★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Trinity]

Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- चरित्रहीन
Writer :- Mahi Maurya

Positive points :- Sayad mai phli baar aapki likhi koi story read kr raha hu. Aur jitna suna tha aapke writing skills ke bare me ye story read krke sub such hi lage. Bahut hi acha concept tha. Aur usase bhi jyada khubsurat narration tha. Aapne is ek hi story me bahut kuch dikhane ka prayas kiya. Aur sari ghtnaye aapne ek dusre se bikul sahi tarike se jode rakhi. Aur Sayad ye baat kisi ne notice kari ho ya nahi lakin persent, past nd details dene ke liye aapne font ne jo alag alag color ka use kiya wo mujhe bahut hi acha laga. Isase story read Krna kitna aasan ho jata hai ye log read krne ke baad hi smjh skte hai.
Uske baad aapne apne story me bhar bhar ke kirdar rakhe hai. Lakin ek bhi kirdar bina faltu ka nahi laga. Na hi jyada kirdaro ke hone se unke name yaad rakhne me koi muskil aayi.
Aapki story ko read krke emotions bikul jage. Aur sath hi me aapne apni story ke jariye ek nahi kai massage dene ki kosis ki ...
1. Har akeli Ladki awsar nahi hoti hai.
2. Sare mard ek se nahi hote hai. Samaj me dono tarah ke mard hai. Jinme ache logo ka ratio bhle hi kam hai. Lakin abhi bhi wo samaj me sthit hai.
3. Sari ladkiya name, paisa, sohrat apne jism ko bech kr nahi pati hai. Jyadatar ki lagan, mehnat iska karan hoti hai.

Aise hi aapki story ke liye kehne ko to bahut kuch hai. Lakin ab yahi viram deta hu.

Negative points :- Mujhe story me Kabir ka koi role nahi dikha. Jabki jab uski entryhui thi to aisa laga tha ki uska role bahut eham hoga. Baki iske alawa mujhe aapke story me koi kami nahi lagi.

Best dialogue :- " यही सही मायनों में थप्पड़ होगा उन तमाम लोगों के लिए जो हम जैसी अकेली स्त्रियों को चरित्रहीन करते जरा नहीं शर्माते जबकि खुद अंदर से अपने चरित्र को नहीं देखते। "

Conclusion :- Kul mila kar aapki story winners ke race me definitely hai. Mujhe is story ko win krte hue dekh kr bahut acha lagega.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- The 14th Feb
Writer :- Love 1994

Positive points :- Aapki story kafi achi thi. Concept aur narration bilkul perfect tha. Jo twist aapne story me dale the wo bhi bahut acha tha. Sare kirdar apni jagah bikul sahi lage. Specially Akash ka kirdar mujhe sbse jyada pasnd aaya. Her group me ek na ek banda aisa hota hi hai. Couple nd Frnd kaise hote hai uska bhi aapne bikul dhyan rakha. Aapani story starting me darane me bhi kamyab hui. Comedy ka jo tadka aapne lagaya tha wo bhi bikul perfect tha.

Negative points :- Sbse phli baat ki Jab aapne story me 2nd part dikahya to aapko at least uski ending to change karni cahiye thi. Baki dialog ko hata de to dono half ka concept almost same laga. To 2nd half likhne ka matalab smjh me nahi aaya.
Uske baar wo tha kya ye information bhi aapne nahi di.

Best dialogue :- " dekho mujhe is chiz ke liye jitna romantic mahol banana sahi laga wo maine kiya bas, iske aage agar tum koi romantic dialogue ka wait kar rahi ho to bata deta hu mera bas naam raaj hai mai koi SRK nahi hu.. "

Conclusion :- Overall mujhe aapki story bahut pasnd aayi. Lakin jo kamiya mujhe lage agar wo dur ho jati to aapki story mere liye winners ke list me jarur hoti.
Ummid karta hu agli baar aap in bato ka dhyan rakhenge.

 

[Riky007]

Review accha hai; par ek baat samajh nahi aayi...

10 mei 9.5 milte suna hai... 9.5 mei 10 kaise milte hain??

नीचे जी गिफ्ट दिया, उसमे खाली बोतल थी।

बाकी आप समझदार हो

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Khel Waqt Ka
Writer :- Sanki Rajput

Positive points :- Story to achi thi. Love ka ek roop dikhaya ju ne apne is story me. Dsare kirdar bhi thik thak the. Aur wo dosto ki Bhandare wali baat se to sahi me hasi aa gayi thi. Story me action, fight, love sub dekhne ko mila.

Negative points :- Bhai ju itne bhari bharkam word kyu use karta hai. Ju uske jagah agar bas simple sabdo me story likhta to story bawal ban jati. Typing mistake bhi kafi thi. Story ki ending me maja nahi aaye be. Ju hero ko kabir singh ki jagah kuch aur bana deta to acha lagta. Aur ye ladki ka baap Dubai se govt. Job pr kaise aa gaya ?

Best dialogue :- " Chali thi hasrate uss school ke phle din se socha tha ki wo din kuch naye manzar layengi par pata nhi tha ki yahi wo samay tha jo jindagi ki raah ek alag modd ko lejayegi. "

Conclusion :- kul mila kar bhai ju se yahi kahunga ek story simple tarike se likh aur bich bich me jo tu sheron shayri karta hai wo daal de fir dekhna kya bawal response rahega story ka.

 

[Darkk Soul]

बेहतर होता , आप अपनी स्टोरी पर ध्यान फोकस करते। वैसे लगातार तीन साल से कांटेस्ट मे एवं एक लम्बी स्टोरी लिखा था मैने और पिछली बार एक प्राइज भी जीता था।
जब कोई जानकारी न हो तो किसी भी तरह के कमेन्ट से बचना चाहिए। शायद आपने अपनी कहानी का एक रीडर खो दिया। वो कहानी जहां मुझे लेकर मात्र तीन चार रीडर्स ही होंगे।
आत्म मुग्ध होना कभी कभी बहुत भारी पड़ जाता है।

शांत गदाधारी भीम, शांत

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- शुरुआत : एक अंत की (एक इंसेस्ट स्टोरी)
Writer :- Rekha rani

Positive points :- Ek common topic par, bahut hi umda narration ke sath aapne ek khubsurat story prastut ki. Story ko read krke maja aa gaya. Story ke sare kirdaro ne apna apna kaam bakhubi kiya. Story starting se ending tak bandhe rakhne me kamayab rahi. Story ke samvad bhi kafi ache the. Aur ending ki jaisa ummid kar rahe the bilkul wahi hi hui. Starting me court room ka scene mujhe perfect laga.

Negative points :- Rekha aur Sanjay ke bich ki duriya aur ache si dikhane ke sath unka karan batati to story aur bhi jyada achi ban jati. Sex scenes me jab maja aana start hua tabhi aapne use short me nipta diya. Aap kafi acha sex scene likh skti hai jo ki aapki writing se saaf dikh raha hai. Lakin aapne use short me nipta kar ye maja kam kar diya. Aur fir ye Sanjay apne bete se kyu itna gussa tha ? Are wo to police tha use apne bete ko bachana chahiye, uska sath dena cahiye. Use kud sacchai ka pata karna cahiye tha. Is umar me to kisi se sex karna aam baat hai.

Best dialogue :- " क्योकि.... तुम्हारे जैसा मर्द औरत से अदाये तवायफ् वाली और वफ़ाएँ कुत्तों वाली चाहता है......!! "

Conclusion :- Aapki story to kafi khubsurat thi. Lakin kuch galtiyo se ye winner race me jane se rah gayi. Aapki story kisi avg. Story se kafi upar hai.
Ummid karta hu next time aap in galtiyon ko nahi dohrayengi.

 

[SANJU ( V. R. )]

शांत गदाधारी भीम, शांत

मानू छोटा भाई है मेरा। वो काफी मैच्योर है। कभी-कभार हो जाता है मिसअंडरस्टैंडिंग ।

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- कमबख्त इश्क
Writer :- IMUNISH

Positive points :- Story ki sbse achi baat thi ki college life ki aapne yaad dila di. College time me dosto ka naye naye masti majak karna, kisi ke pyar me pad jana,fir pyar ka fail ho jana. Wo sub yaad karwa diya aapne. Story ke sare kirdar mujhe bahut ache lage. Sbse acha laga mujhe dono latter wala scene laga. Story me comedy ke liye mai pure no. Dunga. Sare kisse ek se badh kar ek the.

Negative points :- Title story se match nahi karta hai. Isase acha to aap college life ya aisa hi kuch aur rakh dete to jayda sutable hota. Fir story ka koi aim nahi laga. Isme hme bas college life ke alg alg incidents dekhne ko mile. Unhi scenes ko ek sequence me add krke ek moto ke sath story ko pesh karte to ek achi story samne aati.

Best dialogue :- " कालेज के दिन पता ही नहीं चले, कब वसंत के दिनों में पेड़ों पर आए बौर की तरह चले भी गए. "

Conclusion :- Aapki ye 3rd story hai to ye count to ki jayegi nahi. Fir bhi mai kehna cahunga ki mujhe aapki ye story starting ki dono story se jyada achi lagi.
Ummid karta hu next time aap aisi hi kahaniyon ke sath yaha aayenge.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Apna Desh Apna Hota Hai
Writer :- Amresh Puri

Positive points :- Story kafi achi lagi mujhe. Concept bhi naya tha aapka. Sath me story ka narration bhi kamal ka tha. Story me sare kirdar ne apna kaam bakhubi kiya. London jane ke baad aapne Ajay ke life ko jo describe kiya wo read krke such me bahut acha laga. Is part ko read keke emotions jaag gaye the. Story ke jariye aapne bahut acha massage diya ki her year hajaro log aise hi sapne le kar videsh jate hai. Jaha kuch hi layak logo ke sapne pure hote hai. Baki logo ko nirasha hi hath lagti hai. Aur ant me unka haal Ajay jaisa hi hota hai.

Negative points :- Aise bina kisi referance ya perpos ke Visa nahi ban jata. Aapne ek jagah dikhaya ki Ajay jaha bhi kaam mangnjata use hari jhandi dikha di jati. Jo ki red honi cahiye.
Story ka end thoda aur acha kar skte the. Ek leap de kar fir short me dikha dete ki chro kitne kamayab ho gaye hai.

Best dialogue :- " APNA DESH APNA HOTA HA.. AUR DESH ME BASNE WALE BHI APNE HOTE HAN.. "

Conclusion :- Mujhe aapke story ka concept bahut acha laga. Lakin ye ek aisa topic hai jiske upar aap aur bhi bahut kuchh dikha skte the.
Lakin fir bhi mujhe aapki story bahut pasnd aayi. But is year USC me jo story ka level hai uske hisab se winner ke race ke liye itna kafi nahi hai.
Ummid karta hi next time aap fir se aise hi ek unique topic ke sath aur ache se hmare samne ek story pesh krenge.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Angel change Devils heart
Writer :- Sandeep singh nirwan

Positive points :- Story ka concept bikul naya tha. Story ek fantasy story thi jo ki is USC me 1-2 hi dekhne ko mili hai. Story me jo chote chote moment's aapne dikhye hai wo bahut hi pyare lage. Specially wo barish me bhigne se bachane wala. Story ko read keke emotions bhi jage. Story ke dono main kirdar bhi bilkul sahi lage. Specially choti ladki.
Aur story ke jariye aapne ek massage bhi diya ki apne pyar aur samarpan se aap pathar dil ko bhi pighal sakte ho.

Negative points :- Story me starting me kirdaro ka kuch name aur unke bare me thoda discription de dete. Aur sath me kuch bate bata dete ki wo khubsurat ladka kyu marna chahta tha ? To maja hi aa jata.

Best dialogue :- " uski kali jindgi mai Usai ek ujale ki kiran dikhayi deti h. "

Conclusion :- Overall story ko agar thoda aur details ke sath likha jata to aapki story me jarur wo baat thi ki ye story winners ki race me hoti.
Ummid karunga bhai next year winners ki list me aapka name jarur rahega.