★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Trinity]

Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Let Us Sleep..
Writer :- Adirshi

Positive points :- Kya mast story likhi hai bhai maja hi aa gaya read krke. Story me comedy ka aisa tadka tha jo suru se le kar ant tak bana raha. Kahani me main 2 hi kirdar the Jitu nd Animesh aur dono ko hi aapne bahut hi ache tarike se pesh kiya hai. Sadi wale ghr me ye sub hona aam baat hoti hai. Agar ye chij sadi ke ghar me sote time dikh jati hai. Aur mere hisab se to almost sare middle class group ke logo ne ye face kiya hoga. Story ko read krte hue bas wahi purani yade taja ho gayi. Story ka concept, narration sub jabrdast tha. Aapne ek simple se problem ko jis tarah comedy ke way me dikhate hue pesh kiya hai uske liye mai aapko ek no. Extra dena cahunga. Quki har writer aisa nahi kar skta hai.

Negative points :- Mujhe aapke story me kahi kahi sentance me kuch words ki mistakes dikhi. Sath me mujhe aapke is ek story me khrato ki kami dikhi. Jo ki sbse normal chij hai. Agar ek incident uska dikha dete to maja hi aa jata.

Best dialogue :- Mujhe aapke story me kai sare dialogue best lage jinme se kuch mai yaha likh raha hu
1. "Abe bc papa ne kya ghar me speed breaker bana diye hai kya ek din me."
2. " dubte laundo ko kitchen ka sahara bc "
3. " le prabhu ka kaam aur utha is parbat ko "

Conclusion :- overall mujhe aapki story bahut jyada achi lagi. Agar aapki story bhi count hoti to, mere hisab se aapki story bhi winner ke race ka hissa jarur hoti.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Bohut bohut dhanyavaad bhai!

Goonga serial killer tha na. 7000 shabdo me sab kuch nahi dikhaya jaa sakta mitr. Harr kahani me yahi baat kahi jaa sakti hai. Ki iska thoda aur dikhana tha, woh thoda aur dikhana tha. Kintu 7000 shabdo me ye harr jagah possible nahi hota.

Word limit ki baat kare to ha wo ek limitation hai. Lakin isme hi to aapko apne hunar ko dikhana hai ki aap kya cije jaruri samjha kr use show krte hai aur kya nahi karte hai.
Aur jaha tak ki readers ki baat karu to ek reader ki demand kabhi khtam ho hi nahi sakti.

Kyuki aurat ne kabhi goonge ko dekha hi nahi. Kahani me ye mentioned hai. Dekha toh usne Samay ko bhi nahi tha. Kintu samay ne galti kar dii thi na. Woh pendant rakh kar. The entity sensed the pendant as soon as Samay came back to the town.

Ye baat aapki reasonable hai.

It's obvious ki ye sab racha gaya tha. Goonga uss place par jab karistaaniya kar raha tha toh zaahir hai woh sunishchit karega ki koi bhi yaha daakhil na ho. Bhay ka mahaul jaan boojh ke racha jaata tha. Afwaahe felana, awaazein cheekhe nikaalna.

Ye hints kahani me batayi nahi jaati. Khaas kar short stories me. Agar inka description likhne baithenge, inhe explain karenge toh plot kab dikhaya jayega? Reader kitni jaldi open mind se catch karta hai, ye uske upar hota hai. Mujhe khushi hai ki ju ne openly iss genre ko, khaas kar bhoot pret ko acche se accept kiya hai.

Jaruri nahi hai imagine karne ko to hum ye bhi kar skte hai isase phle bhi goonge ne wala kai logo ko mara. Aur waha unki hi aatma bhatak rahi thi.
Ya imagine karne ko to ye bhi kar skte hai ki jaha hero rehta tha usi ghar me rehne wale ye sub afwah failaye ho taki waha ka kiraya na badhe, jaisa ki aapne story me batay.
Lakin ye aapki jimmedari hai ki aap waha sirf ek se do line me is baat ko bata kar story ko aage badha skte the.

Isme confusion hua? Ye mene expect na kiya tha. Agar ek aadmi kiraaye ke ghar pe reh raha ho. Woh kisi mehmaan ko pick up karne station gaya ho. Toh woh apne mehmaan se kya kahega?

Ye ki, "aaiye chaliye, mein aapko apne ghar le chalta hu."

Ya fir ye, "aaiye chaliye, mein aapko apne kiraaye ke ghar le chalta hu."

Ju ko uttar pata hi hoga. Words ghatane hote hai. Badhaane nahi. Kahani wese hi 6993 words ke aas paas ki thi. Risk nahi le sakte aap.

Ha but dono situation alg alg hai. Dono ko aap compare nahi kar skte ho. But ha ye baat manta hu ki quki filhal story delhi me chal rahi thi to mujhe wahi samjhna tha. Yaha mujhse mistake ho gayi.

Imagine nahi kar paaye shayad ju bhai. Mein wo bhi karwaye deta hu.

Example le lete hai hum. Doraemon toh dekha hi hoga ju ne. Usme nobita ka kamra bhi dekha hi hoga.

Maan lo ki uske kamre ki khidki Samay ke ghar ka darwaza hai. Ab aise me Samay agar darr ke peeche jaata hai toh woh kis se bhidega? Deewaar se. Hallway seedha ghus ke nahi tha. Turn leke hai.

Kahani ko likhte samay actual me mene ek apartment ke nakshe ko dhyaan me rakh ke likha hai. Mera mitr rehta hai ek building me. Uska flat hai. Udhar ke nakshe ko dhyaan me rakh ke hi likha gaya hai sab. Befaaltu mann se kahi bhi koi deewaar nahi banayi gayi hai.

Ye best dialogue laga ju ko. Badhiya hai. Waise mera favourite wo wala tha. Samay ko samay ne hi barbaad kar diya. Aur ek wo wala. He was the sole architect of her destruction.

Dhanyavaad bhaaya.
Keep supporting!

Apni apni pasand

 

[Werewolf]

Word limit ki baat kare to ha wo ek limitation hai. Lakin isme hi to aapko apne hunar ko dikhana hai ki aap kya cije jaruri samjha kr use show krte hai aur kya nahi karte hai.
Aur jaha tak ki readers ki baat karu to ek reader ki demand kabhi khtam ho hi nahi sakti.

Bas ussi ka toh khel hai bhai. Ya toh plot dikha lo. Ya ek ek kaaran ke peeche description dikha do. Mene kaafi kuch hataaya hai isme. Tab jaa ke kahani itni hui. Mujhe iske aage kuch hatana sahi na laga. Ju batao. Kya hataaye ju?

Jaruri nahi hai imagine karne ko to hum ye bhi kar skte hai isase phle bhi goonge ne wala kai logo ko mara. Aur waha unki hi aatma bhatak rahi thi.
Ya imagine karne ko to ye bhi kar skte hai ki jaha hero rehta tha usi ghar me rehne wale ye sub afwah failaye ho taki waha ka kiraya na badhe, jaisa ki aapne story me batay.
Lakin ye aapki jimmedari hai ki aap waha sirf ek se do line me is baat ko bata kar story ko aage badha skte the.

Yahi toh open mindedness hoti hai. Bina bataaye samajh jaana ki kuch kaaran hai.

Zaroori nahi ki aap kahani me harr cheez ke baare me ek description do. Reader jo chaahe yaha apni dhaarna bana sakta hai. Ya to area me afwaahe logo dwara felayi gayi. Ya pehle se thi. It's upto the readers.

Harr aadmi ke marrne ke baad unki aatma nahi bhatakti bhai. Agar goonge ne iske pehle bhi log waha maare honge toh zaroori nahi sab aatmaaye aake wahi bhatkengi.

Ha but dono situation alg alg hai. Dono ko aap compare nahi kar skte ho. But ha ye baat manta hu ki quki filhal story delhi me chal rahi thi to mujhe wahi samjhna tha. Yaha mujhse mistake ho gayi.

Actually mene pehle hi ye dikha diya tha bhai. Wo part firse padhne ka. Jsme mention hai ki Samay ab ussi building me reh raha tha jaha par wo kaam kar ke gaya tha. Toh baar baar uske baare me description dena samajhdari nahi hogi.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Itachi_Uchiha

Since my Story is in English, I shall answer your Review in English. Hinglish is not my forte.

Firstly, Thank-you for taking the time to review my story.

Wlcm

While a Title should be a bit mysterious, it should also give a hint of what to expect in the story. The Reader is set on course to learn what unfolds in the story referencing the title.

“Aur aaj ke time me aisa kafi log hmare samaj me hi gaye hai jo aisi fantasy rakhte hai”.

This line reflects your moralistic views with blinkers. Approach a story with an open mind. A story does not have to match your dogmas.

Maine yaha ye to bilkul nahi kaha ki mujhe in logo se, ya ye jo karte hai unse koi problem hai. To aap ye baat kud se kaise keh skte ho ?

“Quoi jaisa humne movies me dekha hai terorist logo ko roj roj ek hi chij ke bare me bata kar unka brainwashed kiya jata hai.”

Once again, this statement reflects your narrow dogmas. There is no comparison between a terrorist and a sexual fantasy.

Maine dono ka comparison to kiya hi nahi bhai. Maine yaha ye bataya ki priya ko raji kaise kiya. Maine yaha par method ki baat ki hai. Jo ki dono me same use ho raha hai.

Like in the movies, do movies reflect life? Or does life copy what is shown in movies?

To aapke hisab se Movie life ko reflect nahi karti hai ya fir movie me jo dikhaya jata hai wo life me aaj kal copy nahi kiya ja raha hai.
Agar aap aisa sochte hai to aap bilkul galt hai. Quki persent time me dono chije commonly dekhne ko mil rahi hai.

But let me pay attention to your Negative points.

What makes a top a blouse? (Check Google)

A blouse is defined as a loose-fitting upper garment worn by women. A blouse gathers at the waist or hips so that it hangs loosely over the body. Over time, the term has been used to refer to a shirt that has an unmistakably feminine appearance.

Ab hum story read kre ya top, blause ke bare me Google karne baithe. Aap hi batao.

Your grouse that the second part was rushed through is ill-conceived. When you write for a short story competition, you need to balance the story within the limits of the prescribed words. The introduction of the characters and the setting is as important as the final stages as the story builds up to its climax.

Wahi to challenge hai. Ab bahubali movie aise hi top par nahi aayi thi. Uske liye naya idea, acting, director, VFX sari chije bikul perfect thi. Tab kahi ja kar ek perfect movies dekhne ko mili thi.

I would like to point out that many Readers have written to me that they personally liked the “group sex”. If you have read the story carefully, you would have noticed that there was a video made. It is not possible to do that if only two people are involved in the sex. The blindfold was for that reason.

Let us wait for the Conclusion and decision of the Judges.

Video to uska husband bhi aake bana skta tha na. Thi to wo blindfold hi na.

Baki jo bhi maine kaha mai ek baar fir se aapko batana cahunga ye sub bas meri thinking hai. Aur jaruri nahi jo mai sochu waise aap soche. Ya jaisa aap soche waisa hi mai sochu.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Love never die..
Writer :- Adirshi

Positive points :- ek baar fir se aapne ek shandaar story hmare samne pash ki hai. Story ka narration hamesa ki tarah kafi acha tha. Story me sare kirdar bhi sahi agah par the. Concept bhi naya tha. Aur aapne apne is story ke through samaj me sthit ek bahut badi problem pesh ki. Jiske chakkar me anpadh to choro padhe likhe bhi bahut aasani se aa jate hai. Story ka past bhi kafi ache se dikahya aapne aur sari jaruri jankariya aapne de di. But ending me jo twist laye aap wo to kamal ka hi laga. Bilkul ummid se pare. Aaj ke time me Organ donate karna sahi me ek bahut hi punya ka kaam hai. Isake jariye aap kai logo ki jindgi bacha sakte hai. Aur aapke story me bhi yahi dikhaya gaya. Kahe to ek tir se aapne do nisana saadh kiya. Story ka title bhi bikul perfect laga.

Negative points :- story me kahi kahi sentance mistakes thi. Sath hi me story me mujhe Rohan aur Rashmi ke bich ke moments kuch kam lage. Aur agar aap Rashmi ke accident ke baad Rohan ka bhi haal ek baar vistar se batate to mere khyal se story me aur bhi jyada jaan aa jati.

Best dialogue :- " maut ek atal satya hai, hum sab ko ek na ek din marna hai, kisi aur ki jaan lekar agar hum bach sakte to aaj insaan amar hota har dusra aadmi kisi ko maar kar apni umra badha leta. "

Conclusion :- Aapki ye story bhi Kamal ki hai. Lakin aapki phle ki do story mujhe jyada achi lagi. Un dono story ke mukabale mujhe ye story thodi kamjor sabit hoti dikhayi di. Fir bhi aapki ye story top 10 story ke list me jarur honi cahiye.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Lost In Island Paradise
Writer :- HusnKiMallika

Positive points :- Story ka concept naya tha. Story me short story ke hisab se sirf 2 hi kirdar the. Story ki starting achi thi. Kaise Rohit apne sister anjali aur kud ko bachane ke liye usase jo ban pada usne wo kiya. Story ka sex bhi kamuk and acha tha.

Negative points :- Sbse phle to kehna cahunga ki aap apni ye story agr Hinglish ya English me likhti to jyada achi lagti. Fir chut nd leg ko saaf karne ke liye koi chemical ya hariyar kaha se aaya waha ? Story me aapne sirf sex hi dikhaya. Jabki aap sex ke alawa aur bhi bahut kuch dikha skti thi.

Best dialogue :- " मेरी बहना , केवल आपको चूमना और कुछ नहीं करना गैरेज में फेरारी छोड़ने जैसा है, यह मानवता के खिलाफ अपराध है। "

Conclusion :- To be honest mujhe aapki story kisi English story ka hindi translation laga. Quki Google translatio me hi translat hone ke baad aise sentance aate hai.
Ab baat karu agar ye story translate nahi hai to bhi aapke story me aapne Sex ke alawa aur kuch dikhane ki kosis hi nahi ki. Jabki aap isme bahut se problems, mentally pressure aur bhi bahut kuchh dikha sakti thi.
Kul mila kar mujhe ye ek Avg. Story hi lagi. Aapki 1st story mujhe isase jyada achi lagi.
Ummid karta hu in bato ka dhyan rakhte hue aap aage aur bhi achi story hmare samne pesh karengi.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Death of a Superman
Writer :- psychoknight

Positive points :- Kya mast story likhi hai bhai maja hi aa gaya. Such me dil ko touch kar lene wali story lagi mujhe aapki ye story. Aapke story me mujhe almost sare emotions dekhne aur feel karne ko mile. Action, pain, comedy, anger, almost sub kuch hme is ek story me dekhne ko mil gaya. Phle story ka title read krke laga ye superman par likhi gayi story hogi. Jisme Suparman Pita, bhai, dost ya koi anjan ho skta hai. Lakin nahi aapne yaha sbko surprise dete hue ye story ek madman par likhi. Kisi ne nahi socha hoga ki aap apne story me superman use banaoge. Story ke sare kirdar mujhe bilkul perfect lage. Jinka jitna kaam karna tha unhone story me utna hi kaam kiya. Story ka narration bhaut acha tha. Story ki starting to achi thi hi but story ka end epic laga. Starting me santu sirf kud ke liye superman tha. Lakin story ke end me wo sbke liye real ka superman ban gaya. Jis tarah se aapne santu aur uske superman ki mentality ko dikhya mujhe wo jabardast laga.

Negative points :- Mujhe aapke story me bas ek hi chij ki kami lagi aur wo hai, ending me jab use chaku laga to bhale hi wo ek madman tha. Lakin pain to use bhi hona cahiye tha. Aur yahi reality me bhi hota bhi hai. Aur aapke story me superman se releted jo choti choti jankariya di gayi usase story ka level aur increase ho jata hai.

Best dialogue :- " People are like sheep, they need to have a shepherd to keep them in line, the shepherd can be anyone with a stick, may it be a political leader, authority, or even our crazy Santu. "

Conclusion :- Santu ne sirf apne pagalpan ke karan hi bhale lakin Kudumnagar ki janta ko jagane ka ek bahut bada kaam akele hi kar dikhaya. Aur apni Lois Lane ko bacha hi liya.
Overall mujhe aapki story bahut jyada achi lagi. Mere hisab se aapki story winners ke Race me jarur honi cahiye.
Ummid karta hu aage bhi aap aise hi jabardast story ke sath hmara manoranjan karte rahenge.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- ✷PYAR EK TYAGYA✷
(Season:-1)
_______________________________
Writer :- Sanki Rajput

To ju ki story par review dene aakhirkar mai aa hi gaya. Janta hu ju ne kabhi mujhse review dene ko nahi kaha. Lakin ander se ju cahte the ki mai jld se jld review du je ke sari story's ka. Khair jo bhi likhunga to bilkul such likhunga agar ju ko bura bhi laga to kon sa mujhe fark padega. Ek laat dunga wapas se raste par ju aa jaoge.

Positive points :- To mere pyare dost Ju is topic par story likhoge ye ummid nahi thi mujhe. Sbse pehla shocked to mujhe story ta topic dekh kar hi laga. Khair topic bhle hi common hai. Lakin is par story likna jitna aasan dikhta hai utna aasan hota nahi hai. Ju ne Story to bahut badhiya likhi hai. Concept bhi acha hai. Atish ka dard bhi hme ache se feel hua. Story ke tino kirdar apni apni jagah mujhe bilkul thik lage. Sia apne family ke liye apna pyar bhula baithi. Jo ki koi galt baat nahi hai. Aur almost 80 percent love story isi tarah khtam ho jati hai. Arish ne apne Frnd ke liye apne pyar ka gala ghot diya. Lakin ek chij mai ko kehna cahunga jiske bare me sayad kisi ne baat nahi ki wo hai Sanjay jisne apne dost ko aise halat me dekh kr bin ek bhi second gawaye apni sadi ko rokne par ready tha. Agar use pata chalta ki sia uska pyar hai to wo ek second barbad kiye bina kud sia ki sadi arish se karwa deta. Ju ne story me jo hindi me lines( shayri) likhi wo bhi kafi achi thi.

Negative points :- Ju ne story me bhari Bhari, word ka kafi use karne ki kosis ki jisme ju puri tarah se kamyab nahi ho paye. Kahi kahi kuch word mujhe aise lage jinhen waha use nahi karna cahiye tha.

Best dialogue :- " Dil ka tyag karna uss mohabbat ki ye nishani,
Aur uss pyar ka tyag karna ek galib ki ye kahani !! "

Conclusion :- Ju ne pyar ka ek sbse acha roop hme dikhane ki kosis ki, ki pyar sirf lene ka nahi balki dene ka bhi name hota hai. Kabhi kabhi pyar me tyag karna hi padta hai. Kul mila kar ju ki story mujhe kafi pasnd aayi. But kuch galtiyo se ye winners ke list me nahi ja payi. Ummid karta hu ju ke aage ki story's isase bhi jyada bawal ho.

 

[Sanki Rajput]

To ju ki story par review dene aakhirkar mai aa hi gaya.

Janta hu ju ne kabhi mujhse review dene ko nahi kaha.

meko pata tha tu dega review to kahe ko bolta mai.

Lakin ander se ju cahte the ki mai jld se jld review du je ke sari story's ka.

Yep!! Ye to sab chahte hai khaskar mere last story ka jo hai Sashi Martiva

Khair jo bhi likhunga to bilkul such likhunga agar ju ko bura bhi laga to kon sa mujhe fark padega. Ek laat dunga wapas se raste par ju aa jaoge.

Positive points :- To mere pyare dost Ju is topic par story likhoge ye ummid nahi thi mujhe. Sbse pehla shocked to mujhe story ta topic dekh kar hi laga. Khair topic bhle hi common hai. Lakin is par story likna jitna aasan dikhta hai utna aasan hota nahi hai. Ju ne Story to bahut badhiya likhi hai. Concept bhi acha hai. Atish ka dard bhi hme ache se feel hua. Story ke tino kirdar apni apni jagah mujhe bilkul thik lage. Sia apne family ke liye apna pyar bhula baithi. Jo ki koi galt baat nahi hai. Aur almost 80 percent love story isi tarah khtam ho jati hai. Arish ne apne Frnd ke liye apne pyar ka gala ghot diya. Lakin ek chij mai ko kehna cahunga jiske bare me sayad kisi ne baat nahi ki wo hai Sanjay jisne apne dost ko aise halat me dekh kr bin ek bhi second gawaye apni sadi ko rokne par ready tha. Agar use pata chalta ki sia uska pyar hai to wo ek second barbad kiye bina kud sia ki sadi arish se karwa deta. Ju ne story me jo hindi me lines( shayri) likhi wo bhi kafi achi thi.

Shukriya mere dost

Negative points :- Ju ne story me bhari Bhari, word ka kafi use karne ki kosis ki jisme ju puri tarah se kamyab nahi ho paye. Kahi kahi kuch word mujhe aise lage jinhen waha use nahi karna cahiye tha.

Yep!! I agree on it.

Best dialogue :- " Dil ka tyag karna uss mohabbat ki ye nishani,
Aur uss pyar ka tyag karna ek galib ki ye kahani !! "

Same here.

Conclusion :- Ju ne pyar ka ek sbse acha roop hme dikhane ki kosis ki, ki pyar sirf lene ka nahi balki dene ka bhi name hota hai. Kabhi kabhi pyar me tyag karna hi padta hai. Kul mila kar ju ki story mujhe kafi pasnd aayi. But kuch galtiyo se ye winners ke list me nahi ja payi. Ummid karta hu ju ke aage ki story's isase bhi jyada bawal ho.

Meko winner list me lejana bhi na tha akhir meko apni khatarnak writing skill par bharosa hai ki wo janne wali bhi nhi .Khair shukriya mere dost

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

meko pata tha tu dega review to kahe ko bolta mai.

Yep!! Ye to sab chahte hai khaskar mere last story ka jo hai Sashi Martiva



Shukriya mere dost

Yep!! I agree on it.

Same here.

Meko winner list me lejana bhi na tha akhir meko apni khatarnak writing skill par bharosa hai ki wo janne wali bhi nhi .Khair shukriya mere dost

Aisa thodi hai ju ke ander ek bahut acha writer hai aur ye baat sirf mai hi nahi kafi log jante hai.
Is liye chomu na banai.