Chapter 10: Raat Ka Safar
[ Part 1 of 5: Bus Ki Aakhri Seat ]
Narrator (Trambak Maharaj): "Namaste! Main hoon Trambak Maharaj. Dekha aapne, pichle chapter mein kaise Tiku-Ji-Ni Wadi mein paani aur aag ka khel khela gaya. Din bhar ki bhari masti, rain dance, aur VIP changing room ke un raseele raazon ke baad, ab waqt aa gaya hai wapas Gokuldham lautne ka. Thakaan toh sabko thi, par kuch logo ki aag abhi bhi bujhi nahi thi. Raat ke andhere mein, aakhri seat par kya naya gul khilega, aur society mein mardon ka kya naya roop samne aayega? Dekhate hai, aba aage kya honga!"
Sham dhal chuki thi aur raat ka andhera poore Mumbai par chhane laga tha. Tiku-Ji-Ni Wadi ke main gate par khadi us luxury AC bus ka engine start ho chuka tha. Din bhar paani mein tairne, dry rides par cheekhne aur dhoop mein ghoomne ke baad, saari ladies aur Tapu Sena poori tarah se thak (exhaust) chuke they. Unke jism chur-chur ho rahe they aur aakhein neend se bhari hui thi.
Bus ke darwaze khule aur sab ek-ek karke andar aane lage. Bus kaafi badi aur spacious thi. Bacchon ki sena (Tapu, Goli, Gogi, Sonu, Pinku) itni thaki hui thi ki woh log bus ke piche jane ke bajaye, theek
aage wali seats par hi gir pade. AC ki thandi hawa lagte hi, bache 5 minute ke andar gehri neend mein so gaye.
Uske baad
ladies aayi. Daya bhabhi, Anjali, Roshan, Madhavi aur Komal ne bus ki
beech wali seats (middle rows) par kabza kar liya. Sabne apni-apni seats ko piche ki taraf push kiya. Din bhar ki azadi aur masti ke baad, unhe bhi ab shanti chahiye thi.
Aur in sabke beech,
Bapuji apne naye 'Cool Dude' avatar (Cargo shorts, floral shirt, red cap) mein sabse aakhri mein bus mein chadhe. Bapuji ne ek chatur nazar aage aur beech mein daali. Unhe shanti chahiye thi... par akele nahi. Bapuji bina kisi aawaz ke, chup-chap chalte huye bus ki
sabse aakhri wali seat par chale gaye aur theek khidki ke paas wali seat par aaram se baith gaye. Bus ke piche ka hissa thoda andhere mein tha aur wahan aage ki lights nahi pahunch rahi thi.
Jese hi driver ne bus aage badhayi, bus ke andar ki main lights band kar di gayi. Sirf halki nili (blue) night-lights on thi. Bus ke hichkole aur AC ki thandak ne apna jadoo dikhaya. Kuch hi der mein, saari ladies aur bache gehri neend mein so gaye. Bus mein sirf engine ki
ghurrrr-ghurrrr aawaz aur logon ke kharrato ki halki aawaz gunj rahi thi.
Lekin is poori bus mein do log aise the jinhe neend nahi aa rahi thi.
Beech wali seat par baithi
Babita ji ne achanak apni aakhein kholi. Usne apni white t-shirt aur denim shorts theek kiye. Babita ne dhyan se aas-paas dekha. Daya bhabhi muh khol kar so rahi thi, Anjali aur Roshan ek doosre ke kandhe par sir rakh kar gehri neend mein thi, aur Madhavi bhi so chuki thi. Mahol ekdum safe tha.
Babita ji ke honton par ek shaitani aur nasheeli muskurahat aa gayi. Unhe yaad tha ki VIP room ka unka raseela khel abhi adhoora reh gaya tha. Babita chup-chap, dabe paanv apni seat se uthi. Woh catwalk karti hui, bus ki aisle (raste) se hote huye seedha
piche wali aakhri seat ki taraf badhi.
Wahan andhere mein, Bapuji pehle se hi full josh mein baithe huye the, jaise unhe pata tha ki Babita aane wali hai. Babita dhire se Bapuji ke theek
baju wali seat par aakar baith gayi. Unki makhmali tangein Bapuji ke cargo shorts wali tangon se halke se ragad (brush) khayi.
Babita: (Dheemi, phusphusati hui aawaz mein) "Neend nahi aayi aapko, Chacha-ji? Itna thakne ke baad toh aakhein band ho jani chahiye thi."
Bapuji: (Babita ki taraf ghoomte huye, uski aakhon mein dekhte huye) "Jab saamne aisi haseen apsara ho, toh is budhe ki aakhon mein neend kahan se aayegi beta? Meri aakhein toh kisi aur cheez ki pyasi hain."
Babita: (Halke se has kar, apna haath Bapuji ke ghutne par rakhte huye) "Kiski pyasi hain? Subah VIP room mein jo 'garam paani' mila tha, kya woh kaafi nahi tha?"
Bapuji: "Woh toh sirf trailer tha Babita beta. Tu paani mein itni aag laga sakti hai, toh main soch raha tha is AC bus ki thand mein kya karegi."
Babita: "Aap sach mein bohot naughty ho gaye hain Chacha-ji. In kapdon mein toh aapka andaz hi badal gaya hai. Ekdum hero lag rahe hain."
Bapuji: "Hero toh main pehle se tha, bas kisi ne mere andar ka sher jagaya nahi tha. Tune jo subah meri seva ki hai, usne is hero ko wapas jawan kar diya."
Babita: (Apni tight white t-shirt ko thoda aage khinchte huye, cleavage dikhate huye) "Toh phir... kya is jawan hero ko abhi aur seva ki zaroorat hai? Pura rasta lamba hai."
Bapuji: (Thook nigalte huye, Babita ke haath ko apne thigh par dabate huye) "Lamba rasta hi toh chahiye. Mujhe lagta hai is piche wali seat par koi hume disturb nahi karega."
Babita: "Darr nahi lagta aapko? Agar Daya bhabhi piche mud kar dekh le toh?"
Bapuji: "Darr usay lagta hai jiske paas khone ko kuch ho. Maine toh tujhe paa kar jannat pa li hai. Daya so rahi hai, tu bas apna kaam shuru kar."
Babita: "Aap order bohot acha dete hain. Dekhte hain is andhere mein aapka 'tambu' kitna sath deta hai."
Bapuji: "Tambu toh VIP room se hi tana hua hai. Tu bas haath laga kar dekh."
Babita: "Haath kyun... mera toh poora jism aapse jodne ka mann kar raha hai. Aap tayaar toh hain na?"
Bapuji: "Tayaar toh main hamesha se tha Babita. Tu aa toh sahi."
Babita: (Apne hont Bapuji ke kaan ke paas laakar) "Toh phir saans rok lijiye Bapuji... kyunki ye safar bohot raseela hone wala hai."
Is kaatilana aur garm dialogue baazi ke baad, bus ke piche wale andhere hisse mein ek atyant uttejit mahol ban gaya.
Babita ne ek nazar aage daali. Sabhi aurtein gehri neend mein thi. Babita ne aage jhuk kar apna ek bada sa shawl nikala aur usey Bapuji aur apni god ke upar daal diya taaki andhere mein kisi ko kuch na dikhe.
Phir Babita dhire se Bapuji ki taraf jhuki aur
aadhi let gayi. Uska sir theek Bapuji ki god ke paas aa gaya. Bapuji ne jo cargo shorts pehne huye the, unme unka 6.5 inch ka hathiyar subah se hi unki yaadon mein bechain tha. Babita ne shawl ke niche apne naram aur makhmali hathon se Bapuji ke shorts ke button ko khola.
Bapuji ka hathiyar, jo is tang shorts mein kaid tha, azaad hote hi hawa mein poori tarah se sakht hokar khada ho gaya. Babita ne andhere mein hi usko apne hathon mein thama. Uski garm saansein Bapuji ki jaanghon par pad rahi thi. Bina koi aawaz kiye, Babita ne apne raseele hont aage kiye aur us azaad huye hathiyar ko apne mooh mein le liya!
Bapuji ki aakhein jhatke se badi ho gayi. AC ki us thandi hawa mein, Babita ke muh ki woh bepanah garmi Bapuji ke jism mein 440 volt ka current dauda rahi thi. Bapuji ne darr aur maze ke maare apne dono haath seat par zor se bhench (clench) liye taaki unke muh se koi aawaz na nikal jaye.
Sochiye dosto, kya kismat thi Bapuji ki! Bus mein aage unki bahu (Daya) aur society ki baki aurtein so rahi thi, aur piche aakhri seat par society ki sabse hot aurat unki god mein aadhi leti hui unki is kadar raseeli seva kar rahi thi. Babita ka sir bus ke hichkole ke saath upar-niche ho raha tha, aur us shawl ke niche chal raha ye 'Khufiya Kaand' kisi ko bhanak tak nahi lagne de raha tha.
Aur ab, naseeb toh dekho! Bapuji ki kismat yahan rukne wali nahi thi.
Jis highway ke raste se woh log subah khushi-khushi sirf
1 ghante mein water park pahunch gaye the, aaj wapas laut-te waqt wahan ek bhayankar
Traffic Jam lag gaya!
Bus driver ne aage dekh kar announce kiya, par sab so rahe they. Ek bada accident hone ki wajah se poora highway block tha. Gaadiyan rukh chuki thi. Jis safar ko 1 ghanta lagna tha, ab woh poore
4 ghante ka safar ban chuka tha!
Bapuji ke dimaag mein patakhe phoot gaye
. 4 ghante? Matlab 4 ghante tak ye jannat ka safar chalta rahega!
Aur sach mein dosto, traffic jam ke us poore raste mein, Bapuji ne us aakhri seat par jo anand uthaya, woh kisi raja-maharaja ko bhi naseeb nahi hua hoga. Bus dhire-dhire sarak rahi thi, aur Babita shawl ke niche, kabhi Bapuji ke hathiyar ko chusti, kabhi unke pet aur jaanghon ki masaj karti, aur kabhi uth kar Bapuji ke honton par ek garm, deep kiss de deti. Bapuji ne bhi Babita ki tight white t-shirt ke oopar se uske purple bra wale boobs ko poore raste khoob masla.
Jab traffic jam khulne laga aur Mumbai shehar ki lights dikhne lagi, tab Babita apni is lambi aur mehnat bhari seva se poori tarah santusht hokar uthi aur wapas theek se Bapuji ke theek baju mein baith gayi. Usne apne baal theek kiye aur t-shirt ko set kiya.
Bapuji poori tarah se thak chuke they, par unki aakhon mein ek aisi chamak thi jo barson purani jawani laut aane par milti hai. Unhe Babita par bepanah pyar aur aakarshan aa raha tha.
Bapuji ne bina kuch bole apna thela apne pairon ke paas se uthaya. Unhone bag ki chain kholi aur uske andar se note (cash) ka ek mota bundle nikaala. Ye
500-500 ke naye note the! Bapuji ne woh notes ka bundle chup-chap Babita ki taraf badha diya.
Babita ji ek second ke liye shock ho gayi. Uski aakhein hairat se badi ho gayi.
"Y-Ye kya hai Bapuji? Aap mujhe paise kyun de rahe hain?" Babita ne ghabra kar, halki aawaz mein pucha. "Maine ye sab kisi paiso ke liye nahi kiya tha Chacha-ji! Mujhe aap pasand aaye, isliye maine aapki seva ki. Main koi waisi aurat nahi hoon!" Babita ka thoda ego hurt ho gaya.
Bapuji ne bohot hi pyar aur samajhdaari se Babita ka haath pakda. "Beta, tu galat samajh rahi hai. Main janta hoon tune ye paiso ke liye nahi kiya. Tu toh is society ki rani hai. Main tujhe ye paise us 'kaam' ke liye nahi de raha."
Babita ne confused hokar Bapuji ki taraf dekha, "Toh phir kis liye?"
Bapuji ne Babita ke kaan ke paas aakar phusphusaya, "Main tujhe ye paise isliye de raha hoon, taaki tu in paiso se aur bhi ache-ache, mehenge aur sexy kapde kharid sake. Aur sabse zaroori baat... naye aur mast
Innerwears (Lingerie) le sake! Subah jo purple bra aur black panty pehni thi tune, usne meri jaan nikal di thi. Main chahta hoon tu is paiso se usse bhi behtar, lace wale aur transparent kapde laaye, taaki अगली (next) baar jab hum milein, toh main unhe apne hathon se utaar sakun. Samjhi beta?"
Babita ko jab asli kaaran samajh aaya, toh uske honton par ek atyant shaitani, naughty aur raseeli muskurahat phail gayi. Uski saari narazgi gayab ho gayi. Usko realize hua ki Bapuji ko uska dressing sense kitna paagal kar chuka hai.
Babita ne muskurate huye woh bundle Bapuji ke haathon se le liya. Usne aaraam se, aakhri seat ki dim light mein un paiso ko gina. Woh poore
20,000 rupaye (Twenty Thousand Rupees) the!
"Wow Bapuji... aap toh bade ameer aur dil-daar nikle," Babita ne nakhre se kaha aur un paiso ko apne purse mein daal liya. Usne Bapuji ki aakhon mein dekh kar ek katilana aakh maari aur wada kiya,
"Kuch din rukh jayiye Bapuji! Phir aisi aisi dresses aur lingerie pahan kar aaungi ki aapka dil aur dhoti, dono sambhale nahi sambhlenge!"
Dono ne ek doosre ko dekha aur wahi khidki se bahar aati Mumbai ki roshni mein aaraam se baithe rahe.
Raat ke theek 10:00 baj rahe the.
Char ghante ke lambe traffic jam aur usse bhi lambe 'Khufiya Romance' ke baad, bus aakhir kar Gokuldham Society ke main gate ke andar dakhil hui.
Psssshhhh... Bus ke air-brakes ki aawaz aayi aur bus society ke compound mein theek center mein aakar ruk gayi.
Driver ne light on ki. "Chalo bhabhi ji log! Society aa gayi!" Daya bhabhi, Anjali, Roshan aur baki sabki aakhein jhatke se khuli. Sabhi ne jamhaai (yawn) li aur angdayi todte huye uthne lage. Bache bhi apni aakhein malte huye uthe. Babita aur Bapuji bhi aise acting karte huye apni seat se uthe jaise woh abhi-abhi gehri neend se jaage hon.
Ek-ek karke sabhi log apne bhari bags lekar bus se niche society compound mein utar gaye. Driver ne bus start ki aur woh bus wahan se nikal gayi.
Ab compound mein saari ladies aur Tapu sena khadi thi. Thandi hawa chal rahi thi aur sab poori tarah se thak chuke the, unhe bas ab apne bed par jaakar sona tha.
Par society mein utarte hi sabko ek baat
bohot hairan lagi.
Wahan
Koi bhi Gents nahi dikh raha tha! Na Jethalal, na Taarak, na Sodhi, na Hathi aur na hi Iyer. Society ka maidan ekdum sunsaan tha.
"Arey? Ye gents log kahan gaye?" Roshan ne hairani se aas-paas dekhte huye pucha.
"Humein lene ke liye niche nahi aaye?" Daya bhabhi ne bhi yahan-wahan dekha, "Tapu ke papa ko toh maine bataya tha ki hum 10 baje tak aa jayenge. Pata nahi kahan gaye sab."
"Zaroor apne soda shop ya Abdul ki dukan par gap-shap maar rahe honge. Inhe hamari kya chinta!" Babita ne apni t-shirt theek karte huye, thoda nakhre mein kaha (jabki asal chinta toh usne bus ki aakhri seat par hi Bapuji se karwa li thi).
Saari ladies thoda udas aur naraz hone lagi ki unke pati itne laprwah hain. Woh sab apne bags utha kar apne-apne gharon ki taraf jaane ke liye ghoomi hi thi ki achanak...
"Surprise!!!"
Ek bohot hi zor-dar, ek-saath nikali aawaz poori society mein gunj uthi! Ladies aur bache buri tarah darr gaye aur unhone jhatke se piche mudkar dekha.
Society ke
Garden ke piche se, andhere se nikal kar saare Gents (Jethalal, Taarak Mehta, Sodhi, Dr. Hathi aur Iyer) ek line mein khade hokar baahar aaye!
Par hairani ki baat ye nahi thi ki woh wahan the. Hairani ki baat ye thi ki un sab ke haathon mein
Bade-bade colourful aur chamakte huye GIFTS the! Ji haan dosto, woh sab apne-apne bacchon aur patniyon ke liye gifts lekar aaye the.
Ladies aur bacchon ke chehre khushi aur aashcharya se khil uthe. "Arey! Gifts? Ye sab kya hai?" Anjali ne aage badhte huye pucha.
Jethalal, jisne ekdum fancy shirt pehni hui thi, woh sabse aage aaya aur usne thoda bhaavuk (emotional) hokar bolna shuru kiya.
"Daya... Babita ji... Anjali bhabhi aur saari society ki bhabhiyo. Humein maaf kar dijiye. Aaj din bhar jab aap log humse door us water park mein the, toh hum mardon ko yahan is society mein akele baith kar apni
Galti ka ehsaas hua hai."
Taarak Mehta ne aage continue kiya, "Haan. Humein samajh aaya ki hum apne kaamon, office aur dukan ke chakkar mein aap logo ko kitna
Ignore karte hain. Humari zindagi mein aap log kitne zaroori hain, ye hume aaj aapke bina akelepan mein mehsoos hua."
Sodhi ne bhi apna sir hilaya, "Oye Roshan meri jaan! Sachi bol raha hoon, tere bina mera sikh kabab khane ka bhi dil nahi kiya aaj. Humne aap sabka dil dukhaya tha."
Iyer ne bhi apna chashma thik kiya aur Babita ki taraf dekhte huye apnapan jataya, "I am really sorry Babita darling. Humein tumhare saath us picnic par chalna chahiye tha. Humne bohot badi mistake ki."
Saari ladies ka dil pighal gaya. Jo aurtein subah gusse mein
'No Gents Allowed' bol kar nikli thi, ab apne patiyon ke is badle huye roop aur maafi ko dekh kar bohot khush aur emotional ho rahi thi. Bapuji wahi khade Jethalal ke is drame ko dekh kar man hi man has rahe the, kyunki unhe pata tha inki 'tadap' ka asli raaz kya hai.
Phir shuru hua Gifts ka distribution!
Jethalal sabse aage gaya. Usne ek bada sa, red ribbon wala box
Daya ke haath mein diya, "Ye lo Daya! Tumhare liye Ahmedabad ki special bandhani saree aur matching jewelry!" Daya khushi se uchhal padi. Phir Jetha ne Tapu ko ek naya video game diya. Uske baad Jethalal ne
Bapuji ko ek shawl di (jise dekh kar Bapuji ne man mein socha ki Babita ka 20,000 ka gift is shawl se hazar guna behtar hoga).
Taarak Mehta ne Anjali ko ek Diet-Book aur ek necklace diya. Pinku (jo akele tha) usey bhi Taarak ne ek football di.
Sodhi ne Roshan ke liye ek bohot hi mast Punjabi patiala suit aur Gogi ke liye naye cricket pads laye the.
Dr. Hathi ne Komal ke liye unka favourite chocolate cake aur ek nayi dress ka box diya, aur Goli ko chocolates ka dher de diya.
Aur aakhir mein
Iyer ne aage badh kar
Babita ji ko ek imported branded perfume aur ek mehengi ghadi ka box thama diya. Babita ne muskurate huye gift le liya (par uske dimaag mein Bapuji ka 20,000 ka 'Lingerie' wala inaam hi sabse bada gift tha).
Sab log khushi-khushi apne gifts khol rahe the. Mahol ekdum pyar aur romance se bhar gaya tha.
Par in sabke beech, theek kone mein khadi
Madhavi bhabhi ki halat bohot ajeeb thi.
Madhavi ke haath ekdum khaali the. Uske aaspas sab ladies apne-apne gifts flaunt kar rahi thi, par Madhavi ke aage na koi gift tha aur na hi usey dene wala koi mard. Usne ghabra kar aas-paas dekha.
"A-Arey... ek second," Madhavi ne bohot hi awkward aur sharmindgi bhari aawaz mein gents se pucha. "Baki sab toh theek hai... par
ye kahan par hai?"
Saare gents ek doosre ka muh dekhne lage. Unke chehron par achanak se ek hichkichahat aa gayi.
Jethalal ne aage badh kar, apna gala saaf kiya aur thoda atakte huye bola, "W-Woh Madhavi bhabhi... Bhide bhai toh... woh apne ghar par so rahe hain!"
"Kya? So rahe hain?" Madhavi ka ego ek baar phir hurt ho gaya. "Par aap sab gifts de rahe hain, toh kya unhe kisi ne nahi bataya?"
Jethalal ne nazrein churate huye bataya, "N-Nahi bhabhi, aisi baat nahi hai. Jab hum sab bazaar jaa rahe the gifts lene... toh humne Bhide bhai ko bhi bataya tha aur bulaya tha. Par... par unhone hume saaf mana kar diya. Unhone bola ki 'Faltu ke kharche karne ki kya zaroorat hai? Maintainance ka paisa aise nahi udate, main toh sone jaa raha hoon'. Aur woh sach mein jaakar so gaye!"
Ye sunte hi Madhavi ka bacha-kucha dil bhi poori tarah se choor-choor ho gaya. Aaj din mein water park mein uski sasti bra-panty ne usey inferiority complex (heen-bhavna) diya tha, aur ab raat ko poori society ki ladies ke saamne, Bhide ki is be-izzati bhari kanjoosi ne usey zaleel kar diya tha.
Madhavi ki aakhon mein aansu aane lage. Baki saari ladies, jinke haath mein mehenge gifts the, woh bhi chup ho gayi aur Madhavi par taras khane lagi. Madhavi se ab aur ek pal bhi wahan khada nahi raha gaya. Usne kisi ko kuch nahi bola, bas apna thela uthaya aur rote huye seedha apne ghar ki seedhiyon ki taraf bhag gayi.
Narrator (Trambak Maharaj): "Haha! Toh dekha aapne dosto! Bus ki aakhri seat par Bapuji ne Babita ji ko woh 20,000 diye jisne unka dil jeet liya. Aur yahan society mein Jethalal aur baaki mardon ne gifts dekar apni galtiyon ki maafi maang li. Par kanjoos Bhide ne toh Madhavi bhabhi ka poori society ke samne kachra kar diya! Madhavi ke dil mein pehle hi Jethalal ki amiri aur Daya ki mehangi bikini dekh kar jalan thi, ab is be-izzati ke baad Madhavi ke andar ki aurat kya bhayanak aur raseela kadam uthayegi? Aba aage kya honga janiye agle part meh!"
[Part 1 of 5 Completed]