sandy4441
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Chunnu Mama Ki Love Story
Uth jaa kumbhkaran 10 baj gaye par abhi bhi uthne ka naam hi nahi le raha hai…mere kano mein meri maa ki awaaz aate hi saala pura sapna hi tut gaya. pata nahi kyu subah subah maa ki awaaz besuri si lagti hai jab wo chilla kar uthati hai.aur yeh sirf mere sath nahi aap sab ke sath bhi hota hoga.
Maa to utha kar sorry chilla kar chali gayi thi aur mera sapna bhi tut gaya tha to an-mane mann se utha aur fresh hone ke liye washroom ki taraf chal pada. Aap soch rahe honge ki main hu kaun. To bata du ki mera naam raaj hai. DDLJ wala raaj nahi hu aur waise bhi pyaar vyaar wala chutiyapa meri samaj se pare hai. Aisa nahi hai ki mujhe pyaar se nafrat hai par yeh jo pyaar ke naam pe filmon mein aur aaj kal raayta failaya hua hai usase se bahut nafrat hai. Haal hi mein meri college ki exam khatam huyi hai aur abhi vacation chal raha hai.
Khair, main fresh ho kar brush karte huye ghar ki bahar aaya aur jhule par baith gaya. brush karte huye meri nazar pados mein rahte chunnu mama ke upar padi. Wo abhi yoga kar rahe the. saala subah 10 baje kaun yoga karta hai maine man hi man socha aur unko dekhne laga. Chunnu mama ki umar kuchh 42 saal ke aas pass ki rahi hogi. Yoga karte huye unka badha hua pet unko dikkat paida kar raha tha par phir bhi apna kaam vah kiye jaa rahe the.
Waise chunnu mama pure mahallo ke bachho aur yuva ke mama the aur saari mahila o ke bhai. Hamare ghar ke paas hi wah rahte the to mera kuchh achha bondig tha unke sath aur maa bhi unko apna saga bhai hi manti thi. unke ghar mein vah akele hi rahte the, unhone shadi nahi ki thi. unke maa baap gaon mein unke bhai ke sath hi rehte the. yaha pe unka khud ka kiraane ka dukaan tha.
Meri chunnu mama ke sath achhi banti thi matlab bahut hi achhi kyuki ek to unko bhi babu shone baby wale pyaar se nafrat thi aur ekdum zinda dil insaan the to unke sath koi bhi baat share bhi kar sakte the. aur paise ki zarurat rahi to vo bhi mil jaate the. waise vo koi paise udane walo mein se nahi the. jaha tak muft ka kuchh mil jaaye to apni jeb mein hath nahi daalte the. par mera unke sath achha khasa yaarana tha to vo help kar dete the.
agar in short kahu to kanjus type aadmi the chunnu mama. Hamare ya kisi dusre mohalle mein bhandara ho ya kisi ki shaadi ho chunnu mama ko date and time ke sath pura schedule pata rehta tha. Vo kya hai na bahar khane ka zugaad ho jaata hai to ghar pe khana nahi banana padega, sabji aur kiraana ka kharcha bhi nahi hoga aur cylinder ki bhi bachat hogi aur akele the to bartan bhi nahi dhone padenge yeh sab calculation ke sath unka khane ka shauk bhi unko bahar ke khane se rok nahi sakta tha.
Main apne vicharo main khoya hua tha tabhi chunnu mama ki nazar mujh par padi aur bole, ‘’uth gaya kumbh karan…dekh meri tarah yoga karna chalu karde sehat bani rahegi warna bhains jaisa ho jaayega”
Maine unko upar se neeche tak dekha aur kaha, ‘waise sehat banane ki zarurat aapko hai mama’.
“arre isko kam karna to daahine hath ka khel hai,” chunnu mama ne apne badhe huye pet ki taraf ishara karte huye kaha.
Maine apna sar naa main hilaya aur unke sath subah subah bahas nahi karna hai aisa soch kar kaha,”to aaj Sunday off dukaan main mama’.
‘‘beta,dukaan ka off hai par ghar ka to kaam karna hi hai. Jhadu, pochha, aur bartan wait kar rahe hai” chunnu mama ne muh sikodate huye kaha.
“kam wali rakhlo aur shadi kyu nahi kar lete aap, dikhne main bhi jawan hi lag rahe ho bas pet bahar aa gaya hai.” maine unki chutki lete huye kaha.
“Tumko bhi pata hai shadi kyun nahi kar raha aur mujhko hi puchh raha hai, chalo baad min milte hai gali ke naake par abhi thoda kaam kar leta hu” boolkar mama pane yoga ka aasan utha kar andar ki ore jaane lage.
Chunnu mama ko jallate huye dekh kar meri hasi chhut gayi waise mama apne jawaani ke dino mein kaafi ashiq mizaz the. unhone hi mujhe bataya tha aur kisi ko ye baat nahi pata thi ki unko jawani mein total teen baar saccha wala pyaar hua tha, par teeno ladkiyon ne pyaar to unse kiya par shaadi kisi aur se kar li. Tab se unka pyaar se vishwas uth gaya tha.
Jab main unko unke ishq mizaz ke bare mein puchata tha to wo bolte ki beta titanic jab ban rahi thi tab james Cameron ko main mil gaya hota to ‘my heart will go on’ gaane mein Leonardo di caprio ki jagah main chunnilal mishra kate winslet ke sath romance karta aur leo ka patta kat chuka hota.
Chunnu mama ki saari khufiya baate mujhe aur mere langot yaar Vicky dono ko hi pata thi aur mama ko hum dono par bharosa bhi tha ki hum kisiko nahi batayenge.
Jab main naha dho kar bahar nikla to ghar ke aangan mein jhule par Vicky jhul raha tha aur koi gaana gaa raha tha. Waise vo uske ghar kam mere ghar par jyaada rehta tha.
“kya subah subbah aa gaya, kaam dhandha nahi hai kuchh” maine jhule par uske pass baith kar puchha.
“tujhe 11.00 baje subah lag rahi hai. Shukar kar tera wait kiya” Vicky ne muh bigadkar kaha.
“to bc tu kya karodo ka business sambhal raha hai to wait nahi kar sakta” maine bhi jawab diya.
“chal chhod na, tujhe kuchh batana hai” Vicky ne kaha.
“kya?” maine puchha
‘wo neha hai na yaar aaj subah subah usko dekh liya, kya lag rahi thi yaar. Soch raha hu aaj hi propose kar du” vikcy ne apne seene ko malte huye kaha.
“chutiye main pyaar se dur bhaagta hu taaki koi mera kaat na lein, aur tu ladkiyo ko dekh kar jaan bujh kar apna katwane part tula hua hai” maine usko ghurte huye kaha.
Tabhi chunnu mama apne ghar se bahar nikle aur unko dekh kar Vicky se main bola “chunni mama se seekh kuchh’’
Aur hum dono khade ho kar unke sath gali ke naake par jaane lage.
‘kya seekhne ki baat kar rahe ho humse” chunni mama ne mujhe dekh kar puchha.
“mama yeh balak dekho na pyaar ke chakkar main pada hua hai, neha ko propose karne ki soch raha hai to maine kaha chunni mama se seekho kuchh” maine garm joshi se kaha.
Apni tareef sunkar chunni mama ke chehre par muskaan aa gayi aur Vicky ko pelne lage aur batane lage ki pyaar karne se kya nukshan hota hai usmein unhone apni teen girl friend ke peeche gawaye huye paiso ka bhi hisaab ginaa liya.
Chunni mama ka bhasan sunn kar Vicky ko aatm gyaan hua aur emotional hokar wo unke pairo par padne laga. Vo to mama ne badappan dikhaya aur bhare bazaar mein aisa karne se rok liya.
“suno tum dono ko pata hai naa aaj raat sharmaji ki beti ki shadi hai aur khaana khane jaana hai.” Hum teeno jab hamare adde yaani ki naake par khade huye to chunni mama ne achanak se kaha.
“kahe nahi pata hoga unki beti ke pichhe 2 saal se fielding kar rahe the. par chhod diya humne…apne aapko heroin samajhti thi” Vicky ne kaha.
“tune chhoda nahi hai…usne bhaav nahi diya tujhe bc” maine kaha
“ek hi baat huyi na” Vicky bola
“abbe chhodo tumhara randi rona ab , raat ko aa rahe ho na shaadi mein dono” chunni mama gusse mein bole.
Maine aur Vicky ne dono ne haa mein sar hilaaya aur hum phir se idhar udhar ki baat karne mein vyast ho gaye.
Raat ko chunnu mama sham ke pehle se hi mere ghar aa gaye the aur lagbhag 10 baar bata chuke the ki aaj raat menu kya ho sakta hai. Maine Vicky ko call karke jaldi aane ko bola taki mama mera dimaag chatna chhode aur hum khane ke liye I mean shadi mein jaaye.
Jab hum shadi mein pahuche to chunnu mama ki nazar food counter par hi thi ki kab khana chalu ho aur wo waha par pahuche. Jaise hi khana chalu hua to na aav dekha na taav lagbhag daudate huye vah pahuch gaye khana khane aur mujhe aur Vicky ko sath mein chalne ke liye bhi nahi kaha.
Thodi hi der mein main aur Vicky bhi khana khane chale gaye. Maine dekha gents aur ladies sab sath mein hi the bas counter alag alag the.
main aur Vicky dono humara dish lene jaa hi rahe the tab meri nazar chunnu mama ke upar padi jo waha par apna muh khole huye khade the aur unke muh se laar hothon tak aa gayi thi.mujhe laga ki shayad gulab jamun ko dekh kar chunnu mama usmein kho gaye hoge par jab meri nazar samne ki taraf padi to main chaunk gaya. maine do baar meri ankho ko saaf kiya par koi fark nahi pada.kyuki samne ka drishya hi kuchh aisa tha jo ki kisi ko bhi vishwas na aaye.
Darasal chunnu mama kisi mahila jo ki umra mein kuch 37-38 saal ki rahi hogi unko ek tak dekhe jaa rahe hai. Maine Vicky ko ishara karke dikhaya to vo bhi apni aankhein malne laga. Main samay ki nazakat ko samjhte huye seedha chunnu mama ke pass gaya aur unka hath pakad kar kone mein le jaane laga.
“kya kar rahe ho nalayak, chain se khane bhi nahi de rahe ho” Achanak se mera aise unko le jaane se wo thode chaunk gaye aur baad mein gussa karte huye bole.
“mama yeh aap jo kar rahe the laga raha tha pura ka pura x-ray nikal rahe ho uss mahila ka. Kisine dekh liya hota to yaha se seedha hospital ya police station jaate aur aapka character dheela hone mein bhi der nahi lagti.” Maine mama ko jawab diya.
“subah to bade chacha chudhary ban rahe the ladkiyo ke pichhe padne ka profit & loss acc. Bata rahe the par yaha to aapka pura ka pura balance sheet hil gaya uska kya” Vicky ne bhi mama ko jhadne ka mauka nahi chhoda.
“abe kamino, main sirf dekh hi raha tha tumhari nazar theek nahi hai” mama jhallate huye bole.
“chunnu mama dekh nahi rahe the pura ka pura ghus chuke the uss mahila ke darshan karne mein”, Vicky bola.
“pehle khana kha lete hai baad mein bheed ho jaayegi chalo”, maine kaha.
“mujhe bhukh nahi hai ab, tum jaao main ghar jaa raha hu” hum kuchh kehte uske pehle mama ghar chal diye.
Aaj pehli baar aisa hua tha ki mama ne khana nahi khaya tha. Baat sach mein bahut hi serious lag rahi thi
Dusre din subah main aur Vicky dono chunnu mama ki dukaan par chale gaye.
Mama ka rang udd gaya tha kuchh vichar mein lag rahe the.
“kaise ho mama, aur kal khana kyu nahi khaya”, maine jaate hi puchha.
Chunnu mama ka muh utara hua tha aur lag raha tha ki raat ko theek se so bhi nahi pay hai.
“arre main ek baat batana chahta hu tum logon ko. Ekdum secret hai. Kisi ko batana mat” chunnu mama dheere se bole.
“kya?”,main aur Vicky dono sath mein hi bole.
“kal jis mahila ko hum dekh rahe the na vo humen pasand aa gayi hai” chunnu mama nayi naveli dulhan ki tarah bole.
“pagal ho gaye ho kya. Shadi shuda hogi.. umara nahi dekhi kam se kam 37-38 ki to hogi hi” maine kaha.
“nahi hogi shadi shuda. Sindoor nahi tha” mama sharmate huye bole.
“ho sakta hai bhul gayi ho yaa na kiya ho sindoor”, maine turant hi kaha.
Meri baat sun kar chunnu mama ka chehra safed padne laga.
“waise maine puri kundali nikal li hai aapke khayalo ke mallika ki”, Vicky ne chunnu mama ke samne dekhte huye kaha aura ankh mari.
“kaun hai wo batao jaldi, shadi shuda to nahi”, chunnu mama bhavnao mein bah kar vikcy ka collar pakadte huye bole.
“arre kyu seedha main course ka khana khane ki soch rahe ho, pehle bitingwagerah ho jaaye tab aate hai main course par. shanti rakho bata rahe hai”, Vicky ne kaha aur usne kahani chalu ki.
Vo mahila ka nam menka hai. Aur vo Sharma ji ki saali hai. Kanpur ki rehne wali hai. 5 saal pehle Divorce ho chuke hai. Dusri bar shadi nahi ki hai. Shayad ab shadi karna bhi nahi chahti hai.. Aur ha koi bachha bhi nahi hai. Matlab aapse setting ho gaya to kharcha bachega aapka.
Vicky ka itna hi kehna tha aur chunnu mama ne uske chehre ko pakad ke dono gaalo pe pappi de di. Aur kursi mein baith ke sapne dekhnelage.
“ab to menka hamari ho kar hi rahegi dekhna” mama ne kaha.
Dusre din se hi mama ne naye kapde khareede jo ki apne apmein ek record tha. Hair cutting karwake clean shave kar ke hero ki tarah chamkne lage.
“mama aaj to shakti kapoor se shammi kappor bann gaye ho aap” maine kaha.
“bas ye sab tumhari mami ke liye hai” chunnu mama ne apne baalo mein hath fairte huye kaha.
“kaun mami” Vicky ne sawaliya nazro se puchha.
“chhote jiska pura bio data tumne hamare saamne rakha tha vo ….menka” chunnu mama ne menka bolte waqt shararat bhari awaz mein kaha.
“vo sab to theek hai par aapka naam badalna padega pehle” maine kaha.
Kyu bhai, kya kharabi hai hamare naam mein” chunnu mama bole.
“agar aapka naam zor se bole to lagta hai gaali di aur dheere se bole to lagta hai kisi bachhe ko bula rahe hai. Aise naam se thodi na impress hogi menka” maine kaha.
Mami..menka mami bolo…izzat do thodi badi hai tumse” chunnu mama ne kaha.
“par naam kya rakhenge aapka” maine puchha.
“dekho mujhe koi bhi naam chalega,bas acchha hona chahiye”mama bole
“mama mujhe lagta hai hai ki ‘ch’ se hi aapka naam hona chahiye….jyotish ke hisaab se aapki raashi se naam rakhte hai to faayda ho sakta hai aapko”,Vicky bola.
Mama ko Vicky kayeh idea pasand aa gaya aur maan bhi gaye.
Kai naam par maine aur Vicky ne soch vichar kiya jo naam mama ko achha lagta vo humein nahi pasand aata aur jo mujhe ya Vicky ko pasand aata vo mama nahi rakhna chahte the. aakhir mein mama ko gussa aa gaya aur bole ek kaam karo ‘ch’ se ‘chutiya’ hi rakh do.
“kaisi baat kar rahe ho mama, kaisa lagega yeh naam jab menka ji bulayegi…ae chutiya ji suno…aey chutiya ji yeh leke aana mele chutiya babu ne thana thaya ki nahi aur ham aapko chutiya mama keh ke bulayenge kaisa lagega, sorry mama meri taraf se naa hai,” Vicky ne apna gyaan dete huye kaha.
“Ek thappad lagaunga seedhe apne ghar jaa kar girega….chunnu naam hi sahi hai humara. Full n final,” mama ne apna nirnay suna diya.
Dusre din jab main subah ghar ke aangan main aaya to chunnu mama ashiqui film ka gaana ‘main duniya bhula dunga’ gaa rahe the.
“kya mama romantic mood main ho aaj kal…rahul roy bane huye ho.” maine pass jaate huye kaha.
“anu aggarwal ko impress jo karna hai” mama ne ankh marte huye kaha.
“mama kyu tharki ban rahe ho….menka ji ke sath abhi taaka nahi bheeda hai aur aap ye anu aggarwal ko patane ki baat kar rahe ho. Waise hai kaun ye mahila” Vicky ne bahar se aate huye puchha.
“un-padh wo ashiqui film ki heroine hai example de raha tha main” chunnu mama bole.
Vicky ne yeh sunkar rahat ki saans li aur apni khufiya baat batayi ki menkaji aur 15-20 din rehne wali hai yaha aur chunnu mama ke pass unko impress karne keliye sirf 2-3 weeks hi hai.
“aur unka divorce kyun hua uski jaankari bhi hai humare pass”, Vicky apni ankhein chhoti karte huye bola
“kyun?”,chunnu mama ne utsukta se puchha.
“darsal unka pati sharab peeta tha aur menka ji ko bilkul pasand nahi tha”,Vicky ne bolna chalu kiya.
“hum to nahi pee rahe hai”,chunnu mama tapak se beech mein bole.
“vo menka ji ko pyaar nahi karta tha” Vicky ne fir se bolna chalu kiya.
“par hum to karte hai”,chunnu mama iss baar bhi beech mein bole.
Vicky ko aise beech mein se kaat te huye mama ka aisa bolna pasand nahi aaya aur jhallate huye bola “unke pati ka affair bhi tha kisi ke sath aisa sunane mein aaya hai”
“affair to hamara bhi nahi kisi ke sath”, phir se Vicky ki baat ko kaat-te huye mama bole.
“vo pura mard tha”, Vicky ko ab gussa aaya aur bol pada.
“bhai mard to hum bhi nahi hai….kya kaha. main pura ka pura mard hu. Bas vo menka ji ko hi saboot denge. Aur tum jyada detective mat bano”, chunnu mama jaise sapne se bahar aaye aur Vicky ko pelne lage.
Agle hi din se chunnu mama khud Sharma ji ke waha ration wagerah ki list banana aur dene ke liye jaane lage wo bhi bhari discount ke sath. Menka ji ke sath unki acchhi khasi batein bhi ho jaati thi aisa vo bata rahe the. aaj kal mama bade khush lag rahe the. menka ji ka swabhav, unki sundarta aur smile ke bare mein ghanto baat karte rahte aur shayari bhi likhne lage the. hadd to tab ho gayi ki vo urdu mein bhi shayari likhte the.vo baat alag thi ki unki shayari dhinchak pooja ke gaane ke lyrics se bhi ghatiya hoti thi.
Abhi kuchh din huye honge unka aur menka ji ki baat cheet chalu huye main aur Vicky unki dukaan par pahuch gaye.
“mama aapko mami mil gayi to humko to bhul hi gaye”, maine kaha.
“raaj, aisa nahi hai vo to thoda busy chal rahe hai. Menka ji chali jaaye uske pehle shadi ki baat bhi to karni hai”,mama muskurate huye bole.
‘waise kal sharma ji ke waha koi party thi suan tha apko bhi invite kiya tha…aap gaye the ki nahi”, Vicky ne puchha.
“ji bilkul vo mrs. Sharma ne invite kiya tha…pakka menka ke kehne par hi kiya hoga”, mama bole.
“aapko lagta hai vo aapko pasand karti hai,mujhe to shaq hai.” Maine sar hilaate huye puchha
“pakka karti hai, kal party mein hass rahi thi mere samne dekh kar maine notice bhi kiya.” Mama confidence ke sath bole.
“mama, vo aapke saamne dekh kar nahi aapko dekh kar hass rahi hogi”, Vicky ne kaha aur hum dono zor zor se hasne lage.
Hamara yeh mazak mama ko pasand nahi aaya aur bole ki dekhna tum dono main meri aur menka ji ki shadi mein tum dono ko cold drinks serve karwaunga tab jaa kar tumko pata chalega mama kya cheez hai.
Mama ko to apne pyaar par pura yakeen tha aur unka yakeen vishwas mein tab badal gaya jab menka ji jaane wali thi uske agle din unhone mama ko bataya ki main aapke ghar aapko milne kal aaungi.
Menka ji ki baat sunkar mama to itne khush huye ki kal hi unki shadi hai.
Dusre din vo kisi hero ki tarah taiyar huye aur menkaji ka wait karne lage. Vo thode nervous the isliye mujhe aur Vicky ko bhi unke ghar bitha diya. tay hua ki menka ji aayegi to hum dono yaha waha ki baate karke nikal lenge.
Menka ji ke aane ka time hote hote chunnu mama teen baar toilet bhi jaa chuke the. vo bata rahe the ki jab jyada tension aur utsukata hoti hai to unko kabz ho jaati hai.
Thodi der mein menka ji bhi aa gayi….yellow saree pehne huye bahut hi sundar lag rahi thi aur mama ka muh khula ka khula tha unko dekh kar. Maine unko kohni markar unki galti ka ahsaas karaya.mujhe aur Vicky ko vo jaanti thi. mama ne hi bataya tha unko. Thodi der hamne yaha waha ki batein ki aur jaise hum jaane ke liye khade huye to menka ji ne rok liya.
“kaha jaa rahe ho, bahut important kaam ke liye aayi hu yaha..baitho”, menka ji ne kaha.
Hum dono ne mama ki taraf dekh unhone baithne ka ishara kiya to hum wapis baith gaye.
Menka ji ne chunnu mama ke samne dekh kar kaha.
“apko pata hai aapse baat karke mujhe bahut acchha lagta hai. Aap jaante hi ho ki mera divorce ho gaya hai aur uss wajah se sare mard mujhe kisi object ki tarah hi dekhte hai. Darsal ghurte hi rehte hai.par aap unn logo mein se nahi ho. Maine hamesha aapki aannko mein pavitrata hi dekhi hai.
Menka ji ka aisa bolne se Vicky ki hasi chhut gayi par usne khasne ka naatak chalu kar diya aur menka ji ko bolne ka ishara kar diya.
Menka ji ne bolna chalu kiya.
Mujhe lagta hai ki aap suljhe huye insaan ho jo sabki izzat karta hai aur uss wajah se hi saare mohalle ke bacche aapko mama aur saari mahilaye aapko bhai manti hai.
Main aapo kuchh batana chahti hu aisa kah kar menka ji khadi huyi aur unki bag mein se kuchh nikalte huye chunnu mama ke pass aa gayi.
Chunnu mama ki dhadakane tez ho gayi thi, chehre pe paseena aa gaya tha. Main aur Vicky chunnu mama aur menka ji ko dekhe jaa rahe the.
Menka ji mama ke pass aate hi vo khade ho gaye. Aakhirkar menka ji ne apne purse mein se vo cheez dhundh hi li jisko vo khoj rahi thi.
Unke hathon meinjo cheez thi vo dekh kar main Vicky aur chunnu mama teeno chaunk gaye. Humein apni aankhon par vishwas nahi ho raha tha.
Darsal menka ji ke hatho mein ‘raakhi’ thi.
“arre aap ye dono ke liye laayi hai raakhi. Waise hai to chhote aapse par rishte to aise hi ban jaate hai,” chunnu mama apne sar se paseena pochhte huye bole.
“accha mazak kar lete ho aap, ye raakhi aap ke liye hai chnnu bhaiya”, menka ji boli.
Bhaiya shabd sun kar chunnu mama ki to saansein hi atak gayi par unhone apne aapko sambhal kar rakha tha.
Raakhi ko dekh kar chunnu mama ne dheere se apne dono hatho ko pichhe kar diya.
“pure mohalle ki mahilaye aapko bhai maanti hai, aur agar main aapko bhai nahi maanti to aapka apmaan hota chunnu bhai”, menka ji boli.
‘agle hafte raakhi ka din hai aur main kal hi jaa rahi hu to maine socha aapko aaj hi raakhi bandh du”, menka ji boli.
Abhi bhi mama ke hath peeche hi the. shayad mama soch rahe the ki saiyaa ban-ne nikale the yeh to bhiaya bana rahi hai.
Vicky ne samay ki najakat ko samjhte huye unka hath aage kiya aur bola, ‘menka ji vo kya hai na mohalle ki sab mahilaye inko bhai maanti hai par kabhi kisine raakhi nahi baandhi to emotional ho gaye hai. Dekho inki aankhon mein ansu bhi hai’
“mama thoda smile karo. Menka ji raakhi baandh rahi hai. Laao main photo kheench leta hu”,maine kaha aur mobile se photo kheenchne laga.
Dusri taraf Vicky “bhaiya mere rakhi ke bandhan ko nibhana” wala gaana gaa kar mausam ko pavitra karne ki koshish kar raha tha. Aur chunnu mama man hi man hum dono ko gaali de rahe the.
Menka ji raakhi bandh kar nikal gayi aur ghar mein main Vicky, chunnu mama aur sannata reh gaya.
Chunnu mama ka chehra dekh kar maine bata sakta tha ki unko aaj tak maine itna dukhi nahi dekha…..ha dekha hai jab bhandare mein muft ka khana khane keliye kisi wajah se jaa nahi paaye ho yaa to phir shadi mein invitation na mila ho par iss wajah se to kabhi dukhi nahi dekha tha. Pyaar ki wajah se.
Thodi der khamoshi ke baad Vicky apni aadat ke anusar beech mein bola, “ mama ji aap rahul roy banana ke sapne dekh rahe the aur rajpal yadav bana ke chhod diya”.
Vicky ki baat sun kar mama thodi der chup rahe aur bole, “menka ji bhi kaha anu aggarwal thi, theek thak hi dikhti thi, achha hua unke sath relation aage nahi badha warna unke ahsaan tale dab jaata aur ‘ humein unko ‘haa’bolna padta”
“aapke jaisa bada wala koi nahi hai…mahapurush…aapne apne pyaar ka balidaan jo diya hai,” main bola
Menka ji to apne ghar chali gayi thi aur mama humse mil ne se katra rahe the. kuchh din baad humne unko milne ke liye socha. Hum dono unke gar pahuche aur mohalle ke naake par jaane keliye mana liya.
main Vicky aur mama hamare adde par pahuche,kuchh der se hum do lukkhe ladkon ki baaate sun rahe the jo ki kisi ladki ko patane ki baatein kar rahe the.unki baat sunkar chunnu mama ki aankhon se angaarey barsane lage….pyaar ke naam se unki nafrat aur badh gayi thi.main aur Vicky dono ko pata tha ki aaj yeh dono ke kaan se khoon nikalne wala hai.
Chunnu mama unn dono ke pass pahuche jo ki hass rahe the aur kisi ladki ke bare mein baat kar rahe the aur idhar main aur Vicky dono ne countdown start kiya….chuunu mama ne ani bhadas nikalni chalu ki.
Kya ye pyaar pyaar kar rahe ho….pata hai kya hota hai pyaar karne ke baad. Mujhe dekho..aaj tak jitney paise gawayein hai utna main bachake rakhta to khud ka well furnished ghar hota, khud ki gaadi hoti, aur yeh sab hota to ek acchhi biwi bhi hoti. Par nahi hum to nihayati chutiya the. paise to gawayein par saala akhari baar pyaar kiya tab beizzati bhi huyi. Pehle inke upara kharcha karo baad mein koi aur mil jaayega to jiske pass jyada paisa hoga to usase shadi kar legi aur jab shadi ke liye aur koi nahi hai to bhai banake nikal jaayegi. Parek baat pakki hai ki aapka katega jarur.
Abhi tum kya bol rahe the..chunnu mama ne ek ladke ke kandhe par hath rakh kar bola…haan wo mil jaaye to swarg hi yahi milega. Beta ji swarg ka to pata nahi par par tumhara EMI aisa badhega ki gaand fatt ke hath mein aa jaayegi. Tum log sirf fielding hi bharte rehna , bike ka petrol jalate rehna….aur uske baad wo kisi aur se shadi karegi ya tumko apna bhai banayegi tab tumhara pichhwada aisa jalega ki tumhare bika fuel bhi utna nahi jala hoga. Jab tak sath hogi tab tak babu, shona, baby karegi aur jab tum kisi kaam ke nahi rahoge to tumhara loda, lahsun banake chali jaayegi.
Aur pyaar karne wale ladko ka aisa haal hone mein tumhare jaise lafangeaur bhosad pappu o ka hath hai jo ladkiyon ko pyaar to nahi kar sakte par unko apni personal secretary banana ho aise behave karte hai. Tumhare jaise kamino ki wajah se ladko ko bhugatna padta hai aur saari ladkiya sochne lagti hai ki ladke jo hai saare harami hote hai aur usmein mere jaise log mera matlab hai ye raaj aur Vicky jaise log bali ka bakra ban jaate hai. Hath ki lakeere mitt jati hai ladkiyon ko yaad kar kar ke par tum jaiso ki wajah se ladkiya apna hath hamare matlab inke hath mein nahi rakhti hai.
Chunnu mama ne dono ko barabar jhad diya tha. Vo dono apna sar neeche kare huye khade the , dono ko waha par hi chhod kar mama ne hamari taraf dekha aur neeche thook kar aage badh gaye.
“aapne to jhad hi diya matlab maza aa gaya.par aapki jagah hamara example kyu diya, pyaar karo aap aur bill hamare naam pe fadte ho. Gazab ho aap bhi.,” main bola.
“hamari koi izzat hai yaha par..kya aisa bol dete ki menka ji ka paar khone ka gham hai,” mama nirash hote huye bole
“koi baat nahi par maza aaya sach mein,”maine unka utara hua chehra dekh kar kaha.
“mama, aaj bhandare mein jaana hai kya do gali chhodkar hai..”, Vicky bola.
“kyun nahi chalege yaar…ab to inki behen menka ji bhi nahi hai..hai na mama,” maine kaha.
“ab tum dono bhi gaand maar lo, ha hum chalne wale hai aur aaj ke baad mere saamne pyaar vyaar ki baatein mat karna,matlab thodi bahut kar sakte ho” mama bole.
Itna bolne ke baad mama muskuraye aur bole ladkiyaan itni kharab bhi nahi hoti hai par yeh dono lukkho ko uski aukaat dikhani thi.
“Aur haa agar koi acchi mahila dikhe to bhi bolna…tumhari mami ban-ne ke laayak ho aisi,” aankh marte huye mama bole.
Aisa lag raha tha ki mama ne abhi jo bhashan diya tha vo sirf apni bhadas nikalne ke liye hi diya tha…aakhir mein mama bole, “ suno aaj hi ek sher likha hai.”
Maine aur Vicky ne apna muh bigada aur mama ka ghatiya sher sunane ke liye taiyaar ho gaye.
Mama ne kisi professional shayar ki tarah bolna chalu kiya.
Maa to utha kar sorry chilla kar chali gayi thi aur mera sapna bhi tut gaya tha to an-mane mann se utha aur fresh hone ke liye washroom ki taraf chal pada. Aap soch rahe honge ki main hu kaun. To bata du ki mera naam raaj hai. DDLJ wala raaj nahi hu aur waise bhi pyaar vyaar wala chutiyapa meri samaj se pare hai. Aisa nahi hai ki mujhe pyaar se nafrat hai par yeh jo pyaar ke naam pe filmon mein aur aaj kal raayta failaya hua hai usase se bahut nafrat hai. Haal hi mein meri college ki exam khatam huyi hai aur abhi vacation chal raha hai.
Khair, main fresh ho kar brush karte huye ghar ki bahar aaya aur jhule par baith gaya. brush karte huye meri nazar pados mein rahte chunnu mama ke upar padi. Wo abhi yoga kar rahe the. saala subah 10 baje kaun yoga karta hai maine man hi man socha aur unko dekhne laga. Chunnu mama ki umar kuchh 42 saal ke aas pass ki rahi hogi. Yoga karte huye unka badha hua pet unko dikkat paida kar raha tha par phir bhi apna kaam vah kiye jaa rahe the.
Waise chunnu mama pure mahallo ke bachho aur yuva ke mama the aur saari mahila o ke bhai. Hamare ghar ke paas hi wah rahte the to mera kuchh achha bondig tha unke sath aur maa bhi unko apna saga bhai hi manti thi. unke ghar mein vah akele hi rahte the, unhone shadi nahi ki thi. unke maa baap gaon mein unke bhai ke sath hi rehte the. yaha pe unka khud ka kiraane ka dukaan tha.
Meri chunnu mama ke sath achhi banti thi matlab bahut hi achhi kyuki ek to unko bhi babu shone baby wale pyaar se nafrat thi aur ekdum zinda dil insaan the to unke sath koi bhi baat share bhi kar sakte the. aur paise ki zarurat rahi to vo bhi mil jaate the. waise vo koi paise udane walo mein se nahi the. jaha tak muft ka kuchh mil jaaye to apni jeb mein hath nahi daalte the. par mera unke sath achha khasa yaarana tha to vo help kar dete the.
agar in short kahu to kanjus type aadmi the chunnu mama. Hamare ya kisi dusre mohalle mein bhandara ho ya kisi ki shaadi ho chunnu mama ko date and time ke sath pura schedule pata rehta tha. Vo kya hai na bahar khane ka zugaad ho jaata hai to ghar pe khana nahi banana padega, sabji aur kiraana ka kharcha bhi nahi hoga aur cylinder ki bhi bachat hogi aur akele the to bartan bhi nahi dhone padenge yeh sab calculation ke sath unka khane ka shauk bhi unko bahar ke khane se rok nahi sakta tha.
Main apne vicharo main khoya hua tha tabhi chunnu mama ki nazar mujh par padi aur bole, ‘’uth gaya kumbh karan…dekh meri tarah yoga karna chalu karde sehat bani rahegi warna bhains jaisa ho jaayega”
Maine unko upar se neeche tak dekha aur kaha, ‘waise sehat banane ki zarurat aapko hai mama’.
“arre isko kam karna to daahine hath ka khel hai,” chunnu mama ne apne badhe huye pet ki taraf ishara karte huye kaha.
Maine apna sar naa main hilaya aur unke sath subah subah bahas nahi karna hai aisa soch kar kaha,”to aaj Sunday off dukaan main mama’.
‘‘beta,dukaan ka off hai par ghar ka to kaam karna hi hai. Jhadu, pochha, aur bartan wait kar rahe hai” chunnu mama ne muh sikodate huye kaha.
“kam wali rakhlo aur shadi kyu nahi kar lete aap, dikhne main bhi jawan hi lag rahe ho bas pet bahar aa gaya hai.” maine unki chutki lete huye kaha.
“Tumko bhi pata hai shadi kyun nahi kar raha aur mujhko hi puchh raha hai, chalo baad min milte hai gali ke naake par abhi thoda kaam kar leta hu” boolkar mama pane yoga ka aasan utha kar andar ki ore jaane lage.
Chunnu mama ko jallate huye dekh kar meri hasi chhut gayi waise mama apne jawaani ke dino mein kaafi ashiq mizaz the. unhone hi mujhe bataya tha aur kisi ko ye baat nahi pata thi ki unko jawani mein total teen baar saccha wala pyaar hua tha, par teeno ladkiyon ne pyaar to unse kiya par shaadi kisi aur se kar li. Tab se unka pyaar se vishwas uth gaya tha.
Jab main unko unke ishq mizaz ke bare mein puchata tha to wo bolte ki beta titanic jab ban rahi thi tab james Cameron ko main mil gaya hota to ‘my heart will go on’ gaane mein Leonardo di caprio ki jagah main chunnilal mishra kate winslet ke sath romance karta aur leo ka patta kat chuka hota.
Chunnu mama ki saari khufiya baate mujhe aur mere langot yaar Vicky dono ko hi pata thi aur mama ko hum dono par bharosa bhi tha ki hum kisiko nahi batayenge.
Jab main naha dho kar bahar nikla to ghar ke aangan mein jhule par Vicky jhul raha tha aur koi gaana gaa raha tha. Waise vo uske ghar kam mere ghar par jyaada rehta tha.
“kya subah subbah aa gaya, kaam dhandha nahi hai kuchh” maine jhule par uske pass baith kar puchha.
“tujhe 11.00 baje subah lag rahi hai. Shukar kar tera wait kiya” Vicky ne muh bigadkar kaha.
“to bc tu kya karodo ka business sambhal raha hai to wait nahi kar sakta” maine bhi jawab diya.
“chal chhod na, tujhe kuchh batana hai” Vicky ne kaha.
“kya?” maine puchha
‘wo neha hai na yaar aaj subah subah usko dekh liya, kya lag rahi thi yaar. Soch raha hu aaj hi propose kar du” vikcy ne apne seene ko malte huye kaha.
“chutiye main pyaar se dur bhaagta hu taaki koi mera kaat na lein, aur tu ladkiyo ko dekh kar jaan bujh kar apna katwane part tula hua hai” maine usko ghurte huye kaha.
Tabhi chunnu mama apne ghar se bahar nikle aur unko dekh kar Vicky se main bola “chunni mama se seekh kuchh’’
Aur hum dono khade ho kar unke sath gali ke naake par jaane lage.
‘kya seekhne ki baat kar rahe ho humse” chunni mama ne mujhe dekh kar puchha.
“mama yeh balak dekho na pyaar ke chakkar main pada hua hai, neha ko propose karne ki soch raha hai to maine kaha chunni mama se seekho kuchh” maine garm joshi se kaha.
Apni tareef sunkar chunni mama ke chehre par muskaan aa gayi aur Vicky ko pelne lage aur batane lage ki pyaar karne se kya nukshan hota hai usmein unhone apni teen girl friend ke peeche gawaye huye paiso ka bhi hisaab ginaa liya.
Chunni mama ka bhasan sunn kar Vicky ko aatm gyaan hua aur emotional hokar wo unke pairo par padne laga. Vo to mama ne badappan dikhaya aur bhare bazaar mein aisa karne se rok liya.
“suno tum dono ko pata hai naa aaj raat sharmaji ki beti ki shadi hai aur khaana khane jaana hai.” Hum teeno jab hamare adde yaani ki naake par khade huye to chunni mama ne achanak se kaha.
“kahe nahi pata hoga unki beti ke pichhe 2 saal se fielding kar rahe the. par chhod diya humne…apne aapko heroin samajhti thi” Vicky ne kaha.
“tune chhoda nahi hai…usne bhaav nahi diya tujhe bc” maine kaha
“ek hi baat huyi na” Vicky bola
“abbe chhodo tumhara randi rona ab , raat ko aa rahe ho na shaadi mein dono” chunni mama gusse mein bole.
Maine aur Vicky ne dono ne haa mein sar hilaaya aur hum phir se idhar udhar ki baat karne mein vyast ho gaye.
Raat ko chunnu mama sham ke pehle se hi mere ghar aa gaye the aur lagbhag 10 baar bata chuke the ki aaj raat menu kya ho sakta hai. Maine Vicky ko call karke jaldi aane ko bola taki mama mera dimaag chatna chhode aur hum khane ke liye I mean shadi mein jaaye.
Jab hum shadi mein pahuche to chunnu mama ki nazar food counter par hi thi ki kab khana chalu ho aur wo waha par pahuche. Jaise hi khana chalu hua to na aav dekha na taav lagbhag daudate huye vah pahuch gaye khana khane aur mujhe aur Vicky ko sath mein chalne ke liye bhi nahi kaha.
Thodi hi der mein main aur Vicky bhi khana khane chale gaye. Maine dekha gents aur ladies sab sath mein hi the bas counter alag alag the.
main aur Vicky dono humara dish lene jaa hi rahe the tab meri nazar chunnu mama ke upar padi jo waha par apna muh khole huye khade the aur unke muh se laar hothon tak aa gayi thi.mujhe laga ki shayad gulab jamun ko dekh kar chunnu mama usmein kho gaye hoge par jab meri nazar samne ki taraf padi to main chaunk gaya. maine do baar meri ankho ko saaf kiya par koi fark nahi pada.kyuki samne ka drishya hi kuchh aisa tha jo ki kisi ko bhi vishwas na aaye.
Darasal chunnu mama kisi mahila jo ki umra mein kuch 37-38 saal ki rahi hogi unko ek tak dekhe jaa rahe hai. Maine Vicky ko ishara karke dikhaya to vo bhi apni aankhein malne laga. Main samay ki nazakat ko samjhte huye seedha chunnu mama ke pass gaya aur unka hath pakad kar kone mein le jaane laga.
“kya kar rahe ho nalayak, chain se khane bhi nahi de rahe ho” Achanak se mera aise unko le jaane se wo thode chaunk gaye aur baad mein gussa karte huye bole.
“mama yeh aap jo kar rahe the laga raha tha pura ka pura x-ray nikal rahe ho uss mahila ka. Kisine dekh liya hota to yaha se seedha hospital ya police station jaate aur aapka character dheela hone mein bhi der nahi lagti.” Maine mama ko jawab diya.
“subah to bade chacha chudhary ban rahe the ladkiyo ke pichhe padne ka profit & loss acc. Bata rahe the par yaha to aapka pura ka pura balance sheet hil gaya uska kya” Vicky ne bhi mama ko jhadne ka mauka nahi chhoda.
“abe kamino, main sirf dekh hi raha tha tumhari nazar theek nahi hai” mama jhallate huye bole.
“chunnu mama dekh nahi rahe the pura ka pura ghus chuke the uss mahila ke darshan karne mein”, Vicky bola.
“pehle khana kha lete hai baad mein bheed ho jaayegi chalo”, maine kaha.
“mujhe bhukh nahi hai ab, tum jaao main ghar jaa raha hu” hum kuchh kehte uske pehle mama ghar chal diye.
Aaj pehli baar aisa hua tha ki mama ne khana nahi khaya tha. Baat sach mein bahut hi serious lag rahi thi
Dusre din subah main aur Vicky dono chunnu mama ki dukaan par chale gaye.
Mama ka rang udd gaya tha kuchh vichar mein lag rahe the.
“kaise ho mama, aur kal khana kyu nahi khaya”, maine jaate hi puchha.
Chunnu mama ka muh utara hua tha aur lag raha tha ki raat ko theek se so bhi nahi pay hai.
“arre main ek baat batana chahta hu tum logon ko. Ekdum secret hai. Kisi ko batana mat” chunnu mama dheere se bole.
“kya?”,main aur Vicky dono sath mein hi bole.
“kal jis mahila ko hum dekh rahe the na vo humen pasand aa gayi hai” chunnu mama nayi naveli dulhan ki tarah bole.
“pagal ho gaye ho kya. Shadi shuda hogi.. umara nahi dekhi kam se kam 37-38 ki to hogi hi” maine kaha.
“nahi hogi shadi shuda. Sindoor nahi tha” mama sharmate huye bole.
“ho sakta hai bhul gayi ho yaa na kiya ho sindoor”, maine turant hi kaha.
Meri baat sun kar chunnu mama ka chehra safed padne laga.
“waise maine puri kundali nikal li hai aapke khayalo ke mallika ki”, Vicky ne chunnu mama ke samne dekhte huye kaha aura ankh mari.
“kaun hai wo batao jaldi, shadi shuda to nahi”, chunnu mama bhavnao mein bah kar vikcy ka collar pakadte huye bole.
“arre kyu seedha main course ka khana khane ki soch rahe ho, pehle bitingwagerah ho jaaye tab aate hai main course par. shanti rakho bata rahe hai”, Vicky ne kaha aur usne kahani chalu ki.
Vo mahila ka nam menka hai. Aur vo Sharma ji ki saali hai. Kanpur ki rehne wali hai. 5 saal pehle Divorce ho chuke hai. Dusri bar shadi nahi ki hai. Shayad ab shadi karna bhi nahi chahti hai.. Aur ha koi bachha bhi nahi hai. Matlab aapse setting ho gaya to kharcha bachega aapka.
Vicky ka itna hi kehna tha aur chunnu mama ne uske chehre ko pakad ke dono gaalo pe pappi de di. Aur kursi mein baith ke sapne dekhnelage.
“ab to menka hamari ho kar hi rahegi dekhna” mama ne kaha.
Dusre din se hi mama ne naye kapde khareede jo ki apne apmein ek record tha. Hair cutting karwake clean shave kar ke hero ki tarah chamkne lage.
“mama aaj to shakti kapoor se shammi kappor bann gaye ho aap” maine kaha.
“bas ye sab tumhari mami ke liye hai” chunnu mama ne apne baalo mein hath fairte huye kaha.
“kaun mami” Vicky ne sawaliya nazro se puchha.
“chhote jiska pura bio data tumne hamare saamne rakha tha vo ….menka” chunnu mama ne menka bolte waqt shararat bhari awaz mein kaha.
“vo sab to theek hai par aapka naam badalna padega pehle” maine kaha.
Kyu bhai, kya kharabi hai hamare naam mein” chunnu mama bole.
“agar aapka naam zor se bole to lagta hai gaali di aur dheere se bole to lagta hai kisi bachhe ko bula rahe hai. Aise naam se thodi na impress hogi menka” maine kaha.
Mami..menka mami bolo…izzat do thodi badi hai tumse” chunnu mama ne kaha.
“par naam kya rakhenge aapka” maine puchha.
“dekho mujhe koi bhi naam chalega,bas acchha hona chahiye”mama bole
“mama mujhe lagta hai hai ki ‘ch’ se hi aapka naam hona chahiye….jyotish ke hisaab se aapki raashi se naam rakhte hai to faayda ho sakta hai aapko”,Vicky bola.
Mama ko Vicky kayeh idea pasand aa gaya aur maan bhi gaye.
Kai naam par maine aur Vicky ne soch vichar kiya jo naam mama ko achha lagta vo humein nahi pasand aata aur jo mujhe ya Vicky ko pasand aata vo mama nahi rakhna chahte the. aakhir mein mama ko gussa aa gaya aur bole ek kaam karo ‘ch’ se ‘chutiya’ hi rakh do.
“kaisi baat kar rahe ho mama, kaisa lagega yeh naam jab menka ji bulayegi…ae chutiya ji suno…aey chutiya ji yeh leke aana mele chutiya babu ne thana thaya ki nahi aur ham aapko chutiya mama keh ke bulayenge kaisa lagega, sorry mama meri taraf se naa hai,” Vicky ne apna gyaan dete huye kaha.
“Ek thappad lagaunga seedhe apne ghar jaa kar girega….chunnu naam hi sahi hai humara. Full n final,” mama ne apna nirnay suna diya.
Dusre din jab main subah ghar ke aangan main aaya to chunnu mama ashiqui film ka gaana ‘main duniya bhula dunga’ gaa rahe the.
“kya mama romantic mood main ho aaj kal…rahul roy bane huye ho.” maine pass jaate huye kaha.
“anu aggarwal ko impress jo karna hai” mama ne ankh marte huye kaha.
“mama kyu tharki ban rahe ho….menka ji ke sath abhi taaka nahi bheeda hai aur aap ye anu aggarwal ko patane ki baat kar rahe ho. Waise hai kaun ye mahila” Vicky ne bahar se aate huye puchha.
“un-padh wo ashiqui film ki heroine hai example de raha tha main” chunnu mama bole.
Vicky ne yeh sunkar rahat ki saans li aur apni khufiya baat batayi ki menkaji aur 15-20 din rehne wali hai yaha aur chunnu mama ke pass unko impress karne keliye sirf 2-3 weeks hi hai.
“aur unka divorce kyun hua uski jaankari bhi hai humare pass”, Vicky apni ankhein chhoti karte huye bola
“kyun?”,chunnu mama ne utsukta se puchha.
“darsal unka pati sharab peeta tha aur menka ji ko bilkul pasand nahi tha”,Vicky ne bolna chalu kiya.
“hum to nahi pee rahe hai”,chunnu mama tapak se beech mein bole.
“vo menka ji ko pyaar nahi karta tha” Vicky ne fir se bolna chalu kiya.
“par hum to karte hai”,chunnu mama iss baar bhi beech mein bole.
Vicky ko aise beech mein se kaat te huye mama ka aisa bolna pasand nahi aaya aur jhallate huye bola “unke pati ka affair bhi tha kisi ke sath aisa sunane mein aaya hai”
“affair to hamara bhi nahi kisi ke sath”, phir se Vicky ki baat ko kaat-te huye mama bole.
“vo pura mard tha”, Vicky ko ab gussa aaya aur bol pada.
“bhai mard to hum bhi nahi hai….kya kaha. main pura ka pura mard hu. Bas vo menka ji ko hi saboot denge. Aur tum jyada detective mat bano”, chunnu mama jaise sapne se bahar aaye aur Vicky ko pelne lage.
Agle hi din se chunnu mama khud Sharma ji ke waha ration wagerah ki list banana aur dene ke liye jaane lage wo bhi bhari discount ke sath. Menka ji ke sath unki acchhi khasi batein bhi ho jaati thi aisa vo bata rahe the. aaj kal mama bade khush lag rahe the. menka ji ka swabhav, unki sundarta aur smile ke bare mein ghanto baat karte rahte aur shayari bhi likhne lage the. hadd to tab ho gayi ki vo urdu mein bhi shayari likhte the.vo baat alag thi ki unki shayari dhinchak pooja ke gaane ke lyrics se bhi ghatiya hoti thi.
Abhi kuchh din huye honge unka aur menka ji ki baat cheet chalu huye main aur Vicky unki dukaan par pahuch gaye.
“mama aapko mami mil gayi to humko to bhul hi gaye”, maine kaha.
“raaj, aisa nahi hai vo to thoda busy chal rahe hai. Menka ji chali jaaye uske pehle shadi ki baat bhi to karni hai”,mama muskurate huye bole.
‘waise kal sharma ji ke waha koi party thi suan tha apko bhi invite kiya tha…aap gaye the ki nahi”, Vicky ne puchha.
“ji bilkul vo mrs. Sharma ne invite kiya tha…pakka menka ke kehne par hi kiya hoga”, mama bole.
“aapko lagta hai vo aapko pasand karti hai,mujhe to shaq hai.” Maine sar hilaate huye puchha
“pakka karti hai, kal party mein hass rahi thi mere samne dekh kar maine notice bhi kiya.” Mama confidence ke sath bole.
“mama, vo aapke saamne dekh kar nahi aapko dekh kar hass rahi hogi”, Vicky ne kaha aur hum dono zor zor se hasne lage.
Hamara yeh mazak mama ko pasand nahi aaya aur bole ki dekhna tum dono main meri aur menka ji ki shadi mein tum dono ko cold drinks serve karwaunga tab jaa kar tumko pata chalega mama kya cheez hai.
Mama ko to apne pyaar par pura yakeen tha aur unka yakeen vishwas mein tab badal gaya jab menka ji jaane wali thi uske agle din unhone mama ko bataya ki main aapke ghar aapko milne kal aaungi.
Menka ji ki baat sunkar mama to itne khush huye ki kal hi unki shadi hai.
Dusre din vo kisi hero ki tarah taiyar huye aur menkaji ka wait karne lage. Vo thode nervous the isliye mujhe aur Vicky ko bhi unke ghar bitha diya. tay hua ki menka ji aayegi to hum dono yaha waha ki baate karke nikal lenge.
Menka ji ke aane ka time hote hote chunnu mama teen baar toilet bhi jaa chuke the. vo bata rahe the ki jab jyada tension aur utsukata hoti hai to unko kabz ho jaati hai.
Thodi der mein menka ji bhi aa gayi….yellow saree pehne huye bahut hi sundar lag rahi thi aur mama ka muh khula ka khula tha unko dekh kar. Maine unko kohni markar unki galti ka ahsaas karaya.mujhe aur Vicky ko vo jaanti thi. mama ne hi bataya tha unko. Thodi der hamne yaha waha ki batein ki aur jaise hum jaane ke liye khade huye to menka ji ne rok liya.
“kaha jaa rahe ho, bahut important kaam ke liye aayi hu yaha..baitho”, menka ji ne kaha.
Hum dono ne mama ki taraf dekh unhone baithne ka ishara kiya to hum wapis baith gaye.
Menka ji ne chunnu mama ke samne dekh kar kaha.
“apko pata hai aapse baat karke mujhe bahut acchha lagta hai. Aap jaante hi ho ki mera divorce ho gaya hai aur uss wajah se sare mard mujhe kisi object ki tarah hi dekhte hai. Darsal ghurte hi rehte hai.par aap unn logo mein se nahi ho. Maine hamesha aapki aannko mein pavitrata hi dekhi hai.
Menka ji ka aisa bolne se Vicky ki hasi chhut gayi par usne khasne ka naatak chalu kar diya aur menka ji ko bolne ka ishara kar diya.
Menka ji ne bolna chalu kiya.
Mujhe lagta hai ki aap suljhe huye insaan ho jo sabki izzat karta hai aur uss wajah se hi saare mohalle ke bacche aapko mama aur saari mahilaye aapko bhai manti hai.
Main aapo kuchh batana chahti hu aisa kah kar menka ji khadi huyi aur unki bag mein se kuchh nikalte huye chunnu mama ke pass aa gayi.
Chunnu mama ki dhadakane tez ho gayi thi, chehre pe paseena aa gaya tha. Main aur Vicky chunnu mama aur menka ji ko dekhe jaa rahe the.
Menka ji mama ke pass aate hi vo khade ho gaye. Aakhirkar menka ji ne apne purse mein se vo cheez dhundh hi li jisko vo khoj rahi thi.
Unke hathon meinjo cheez thi vo dekh kar main Vicky aur chunnu mama teeno chaunk gaye. Humein apni aankhon par vishwas nahi ho raha tha.
Darsal menka ji ke hatho mein ‘raakhi’ thi.
“arre aap ye dono ke liye laayi hai raakhi. Waise hai to chhote aapse par rishte to aise hi ban jaate hai,” chunnu mama apne sar se paseena pochhte huye bole.
“accha mazak kar lete ho aap, ye raakhi aap ke liye hai chnnu bhaiya”, menka ji boli.
Bhaiya shabd sun kar chunnu mama ki to saansein hi atak gayi par unhone apne aapko sambhal kar rakha tha.
Raakhi ko dekh kar chunnu mama ne dheere se apne dono hatho ko pichhe kar diya.
“pure mohalle ki mahilaye aapko bhai maanti hai, aur agar main aapko bhai nahi maanti to aapka apmaan hota chunnu bhai”, menka ji boli.
‘agle hafte raakhi ka din hai aur main kal hi jaa rahi hu to maine socha aapko aaj hi raakhi bandh du”, menka ji boli.
Abhi bhi mama ke hath peeche hi the. shayad mama soch rahe the ki saiyaa ban-ne nikale the yeh to bhiaya bana rahi hai.
Vicky ne samay ki najakat ko samjhte huye unka hath aage kiya aur bola, ‘menka ji vo kya hai na mohalle ki sab mahilaye inko bhai maanti hai par kabhi kisine raakhi nahi baandhi to emotional ho gaye hai. Dekho inki aankhon mein ansu bhi hai’
“mama thoda smile karo. Menka ji raakhi baandh rahi hai. Laao main photo kheench leta hu”,maine kaha aur mobile se photo kheenchne laga.
Dusri taraf Vicky “bhaiya mere rakhi ke bandhan ko nibhana” wala gaana gaa kar mausam ko pavitra karne ki koshish kar raha tha. Aur chunnu mama man hi man hum dono ko gaali de rahe the.
Menka ji raakhi bandh kar nikal gayi aur ghar mein main Vicky, chunnu mama aur sannata reh gaya.
Chunnu mama ka chehra dekh kar maine bata sakta tha ki unko aaj tak maine itna dukhi nahi dekha…..ha dekha hai jab bhandare mein muft ka khana khane keliye kisi wajah se jaa nahi paaye ho yaa to phir shadi mein invitation na mila ho par iss wajah se to kabhi dukhi nahi dekha tha. Pyaar ki wajah se.
Thodi der khamoshi ke baad Vicky apni aadat ke anusar beech mein bola, “ mama ji aap rahul roy banana ke sapne dekh rahe the aur rajpal yadav bana ke chhod diya”.
Vicky ki baat sun kar mama thodi der chup rahe aur bole, “menka ji bhi kaha anu aggarwal thi, theek thak hi dikhti thi, achha hua unke sath relation aage nahi badha warna unke ahsaan tale dab jaata aur ‘ humein unko ‘haa’bolna padta”
“aapke jaisa bada wala koi nahi hai…mahapurush…aapne apne pyaar ka balidaan jo diya hai,” main bola
Menka ji to apne ghar chali gayi thi aur mama humse mil ne se katra rahe the. kuchh din baad humne unko milne ke liye socha. Hum dono unke gar pahuche aur mohalle ke naake par jaane keliye mana liya.
main Vicky aur mama hamare adde par pahuche,kuchh der se hum do lukkhe ladkon ki baaate sun rahe the jo ki kisi ladki ko patane ki baatein kar rahe the.unki baat sunkar chunnu mama ki aankhon se angaarey barsane lage….pyaar ke naam se unki nafrat aur badh gayi thi.main aur Vicky dono ko pata tha ki aaj yeh dono ke kaan se khoon nikalne wala hai.
Chunnu mama unn dono ke pass pahuche jo ki hass rahe the aur kisi ladki ke bare mein baat kar rahe the aur idhar main aur Vicky dono ne countdown start kiya….chuunu mama ne ani bhadas nikalni chalu ki.
Kya ye pyaar pyaar kar rahe ho….pata hai kya hota hai pyaar karne ke baad. Mujhe dekho..aaj tak jitney paise gawayein hai utna main bachake rakhta to khud ka well furnished ghar hota, khud ki gaadi hoti, aur yeh sab hota to ek acchhi biwi bhi hoti. Par nahi hum to nihayati chutiya the. paise to gawayein par saala akhari baar pyaar kiya tab beizzati bhi huyi. Pehle inke upara kharcha karo baad mein koi aur mil jaayega to jiske pass jyada paisa hoga to usase shadi kar legi aur jab shadi ke liye aur koi nahi hai to bhai banake nikal jaayegi. Parek baat pakki hai ki aapka katega jarur.
Abhi tum kya bol rahe the..chunnu mama ne ek ladke ke kandhe par hath rakh kar bola…haan wo mil jaaye to swarg hi yahi milega. Beta ji swarg ka to pata nahi par par tumhara EMI aisa badhega ki gaand fatt ke hath mein aa jaayegi. Tum log sirf fielding hi bharte rehna , bike ka petrol jalate rehna….aur uske baad wo kisi aur se shadi karegi ya tumko apna bhai banayegi tab tumhara pichhwada aisa jalega ki tumhare bika fuel bhi utna nahi jala hoga. Jab tak sath hogi tab tak babu, shona, baby karegi aur jab tum kisi kaam ke nahi rahoge to tumhara loda, lahsun banake chali jaayegi.
Aur pyaar karne wale ladko ka aisa haal hone mein tumhare jaise lafangeaur bhosad pappu o ka hath hai jo ladkiyon ko pyaar to nahi kar sakte par unko apni personal secretary banana ho aise behave karte hai. Tumhare jaise kamino ki wajah se ladko ko bhugatna padta hai aur saari ladkiya sochne lagti hai ki ladke jo hai saare harami hote hai aur usmein mere jaise log mera matlab hai ye raaj aur Vicky jaise log bali ka bakra ban jaate hai. Hath ki lakeere mitt jati hai ladkiyon ko yaad kar kar ke par tum jaiso ki wajah se ladkiya apna hath hamare matlab inke hath mein nahi rakhti hai.
Chunnu mama ne dono ko barabar jhad diya tha. Vo dono apna sar neeche kare huye khade the , dono ko waha par hi chhod kar mama ne hamari taraf dekha aur neeche thook kar aage badh gaye.
“aapne to jhad hi diya matlab maza aa gaya.par aapki jagah hamara example kyu diya, pyaar karo aap aur bill hamare naam pe fadte ho. Gazab ho aap bhi.,” main bola.
“hamari koi izzat hai yaha par..kya aisa bol dete ki menka ji ka paar khone ka gham hai,” mama nirash hote huye bole
“koi baat nahi par maza aaya sach mein,”maine unka utara hua chehra dekh kar kaha.
“mama, aaj bhandare mein jaana hai kya do gali chhodkar hai..”, Vicky bola.
“kyun nahi chalege yaar…ab to inki behen menka ji bhi nahi hai..hai na mama,” maine kaha.
“ab tum dono bhi gaand maar lo, ha hum chalne wale hai aur aaj ke baad mere saamne pyaar vyaar ki baatein mat karna,matlab thodi bahut kar sakte ho” mama bole.
Itna bolne ke baad mama muskuraye aur bole ladkiyaan itni kharab bhi nahi hoti hai par yeh dono lukkho ko uski aukaat dikhani thi.
“Aur haa agar koi acchi mahila dikhe to bhi bolna…tumhari mami ban-ne ke laayak ho aisi,” aankh marte huye mama bole.
Aisa lag raha tha ki mama ne abhi jo bhashan diya tha vo sirf apni bhadas nikalne ke liye hi diya tha…aakhir mein mama bole, “ suno aaj hi ek sher likha hai.”
Maine aur Vicky ne apna muh bigada aur mama ka ghatiya sher sunane ke liye taiyaar ho gaye.
Mama ne kisi professional shayar ki tarah bolna chalu kiya.
“chaand ko mod dunga,
Suraj ko tod dunga,
Agar dusri wali mil jaaye,
To pehli wali ko chhod dunga”
The End
Suraj ko tod dunga,
Agar dusri wali mil jaaye,
To pehli wali ko chhod dunga”
The End
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..me naina ko maarpit karke pareshan karne laga kyunki mujhe laga ab uski property itne jaldi mujhe nahi milnewali ...
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..maine usko is tarah jaal me fasaya tha ki wo nikal naa paaye ..
..
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ki aur ab unko maarkar sab hathiyana chahta hu ..
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