aur turant wo kamrbandh box ko wha fenk ke chali gyi.

Ranvijay upset ho gaya aur usse gussa Shilpa pe bhi aarha tha kyuki aaj tak kisine usko reject nhi kiya tha aur ye aurat ne uske muh pe sidhe bol diya ki usko koi parwah nhi uski.

Shilpa ne apna kamra andar se bandh kar diya aur ek gahri soch me dub gyi, uske man me bahut se khyal ghum rhe the, ek time pe use laga ki usne Gifts leke bahut badi galti kar di aur usse wapis lauta de to dusre time pe use lagta ki kyu lautaye usne samne se usne diye hai usne mange thodi hai.

In sab khayalo ke bich ek khyal esa aya ki Ranvijay ne jo kaha wo sab sach hai bahut paise hai uske pas tabhi to rule kar rahi hai unki party, aur usne kaha hai ki me use pahle din se pasnd aagyi thi to kya sach me wo mujhse pyar karne laga hai? Kyuki usko to shahar me mujhe jyada achi kai sari ladkiya mil sakti hai fir me hi kyu?

Shilpa bahut asmanjas me thi use pata nhi chal rha tha kya ho rha hai, wo soch rhi thi aaj tak uske parivar ne kbhi usko support nhi kiya nahi padhai ke mamle me aur nahi kabhi koi esi chhut di jise ek aurat ke basic shaukh pure ho sake, usko khayal aya Ranvijaymne bina kisi bat ke usko kitne gifts diye aur bola bhi ki uski aage bhi bahut care karega aur rani kitarah rakhega.

Shilpa ke andar ka dimag usse bol rhi thi ki wo apne parivar ki khushi ko dekhe par uska moha bol rha tha wha jaye jaha uske sare araman pure ho sakte hai. Yah sab ke bich akhirkar Shilpa ne apne moha ko apne upar havi hone diya aur socha ek bar me kya fark padta hai wese bhi Ranvijay bahut acha insan hai aur mujhe pyar bhi karne lage hai.

Shilpa ne apne man ko behlaya aur fir se Ranvijay ke makan ki aur chal padi, dhire-dhire uski tej sanso ek sath wo kamre me pahunchi. Ranvijay wha bed pe leta hua tha. Ranvijay ne turant Shilpa ko pucha kya hua?

Shilpa boli mene apki bato par bahut vichar kiya aur mujhe laga ki apne shaukh pure karne me koi harz nhi aur mujhe ese insan ke sath hi rehna chahiye jo mere har arman pure kar shake.

(Shilpa ko gift to pasnd aaye hi the par usse jyada usse Ranvijay ka wo rutba, uska paisa usko mohit kar raha tha)

Ranvijay to ye sunke apne aap pe yakin nhi kar rha tha, usne fir se pucha kya bol rhi ho?

Shilpa boli ha apne sach suna hehe... mene wohi chuna jo mere liye best ho par aap mujhse wada kro ki ap mera har waqt sath doge.

Ranvijay ne turant bed se uthake usko kas ke gale se lagaya aur use bola are ye koi puchne ki bat hai ab to tum Ranvijay ki rani ho, jo mango wo tumhare kadmo me hoga.

Shilpa bhi apne hath aage badhyi aur usko hug kri... par Ranvijay ka to plan alag hi tha wo turant apne honth Shilpa ki gardan par ferne laga aur joro se chumne laga, Shilpa ko bahut ajeeb lag rha tha par wo chup hi khadi rhi.

Ranvijay ne ab apne honth Shilpa ke hontho pe rakh diye aur chusne laga use Shilpa bas ese hi but banke khadi thi par Ranvijay to apne hath me aaye moke ko jane nhi dena chahta tha wo apni jeebh ko Shilpa ke muh me dal diya aur dato se Shilpa ke hontho ko katne laga.

Wo anpe hath dhire se Shilpa ke mummo ki aur badhane laga use saree ke upar se hi masal ne laga Shilpa ka halka sa virodh undekha karke Ranvijay ab esa deep chuban kar rha tha jese wo aaj Shilpa ko kha jane wala ho.

Shilpa ka ab dono mumme Ranvijay ke hath me the aur dono ko ese masal rha tha jese koi chhote bachhe ke khilone hai jo sirf aaj rat ke liye hi use mil ho, Idhar Shilpa ka guilt badhne laga tha use lag rha tha galat hai ye sab to uska virodh badhne laga tha par Ranvijay bhi bada tagda mard tha Shilpa ke ye komal hath panv hilane se use koi fark nhi pad rha tha.

Ranvijay ne ab Shilpa ko apni god me uthaya aur bed pe dhakka de diya aur uske upar aagya, ab Shilpa ki saree ko side karke apne dant se uske blouse ke button kholne laga Shilpa ab nahi kuch bol rhi thi na hi virodh kar rhi thi, Ranvijay ka jor ab badh gaya usne blouse ke sare button khol ke Shilpa ke mummo aazar kar diya aur ek hath se ek mumme ko masne laga aur dusre mumme ke nipple pe ani jeeb chalane laga aur chus ne laga.

Shilpa bhi ab madak ho rhi thi uske hormonse bhi behne start ho gye the, Ranvijay ab bari bari mummo ko chus rha tha aur nichod rha tha aur upar se Shilpa ki halki siskiya usme aur josh bhar rhi thi.

Ranvijay ne ab uski chut ko upar se msalana start kar diya tha aur usko kiss bhi karte ja rha tha, Shilpa kis chut gili hone lagi thi aur uska gila par uske peticoat k upar se feel ho rha tha, Ranvijay ne peticoat ko niche sarkaya aur panty ke upar se hi chut ko joro se masalna start kiya.

Shilpa aur esi madak aahe bhar rhi thi jese ki Ranvijay ko invite kar rhi ho uske andar sama jane ke liye, Ranvijay ne panty ko hath se side me karke apni jeeb se chut ko chusna start kiya aur fir jeeb se hi usko chodna start kar diya. Shilpa ab garam ho gyi thi uski chut ab lund ko khane ke liye reayd thi.

Ranvijay ne aur time na gavate hui apne pant ki zip open kari aur apne mote kale lund ko shilpa ki chut ke pas le gaya aur uski chut ke aspas ragad ne laga, Sshilpa ab itni garm ho chuki thi ab use raha nhi ja rha tha, Ranvijay ne uska lund dhire se chut me sarkaya aur shilpa ki chut me aada dal diya aur sirf dusre jatke me pura lund uski chut me sama diya.

Shilpa ke muhe se aaaahhhh nikal gyi, ab to Ranvijay kaha rukne wala tha usko jo 1 mahine se chahiye tha wo aaj uske samne tha. Usne ab apne dhakko ki speed badha di aur idhar Shilpa ahhhhh, ahh dhire kriye please, ahhhh karne lagi. Shilpa ko itni aadat nthi thi kyuki Aarav ke aane ke bad Aman aur Shilpa ke bich sex ki matra bahut kam ho gyi thi aur Aman me bhi ab pahle jitna stamina nhi raha tha.

Shilpa ki aaho ke bich Ranvijay apne dakko ke pure maje le rha tha aur Shilpa ki chut bhi ab thodi khul si gyi thi to use bhi maja aarha tha wo bhi ab ahhhh ummhhh karte hus apni gand ko upar ki aur dhakel rhi thi taki Ranvijay ka puri tarike se sath de sake.

Ranvijay dhakke marne ke sath sath mummo ko masala rha tha aur Shilpa ke gore mummo ko masal ke pura lal kar diya tha upar se nipples ko danto se kat kar pure nishan laga diye the. Shilpa aur Ranvijay ke bich ye ghamasan kamyuddha kariban ek ghante tak chala us bich dono do-do bar jad chuke the aur Shilpa bhi ab bahut khul gyi thi.

Shilpa apna sir Ranvijay ki chhati me rkhe apne ye ek ghate ke lambe thakavat bhare davnd yuddha ki thakan dur kar rhi thi aur Ranvijay ek hath uske balo me ghumate hui bed pe lete the. Shilpa ko fir yaad aaya ki iss bich wo bhul hi gyi hai ki babuji ab kisi bhi time aa sakte hai to usne turant uth kar apne kapde pahan liye aur aayne me dekh kar epne jism par pde nishan ko pallu se chupate hui bal ko thoda sahi kiya.

Aur bahar jane ke liye nikal padi tbhi Ranvijay bola are Shilpa ye kamarbandh to leti ja yhi gira pada hai kabse. Shilpa wapis aayi usne kamarbandh uthaya aur Ranvijay ki aur aakar uske mathe pe kiss kiya aur sharmate hui duadti hui apne makan me chali gyi.

Ranvijay ko bhi ab yakin ho gaya tha ki ye to fas gayi hai, ab jab tak yha hu tab tak moj se iske maje lunga.

Idhar Shilpa rat ka khana pakane me lag gayi thi par uski aankho ke samne Ranvijay ke sath bitaye hui ek-ek pal aa rhe tha aur wo man hi man muskura rhi thi par dil aek kone me abhi bhi guilt tha aur apne parivar ke prati hamdardi thi use ek bar esa lagne lagta ki sab galat hai aur age se esa nhi karna chahiye, par dusri aur esa hota ki life ek bar hi milti enjoy kar apne arman ko pure karo.

Shilpa ki life ab bilkul badal si gyi thi ab jese hi usko time milta wo Ranvijay ke pas chali jati even kai bar to rat me sabke so janeke bad uske kamre me jati aur kabhi kabhi teen char ghante Ranvijay ke sath bed pe bita deti thi aur Ranvijay uske badle me use mahng gifts, kapde aur kai sari cheeze deta aur use bade-bade sapne dikha ta.

Ese hi teen mahine beet gaye ab election ka time nazadik aarha tha aur Ranvijay ke papa ne aadesh diya ki campaign close karke wapis shahar aa jao.

Ranvijay bhi papa ke aadesh se sab packup karwane laga aur thode bad usne Shilpa ko rat ke waqt chudai ke bad bataya ki usse kal sahar chale jana hai kyuki yha ka kam khatam ho gaya hai.

Shilpa boli kal hi jana hai? Mujhe pahle kyu nhi bataya? Ranvijay bola papa ne jaldbaazi me hi bataya aur fir yha sab sametne me bhul gaya. Shilpa boli ab wapis kab aaoge? Ranvijay ne kaha ab yha wapis aana musqeel ha kyuki ab papa thode time me retire hone wale hai to sab mujhe hi sambhalna hai.

Shilpa ne murjaye hui swar me pucha to ab? Ranvijay ne kaha me ek cheez batana chata hu agar tum bura na mano to... Shilpa ne kaha batao na me bhala kyu bura manugi.

Ranvijay ne kaha mera yha wapis ana ab musqeel hai par agar tum mere sath chalo to me tumhe apne sath le chalta hu... Shilpa thoda sochi fir boli par me apke sath sab chhodke kese aaskti hu mera pura parivar yha par hai.

Ranvijay bola iss parivar ne tumhe diya hi hai kya? Me kai time se dekh rha tumhe nokrani jese rekhte hai kbhi pucha bhi hai ki itna kam kiya aaj rehne de ya appreciate bhi kara hai kabhi? Sach batana. Shilpa kuch bhi nhi bol saki...

Ranvijay ne aage kaha agar mere sath chalogi to mein tujhse shadi karunga kyuki tujhse pyar karne laga hu. Waha bade aalishan mahel me bas me, tu aur nokar aur jab chahe jo chahe kar koi kuch bolne wala nhi aur aage jake agar me PM ban gaya to pura state hum dono ka.

Shilpa ke jale hui armano ko Ranvijay ne petrol ka kam kar ke use aag me tabdeel kar diya tha, Shilpa ko ab Ranvijay ke sivah kuch nhi dikh rha tha. Shilpa boli magar kese? Ranvijay bola wo sab tum mujh par chhod do, magar tumhe aaj rat hi nikal na pdega.

Shilpa boli par aaj rat hi? Ranvijay ne kaha aaj hi agar kal nikli to sabko hum pe shak ho jayega. Abhi sift jaruri cheeze pack krlo aur ek chitthi likho jisme esa likho ki tum aage ki padhai karne sabko chhod ke ja rhi ho aur koi mujhe dhundhne na aaye aur agar aaye to meri maut ke zimmedar aap log honge.

Shilpa ko esab pasnd nhi aya par Ranvijay ke zor dene ki wajah se usne ek chitthi bana li ur apne sath ek saree aur Ranvijay ke Gifts le liye aur Ranvijay ke sathiyo ke sath sahar jane taiyar hui.

(Ye sab itna jaldi hui aur Shilpa ke moha ne uspe esa jal bicha diya tha ki nato usko apne bete ki chinta hui nato parivar ki, usne ek bar bhi Aarav ke bare me khayal nhi aya)

Ranvijay ne Shilpa ko bataya ki mere sathi tumhe humre farmhouse le jayenge aur bad me sab thik hone ke bad papa ko sab batake humri shadi ki arrangment krva lunga. Shilpa ko Ranvijay pe pura bharosa ho chuka tha, wo ab armano ko liye shahar ki or nikal padi.

Idhar Ranvijay ne papa lallan ko sab bat batai, lallan ne gusse me Ranvijay ko dandte hui bola kya pagla gaye ho kya; kuchh dimag jesi bhi cheez hai kya? ek rand ko apne sath lekar aa rha hai, meri bahut izzat hai yha par aur me ruling-party ka neta hu aur agar kisi ko bhanak bhi lag gyi ki tera kisi rand se chkkar hai to meri chhod tere liye yah jo kuchh set kar rha wo bhi khatre me pad jayega.

Ranvijay ne bola papa aap ko kya lagta hai me apka beta hu aur apse do kadam aage chalta hu, is rand koto sirf use krne ke liye hi la rha hu par mene apko isliye call kiya ki agar FIR fati to aap thoda smbhal lena. Warna baki sab me handle kar lunga.

Wahh bete tuto mera baap nikla re... haha.. wese beta kiska hai, thik hai chal me dekh lunga tu tension na lena.

Idhar subhah me Aman ne wo chitthi padhi aur uske pairo tale jameen khisak gayi, usne Shilpa ko call karne ki try kri par phone swith off aa rha tha, aaspas kai jagah dhundha par kahi nhi mili.

Ranvijay bhi kuch na janne ki acting karte hui kisi ko phone krne laga aur usko Shilpa ko pure gav me aur aspas ke gav me dhundhne ke bola aur idhar Aman bhi sare ristedaro ko call lagane laga par Shilpa ka koi ata-pata nhi mila.

Ranvijay bhi agle din sham ko apne ghar ke liye nikal gaya, idhar Aman ne police me fir likhvayi par lallan ke pressure se sab cool down ho gaya aur Aman ko station ke dhakke khilwane lage, time bitata gaya aur Shilpa ka nam aur uske wapis aane ki ummmid ab Aman ke parivar se mitne lagi thi.

Iss bich Shilpa farmhouse me rehne lagi thi aur Ranvijay din me ek bar aa jata aur jamke usko pelta aur jese chahe usko thokta, par ek din jab Shilpa ne shadi ki zid pakdi to Ranvijay gussa agya aur use thappad marte hue bataya ki usko sirf istemal karne ke liye hi yha laya hai, uska shadi karne ka koi irada nhi aur ek shadishuda rand se shadi karke wo kyu uske career ko khatam krega.

Yah sun kar Shilpa bahut hi gusse me aa gyi aur use ghar jane ki zid karne lagi aur puchi tu mujhe ab tak shadi ke sapne dikhake istemal kar rha hai? Ranvijay ne usse kaha haa tujhe kya laga me gav ki koi desi se shadi karunga me pagal thodi hu, tujhse jyada acchi kachhi kaliya roj mere niche aane ko marti hai, yah to bas thoda taste badlne ke liye haha...

Shilpa usse boli me yha se wapis apne parivar ke pass jana chahti hu, tum bahut gande aadmi ho aur mujhe fasa ke yaha le aaye aur mujhe shadi ke sapne dikha ke fasaya hai tune.

Ranvijay ne use paas me khinchke uska muh dabate hue bola ab tu yha se kahi nhi ja sakti, papa ne bola ki ek bar teri bhookh shant ho jaye to tumhe nipta du par mere dil ke ek kone me tumhare liye jo hamdardi hai uss wajah se tumhe yha rehne de rha hu par agar tum yha se bahar gyi to mere aur papa ke liye khatra ban sakti ho.

(Lallan ko pata tha ki agar Shilpa agar bahar nikli to yato hume blackmail kar skati ya to raste ka kanta ban sakti hai)

Shilpa Ranvijay se binti karte hui boli me kisi ko kuch nhi bataungi please mujhe apne bete ke pas jana hai please jane do. Ranvijay ne usko ek kamre me dhakelte hui kamra bandh kar diya aur bola tumhe jo chahiye tumhe mil jayega par is farmhouse se bahar nhi jane dunga.

Shilpa us din puri rat royi, use laga jese uski life hi chheen gyi ho. Wo ab aekeli pad gyi thi, Ranvijay ne jo kiya woh to wo soch bhi nhi sakti thi par dusri aur wo khud apne parivar se muh mod aayi thi.

Ab Shilpa se Ranvijay ka bhi man bhar gaya tha par wo kabhi farmhouse akar Shilpa ke bahut mana aur binti karne ke bawjood usko jabjasti thokta, bahut marta pitata aur fir wapis usko kamre me bandh karke chala jata. Thode hi time me Ranvijay ki shadi shahar ke bde industrialist ki beti se ho gayi aur uska yha aana bhi bahut kam ho gaya.

Par Ranvijay ke ek-do friends the jisko Ranvijay ne bata rkha tha ki farmhouse pe jakar Shilpa pe nazar rakhe, Shilpa puri akeli pad chuki thi aur uska din-rat guzrne musqeel ho gaya. Usne ab drink bhi start kar diya tha taki thode waqt ke liye sab dard jaye.

Aur thode time me Ranvijay ke dosto ke pas nashe ke liye drug bhi mangwane start kar diya tha. Drug ke nashe me na jane uske sath kya karte the aur Shilpa ko bhi use koi fark nhi padta tha usse bas ye nasha hi zinda rakhe hua the.

Aese me ek din subhah Ranvijay ke ghar Shilpa ne landline se call kiya to uski wife ne call uthaya, Shilpa kuch bolti use pahle hi usne samne se bola kya re rand kyu call kari hai? Paise khatam ho gye kya to bata bhijwati hu par dubara yha par call karne ki koshish bhi mat krna.

Ye sunke Shilpa ko uski ek aur bar aukat pata chali wo bahut royi aur usne man bana liya ki kese bhi ab apne parvar ke pas jald se jald jana hai.

(Shilpa ne pahle bhi bahut try ki thi par uske parivar se contact ke sare raste Ranvijay ne kat diye the even landline bhi sirf uske ghar yato dusre farmhouse pe hi ho skta tha aur uska phone bhi le liya tha)

Agle din shilpa ne plan banaya ki jaggu jo pura din nashe mehi rehta hai, moka milte hi usse jal me fasa ke uske phone nikal le aur Aman se contact kre taki wo mujhe yah se bachane ka kuch rasta nikale.

Plan ke mutabik jaggu subhah drug leke aya aur Shilpa ko kamre me le gaya aur Shilpa jese roj karti wese uski bat manke bed tak gyi aur bed pe let gyi wo Shilpa ke upar aagya par Shilpa ko nochane laga tbhi Shilpa ne pas me pada hua bans uske sir pe de mara aur fir jesehi side hua do bar aur uske sir me mara to wo wohi behosh ho gaya.

Moka milte hi uski pocket se phale phone nikala aur Aman ko call karne ki try kari par uska phone bandh tha to wo bahar nikli par wha darwaje be gaurds the to wapis agyi aur fir se usne Aman ka phone try kara par fir se same reult phone bandh. Fir usne ghar pe phone try kra to do-teen ring ke bad Aarav ne call uthaya aur bola rukiye me mummy ko phone deta hu.

Shilpa kuch aage bol pati usse pahle hi samne se kisi ladki ki aawaj aayi hello, kon? Shilpa ye aawaj pehchan gyi aur phone ko turant kat ke fut fut ke rone lagi kyuki same aur koi nhi uski chhoti bahen nilam thi. Use pata lag gaya ki Aman ki dusri shadi ho gyi hai.

Shilpa ab kuch nhi kar skati thi nahi wo wapis ja skti hai aur na hi wo yha iss nark me reh skati hai. Aur uss time usse kuchh nhi suja, usne pas me tute hue bans ke ek tukde ko uthaya aur apni kalai pe rakhte hue boli ki life me mene itna sab galat kiya ab aur nhi; ja rhi hu me mere Aakhari Sach se milne aur apni kalai pe tukde ki dhar chala di.

Spoiler

Shilpa ka Aakhri Sach tha uski Maut!

Review
Story - Moha
Writer - Kdry9

Plot - Shilpa ek samanya gharelu mahila jiske kai armaan aur sapne the, lekin parivar aur samaj ke karan vo pure nahi hote, jab apne parivar ke sath vo rehna sikh leti hai, tabhi ranvijay naam ka Shaitan akar use sahi raste se bhatka deta hai aur Shilpa apni hi barbadi ke raste par nikal jati hai, jo ant me uski maut par jakar khtam hota hai.

Positive point - Kahani ka narration kamal ka hai, sab kuch ek linear way me shuru hota hai, kisi tarah ka confusion nahi hota, kahani ka built up bhi bahut acha tha.
Writing style bhi acha tha, galtiya bahut kam hai.

Negative point - kahani ka sabse bada negative point Shilpa ka character hi laga, aisa laga bas vo bas ranvijay ke samne bichne ke liye taiyar hi thi. Writer ne Shilpa ke mann me sahi aur galat ki ladai dikhane ki achi koshish ki, lekin vo itna gehra asar nahi chhodti. Uska Mann ka dwand thoda aur details me ho sakta tha, isliye usse koi sahanubhuti mehsoos nahi hoti.
Ending bhi kuch khas nahi thi.

Jaise Shilpa ki maut sirf isliye hui taki uske prati sahanubhuti mehsoos ho, lekin kahani me shuru se lekar ant tak uski bewakoofi hi dekhne ko milti hai.

Ranvijay ki baato me vo aise fas jati hai jaise koi school jane vali bacchi ho.

Purush Prem karta hai to uske liye sari duniya se lad jata hai, lekin vo Prem kab karta hai ye kehna sambhav nahi hai. Shilpa ne ranvijay ki kori bakwas par bharosa kiya, uski vasna ko Prem samjh liya, jabki mehenge gifts lane ke sivay ranvijay ne kuch nahi kiya.

Ant me hasta khelta parivar khokar usne apni jaan gavayi.


Kahani achi thi lekin aur behtar ho sakti thi, specially ending me.

Nice story