★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2025 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Lucifer]

Unfortunately We are facing a server issue which limits most users from posting long posts which is very necessary for USC entries as all of them are above 5-7K words ,we are fixing this issue as I post this but it'll take few days so keeping this in mind the last date of entry thread is increased once again,Entry thread will be closed on 7th May 11:59 PM. And you can still post reviews for best reader's award till 13th May 11:59 PM. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

You can PM your story to any mod and they'll post it for you.

Note to writers :- Don't try to post long updates instead post it in 2 Or more posts. Thanks. Regards :- Luci

 

[Aakash.]

"Meri Bharya Ki Kamangpradarshan Pravrtti" by CChor

Positive Points:

Ye kahani bold aur anokhi kahani hai jo Sahil aur Suman ke rishte ko dilchasp andaaz mein pesh karti hai. Suman ka fashion aur ang pradarshan ka junoon kahani mein ek alag sa josh bhar deta hai. Vivran (description) itna gehra hai ki padhne wala har scene ko mehsoos kar sakta hai jaise Goa ka honeymoon ya party ka mahaul. Sahil ka apni patni ke pradarshan ko support karna ek nayi soch dikhata hai. Ant mein unka sambhog aur charamsukh ka zikr kahani ko ek mazedaar closure deta hai.

Negative Points:

Kahani ka focus sirf Suman ke badan aur kaamukta par zyada hai jisse rishte ki bhavnayein (emotions) peechhe chhoot jati hain. Kuch scenes jaise flat ke aas-paas logon ka takna, baar-baar repeat hote hain jo thoda boring lagta hai. Practicality ki kami bhi khalti hai, itna khula pradarshan real life mein shayad mushkil lage. Thodi positivity ya unexpected twist isse aur rochak bana sakta tha.

Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai, Kya Bura:

Accha ye hai ki kahani bold aur naye vishay par hai jo padhne wale ko shock aur maza dono deti hai. Suman ka character strong aur yaadgaar hai.

Bura ye hai ki emotional gehraai ki kami hai aur kuch parts ko chhota karke variety daali ja sakti thi. Thoda balance rishte aur pradarshan ke beech banaya ja sakta tha.

Wartani Aur Lay:
Wartani (Spelling): Bhasha simple hai lekin kuch galtiyan hain thodi editing chahiye.

Lay (Rhythm): Shuruaat mein lay tez hai beech mein thodi dheemi ho jati hai jab pradarshan ke scenes baar-baar aate hain lekin ant mein fir se gati pakadti hai.

Overall ye kahani apne bold andaaz aur vivid description ke liye pasand aati hai lekin thodi bhavna aur variety isse aur perfect bana sakti thi!​

 

[Aakash.]

"Anadekha, Ansuna Ek Kissa" by DEVIL MAXIMUM

Positive Points:

Ek suspense se bhari aur dilchasp kahani hai jo shuruaat se ant tak padhne wale ko uljhaaye rakhti hai. Sahil, Seema aur Bittu ka parivaarik mahaul bahut real lagta hai aur Vivek ka aana kahani mein tension aur drama bhar deta hai. Bittu ka katil nikalna ek zabardast twist hai jo shock karta hai aur yaad rehta hai. Dialogues rozmarra ke aur sachche lagte hain jaise Sahil-Seema ka jhagda. Investigation aur climax ka andaaz dil ko chhoo leta hai.

Negative Points:

Kahani mein kuch cheezein thodi filmy lagti hain jaise 11 saal ke Bittu ka itna chatur murder plan karna practical nahi lagta. Vivek ka character thoda chhota aur be-asar rehta hai uski wajah zyada khulkar nahi aati. Sahil-Seema ke rishte ka dard accha hai lekin thodi aur bhavnayein daali ja sakti thi. Kuch scenes jaise Vivek ka baar-baar aana repeat hote hain jo kahani ko thoda slow kar deta hai.

Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai, Kya Bura:

Accha ye hai ki kahani mein suspense aur unexpected twist ka dum hai jo ise alag aur mazedaar banata hai. Bittu ka masoom se khatarnaak banne ka badlaav shandaar hai.

Bura ye hai ki practicality ki kami hai aur side characters jaise Shila ya Anirudh ka zyada istemal ho sakta tha. Thodi positivity ya rishte ki gehraai isse aur behtar bana sakti thi.

Wartani Aur Lay:
Wartani (Spelling): Bhasha saaf hai lekin chhoti galtiyan hain, sudhar ki zarurat hai.

Lay (Rhythm): Shuru mein lay tez hai beech mein Vivek ke scenes mein thodi dheemi padti hai lekin ant mein twist ke saath fir se gati pakad leti hai. Thoda aur accha kiya jaa sakta tha.

Overall ye kahani apne suspense aur shocking ant ke liye pasand aati hai lekin thodi practicality aur bhavna isse aur perfect bana sakti thi..​

 

[Aakash.]

"Unlucky Husband and Lover Get Caring Mom and Daughter" by kirantariq

Positive Points:

Ek shocking aur bold kahani jo Sameer ke dukhi jeevan se lekar ek naye rishte tak ka safar dikhati hai. Afshah ka ganda sach aur Sameer ka dil tootna dil ko chhoo leta hai. Veena aur Haniya ka Sameer ke liye pyar aur sacrifice kahani mein ek emotional twist laata hai. Kiran ka drama aur ant mein Veena-Haniya ka Sameer ko khush karna ek unexpected aur jazbaati mod deta hai. Vivran (description) kaamuk aur tezi se chalta hai jo padhne wale ko bandhe rakhta hai.

Negative Points:

Kahani thodi zyada filmy aur unrealistic lagti hai jaise Afshah ke poora parivaar porn mein shamil hona ya Sameer ka Viagra-whiskey ke baad itna badlaav. Kiran ka character thoda chhota aur be-matlab sa lagta hai uska blackmail karna jaldi khatam ho jata hai. Bhavnayein (emotions) sirf kaamukta par focus karti hain rishton ki gahraai kam hai. Kuch scenes jaise Veena-Haniya ka lesbian act baar-baar repeat hote lagte hain jo thoda boring kar deta hai.

Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai, Kya Bura:

Accha ye hai ki kahani mein shock value aur bold twists hain jo ise alag banate hain. Veena aur Haniya ka Sameer ke liye kuch bhi karne ka jazba dilchasp hai.

Bura ye hai ki practicality ki kami hai, itna incest aur sudden change real nahi lagta. Thodi positivity ya rishton ka emotional pehlu isse aur mazboot bana sakta tha.

Wartani Aur Lay:
• Wartani (Spelling): English language simple hai ekin galtiyan hain thodi editing chahiye.

• Lay (Rhythm): Shuru mein lay tez hai beech mein Kiran ke saath scene thoda dheema padta hai lekin ant mein Veena-Haniya ke twist se fir se gati pakadti hai. Thoda balance chahiye tha.

Overall ye kahani apne bold aur shocking andaaz ke liye yaad rehti hai lekin thodi reality aur bhavna isse aur behtar bana sakti thi..​

 

[Riky007]

Hira ke past ya Jin ke connection ka thoda aur buildup hota to climax aur mazboot lagta.

उसको अलग से बिल्टअप की जरूरत नहीं थी, क्योंकि कहानी में ही मेंशन है कि जब आप किसी ऐसी जगह पर जाएं या गुजरें। और यहां तो हीरा कूद ही गईं थी। पॉजेस्शन वहां से भौंहों सकता था।

 

[LionHeart007]

Story : Ek Bhayanak Majaaq
Writer : LionHeart007

Ek ladki par ek jinn ke saye ke kabje ki kahani jo ek jhooth se shuru hoti hai aur ek hakikat me badal jati hai.

Ek message dene ki koshish ki hai ki aksar jo chize hum jhooth yaa majak me kehte hai unhe hakikat bante der nahi lagti, isliye soch samjh kar kuch kehna chahiye.

Kahani me urdu ka acha istemal hua hai aur bahut jyada mushkil alfazon ka istemal nahi kiya gaya.

Kuch jagaho par spelling ki galtiya milti hai, sath hi kai jagah par message wali bhasha ka istemal milta hai, kahani likhte waqt uska istemal nahi karna chahiye aur shabdo ko pura likha jana chahiye.

Kahani ki shuruaat me hi dher saare kirdar samne rakh diye jaate hai, jabki uski koi khas jarurat nahi thi, kyoki unka koi role nahi hai jyada, ye ek tarah se shabdo seema ki barbadi si thi.

Main ise horror story nahi kahunga, kyoki waisa kuch isme nahi tha, ye dosti aur jhooth ke parinam aur bharose ki kahani thi. Jabir aur Hira ki batein kahi kahi romantic sense paida karti hai khas karke uski saheliyo se uski batein.

Kahani ka plot sahi tha lekin ise aur romanchak banaya jaa sakta tha, agar kuch ek vakya aise isme hote jahan jinn ke prabhav se hira apne parivar ko nuksan pahunchati. Khair kahani asal vakaye par likhi gayi hai to jyada drama bhi nahi dala jaa sakta.

Achi kahani thi, lekin aur behtar ho sakti thi.

Rating - 7/10

Bahot badhiya creativity. Ladki ka bar zuth bolna sach ho gaya aur ladki jinn ka shikar ban gai. Bahot hi la jawab skill hai. Ekdam bahetarin aur saf likhai. Bahot badhiya story.

"Ek Bhayanak Mazaak" by LionHeart007

Ye kahani Hira Sultan ke ek mazak se shuru hui zindagi ke ek khaufnak mod tak ki dastan hai jo ek sachi ghatna se prerit hai. Ek chhoti si ladai ke baad Hira ka jhooth bolna aur uska uske aur uski family par asar, ek emotional aur suspenseful kahani banata hai.

Positive Points:

▪︎ Kahani ka plot gripping hai ek mazak ka itna bada anjam ek unexpected twist deta hai jo padhne wale ko bandhe rakhta hai.

▪︎ Hira ka guilt, family ka dar aur Jabir ka sacrifice emotional gehrai deta hain jo dil ko chhoo jata hai.

▪︎ Real-life inspiration hone se kahani mein ek sachai ka ehsaas hai jo ise relatable banata hai.

▪︎ Jabir ka character mysterious aur impactful hai uska ant saccha hero jaisa lagta hai.

Negative Points:

▪︎ Kahani mein thoda repetition hai jaise Hira ke behavior change ya Jin wali baat ko baar-baar explain karna, jo thoda boring laga.

▪︎ Kuch parts slow lage jaise Aamil Babas ke scenes ko thoda chhota kiya ja sakta tha.

▪︎ Hira ke past ya Jin ke connection ka thoda aur buildup hota to climax aur mazboot lagta.

Ek Achhi Kahani ke Liye Kya Accha Hai, Kya Bura:

▪︎ Accha: Emotions, suspense aur ek moral (mazak ka bura anjam) ek achhi kahani ke liye zaroori hai aur ye isme hai. Characters ka development bhi achha hai.

▪︎ Bura: pace slow ho ya details unnecessary repeat hon to interest kam ho sakta hai. Thodi clarity Jin ke asal origin par isse aur behtar bana sakta tha.

Wartani aur Rhythm:

Wartani (spelling) mein chhoti galtiyan hain. Rhythm shuru mein fast aur engaging tha beech mein thoda slow hua lekin Jabir ke aane ke baad pace badh gaya jo kahani ko ant tak interesting rakhta hai.

Overall ye kahani ek emotional aur sabaq sikhane wali story hai jo mazak ke nateejon ko dikhati hai. Thodi editing se ye aur powerful ho sakta tha. ​

Thank you so much guy's for your valuable time that you gave to read my story and specially for your Precious Words to appreciate, encourage and a bit of criticizes this Small effort of mine....

I really appreciate your doings and am glad to know that you people have taken interest in my writing.

Now for the the criticism that you have done to correct me.
"Me jaanta hun k mene is story m bohot si galatiyaan kii hain or kuch jagah pr pace k variations bhi naa-munaasib se the, or characters k itna lamba sa intro bhi shayad nahi hona chaahiye tha...
Jahan tak baat messages waale words ki hai to usme kuch galati meri hai or kuch auto correct ki...

Asal m me isse aur lamba karna chaahta tha, Hira ka past, Jin ka origin, uska background , Jin k Asraaat, Family k liye paida hone waali problems ki details, Jabir Saahab ka Proper background, unka buildup, unki or Hira ki bonding ya unki Convo, Or in the end hone waale climax ko bhi thoda aur interesting or intense banaana chaahta tha...
Par jaisa k aap sabne hi end m kaha k ye Story real incident se inspired hai to zeyaada Variations karna or changes karna mujhe munaasib nahi laga....

Aisa nahi hai k me karna nhi chaahta tha...Pr Contest k rules k according story ko zeyaada lamba nhi kar sakta tha...or phir me at least abhi k liye isse jitna ho sake reality k kareeb hi rakhna chaah raha tha isi liye aisa likha...

Or jo bhi galatiyaan huii hain unke Liye me aap sab padhne waalon se maafi chaahta hun... Or in future inhe sudhaarne ki Koshish hogi...

Or agar aap sab chaahen to contest k baad me isi topi or plot pr ek extended Story likhne ki Koshish karun ga...."

Thanks again guys .

 

[Rocky9i]

Ghor paap hi pap

 

[Aakash.]

उसको अलग से बिल्टअप की जरूरत नहीं थी, क्योंकि कहानी में ही मेंशन है कि जब आप किसी ऐसी जगह पर जाएं या गुजरें। और यहां तो हीरा कूद ही गईं थी। पॉजेस्शन वहां से भौंहों सकता था।

Hmm aapke kehne ka matlab samjh raha hu aap kahna chahte ho kahani mein Hira ke koodne aur possession ke connection ko subtly dikhaya tha jo ek jagah se guzarne ya sadqe wali cheez ke concept se judta hai. Yeh approach apne tareeke se bilkul sahi hai aur kahani ke flow ko natural rakhta hai, ise alag se buildup ki zarurat nahi lagti kyunki incident khud hi baat ko samajhata hai.

Dusri taraf mera review mein yeh kehna tha ki shayad thoda aur explicit hint ya past ka reference climax ko aur dramatic bana sakta tha lekin yeh bas ek alag angle se suggestion thi. Dono taraf ka nazariya apne-apne hisaab se theek hai, na hi aap galat ho na main. Subtle style aur dramatic buildup ka idea dono hi kahani ko apne tareeke se mazedaar banate hain. Lagta hai hum dono apne najariye se ek hi cheez ko alag tareeke se dekh rahe hain..​

 

[Aakash.]

"Nanad Ki Ichha Purti" by Rajizexy

Ye kahani Harpreet Kaur aur uski nanad Preet Kaur ke ek bold aur sensuous safar ka hai jo ek mazedaar aur thodi naughty plot ke saath shuru hota hai. Harpreet apni nanad ki ichha puri karne ke liye Amar ko ghar bulati hai aur fir teeno ke beech ek rishta banne ki kahani chalti hai.

Positive Points:

▪︎ Kahani ka plot fast aur engaging hai shuru se lekar end tak curiosity banta hai ki aage kya hoga.

▪︎ Harpreet aur Preet ke characters bold aur real lagte hain unki baatein aur emotions dilchasp hain.

▪︎ Amar ka confident aur flirty andaaz kahani mein maza add karta hai.

▪︎ Dialogues simple aur mazedaar hain jo padhne mein asaan aur entertaining lagte hain.

Negative Points:

▪︎ Kahani thodi predictable ho jati hai jaise Amar ka Preet ke saath affair aur Harpreet ka bhi involve hona expected lagta hai.

▪︎ Kuch scenes jaise porn wali baatein thodi zyada detail mein hain jo shayad zaroori nahi the.

▪︎ Harpreet ka itni jaldi Amar ke saath intimate hone ka sochna thoda sudden laga uska buildup thoda aur hota to behtar tha.

Ek Achhi Kahani ke Liye Kya Accha Hai, Kya Bura:

▪︎ Accha: Boldness, humor aur ek light-hearted moral (apno ki madad karna) ek achhi kahani ke liye kaam karta hai aur yeh isme hai.

▪︎ Bura: Agar plot predictable ho ya characters ke decisions thodi clarity ke bina achanak rahe toh kahani ka asar kam ho jaata hai.

Wartani aur Rhythm: Wartani mein chhoti-moti galtiyan hain lekin samajhne mein dikkat nahi hoti. Rhythm shuru mein thoda slow hai jab baatein hoti hain lekin Amar ke aane ke baad pace tezi se badhta hai aur end tak bana rehta hai.

Overall Yeh ek mazedaar aur thodi naughty kahani hai jo apne simple andaaz mein dilchasp hai. Thodi polishing se yeh aur impactful ho sakti thi lekin jo hai woh bhi kaafi entertaining hai.​

 

[kirantariq]

Nanad ki iccha puri ki
This story is the best

 

[Riky007]

Story: Unlucky husband and lover get caring Mom and daughter
Writer: kirantariq

Story Line: based on incest relation this is a story of a man, who's wife leave him, and her own daughter because of her love of incest relation. Which in turn results in his suffering in relation, but eventually lead him along with her mother and daughter in incest relation.

Treatment: poor treatment to the story, language is full of mistakes, and there is no feel in whole story.

Positive points: nothing as such, but could have been if writer would have prefered to write the story in urdu.

Negative Points: it seems to be a kinky story, but lacks feel. And one more thing, by calling veena as mother of sameer and haniya as daughter of sameer in repetitive manner also gives a headache.

Suggestions: try to write in language you are comfertable in. Calling mom of sameer and daughter of sameer in repetition cause irritation, as you already had done it, also this eats your word limit.

Rating: 5/10