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Thanks a lot dear lovely Komal sisA Long post but everybody will say, ' longing for more'' and excellent as usual but one small thing, current structure, yes para breaks should be there, but breaking a sentence, in three or four parts regularly, does readers enjoy it more or they prefer more conservative approach.
breaks and gaps should be there and it can be after completion of a sentecne or when somebody is saying something and active voice is used, his her saying is in inverted coma, ... to me everything looks hot but a broader opinion you may ask
komaalrani