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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2024 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

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Mak

Recuérdame!
Divine
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Story: The Last Apology : A Tale Of Friendship And Regrets..

Written by: Agasthya

Let's first talk about your writing skills. You have it in you in abundance. I mean this was a pretty good story that is presented beautifully. Now, talking about the story, it didn't look like a story, it felt like a personal experience, written from the heart. I don't know if it's true or not.

I have lived away from home since childhood, so a few things made me deeply connect with your story and remember those days. Your story is making me write my experiences; believe me, it was filled with so much drama, friendship, and everything. :D

Pretty good story buddy, now tell me how much of this is true or it is just a creation of your mind? :waiting:
 

Rajizexy

❣️and let ❣️
Supreme
48,285
51,252
304

Black

From India
Prime
18,683
37,573
259
Story - SAAJAN.
Writer - Black.

कहानी कुछ हकीकत तो कुछ फिल्मी थी । पुराने जमाने की मूवी " नीलकमल " के कुछ किरदारों से मिलता जुलता हुआ किरदार कुछ हद तक इस कहानी के किरदारों का भी था ।
जया मैडम कुछ हद तक' वहीद रहमान ' जी के रोल मे लगी , साजन साहब कहीं कहीं ' मनोज कुमार ' जी की तरह लगे , ननद रानी सीमा मैडम पुरी तरह से ' शशीकला ' जी के रोल मे ढल गई तो सासू मां सौ फीसदी ' ललिता पवार ' जी के रूप मे नजर आई ।

60 - 70 के दशक के दौरान की एक मध्यमवर्गीय परिवार की कहानी थी यह । सास और ननद का कैरेक्टर अमूमन ऐसा ही घरों मे देखने - सुनने को मिलता था।
बहूएं अगर दरिद्र फैमिली से निकलकर अमीर घर मे ब्याही हुई होती थी तो उनका विहेवियर करीब करीब जया की तरह का ही होता था । शर्मीलापन , झिझक , संकोची , डर , खामोश प्रवृति इनका चरित्र होता था ।

जया और साजन , दोनो का चरित्र बहुत ही अच्छा था ।
सासू मां का चरित्र भारतीय मौसम की तरह था जो समय के अनुसार बदलते रहता है।

बहुत ही बेहतरीन कहानी ब्लैक भाई।
Bahut bahut shukriya Sanju bhaiya
Aapne meri story padhi
Aur itne achche se review diya
Film dekhke nahi likha tha story
Pure imagination thi
Ho sakta hai aapko similar lagi ho
Aur jaya ke pita khud ameer the
Woh gareeb nahi thi
Bas iske character ko aur achche se mujhe likhna chahiye tha
Main dhanya ho gaya aapka review padhke..
 
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SHOTO

I am what I am
110
283
64
Story :- CTRL + Z
Writer:- Mak

Plot of this story is just sensational. I absolutely enjoyed while reading this. It didn't feel heavy despite being technical, and the reason could be the comical structure of the conversations. I recently watched loki, so I thought story might be similar as it also has checkpoints. But the unpredictability of the story blew my mind. Two things stood out for me.
1. Conversations between the characters: It felt very realistic.
2. Ending: I loved the writer went for this rather than being safe.

Story could have been better if the environment and surroundings were described. But nevertheless plot of the story overcomes this.

I would give 4/5.
 

Sanki Rajput

Abe jaa na bhosdk
5,756
14,507
174
Story - इंदरबाग
Writer - Sanki Rajput


आप जब किसी स्टोरी पर लम्बा - चौड़ा रिव्यू देते है तो वो ऐसा लगता है जैसे एक अत्यंत ही काबिल और तजुर्बेकार समीक्षक का रिव्यू पढ़ रहा हूं । इस हिसाब से आप की स्टोरी अगर हमे पढ़ने को मिले तो यह स्वभाविक है कि हमारी आशाएं अपेक्षाएं आप से कुछ बढ़ जाती है ।

आप की इस स्टोरी का विषय निस्संदेह बढ़िया था लेकिन नरेशन , वाक्य - व्याकरण , इमोशंस , थ्रिल मे वह परफेक्टनेस नही दिखाई दिया जो आपके रिव्यू मे दिखाई देता है ।
सस्पेंस अच्छा बिल्ड अप किया आपने लेकिन सेक्स प्रकरण अनावश्यक भी था ।
नर-भक्षी इंसान स्वयं ही खौफनाक और डरावना शब्द है । इसे पढ़कर अगर हमारे रोंगटे खड़े न हुए तो फिर इसका मतलब कहीं न कहीं कुछ मिस्टेक हुआ है ।
थोड़ा-बहुत समय लेकर और थोड़ा गहन विचार कर अगर आप कुछ लिखेंगे तो वो अवश्य ही संतोषजनक परिणाम देगा । निरंतर प्रयास करना ही सफलता की कुंजी है ।
वो क्या है न मेरा पहली बार था सेक्स स्टोरी में तो थोड़ा जज्बातों में फिसल के रह गया :shy: वैसे शुक्रिया भाई आपका रिव्यू के लिए :dost:
 
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Samar_Singh

Conspiracy Theorist
4,548
6,196
144
Review
Story - Dead but Alive
Writer - Mak


What a wonderful story, simple but full of suspense. The style of telling the story was to remain intact. At first it felt like it would be a suspense thriller murder mystery, which it still sounds like, but it was a little different from a typical story.


The story continuously creates interest for itself, like for the first time Aniket sees Priya naked at that moment it seems perhaps Priya has died but this idea soon changes, and then we wonder why Priya is doing this, the secret of Priya's illness is finally revealed at the end.

Often, while writing a story related to mental illness, the writer gives some imaginary idea of illness according to their own view, but here too you have kept the story real by highlighting a real illness.

Ending the story with a cliffhanger may disturb the readers but such stories do not have an ending, questions remain to be raised, so that a person can think of such an ending. At the end of the story, Hemant says his wife's name is Sudha, that is why I believe in 2nd possibility, surely this was a conspiracy by Hemant and Sudha to kill Aniket and Priya and get their property.

There is another possibility that the whole story is actually just Hemant's imagination and characters like Aniket and Priya are really don't exist, but I believe in 2nd possibility that this is Hemant and Sudha's plan to kill Aniket and Priya.

The narration of the story is awesome and Aniket's signature in the letter which is shown in cursive font was a great way to make the story more realistic.

I don't find anything that can be criticised in this story. Keep it up bro.
 
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Samar_Singh

Conspiracy Theorist
4,548
6,196
144
Review
Story - yaad- dasht gyi....
Writer - Aladdin_

Comedy is very subjective thing, hum nahi keh sakte ki kisko kis tarah ke joke par hasi aayegi...but I am sure isko padkar to bilkul nahi...



Last me to bas....last ka part ek sar dard se jyada kuch nahi tha....like jo man me bakwas aayi vo writer ne likh di...I had to suffer 5 minute trauma after reading this.

Writing mistake to bhar bhar ke thi, nothing was good in the story.
 
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Samar_Singh

Conspiracy Theorist
4,548
6,196
144
"Are They still Human or ... ?"


In the somber town of Dadori, a shadow of mourning loomed. Nearly the entire village had gathered outside the police station, protesting for their missing loved ones to be found. But it wasn't just one or two families; it was nearly 40-50 families, each missing someone—a daughter, a young man, an elder. It seemed to be happening relentlessly, month after month.

The first incident had occurred four years ago, and after a couple more incidents, the disappearances had ceased. However, a year later, this grim occurrence resurfaced with a vengeance, occurring almost every other week or at least once in two months. And now, it had taken a graver turn recently when an entire family vanished.

The police acknowledged the public outcry and handed the case to the special crime unit, led by Detective Dhiren, who was assigned to unravel the mystery.

Dhiren initiated a thorough search across the city, starting with cemeteries, then rivers, convinced that if people didn't return, they must have perished. If not, there had to be traces of human trafficking or organ smuggling. Gradually, he began to perceive the crime as serial killings, but the absence of bodies denied it that classification. The ultimate realization dawned on him that human trafficking, possibly for organ harvesting, was taking place within the city, under their very noses.

Despite 21 days of intense search, the city yielded no answers. Upon receiving reports from the rural areas, Dhiren was astonished. How could someone carry out human trafficking without leaving any clues?

Passing the case to a higher committee seemed appropriate, but what baffled him further was the absence of any recent cases in the last few days, leading him to suspect that the criminal might be someone within the city, knowledgeable about the scrutiny of the crime unit.

A few days later, while watching the news, Dhiren learned about a cleanup operation in the city's outskirts by the municipality. Hastening to the site, he discovered numerous butchers' shops nearby. What caught his attention was the discovery of bones and pieces of flesh in the sewage system. While others dismissed it as a consequence of improper waste disposal, Dhiren sensed a link to his case. He ordered his team to send the samples for forensic analysis.

The next day, upon receiving the forensic report, Dhiren's worst fears were confirmed. That evening, every butcher shop in the area was scrutinized, but to no avail.

The following afternoon, Dhiren stood outside a house, ringing the doorbell. As the door opened, he swiftly pushed aside a woman and pointed his pistol at the man seated inside.

And there, an offender was apprehended—a mute apprentice butcher, who had tried to convey something to Dhiren the previous night but couldn't. Through sign language interpreters, his story unfolded, revealing the horrors he had witnessed and endured.

With the arrest of this individual.

After enduring so much torture by the police, the criminal finally spilled all the truth, causing everyone standing there to tremble their facial expressions indicating that they would never forget this case.

And after that, 3 more criminals were caught from the city's outskirts, but perhaps a few others were still at large.


In evening..

Yet, as Dhiren watched the news, his mind lingered on the words of the captured man, reminding him of the darkness that still lurked within their city.

"Sir, please don't beat me more, sir, please don't. I'll tell you everything... I'm not into smuggling, sir. I had to deal in human flesh. There are not just one but around 8-9 buyers from different cities. They are all hungry for human flesh and they were the ones who started making people disappear and then they used to take parcels from me.They are beast disguised as a human, sir. Their thirsts for blood, sir. In front of my eyes, they were..re cutting up a living human..."



Review
Story - Are they still human or....
Writer - Sanki Rajput


It was not a story...it was a sketch draft of story's plot.

Iss theme par ek behetreen established plot ke sath horror story likhi ja sakti thi, Story itni choti hai ki character, plot, horror, suspense kuch bhi dhang se create nahi ho pata.

Sab kuch superfast speed me hi jata hai, jaise aap koi bahut interesting story padh rahe hai and suddenly pta chalta hai ki aage likhi hi nhi hai.

The story could be really interesting and captivating if you write it with some more efforts and more words.
 

Mak

Recuérdame!
Divine
11,617
11,504
229
Story :- CTRL + Z
Writer:- Mak

Plot of this story is just sensational. I absolutely enjoyed while reading this. It didn't feel heavy despite being technical, and the reason could be the comical structure of the conversations. I recently watched loki, so I thought story might be similar as it also has checkpoints. But the unpredictability of the story blew my mind. Two things stood out for me.
1. Conversations between the characters: It felt very realistic.
2. Ending: I loved the writer went for this rather than being safe.

Story could have been better if the environment and surroundings were described. But nevertheless plot of the story overcomes this.

I would give 4/5.
Thanks for giving it a go buddy! Appreciate your opinion. :love:
 
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