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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

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Trinity

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Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.
 
10,458
48,881
258
Story- " Breakup "
Writer- Mr. Magnificent.


कहानी बहुत अच्छी थी। एक पति पत्नी के बीच पनपती दूरियां और फिर दोनो के सम्बन्ध विच्छेद की कहानी थी यह।
बहुत खुबसूरती से उनके रिश्ते को बयां किया गया है। यह कहानी सिर्फ निधि और राहुल की ही नही है। हजारों पति पत्नी की कहानी है यह। शादी-ब्याह सिर्फ भौतिक जिम्मेदारी वहन करने की ही नही है। यह रिश्ता है आपसी सामंजस्य का , अटूट प्रेम का , विश्वास का और आपसी समझ का।
राहुल का व्यवहार अपनी पत्नी के प्रति इतना उदासीन क्योंकर रहा , मै समझ ही न पाया। शायद घर की मुर्गी दाल बराबर लगने लगी हो और आफिस की लड़की चिकन बिरियानी। लेकिन ताज्जुब इस बात का है उसे अपनी पत्नी कभी साधारण सी बिरियानी भी नही लगी। यहां तक की शादी के शुरुआत मे भी।
राहुल की बेरुखी और ठंडे व्यवहार की वजह से निधि , पियूष की ओर बढ़ती चली गई और उसके घर को हमेशा के लिए अलविदा भी कर गई।
कहानी का क्लाइमेक्स राहुल के लिए पश्चाताप भरा पल लाया तो निधि के लिए भी कोई गर्व का विषय नही था।
समाज मे यही खबर फैलेगी कि निधि अपने हसबैंड के ड्राइवर के साथ भाग गई।
अच्छा होता , तलाक के बाद निधि और पियूष पारंपरिक रूप से शादी के बंधन मे बंध जाते।

कहानी अच्छी थी। राइटिंग स्किल भी बेहतरीन था। और मुझे कहानी पसंद भी आया।

Rating - 10/9.
 
10,458
48,881
258
Story- " Gayab "
Writer- Mr.magnificent.


गायब होने का आइडिया शायद शेखर कपूर की निर्देशित फिल्म " मिस्टर इंडिया " से लिया गया था।

कहानी फैंटेसी पर आधारित थी। प्रेम त्रिकोण , साजिश और कुदरत का इंसाफ इस कहानी का प्रमुख विषय था।
अदृष्य होना एक फैंटेसी बेस्ड सब्जेक्ट था तो नायक का विहेवियर रियलिस्टिक बेस था।

इस कहानी को भी मिस्टर मैग्निफिसेंट ने बहुत ही खूबसूरती से लिखा है।
शोर्ट कहानी मे जितने कम किरदार हों , उतना ही स्टोरी के लिए अच्छा होता है। इस बार भी राइटर ने सिर्फ तीन किरदार को ही अपने कहानी मे जगह दिया जो कि बहुत अच्छी चीज थी।

मोहन का किरदार एक अद्भुत साइंटिस्ट पर एक संकीर्ण विचारों वाले व्यक्ति का था।
उसने एक नही बल्कि तीन बार प्रकृति और कुदरत के नियमों के खिलाफ आचरण किया।
एक , उसने अदृष्य होने का फार्मूला बनाया।
दो , उसने एक प्रेमी युगल को एक दूसरे से दूर करने का प्रयास किया।
तीन , उसने न सिर्फ अपने दोस्त को धोखा देने की कोशिश की अपितु उसे जान से मारने का प्लान भी बनाया।

शायद यही कारण था कि वो अपने ही बनाए हुए खाई मे गिरकर मृत्यु को प्राप्त हुआ। उसकी खोज , उसकी शक्ति ही उसके मौत का कारण बनी।

बहुत खुबसूरत कहानी लगा मुझे।

Rating- 10/9.
 

Mahi Maurya

Dil Se Dil Tak
Supreme
49,860
66,372
304
कहानी- बाइकर
रचनाकार- asadjee महोदय,


एकदम बेहतरीन और लाजवाब कहानी और प्रस्तुति उससे भी बेमिसाल। आज की हकीकत से रूबरू करवाती कहानी है आपकी बाइकर।

अक्सर ऐसा देखा जाता है कि कुछ नौजवान लड़के अपने क्षणिक आनंद के लिए दूसरे को कितनी तकलीफ देते हैं। कभी कभी तो इनके आनंद के चक्कर में दूसरों की जान तक चली जाती है। आजकल के नौजवानों को बाइक पर करतब दिखाना एक फैशन से बन गया है। वो बाइक इतनी तेजी से चलाते हैं कि बगल वाले का शरीर ही झनझना जाता है। चाहे भीड़-भाड़ हो चाहे चौराहा हो या फिर सुनसान गली। बाइक इतने फर्राटे से भागते हैं कि पूछो ही मत। आजकल देश में जितनी भी सड़क दुर्घटनाएं होती हैं उनमें से 80 प्रतिशत वो लोग काल के गाल में समा जाते हैं जिनकी कोई गलती भी नहीं होती है।

छोटे शहरों में फिर भी ठीक है। दुर्घटना होने कब बाद बचने की उम्मीद रहती है लेकिन बड़े शहरों में दुर्घटना होने के बाद बचने की उम्मीद न के बराबर होती है, क्योंकि दुर्घटना करने वाली गाड़ियों की गति हद से ज्यादा होती है। सरकार जितनी सुविधएं लोगों को देती है उतना ही उसका दुरुपयोग करते हैं लोग। अच्छी और चौड़ी सड़कें सरकार ने लोगों की सुविधा के लिए उपलब्ध कराई है लेकिन कुछ बाइकर इसे अपनी मस्ती के लिए इस्तेमाल करते हैं और लोगों को नुकसान पहुंचाते हैं।

रोहन ने उस लड़के से साथ जो कुछ भी किया वो एड़ी नजर में बिल्कुल ठीक है, क्योंकि जहां पर पैसा बोलता है वहां पर कानून को ताक पर रख दिया जाता है। यातायात अधिनियम में तो ये कहा गया है कि जो भी यातायात नियमों का उल्लंघन (उच्च गति) करेगा उसपर हजारों रुपये का जुर्माना और उसका लाइसेंस रद्द किया जाएगा। लेकिन ऐसा होता नहीं है क्योंकि यहां पैसा बोलता है।

प्यार कब कहां और किससे हो जाए पता नहीं चलता। पायल को भी रोहन से प्यार हुआ, लेकिन उसकी दोस्त और उसका परिवार रोहन से उसका रिश्ता करने के खिलाफ थे, क्योंकि यहां भी पैसा बोल रहा था, दीप्ति ने पैसे के कारण पायल से दोस्ती खत्म कर दी और पायल के परिवार वालों ने पैसे के लिए पायल से रिश्ता खत्म कर दिया। लेकिन एक बात नहीं भूलना चाहिए कि पैसे से बड़ा प्यार होता है, इंसानियत होती है, जो आज के समय मे कहीं खो गई है।
 
10,458
48,881
258
Story- " Doble Cross "
Writer- Adirshi.


एक शोर्ट स्टोरी मे क्या क्या नही देखा दिया आपने आदि भाई ! बालीवुड , सिनेमा थिएटर , बार गर्ल , अंडरवर्ल्ड , मलेशिया - थाइलैंड की सैर , एंटीक रोलेक्स घड़ी की चोरी , साजिश , पुलिस इनवेस्टिगेशन , बीमा कंपनी और एक्स फोरम।
एक लाजवाब थ्रिलर लिखा आपने। ऐसा थ्रिलर जो अंतिम पैराग्राफ तक रीडर्स को बांध कर रखने को मजबूर कर दे।

शुरूआत से ही कहानी काफी रोमांचित था। एक एक घटनाक्रम को जिस बारीकी से लिखा गया है , वो सच मे अद्भुत था। हर एक छोटी छोटी चीज को ध्यान मे रखा गया था।
बालीवुड सुपरस्टार शशि खन्ना के आवास पर लकी लंगड़ा के आने से लेकर , रिगल थिएटर मे घड़ी की चोरी , पुलिस की बेहतरीन तहकीकात , फाॅरेन ट्रीप , बीमा एजेंट के साथ जद्दोजहद और फाइनली घड़ी की चोरी के राज खुलने तक सबकुछ आउटस्टैंडिंग था।
लेकिन जब बालीवुड और फिल्म की बात चले और ग्लैमर की चर्चा न हो तो कुछ कुछ फिका सा लगता है। वैसे आपने फाॅरेन ट्रीप के दौरान बार एवं बार बाला का एक चैप्टर जरूर लिखा था , पर मुझे कुछ और ही अधिक की इच्छा महसूस हुई।

कहानी का शीर्षक से मेल न खाना इस कहानी का एकमात्र माइनस प्वाइंट था।
अगर शशि खन्ना साहब बीमा कम्पनी के साथ साथ किसी और को भी पांच करोड़ रूपए का चुना लगाते तो यह डबल क्रास हो सकता था।

कहानी मुझे बहुत ही पसंद आया। एक बेहतरीन थ्रिलर स्टोरी थी यह।
चूंकि माडरेटर एलाव नही है कांटेस्ट मे हिस्सा लेने के लिए , इसलिए नो नम्बर और नो रेटिंग। :D
 
Last edited:
10,458
48,881
258
Story- " Let us sleep.."
Writer- Adirshi.


बड़े बड़े औद्योगिक घरानों , मिनिस्टर्स , फिल्म स्टार एवं धन कुबेर व्यक्ति को बाद कर दिए जाए तो कमोवेश हर शादी-ब्याह मे ऐसा ही हाल होता है। बल्कि यह कहा जाए कि हाल बेहाल होता है।

गांव देहात मे शादी-ब्याह सिर्फ वर या बधू के परिवार के ही मान सम्मान का प्रश्न नही होता। पुरे गांव के मान सम्मान का प्रश्न होता है। गांव के लोग बढ़ चढ़कर शादी मे अपना योगदान देने की कोशिश करते है। गेस्ट और बाराती के लिए गांव के हर द्वार खोल दिए जाते है। लेकिन शादी चीज ही ऐसी है की आप सभी लोगों को पुरी तरह संतुष्ट भी नही कर सकते।

यह कहानी बिल्कुल ही रियल है। रात मे सोने के लिए होस्ट और गेस्ट दोनो को ही बहुत परेशानियों का सामना करना पड़ता है।
इस कहानी को काॅमेडी के अंदाज मे बहुत ही खूबसूरती से पेश किया गया है।
जितू और अनिमेश की एक एक एक्टिविटी चेहरे पर मुस्कान ला देने वाली थी। शुकर था कि कोई खर्राटे नही मार रहा था। यह सबसे कष्टदायक होता है।


मुझे लगता है , वो मेरे बताए गए सुझाव पर अमल करते तो परेशानियां कुछ कम हो सकती थी। जिस व्यक्ति की वजह से वो उनके शरीर तले दबे जा रहे थे , उसकी नाक को चार पांच सेकेंड के लिए बंद कर देते तो वो आनन फानन उठ कर बैठ गया होता।
मैने कई बार ऐसा किया है जब मेरे बगल का आदमी खर्राटे मार रहा होता है। :D

बहुत ही बेहतरीन और जबरदस्त कहानी आदि भाई।
 

Mahi Maurya

Dil Se Dil Tak
Supreme
49,860
66,372
304
कहानी- अभय प्रसाद
रचनाकार- Kala Nag महोदय


बहुत ही बेहतरीन कहानी और कहानी का प्रस्तुतिकरण

इशिता जो अपनी किस्मत की धनी थी उसकी शादी शहर के जाने माने खानदानी रईस सौरभ से हुई थी। एक निम्न वर्गीय लड़की का इतने बड़े खंडन में रिश्ता होने पर कुछ घमंड लड़की में आ ही जाता है। लेकिन किस्मत के चक्र ने उसे संतानसुख से वंचित कर दिया। इशिता में कमी नहीं थी ये उसकी सास जानती थी लेकिन बेटे में कमी हो सकती है ये मानने को तैयार नहीं थी, क्योंकि सौरभ ने कॉलेज के दिनों में खूब झंडे गाड़े थे जो उसकी मर्दानगी का प्रतीक था।

बहरहाल आजकल दुनिया ऐसे पाखंडी बाबाओं से भरी हुई है। ये बात सभी जानते हैं लेकिन फिर भी बाबाओं के मोह में फंसे रहते हैं। बच्चे पैदा करने के और भी कई तरीके हैं। प्राचीन काल में ऐसी बहुत सी नारियां हुई जिन्होंने योग और नियोग के जरिए संतानसुख की प्राप्ति की। कुंती, गांधारी, अम्बिका, अम्बालिका इसके उदाहरण है।

लेकिन वर्तमान समय मे विज्ञान बहुत उन्नति कर गया है। बच्चा पैदा करने के बहुत से वैज्ञानिक उपास उपलब्ध हो चुके हैं।
जब कारण जौहर एक पुरुष होकर किराए की कोख लेकर अपना बच्चा पैदा कर सकता है तो महिलाओं को कोई दिक्कत हुई ही नहीं चाहिए। अगर ये नहीं कर सकते तो एक बच्चा गोद लिया जा सकता है। लेकिन इशिता की सास ने विज्ञान के बजाय बाबा पर भरोसा किया।

बाबा ने भी अपना जाल ऐसा फेंका कि इशिता और उसके सास ससुर और पति उसमें उलझते चले गए। इशिता की संतान प्राप्ति की तपस्या तीन प्रहर से होते हुए कैसे सात प्रकोष्ठ द्वार से होते हुए नियोग की क्रिया तक पहुंची इसका बहुत ही बेहतरीन और सिलसिलेवार प्रस्तुति की गई है। अब बाबा ने इतना अच्छा मैच खेला इशिता के साथ तो उसका परिणाम सकारात्मक तो होना ही था। तो 10 महीने बाद इशिता के घर में नामकरण की प्रक्रिया हुई और बेटे का नाम भी अभयानंद से प्रभावित होकर रखा गया।।
 

Sandeep singh nirwan

Jindgi na milegi dobara....
13,519
84,179
259
Story pyar ek tyag

writer - Sanki Rajput

Ek short story mai apne wo ahsas dikhaya h jo har har premi ne dekha h ....sirf kuch he hote h jo itni heemat kar paate h ......

Suruwat he itni rochak rahi ki kuch palo mai he sama bandh diya...khaskar Kamal wali baat ne ..akhir kamal kitna he sundar kyo na ho par khichad bina uska astitva nahi h ..
pyar mai bita har pal dil ke koune mai gahrayi tak apni jagah banata h aj wahi wo kar raha tha ....uske kahe har sabd hard tute huve dil ke sath bakhubi mail kha rahe the ....Dono ne he ek dusre ki jindgi ki khusi ke liye ankho ke samne he pyar ka tyag kar diya ....ek taraf sia jisne apne pyar ki jindgi ke liye apni jindgi pyar sab sacrifies kar liya ...toh usne bhi akhiri palo tak apne pyar ki har yaad ko apni ankho mai basa liya .....bhale he sia uski dulhan na bani par usne sia ko dulhan ke roop mai apni ankho basa liya...ek taraf dost ki khusi thi toh ek taraf pyar tha.....sia ke liye tyag karna behad muskil tha ....kyoki ek ladki ko us waqt decision lena bahut muskil hone wala tha...par usne liya ......
apki story se pata h main khud ko bahut Kush kismat manta hu kyoki
Kismat mai pyar asani se nahi milta warna har koyi meri tarah mahfil mai ye gana nahi gaata...

"shaam bhi khub h..... pass mere mera mahubub h aur jeene ke liye sanam kya chahiye...."

Really true heart touching story thi ...i wish sabko apna pyar mile .....bahut pyar likha sanki bro.....

apki story ne bakhubhi darsaa diya h ki Pyar mai Tyag kya aur kaise hota h
 
Last edited:

Mahi Maurya

Dil Se Dil Tak
Supreme
49,860
66,372
304
कहानी- ज़िंदगी का तूफान
रचनाकार- MOMSONRP जी


अक्सर ऐसा होता है कि अगर किसी अमीर घर की लड़की की शादी किसी माध्यम वर्गीय या फिर निम्नवर्गीय लड़के से हो जाती है तो लड़की हमेशा लड़के को डोमिनेट करने की कोशिश करती है उसे नीचा दिखाती है। इस कहानी में भी यही हुआ सोनू की मां पूनम ने उसको और उसके पापा आनंद को हमेशा दबाकर रखा। बात बात पर गुस्सा करना ताने देना उसकी आदत बन गई थी। पूनम शायद आनंद कक पसंद भी नहीं करती थी। तभी तो लकी ड्रा में मलेशिया की टिकट मिलने के बाद भी वो आनंद को अपने साथ जाने के लिए एक बार भी नहीं कहा।

सोनू बचपन से अपनी मां पर फिदा है और उससे संभोग करने चाहता है, उसने मलेशिया टूर पर कोशिश भी की थी लेकिन उसकी सारी मस्ती पूनम ने उतार दी। अब दोनों एक आइसलैंड में फंस चुके हैं तो दोनों में कुछ न कुछ कांड तो जरूर होगा।

कहानी साधारण दर्जे की है और कम शब्दों में खत्म कर दी गई है। अगर इसे थोड़ा और शब्दों में लिखा गया होता तो और अच्छी हो सकती थी।
 

Riky007

उड़ते पंछी का ठिकाना, मेरा न कोई जहां...
21,566
45,045
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Death of a Superman


The blue car was standing a bit away from the railway crossing, but even then, it created congestion for incoming traffic, so it was a pandemonium situation during busy office hours.

The culprit driver was well aware of the situation but was not willing to start the car, park it on the side, then carry the goods from the shop all the way to the car.

“Saab, can you please move the car to the side, it is obstructing the traffic and soon people are going to shout at me.”

The driver casually spit residue of chewing tobacco at a side and told the shop owner,

“Let them, you better hurry up with your goods. People are going to get their goods from the shop, and if the shop is on the main road, there is nothing I can do.”

*Bam bam bam* somebody slapped his car hardly. The startled driver looked for the responsible person who just hit his car that hard. It is an imported car, even though now it is blocking the road for a bit, but even then, who had this kind of audacity? Everyone knows a costly car means money and money means power.

Again consecutive slaps on the back of the car, the driver tried to shout abusive language but stopped suddenly seeing the person who just emerged from the back.

Thin, tall, dark, face almost fully covered by an overgrown beard and strands of hair dangling from above.

Naked body covered with a half pant, nobody can tell what colour it was originally, but now it is of pure dirt. A large piece of rag was tied in the back, and with his right hand the man was flapping his cape rapidly.

“Who the fuck are you??? Get lost you crazy motherfucker before I break your head.' The driver asked the person but was not in the mood to listen to the reply as the identity and mental status of the person were evident from the appearance.

The driver could finally arrange his initial surprise and took an aggravated stance.

He requires to address his surprise, so he turned towards the shop owner with questions in his eyes.

“ He is our Superman” the answer from the amused shop owner raised a few more questions rather than answering one.

Superman opens his eyes wide and shoots a jolt of laser, not to kill but just to intimidate so the villain could regain his senses and move away with his car.

But the bad guy did not flinch, as he could not see the lasers Superman had shot from his eyes. Instead, seeing a pair of crazy eyes whatever plan the driver had decided to pause that for a little and instead looked at the shop owner,

Who is this mad? Did you see how that bastard was hitting my car?

“As I told you, He is Superman, everyone knows him, haven't you noticed his cape?

“ What kind of joke is this? How can you allow this kind of people free in the locality? He should be in an asylum, not on the open road, he can be dangerous.”

“ Joke?? You can be anybody in your mind, my daughter can be a princess, you can be the owner of the road and our Santu can be superman. Our mind is a funny thing, is it not?”


The shop owner was clearly enjoying the ordeal.

“Why you people are not doing anything about him? Look at his eyes!! My god, eyes of a killer it seems. He is dangerous, I'm telling you. You should contact with authorities to get rid of him.'

The driver quickly started his car and left the place.



Within minutes the road started to get clear, Superman stayed till the road was completely free of congestion. Sometimes by pushing a stuck cycle van in the railway track or in a ditch in the road, sometimes guiding a motorcycle to get back into its row and proceed in an orderly manner.

“People are like sheep, they need to have a shepherd to keep them in line, the shepherd can be anyone with a stick, may it be a political leader, authority, or even our crazy Santu” The shop owner Rustamji was very happy to see the road was once again clear like before within a few minutes.

' here Superman, have a biscuit for your effort' Rustamji gave Santu a small pack of biscuits, and Santu gladly accepted.

He took two from the pack and left the rest for the strays who were constantly following Superman from the beginning till now with waiving tails.

Superman flew away soaring above thousands of people cheering his name on the ground.

Santu ran towards his usual resting place towards the broken bench in the park with his hands spread wide open in the air.

How and when Santu came to this locality, hardly anybody can remember that in fact like that very old banyan tree, that discoloured statue of Mahatma Gandhi in the local park, like the small railway station, Santu is a part of this locale, from the beginning. Some say he was abandoned roadside when he was just a child, some say that he lost his way in the train and stayed here. The area kudumbnagar itself is not a very big one, it is almost like a rural place, but the latest urbanization is forcing it rapidly to become a suburban area, an extension of nearby cosmopolitan. The population is tenfold during the day and decreases rapidly as the last train leaves the station.



Santu was an insignificant addition to Kudumbnagar. He spent his younghood in the area as an ordinary member, till the day he felt that he is superman.

It might be just a coincidence that he got hold of a few discarded comics of superman in the vat a few days back, but seeing the pictures of the comics he could realize that he is also having super powers, he could also fly above the cloud, he could also shoot lasers from his eyes. He is not so sure about the people around here, but he is damn certain about the stray dogs worshiping him.

Every night when he told them about the adventures he had throughout the day, how many supervillains he fought with, how many times he saved the world from menacing forces of evil, they surrounded him wiggling their tails violently as a sign of approval, Santu Superman is sure it got nothing to do with the food he shares with them, but a genuine token of appreciation for his hard-fought battle.

He could fight the gigantic robot, he could save a plane from crash landing, he could stop a volcano from eruption, but his favourite work for the day was maintaining traffic at the level crossing, where he gets his most appreciation from the crowd, here they worship him by offering foods, clothes, bread and even sometimes shiny coins too.

Dulal chaiwala gives him hot tea in a cup along with a piece of bread in exchange for these coins, and sometimes he doesn’t have any, even then Dulal offers him food and drink.

Like every story, Superman’s story got its own heroine, the Lois Lane of Kudumbnagar, Priya. Every morning Priya looks for Superman when she goes out for college, even when Santu is flying above the cloud, Priya’s eyes could find him. Superman escorts her a bit, till the station, till the arrival of the 8.15 local.

Superman could outrun a speeding bullet, so a train is no match for him, but somehow Santu never got the need of chasing the menacing machine as he knew that another locomotive is going to bring Priya back to her safe domain under the protection of Santu Superman.

Superman could very well understand when his Lois Lane is coming back in the afternoon, the air becomes fragrant, the nonsense chirping of birds suddenly became like the melodious harmony of a flute, Santu could well understand that Priya is back in the vicinity.



Santu takes off from the building roof and flies with the wind just to land beside the ticket counter of the station, when his Priya is coming out from the station.



For any common person, it is very difficult to identify anyone in that crowd, but they don't have the far-seeing vision of Superman, Santu could identify Priya from afar, and follow her till she reached her home safely.

It was not one-sided, how can it be? When Priya enters her residence, Santu waits patiently in front of her house, shaking off the dirt and mud from his cape that had accumulated during the long fights of the day with numerous enemies and of course from the difficult traffic control in the level crossing.

Superman shakes his cape vigorously to get rid of all the dirt and spots from his cape just to make himself presentable in the eyes of Priya.

It is not long before Priya comes out of her room to the balcony and calls his name,

" Santu, come here, today mom prepared special alu bhaji, I know you love it."



Now, that’s the reward Superman could wait for, could fight for his entire life. Alubhajis wrapped in roti!! Tiredness accumulated throughout the day from fighting numerous monsters, saving the world, and managing the traffic can be easily dissolved by the loving gesture of roti and alubhaji.



Santu was busy enjoying his hard-earned reward as Priya suddenly remembered something.

“Superman, you wait here, I got something for you.”

As Priya vanished inside her house Santu nod his head. He was too busy to relish his treat from Lois.

Soon Priya came out of the house with a piece of cloth wrapped in newspaper, and handed it over to Santu.

“My brother’s, I think it should fit you.”

Priya gave Santu an old, worn but intact t-shirt. Santu took it with a bit of surprise.

Superman took his armor. It was a nice navy-blue steel plated Kevlar with titanium plated signature ‘S” sign of superman. It was freshly washed and smelled nice too.

Santu got very excited that he wanted to try it on as soon as possible. He quickly put his rag aside and put the T-shirt on his naked skin.

Priya averted her eyes, Santu may be crazy, but young adulthood has not spared even him with all its glory and mystic touch. The moment was short-lived as Superman was in a hurry to put his armor on.

The T-shirt was atleast two sized large, but nevertheless, it was for Superman.

Santu put his cape on over his newly acquired dress, and a gust of wind blew over to put the end of his cape flying wildly in the air, Superman held his hand high in the air. Then he took off towards the kingdom of the cloud.

Priya smiled to see the child like joy in Santu’s face. She kept on looking towards him as Santu ran towards the park holding his closed hand above his head. Even when he is out of sight, his signature *Whoose whoose* sound that he makes during running, kept on echoing in the empty streets and corners of the locality. Today Superman is flying a bit faster it seems.

Priya smiled, the vanishing silhouette of Santu Superman towards the setting sun indeed looked like Superman flying over their meager neighborhood of Kudumbnagar. Everyone says Priya is kind, she really cared for stays and downtrodden, but she thinks that these kinds of little moments of joy and happiness are worth cherished over.



Locale like Kudumbnagar is unique in their own way, we all know this place, though we have never been to any. Otherwise sleepy town outskirts, wakeup during arrival or departure of a train, scanty population, all the residents know each one, but pretend that they don’t know, just hanging on, clinging as days go by, just waking up to sleep again in the night and waiting for the next day and day after that.

Even a place like this sometimes gets its own excitement, something out of the ordinary, non-monotonous.

That day when those rough-looking men came into town, residents of Kudumbnagar knew that today is one of those days, today Kudumbnagar was going to witness something exciting, and they are going to spectate that excitement behind the safety of closed doors as always, and when all is over, they are going to discuss about it for a week.

Kudumnagar was not new to the presence of rough looking hooligans roaming around the area and fighting occasionally for land grab and dominance over the area. The coal mines, factories, its labor and assorted black marketing gave birth to the mafia era.

But those are stories of long past, atleast 10-15 years ago mafias were replaced by politicians, and now they controlled both sides of crime and law, so there is relative peace in the area.

The old and expert storytellers of Kudumnagar still talked about those days, the days when smells of gunpowder polluted the air, people could listen to the marching sound of heavy boots of peacekeepers outside the closed house in the night and shop owners were always ready to shut down the shops at a short notice.

As those boys entered the area, experienced people could understand that this is going to be one of those days, their faces are new, but the walking, the looks, and the stillness of jaw gripping tightly all remained the same. Those who are new, even they could understand that these boys mean business.

As three of those boys stood in front of Priya’s house, the other three remained in the SUV.

As the bell rang, Priya’s father Sharma Ji opened the door and faced those three boys.

“Yes, what can I do for you?”

“ Uncle, greetings. We are looking for Priya, she has not been to college for a week now, we are her friends, is she alight?”


Sharma ji glanced once inside the house, then closed the door behind his back.

“ She is suffering from viral fever, not feeling well, but as she is recovering now, she will soon be back to college. So nice of you as you were worried for her and came here to visit. I will inform her about your visit, she will be very happy, I’m sure.”

“ Thank you uncle, but we would really like to see her. Now if you be kind enough to call her or allow us inside”


Those words are of request but didn’t sound like one.

“She is resting now, and very weak, so can’t talk now. Thanks beta, but don’t worry, I will tell her to call you.”

Sharma ji was visibly uncomfortable by the aggressive body language of the visitors and spoke these words as quickly as he can and turned back inside the house.

Before he could close the door, one of the boys placed his foot in between the doors to stop Sharma ji.

“ We are not going to leave the place without talking with her, so either you call her or we will enter the house never the less.”

The hooligans came closer to the door and all but the driver stepped out of the car.

Sharama Ji literally felt helpless and looked here and there with the hope of any help from his neighbors, but all of them choose to remain behind the closed curtains and watch.

Priya came out of the house, tight-fisted, face red in apprehension and tension.

“ I know none of you, and my father already told you I’m resting, so there is no question of talking with you. Why you people are so adamant to meet with me, please leave and let us be.”

Priya glanced towards her aged father giving reassurance that the situation is under her control, but she was wrong.

“ Yea, you don’t know us but you know Rahul, don’t you? We are friends of Rahul, and he wants to have a few words with you.” One of the cronies tried to keep things a bit civil but the person obstructing the door till now became impatient and came to the point straight away.

“ Look girl, Rahul proposed to you and you turned him down, its okay, but then you went all the way to complain against him to the principal!! How can you do that??”

“I think this bitch told the newspaper about that, otherwise how can they know about the incidence? Can you imagine what kind of damage this could do to Rahul and his father? Especially when the election is near? You know Rahul’s father, don’t you?”


Priya got recess from the constant bombardment of abusive language and accords, so she used this opportunity to defend herself.

“Look bhaIya, Rahul didn’t only propose to me, he misbehaved with me, he even tried to molest me in front of the whole college, so it was not a secret for the principal or the newspaper you are talking about. And if Rahul was so worried about his and MLA saab’s image, then he should have handled the rejection more gracefully.”

“Listen closely you bitch, if Rahul wants, he could get a hundred worthless whore like you, he was too generous to ask you properly like nowadays young men, and look how you repaid his gesture.
However, what’s done is done, Now Rahul will not ask you again, you should come with us, meet with Rahul in his place, and sort this out
. “

“ I am not going anywhere with you, please leave.” Voice of Priya almost choked with fear and anxiety and she tried to run back inside the house.

“That was not a request, you will come with us. Spend an hour or two, and we might even drop you off if you could make Rahul happy. There is no point in resisting.” A goon caught hold of her hand.

“Please help, somebody please help me…call the police” Priya tried to hold the door frame in a desperate attempt of resisting, but the force was too strong for her skinny hand.

Sharma ji tried his best to put up a fight, crying like a fanatic looking towards the closed doors of the neighborhood, with the hope that help will come. It is broad daylight, and everybody loves Priya for her sweet and loving nature, she is the daughter of Kudumbnagar.

Kudumbnagar was motionless at that time, everyone inside the safety of their home witnessed the terror but nobody moved a muscle to help Priya or her father. The town full of people suddenly falls empty in the time of need.



When all hope is lost, superman appears, like in the movies or in the comics. He stands tall between the minions of evil and all that is pure and good in this world. It is once again the time to save the world!


‘Look at this motherfucker, a madman to the rescue, get lost you son of a beach,”

Empty threats are nothing new to superman, this is rather part of his job. Santu came near to the goon dragging Priya.

‘What the fuck, don’t touch me you filthy animal” The man kicked Santu leaving Priya. The kick was so hard that it pushed Santu back and he collapsed roadside.

Superman could hardly feel the bullets they fired from the machine gun, and fearlessly he stepped between Lois Lane and the forces of evil.

“This bustard again! It is growing tiresome now.” The man was furious. His fellow goons were not helping, rather amused as the other goon was literally struggling to get rid of the crazy.

He came towards Santu with force and tried to push him down, and just then Santu shakes his cape, the dirt from the rag almost blinded the attacker.

Now the situation was going out of hand, Priya was running towards her house as they were busy with Santu.

After finishing off one villain with a mighty blow, Superman turns towards the rest of them.

Things were not going as smoothly as they have hoped. It will be more difficult if Priya could reach her house.

“What are you doing Joy? Let the crazy motherfucker have it!”


When the underboss of goons named Joy stabbed Superman with his knife, Superman's expression did not change, Joy put his all strength towards the second time, but still nothing.

Though liquid started to ooze from the stab wound and a sharp pain circulates from the opening to the brain, this was nothing compared to his super strength of him.

In his mind he was fighting with the indomitable forces of dark, in reality, he never laid a hand to anybody, never ever, but he fought this war every day, every time.

As Santu was getting struck repeatedly again and again, and getting up again and again, he kept on coming. Every step of him started living a blood trail behind but it was not stopping him.

Kudumnagar was paused. The craziness, the terror, and the courage have touched the soul of the area.

It was the first Priya came out of her house again, holding an iron rod, swinging it fanatically over her head..

“Leave him you bustards…leave him.” She was crying as loudly as she can.

The goons were surprised, first by the defiance of a madman, then the resistance from the very girl they came here to torment.

But before they could act on that, a piece of brick broke the windshield of the SUV they brought with them. The driver covered his head and came out of the car to protect himself from the broken glass.

The doors were open, people came out of the house with whatever they could find..a broomstick, a bottle, a bolt cutter, or a kitchen knife….Kudumbnagar is now armed for the fight.

The hooligans started retreating facing the angry crowd, stones were flying here and there, and few people even tried to light their car…they were looking for shelters.

As the scared spectators became scary, everybody was trying to take part in the mob lynching, Santu lying still in the road.

Superman felt nothing, no weapon on this earth could wound him, and he was not even tired after defeating the demons from hell.

He was just cold and thirsty. He smiled and tried to ask for water from Priya. Priya sitting beside Santu came closer in a desperate attempt to hear the words of Santu.

Santu was looking towards the setting sun, his super hearing could hear the sounds miles away, but the world somehow became uncanny silent. Superman was at peace at last.

Superman flew towards the soaring saffron sky of the dusk leaving cheering Kudumnagar and the lifeless body of a paltry crazy person behind in search of a new adventure.



The End
ब्रिलिएंट स्टोरी

आपने एक पागल व्यक्ति के मन मस्तिष्क को बड़ी ही खूबसूरती से लिखा है, और उसके मन का समाज पर प्रभाव भी खूबसूरत ढंग से लिखा है। स्टोरी का नरेशन बहुत ही अच्छा, सब्जेक्ट उम्दा, और एक्जिक्यूशन शानदार था।

रेटिंग: 9.5/10
 

Sanki Rajput

Abe jaa na bhosdk
5,756
14,514
174
Story pyar ek tyag

writer - Sanki Rajput

Ek short story mai apne wo ahsas dikhaya h jo har har premi ne dekha h ....sirf kuch he hote h jo itni heemat kar paate h ......

Suruwat he itni rochak rahi ki kuch palo mai he sama bandh diya...khaskar Kamal wali baat ne ..akhir kamal kitna he sundar kyo na ho par khichad bina uska astitva nahi h ..
pyar mai bita har pal dil ke koune mai gahrayi tak apni jagah banata h aj wahi wo kar raha tha ....uske kahe har sabd hard tute huve dil ke sath bakhubi mail kha rahe the ....Dono ne he ek dusre ki jindgi ki khusi ke liye ankho ke samne he pyar ka tyag kar diya ....ek taraf sia jisne apne pyar ki jindgi ke liye apni jindgi pyar sab sacrifies kar liya ...toh usne bhi akhiri palo tak apne pyar ki har yaad ko apni ankho mai basa liya .....bhale he sia uski dulhan na bani par usne sia ko dulhan ke roop mai apni ankho basa liya...ek taraf dost ki khusi thi toh ek taraf pyar tha.....sia ke liye tyag karna behad muskil tha ....kyoki ek ladki ko us waqt decision lena bahut muskil hone wala tha...par usne liya ......
apki story se pata h main khud ko bahut Kush kismat manta hu kyoki
Kismat mai pyar asani se nahi milta warna har koyi meri tarah mahfil mai ye gana nahi gaata...

"shaam bhi khub h..... pass mere mera mahubub h aur jeene ke liye sanam kya chahiye...."


Really true heart touching story thi ...i wish sabko apna pyar mile .....bahut pyar likha sanki bro.....

apki story ne bakhubhi darsaa diya h ki Pyar mai Tyag kya aur kaise hota h
Bhai apne bakhubi jataya apne review me sari bato ko, khair jab season 2 ayega tab usme bohot kuch milenge sanjay se related bhi aur arish ki agli journey bhi. Aur English me bhale log kahte ho ki Everything is fair in love and war but no hamari hindi aur hamari kathani mano to yudh ek dharm hai aur pyar ek tyag hai jisse samay aane par tumhe karna hi padta hai bhale tum iss se kitna hi bhag lo. Khair apke itte pyare review ke liye dil se shukriya mere bhai:hug:.
 
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