★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2025 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Lucifer]

Unfortunately We are facing a server issue which limits most users from posting long posts which is very necessary for USC entries as all of them are above 5-7K words ,we are fixing this issue as I post this but it'll take few days so keeping this in mind the last date of entry thread is increased once again,Entry thread will be closed on 7th May 11:59 PM. And you can still post reviews for best reader's award till 13th May 11:59 PM. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

You can PM your story to any mod and they'll post it for you.

Note to writers :- Don't try to post long updates instead post it in 2 Or more posts. Thanks. Regards :- Luci

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - बंदिश
Writer - Adirshi

"बंदिश" ek aisi kahani hai jo prem, khoya hua pyaar, aur ummeed ke beech ke jatil rishtey ko explore karti hai. Varsha, jiske pati Vivek ke gayab hone ke baad zindagi ruk si gayi hai, is kahani ka kendra hai. Uska dard, uski tanhayi, aur uski uljhan ko lekhak ne bade hi karigari se bayan kiya hai. Baarish ka mausam, jo aksar romanticism aur nayi shuruaat ka pratik hota hai, yahan Varsha ke liye udaasi aur yaado ka ek silsila ban gaya hai.

Amit ka kirdaar, jo Varsha ke liye ek dost aur shayad kuch aur bhi hai, kahani mein ek nayi pechidagi daalta hai. Kya wo Varsha ke dukh ko kam kar sakta hai? Kya wo use uske atit se aage badhne mein madad kar sakta hai? Ye sawal kahani ke ant tak reader ko bandhe rakhte hai.

Lekhak ki bhasha aur shaili shaandaar hai. Shabdon ka chunaav, vakyo ki sanrachna, aur pratikattmakta ka istemaal kahani ko ek alag hi star par le jaata hai. Phool, baarish, aur mausam ke badlav Varsha ki mansik sthiti ko darshate hain. Ye prateekattmakta kahani ko aur gehra aur arthpurn banati hai.

Kahani ka plot bhi kaafi majboot hai. Vivek ka gayab hona ek rahasya hai jo kahani ke ant tak suspense banaye rakhta hai. Aur ant me jo khulasa hota hai, woh readers ko hairaan kar dene wala hai. Ye ek aisa twist hai jo kahani ko yaadgaar bana deta hai.

Is kahani ki ek aur vishesh baat yeh hai ki isme koi bhi paatra bilkul saaf nahi hai. Har ek paatra ke apne-apne dosh aur kamzoriya hai, jo unhe insaan banati hai. Yeh kahani hume ye sikhati hai ki jeevan mein koi bhi faisla sahi ya galat nahi hota, bas paristhitiyan badalti hain.

Ant mein, "बंदिश " ek aisi kahani hai jo apne prabhavit karne wale kathanak aur gehrayi se reader ke man mei apni chhaap chhod jaati hai. Ye kahani un sabhi ke liye padhne layak hai jo ek gehri aur sochne par majboor karne wali kahani ki talash me hai. A must read story :claps2

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - The Memory Glitch
Writer - Adirshi

Story bhale english me ho review main hindi me hi dega

Honestly kafi sahi story hai. Ye kahani aapko ek aisi duniya mein le jaati hai jahan technology aur manav jeevan ka milan hota hai, aur ye sochne par majboor karti hai ki hum apni yaado aur identity ko kitna mahatva dete hai. Mumbai 2050 ka chitran bahut hi vivid hai aur kalpanasheel hai, jahan purani sanskriti aur naye technology ka ek anokha sangam hai.

Meera Joshi ka character bahut hi prernadayak hai. Uski himmat aur sachai ke liye ladne ki lagan kahani ko aur bhi engaging banati hai. Uska safar, ek reporter se lekar ek sachai ke rakshak tak, bahut hi prabhavit karne wala hai. Rohan ke saath uski jodi ek perfect team ki tarah hai, jo Elysium ke khilaf ladti hai. writer ne is Sci-fi kahani me emotions ka bhi jod bithane ka pura prayas kiya hai aur ek unique concept parosa hai

Memento technology ka concept bahut hi innovative aur darawna hai. Ye kahani technology ke prabhav aur uske galat istemal ke khataro ko darshati hai wahi Vance ka character ek classic villain hai, lekin uski soch aur uske motives kahani ko ek alag mod dete hai.

Kahani ki bhasha, jismei bahut thodi Hindi aur English ka sundar milan hai, ekdum fresh aur engaging hai. Har scene ek naya twist lekar aata hai, jo padhne wale ko ant tak jode rakhta hai. Kahani sirf ek sci-fi thriller nahi hai, balki ek gambhir social commentary hai jo technology, memory, aur human identity ke beech ke complex sambandh ko ujaagar karti hai.

total me bolu to ye ek zabardast kahani hai jo na sirf entertain karti hai, balki humei technology aur human nature ke bare mein sochne par bhi majboor karti hai. Yeh ek must-read hai un sab ke liye jo sci-fi aur thrillers pasand karte hain.

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - Kissa-e-Mohabbat
Writer - zamam
Rating - 7/10

Ye ek aisi kahani hai jo pehli nazar ke pyaar aur khoye hue mauqo ke dard ko khubsurti se pakadti hai. Saad aur Hania ki kahani Lahore ki galiyo mein set hai, jaha unka pyaar bina shabdo ke hi bayaan ho jaata hai. Kahani ki sabse badi taqat uski vivid imagery hai, jo Lahore ki zindagi ko itni khoobsurti se darshati hai ki aapko lagta hai jaise aap wahan maujud hai. Chai ki khushbu aur Eid ki raunaq aapko Saad ki duniya mein le jaati hai, aur yeh imagery kahani ko zinda kar deti hai.

Saad ki Hania ke liye ankahi mohabbat aur uska darr aapko unke jazbaato se juda hua mehsoos karata hai. Yeh kahani aapko apne pehle pyaar ki yaad dila sakti hai, kyunki Saad aur Hania ke beech ka rishta aur unka ankahi mohabbat ka safar bahut hi khoobsurti se bayaa kiya gaya hai. Saad ka sharmila swabhav, Aiman ki chulbuli harkate, aur Hania ki chupke se mohabbat, sab kuch bahut hi natural lagta hai. Yeh characters aise hain jinhe aap apni zindagi me kahi na kahi mile honge, aur unki sharmili nature aur chhupi hui feelings aapko apne college ya school ke din yaad dila sakti hai.

Lekin kahani mein kuch kamiya bhi hain. Kahani ka pace thoda dheema hai, khaaskar shuruwat mei, jo kuch readers ko boring lag sakta hai. Saad ka character thoda passive lagta hai, kyunki wo zyadatar Hania ko door se dekhta rehta hai aur apni feelings ka izhaar nahi kar pata, jo ki thoda sa frustrating lag sakta hai sath hi kahani ka ant thoda abrupt aur adhura sa lagta hai, aur Hania ki shaadi ke baad Saad ke emotional journey ko aur explore kiya ja sakta tha. Kahani ka plot kahi-kahi predictable lagta hai, aur pyaar aur intezaar ka theme bahut hi common hai, jisme koi naya twist ya turn nahi hai.

ye ek thodi bittersweet kahani hai jo aapko sochne par majboor karti hai ki kya hota agar... Ye unke liye ek perfect read hai jo dheere-dheere aur soch-samajhkar chalne wali kahaniyo ka aanand lete hai. Halanki, jo log fast-paced aur action-packed stories pasand karte hai, unhe yeh kahani thodi slow lag sakti hai. Lekin agar aapko emotional aur heartfelt kahaniya pasand hai, toh ye kahani aapke liye ek must-read hai. Overall, yeh kahani pyaar ke ankahe jazbaat aur intezaar ki takleef ko bahut hi khoobsurti se darshati hai, aur agar aap emotional stories ka aanand lete hai, toh yeh kahani aapke liye ek badhiya read ho sakti hai. Is kahani ko main 7/10 dunga, kyunki ye dil ko chhu jaane wali kahani jarur hai, lekin kuch jagah par thodi aur gehrai aur clarity ki zaroorat thi.

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - Bewafaon Ke Peeche Bhaagi, Par Wafa Toh Saamne Thi
Writer - kinkystuff
Rating - 7.5/10


A well Written story. ek aisi kahani jo pyaar, dhokha, aur sacrifice ke themes ko explore karti hai. Ye kahani Neha aur Ravi ke beech ke rishte ki gehrayi ko samajhne ka ek safar hai, jaha Neha apne galtiyo se seekhti hai aur Ravi ki sacchi mohabbat ko pehchaan paati hai.

Kahani ka sabse bada strength Ravi ka character hai. Uska unconditional love aur patience ek misaal hai sacchi mohabbat ki. Ravi ka character ek aise insaan ko dikhata hai jo bina kisi selfish motive ke pyaar karta hai, jo aaj ke samay me rare hai. Uski wafadari aur samajh Neha ke liye ek anchor ki tarah kaam karti hai, jo uske character ko aur bhi impactful banata hai.

Neha ka transformation bhi kahani ka ek important aspect hai. Uska character arc bahut hi khoobsurati se likha gaya hai. Uski journey, uske galtiyo se seekhne ka process, aur finally sacche pyaar ko pehchaan pana, reader ko inspire karta hai. Neha ka apne past se nikal kar ek naye, positive insaan banne ka safar truly inspiring hai.

Kahani ki emotional depth bhi bahut impressive hai. Har ek scene mein emotions ka flow reader ko apne saath baha le jaata hai. Khushi, gum, dard, aur umeed, sab kuch reader mehsus kar sakta hai. Kahani mein relationships aur human emotions ka realistic portrayal hai, jo pyaar aur heartbreak ke complex emotions ko achhe se capture karta hai.

Lekin kahani mein kuch kamiya bhi hai. Plot thoda predictable hai, khaaskar Vikrant ka character aur uske actions pehle se hi andaza lag jaate hai, jo suspense ko kam kar dete hai. Kahani ka pace bhi kaafi slow hai, khaaskar starting me. Kuch unnecessary details aur scenes ko hata kar kahani ko aur crisp banaya ja sakta tha. Neha ke kuch decisions, khaaskar baar baar Vikrant ke paas wapas jaana, frustrating lag sakte hai, jo uske character ko thoda weak banata hai.

Samajhne ki baat ye hai ki ye kahani ek emotional journey hai jo dil ko chhu jaati hai. Ravi ka character aur Neha ka transformation kahani ko yaadgaar banate hai. Halaanki, predictable plot aur slow pace kahani ke impact ko thoda kam kar dete hain. Agar aapko emotional aur character-driven stories pasand hai, to yeh kahani aapke liye ek must-read hai. Overall, yeh kahani pyaar, dard, aur sacchi wafadari ke bare mein sikhati hai, aur main ise 7.5/10 rate karunga. all the best for the contest.

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - घोर पाप - एक वर्जित प्रेम कथा
Writer - vakharia
Rating - 8.5/10

घोर पाप - एक वर्जित प्रेम कथा padhne ke baad jo pehli baat dimag me aati hai, woh hai iski gahraai aur ek alag si duniya mein le jaane ki kshamta. incest stories Xforum par bhari padi hai lekin ye kahani un sab se se standout karti hai thoda alag hone ke liye. Ye kahani sirf ek maa bete ke beech ke sambandh ki baat nahi karti, balki usse kahi zyada gehre tareeke se insani jazbaat, samaj ke bandhan, aur prem ki seemaon ko chhu leti hai. Lekhak ne is kahani ko ek purani pandulipi ke zariye pesh kiya hai, aur iske har ek hisse mein itni khubsurati bhari hai ki yeh dil aur dimag dono ko chhu jati hai.

Sabse pehle toh yeh kahani ka vishay alag alag na hoke bhi apne aap pe unique hai, ye aapko us daur me le jati hai jaha dikhaya gaya hai ki nagnata aur sambhog ko galat nahi mana jata tha, balki ek utsav ki tarah dekha jata tha aur Ye baat kahani ko ek alag nazariya deti hai ki shayad jo hum aaj galat samajhte hai, woh kabhi ek samay mein bilkul sahaj tha. Is vichar se hi kahani ek bada sawaal khada karti hai ki naitikta ya morality ka matlab har samay ek jaisa rehta hai ya waqt ke saath badalta hai? Ye soch aapko apne khud ke vicharon ko jhankne pe majboor karti hai.

Ab baat karte hai iski likhawat ki. Har ek shabd, har ek varnan aisa lagta hai jaise koi painter apne canvas pe rang bhar raha ho. Jaise Pishachini ke prasad ka zikr wahan ke shilp, ballua patthar se tarashi hui sambhog ki tasveere ye sab padhte waqt aapke samne ek sundar aur rahasyamay duniya khadi ho jati hai. Shakini ke roop ka varnan uske sthan, uski kamar, uski madakta yeh sab itne sundar tareeke se likha gaya hai ki ye sirf kaamuk nahi lagta, balki ek kavita jaisa mehsus hota hai. Lekhak ne yahan kaamukta ko kala ke saath jod diya hai, aur yahi is kahani ko alag banata hai.

Characters ki baat kare to Raja Kamashastra aur Shakini dono hi kafi sahi se likhe gaye hai. Kamashastra ek yuva raja hai, jo apne kartavya aur apni ichchhao ke beech fasa hua hai. Uske dil mein jo ladai chalti hai samaj ke niyam todu ya apne man ki sunu ye har insaan ke andar kabhi na kabhi uthne wala sangharsh hai. Woh ek taraf raja hai, ek taraf putra, aur phir ek aisa insaan jo apni maa ke saath ek anokha rishta banata hai. Shakini bhi kam nahi ek vidhwa aurat jo apni vasna ko chhupati nahi, balki use ek tareeke se apne fayde me istemaal karti hai. Wo pishachini ka natak karti hai, apne bete ko apne paas lati hai, aur phir ek patni ban jati hai. Dono ke safar mein ye badlav kahani ko aur gehra bana deta hai.

Ye kahani sirf sunne ke liye nahi hai, ye sochne ke liye bhi hai. Jab Kamashastra apni maa ko patni banata hai aur naye niyam banata hai, to ye samaj ke bandhano ko todne ki baat karta hai. Ye dikhata hai ki prem aur ichchha ke samne kabhi-kabhi niyam bekaar ho jate hai. aur Ant mein jab readers se poochha jata hai ki ye pishachini ka shrap tha ya unki apni marzi, to ye ek aisa sawaal chhod jata hai jo aapko ghanto tak sochne pe majboor kar sakta hai. Kya sach mein koi shrap tha, ya insaan apni ichchhao ka maara hai?

Pandulipi ka anuvad bhi iska ek bada plus point hai jo kahani me apni alag chhap chhodta hai

Aakhir me ye kahani ek aisa anubhav hai jo dil aur dimag dono ko chhu jata hai. Iska har hissa vishay ki gahraai, likhne ka andaaz, characters ka safar, samajik sawaal, aur bhasha ki sundarta itna sundar hai ki isme kami dhoondna mushkil hai. Yeh sirf ek prem kahani nahi, balki insaan ke andar chhupi ichchhao, samaj ke niyamo, aur prem ke matlab par ek bada vichar hai. Jo bhi ise padhega, woh iske sundar shilp se toh mohit hoga hi.

Ab rating ki baat kare to bhai main isko 8.5/10 dunga. ek aisi kahani hai jo shayad har kisi ke liye na ho, lekin jo ise samajh paya, uske liye ye ek jabardast story hai
All the best for the contest bhai

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - The train that never stops..
Writer - vakharia
Rating - 7.5/10

Ek aur english story lekin review Hindi me hi dunga

ek aisi kahani hai jo pyaar aur yaado ki gehraiyo me le jaati hai. Ananya aur Shaunak ki prem kahani ek safar hai jo dil ko chhu leta hai aur hamesha ke liye yaado me bas jaata hai. Ye kahani un lamho ki hai jo zindagi ko khoobsurat banate hai, aur un yaado ki jo hamesha saath rehti hai.

Kahani ki sabse badi taakat uski bhavnatmak gehraai hai. Ananya aur Shaunak ke beech ka rishta aur unki baatcheet reader ko apni taraf khichte hai. Unka pyaar ek aisi tasveer hai jo samay ke saath aur bhi gehra hota jata hai. Lekhak ne bhasha ka upyog bahut hi sundarta se kiya hai. Shaunak ki shayari aur dialogues dil ko chhoo jaate hain, aur yeh kahani ko ek alag hi roop dete hai

Character development bhi kahani ka ek mazbut pehlu hai. Ananya aur Shaunak ke characters ka development bahut hi prabhavit karne wala hai. Unki kahani mein ek aisi authenticity hai jo unhe real aur relatable banati hai. Unke andar ek aisi vulnerability hai jo real lagata hai, aur padhne wale unke saath judne lagte hai.

Lekin kahani mein kuch kamiya bhi hain. Kahani me kuch jagah aisi hai jo thodi unrealistic lagti hai, jaise ki unka phone number tak exchange na karna. Ye thoda impractical lagta hai, lekin kahani ki bhavnaaye ise kaafi had tak sambhal leti hai. Kahani kuch jagah thodi khichi si bhi lagti hai, khaaskar jab Ananya aur Shaunak alag ho jaate hai. Thodi editing se yeh aur bhi impactful ho sakti thi. Kuch moments me kahani thodi predictable ho jaati hai, jaise ki unka phir se na milna.

overall Ye kahani un logon ke liye hai jo pyaar ki gehraaiyo me dubki lagana chahte hai aur yaado ki khoobsurati ko mehsus karna chahte hai. Kahani ka message ye hai ki pyaar ki asli taqat yaado me hoti hai, jo hamesha saath rehti hai. Agar aapko intense aur emotional kahaniya pasand hai, to ye kahani aapke liye hai. Kahani me likhi feelings aur uska poetic sparsh ise ek yaadgaar anubhav banate hai. Rating: 7.5/10

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - A Train to Nowhere
Writer - Euphoria
Rating - 8/10

ek aur english story
khair aate hai story pe, ye ek aisi kahani hai jo reader ko ek rahasyamay aur psychologital yatra par le jaati hai. Anika ka ye safar sirf ek bhoutik safar nahi, balki ek aatma ki khoj hai, jo uske bhootkal ke saath jude raaz aur yaado ko kholta hai. Kahani ka mahaul bahut hi jabardast tarike se banaya gaya hai. Train ka khamosh vatavaran aur anjaan musafiro ki upasthiti readers ko apni giraft me le leti hai. Lekhak ne bhasha ka bahut prabhavit karne wala prayog kiya hai, jo har scene ko jeevant banata hai. Ye kahani sirf ek safar nahi, balki Anika ke antarman ki khoj hai. Uske bhootkal ke kirdar train me musafiro ke roop mein prakat hote hai, jo uske andar ke dwand aur sangharsh ko darshata hai. Lekhak ne suspense aur rahasya ko banaye rakhne me safalta paayi hai, jo reader ko ant tak baandhe rakhta hai.

Kahani ka ant thoda unclear hai, kuch sawal anuttarit reh jaate hai, jisse thoda asantushti wala feel aata hai. Kahani ki gati shuruwat mein thodi dhimi lagti hai, jo kuch readers ko boring lag sakti hai wahi Kahani ka kuch hissa thoda jatil aur samajhne mein kathi lag sakta hai, jo kuch readers ke liye bhari pad sakta hai (do baar padhna pada ). Iske bawajood, kahani ki takat uske psychological aur philosophical pehlu me hai, jo paathak ko apne khud ke antarman ki gehraaiyo me le jaata hai.

Ye kahani aapko sochne par majboor kar degi. Ye samay, smriti, aur mansik stithi ki parto ko khojne wali ek gehri aur rahasyamay kahani hai. Agar aapko psychological thrillers pasand hai, to ye kahani aapke liye hai. Kahani reader ko ye samjhane ki koshish karti hai ki har yatra ek aantarik safar hoti hai, aur har train kisi na kisi smriti ko le kar chalti hai. Is kahani ko main 8/10 ki rating dunga, kyunki ye reader ko apne khud ke antarman ki gehraaiyon mein le jaane ki kshamata rakhti hai.

 

[vakharia]

Story - घोर पाप - एक वर्जित प्रेम कथा
Writer - vakharia
Rating - 8.5/10

घोर पाप - एक वर्जित प्रेम कथा padhne ke baad jo pehli baat dimag me aati hai, woh hai iski gahraai aur ek alag si duniya mein le jaane ki kshamta. incest stories Xforum par bhari padi hai lekin ye kahani un sab se se standout karti hai thoda alag hone ke liye. Ye kahani sirf ek maa bete ke beech ke sambandh ki baat nahi karti, balki usse kahi zyada gehre tareeke se insani jazbaat, samaj ke bandhan, aur prem ki seemaon ko chhu leti hai. Lekhak ne is kahani ko ek purani pandulipi ke zariye pesh kiya hai, aur iske har ek hisse mein itni khubsurati bhari hai ki yeh dil aur dimag dono ko chhu jati hai.

Sabse pehle toh yeh kahani ka vishay alag alag na hoke bhi apne aap pe unique hai, ye aapko us daur me le jati hai jaha dikhaya gaya hai ki nagnata aur sambhog ko galat nahi mana jata tha, balki ek utsav ki tarah dekha jata tha aur Ye baat kahani ko ek alag nazariya deti hai ki shayad jo hum aaj galat samajhte hai, woh kabhi ek samay mein bilkul sahaj tha. Is vichar se hi kahani ek bada sawaal khada karti hai ki naitikta ya morality ka matlab har samay ek jaisa rehta hai ya waqt ke saath badalta hai? Ye soch aapko apne khud ke vicharon ko jhankne pe majboor karti hai.

Ab baat karte hai iski likhawat ki. Har ek shabd, har ek varnan aisa lagta hai jaise koi painter apne canvas pe rang bhar raha ho. Jaise Pishachini ke prasad ka zikr wahan ke shilp, ballua patthar se tarashi hui sambhog ki tasveere ye sab padhte waqt aapke samne ek sundar aur rahasyamay duniya khadi ho jati hai. Shakini ke roop ka varnan uske sthan, uski kamar, uski madakta yeh sab itne sundar tareeke se likha gaya hai ki ye sirf kaamuk nahi lagta, balki ek kavita jaisa mehsus hota hai. Lekhak ne yahan kaamukta ko kala ke saath jod diya hai, aur yahi is kahani ko alag banata hai.

Characters ki baat kare to Raja Kamashastra aur Shakini dono hi kafi sahi se likhe gaye hai. Kamashastra ek yuva raja hai, jo apne kartavya aur apni ichchhao ke beech fasa hua hai. Uske dil mein jo ladai chalti hai samaj ke niyam todu ya apne man ki sunu ye har insaan ke andar kabhi na kabhi uthne wala sangharsh hai. Woh ek taraf raja hai, ek taraf putra, aur phir ek aisa insaan jo apni maa ke saath ek anokha rishta banata hai. Shakini bhi kam nahi ek vidhwa aurat jo apni vasna ko chhupati nahi, balki use ek tareeke se apne fayde me istemaal karti hai. Wo pishachini ka natak karti hai, apne bete ko apne paas lati hai, aur phir ek patni ban jati hai. Dono ke safar mein ye badlav kahani ko aur gehra bana deta hai.

Ye kahani sirf sunne ke liye nahi hai, ye sochne ke liye bhi hai. Jab Kamashastra apni maa ko patni banata hai aur naye niyam banata hai, to ye samaj ke bandhano ko todne ki baat karta hai. Ye dikhata hai ki prem aur ichchha ke samne kabhi-kabhi niyam bekaar ho jate hai. aur Ant mein jab readers se poochha jata hai ki ye pishachini ka shrap tha ya unki apni marzi, to ye ek aisa sawaal chhod jata hai jo aapko ghanto tak sochne pe majboor kar sakta hai. Kya sach mein koi shrap tha, ya insaan apni ichchhao ka maara hai?

Pandulipi ka anuvad bhi iska ek bada plus point hai jo kahani me apni alag chhap chhodta hai

Aakhir me ye kahani ek aisa anubhav hai jo dil aur dimag dono ko chhu jata hai. Iska har hissa vishay ki gahraai, likhne ka andaaz, characters ka safar, samajik sawaal, aur bhasha ki sundarta itna sundar hai ki isme kami dhoondna mushkil hai. Yeh sirf ek prem kahani nahi, balki insaan ke andar chhupi ichchhao, samaj ke niyamo, aur prem ke matlab par ek bada vichar hai. Jo bhi ise padhega, woh iske sundar shilp se toh mohit hoga hi.

Ab rating ki baat kare to bhai main isko 8.5/10 dunga. ek aisi kahani hai jo shayad har kisi ke liye na ho, lekin jo ise samajh paya, uske liye ye ek jabardast story hai
All the best for the contest bhai

प्रिय Mr. Magnificent जी,

आपकी यह समीक्षा पढ़कर मेरा मन, जैसे रसभरे आम के पेड़ के नीचे बैठकर पहली बारिश में भीगने का सुखद एहसास पा गया।

"घोर पाप – एक वर्जित प्रेम कथा" पर आपकी गहरी और सजीव दृष्टि, मानो मेरी कल्पनाओं के लोक में स्वयं तीर्थाटन कर आई हो। आपने जिस संवेदनशीलता और साहित्यिक सौंदर्यबोध के साथ कथा की तहों को खोला है, वह किसी 'आलोचक' का नहीं, एक सह-यात्री का काम है, जो लेखक के भावलोक में साथ चल पड़ा हो।

आपने इस कथा के ज़रिए उठाए गए नैतिकता के प्रश्न, समय और संस्कृति की बदलती परिभाषाएं, और प्रेम की सीमाओं को जिस ढंग से उजागर किया है, वह मुझे खुद अपने लिखे पर दोबारा सोचने को विवश कर गया।

जहाँ तक आपकी 8.5/10 की रेटिंग का सवाल है—दिल है कि मानता नहीं… पर ‘परिपूर्णता’ का दावा केवल देवता कर सकते हैं, और मैं तो अभी पिशाचिनी के प्रासाद में ही चक्कर काट रहा हूँ!

शब्दों के रंग और चित्रों के ज़रिए आप जैसे पाठक जब लेखक के ताने-बाने को इस तरह महसूस कर लेते हैं, तो यही लेखक का असली पुरस्कार होता है। आपने मेरी कथा में न केवल कामुकता से परे जाकर सौंदर्य ढूंढा, बल्कि उस सौंदर्य के पीछे छिपी व्यथा, विकृति और वेदना को भी गहराई से महसूस किया। इसके लिए हृदय से धन्यवाद।

आपकी इस सराहना को मैं सहेजकर रखूंगा — जैसे कोई पुरानी पांडुलिपि, जो समय के साथ और मूल्यवान होती जाती है।

आपका आभारी,

वखारिया​

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - ABBU KI RANDI AYESHA
Writer - Naruto411
Rating - 6.5/10

Ye kahani, ek fictional incest narrative hai jo Punjab ke gaon me Ayesha aur uske abbu Qasim ke rishte ko dikhati hai, jaha Zain, Ayesha ka shauhar, apne phone mein khoya rehta hai aur unke beech ke raaz se anjaan hai. kahani me scenes jo sahi se discribe karke mahol ko sahi se set kiya gaya hai aur yahi sensory detail kahani ki badi taakat hai. Ayesha aur Qasim ke rishte mein emotional conflict hai, guilt, shame, aur forbidden desire hai jo ise gehra banate hai. "Ye galat hai, par itna acha kyun lagta hai?" jaise dialogues unke dil ke toofan ko bayan karte hai. Tension ka build-up bhi kamaal hai. Zain ki awaaz ya gaon wale ka pukarna har pal ko todta hai, jo padhne wale ko hooked rakhta hai. Bold tone gaon ka vatavaran chulha, charpai, masjid ki awaaz ise authentic banate hai.

Lekin kami bhi hai. Explicit content ka overdose ek samay ke baad monotonous lagta hai, aur shuruati emotional depth baad mein dab jati hai. Zain ka character flat hai uske final reaction me potential tha, par uski backstory na hone se woh adhoora lagta hai. Moral ambiguity ka koi resolution nahi, jo unsatisfying feel deta hai. Ending abrupt hai Zain ka aana ek cliffhanger hai, lekin closure ki kami khalti hai. sath hi main sugest karunga ke kahani kisi ek hi language me likho ya to puri kahani english me likho ya puri tarah hindi me, is kahani me aapne dono language ki ajeeb si khichdi bana di hai jo padhne ke flow ko kharab kar deta hai

Ye kahani bold, sensory rich aur intense hai, jo desire aur taboo ki duniya dikhati hai, lekin consistency aur depth mein chuk jati hai agar khali sex ke liye padhna hai to badhiya hai story. Rating 6.5/10 All the best

 

[vakharia]

Story - The train that never stops..
Writer - vakharia
Rating - 7.5/10

Ek aur english story lekin review Hindi me hi dunga

ek aisi kahani hai jo pyaar aur yaado ki gehraiyo me le jaati hai. Ananya aur Shaunak ki prem kahani ek safar hai jo dil ko chhu leta hai aur hamesha ke liye yaado me bas jaata hai. Ye kahani un lamho ki hai jo zindagi ko khoobsurat banate hai, aur un yaado ki jo hamesha saath rehti hai.

Kahani ki sabse badi taakat uski bhavnatmak gehraai hai. Ananya aur Shaunak ke beech ka rishta aur unki baatcheet reader ko apni taraf khichte hai. Unka pyaar ek aisi tasveer hai jo samay ke saath aur bhi gehra hota jata hai. Lekhak ne bhasha ka upyog bahut hi sundarta se kiya hai. Shaunak ki shayari aur dialogues dil ko chhoo jaate hain, aur yeh kahani ko ek alag hi roop dete hai

Character development bhi kahani ka ek mazbut pehlu hai. Ananya aur Shaunak ke characters ka development bahut hi prabhavit karne wala hai. Unki kahani mein ek aisi authenticity hai jo unhe real aur relatable banati hai. Unke andar ek aisi vulnerability hai jo real lagata hai, aur padhne wale unke saath judne lagte hai.

Lekin kahani mein kuch kamiya bhi hain. Kahani me kuch jagah aisi hai jo thodi unrealistic lagti hai, jaise ki unka phone number tak exchange na karna. Ye thoda impractical lagta hai, lekin kahani ki bhavnaaye ise kaafi had tak sambhal leti hai. Kahani kuch jagah thodi khichi si bhi lagti hai, khaaskar jab Ananya aur Shaunak alag ho jaate hai. Thodi editing se yeh aur bhi impactful ho sakti thi. Kuch moments me kahani thodi predictable ho jaati hai, jaise ki unka phir se na milna.

overall Ye kahani un logon ke liye hai jo pyaar ki gehraaiyo me dubki lagana chahte hai aur yaado ki khoobsurati ko mehsus karna chahte hai. Kahani ka message ye hai ki pyaar ki asli taqat yaado me hoti hai, jo hamesha saath rehti hai. Agar aapko intense aur emotional kahaniya pasand hai, to ye kahani aapke liye hai. Kahani me likhi feelings aur uska poetic sparsh ise ek yaadgaar anubhav banate hai. Rating: 7.5/10

प्रिय Mr. Magnificent जी,

सर्वप्रथम, “The train that never stops…” पर आपका इतना भावपूर्ण, विचारशील और स्नेहभरा विश्लेषण पढ़कर दिल सचमुच बहुत खुश हुआ। आपने न केवल कहानी के मर्म को महसूस किया, बल्कि उसे इतनी आत्मीयता से अभिव्यक्त किया कि लगा जैसे शौनक की कविताएं अब आपके शब्दों में सांस ले रही हैं।
आपने जिस खूबसूरती से अनन्या और शौनक के रिश्ते की गहराई को रेखांकित किया — वो मेरे लिए बहुत खास है। जब कोई पाठक characters को सिर्फ समझे नहीं, बल्कि उनके साथ चलने लगे, ठहरने लगे, और अंत में उनके साथ छूट भी जाए — तो लेखक समझ जाता है कि शायद कुछ सही किया है।

अब रही बात आलोचनाओं की — तो जनाब, आपने बिल्कुल सही पकड़ा!
फोन नंबर ना लेना — हाँ, ये थोड़ा फ़िल्मी तो है , लेकिन क्या करें… दिल की रेल जब पुराने स्टेशनों से गुज़रती है, तो तर्क कुछ पीछे छूट जाते हैं। आपने जो practical gaps और कहानी के कुछ खिंचाव की ओर इशारा किया है — वो न सिर्फ जायज़ हैं, बल्कि मेरे जैसे लेखक के लिए editing room की घंटी भी हैं! अगली बार इसे ज़रूर ध्यान में रखूंगा।

“Predictable” वाली बात भी सही है — और सच कहूँ तो, कुछ लम्हे मैंने जानबूझकर वैसे ही छोड़े, क्योंकि हर कहानी का सस्पेंस ज़रूरी नहीं होता, कभी-कभी उसका सरल होना ही उसकी गहराई बन जाता है। लेकिन फिर भी, आपके feedback ने इस बात को और सोचने लायक बना दिया है।

आपने जिस आत्मीयता से कहानी को “एक यादों की यात्रा” कहा, वो मेरे लिए बहुत बड़ा compliment है। और जो 7.5 की रेटिंग दी — साहब, वो तो उस लोकल ट्रेन की तरह है जो सही समय पे आती है, दिल को छूती है और फिर अगले स्टेशन की ओर बढ़ जाती है। Perfect!

दिल से धन्यवाद इस ईमानदार और खूबसूरत समीक्षा के लिए। आपने कहानी के साथ जो रिश्ता बनाया, वही मेरे लेखन की सबसे बड़ी उपलब्धि है।

अब अगली कहानी पर मिलते हैं — तब तक यादों वाली ट्रेन आपके दिल के प्लेटफ़ॉर्म पर थोड़ी देर के लिए खड़ी रहे…

सादर,
वखारिया ​