★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2024 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Rajizexy]

Aise kaise raji mam aapko bhul jaye ...mai bhi aapki story ko bahut Miss kar Raha tha ...lots of love

Thanks a lot dear doc . Actually u gave review a little late, that's why I thought so.Thanks again anyways

 

[SANJU ( V. R. )]

Story - Order Order.
Writer - Mr. Magnificent .

A murder case and the hearing of that case in the court, intense debate scenes between the government lawyer and the accused's lawyer, the defense lawyer proving the accused innocent; That is, it is a very difficult task to present an entire court drama through a short story.

Brother, you have won my heart. What a wonderful thing you have written! The heart has become a garden.

It seemed as if I myself was sitting in the court watching the hearing of Sudarshan Saheb's murder.
You wrote the roles of all the characters keeping their importance in mind.
Be it defense lawyer Viraj Saheb, government lawyer Thakur Saheb, accused Ajay Saheb, Roma Madam or any other person related to this case - everyone's role was clear.

The judge's statement that Objection Sustained and Objection overruled was also at the right time.
Writing court scenes is not an easy task. Writing the cross-examination of the lawyer, the statement of the accused, the statement of the witnesses, the statement of the eyewitness, the role of the judge, the atmosphere of the court etc. are a difficult task for any writer. But you not only made it possible but also did it by writing it in a short story.

There were a few mistakes but these can be ignored. Because you have written a story on a very difficult subject.

I liked your story very much.
In my view you are the winner.
Best of luck

 

[Akki ❸❸❸]

Story : Experience
Writer : Riky007
Bdiya story thi Bhai
Short story me hi teen teen phase aa gye urvashi ki life k phle somu ki dost fir prostitute fir sadak par , last me phleli unsulji hi rh gyi aur wo prostitute bhi kese bni.
short stories ki apni limit hoti h
Btw good story

 

[Shetan]

..Yeh Baarishein..​

Spoiler

Baarish ek kaafi lambee arshe ke chalne ke garmi ke mausam ke baad jab paheli baarish ki bundee padti hai..

Aur iss taptii jameen ko ye sukoon deti hai to aisa lagta hai ki..jaise kisi kaafi naaraz saksh ka kisi chotti bachhi ne achank se haath tham liya ho..

Aur usse ye itminaan dilaaya ho ki..kuch nahi hota sab thik ho jaayega..

Baarish ye kabhi kisi kisaan ki umeed banti hai..jisne kabhi apne kheeto me fasal lagayi ho jismein..usne apni bitiyaa ke padhai ke beej booye ho..

To kabhi kisi ke liye adarak wali chaye aur pakoodo ke bhaane..

To kabhi kisi ke liye office naa jaane ka kaaran..

To kabhi kisi ke liye issi baarish mein bedhadak ho ke naachte hue apne bachpan ko dobaara jeene ki wajah…

Magar Suyesh ke liye..kisi bhuli bisari yaad ki ek sandook ki chabhi thi..

Suyesh mohodye..

Himachal ke ek chote se sehar mein unka ek ghar tha..aur uske bhaiya ki waha sabse badi medical store..

Ye dawaayio ki dukaan naa akshar muje umeedo ka ghar lagti hai..jaha har mareez apne thik hone ki chahat liye aata hai..aur uske bhaiya ki dukaan ne to pure sehar ko swasth rakha tha saheb..

Kahte the ki jis marz ki dawa aapko pure himachal me naa mile..wo aap ko yaha jaroor milegi..aur ye kissa 2017 ki baarish ka hai..

Garmiyo ki chuttiyo ke baad aaj Suyesh wapas school jaa raha tha..aur class 10th ka pahela din uske baste mein cover lagi nayi kitaabe..copyies aur iss saal board mein 90% se jyada laane ka khwab tha..

Aur bagal mein uski cycle hum chote sehar walo ke liye naa yaar humari pehali cycle..humari zindagi ki paheli cheezo mein se sabse ajeez hoti hai..aur school cycle se jana ek tarah ka atrangi shock..khair mai thodi durr he paunchaa tha aur achanak se baarish ka aagman ho gya tha..aur wo uss saal ki paheli jhama jham barrish..thi..

Mai kisi tarah beegte bhaagte bachte bachaate school paunch gya..

Cycle stand se school tak ke rashtee mein..mai ek shed ke niche baitha itezaar karne laga..apne bachpan ke yaar aakash ka..par har baar ki tarah aakash aaj bhi late..mai usse idhar udhar ho ke dekh he raha tha ki saamne se..

Red rang ke chaate ke andar se ek khubsurat si awaaz aati hai..

Ki suniyee..aap chahe to iss chaate mein aa sakte hai..

Humn..actually mai naa apne ek friend ka wait kar raha hu..maine aisa kaha..

Achha ok..i just wanted to help..have a nice day aur itnaa kah ke wo aage badh gyi..

Mai kuch der bas sonchta hu aur..thoda sochne ke baad usko awaaz de he deta hu..

Suniyee..

Lagta hai ki aaj wo nahi aayega..kya ab bhi chal sakte hai hum..

Aur jawab mein wo muskuraate hue kahti hai kyo nahi..aur phir hum dono chalne lagte hai..ek chatee ke neeche apne school ki taraf..joordar barish aas pass..ek chatee mein hum dono..kuch der chup rehne ke baad

Mai chuppi todte hue kahta hu ki..

Waise kabhi pahle tumhe school mein dekha nahi tumhe..new admission..??


Ladki - jii..Papa ka new-2 transfer hua hai aur papa tourism department mein hai naa..to humaare transfers hote rehte hai..waise I am in class 10th waise tum kab se iss school mein ho..

Me - Main to iss school mein nurcerry se hu.. Aur mai bhi matlab..

Matlab 10th mein he hu.. 10th A


Ladki - Waoo 10th A mujhe bhi same he section allot hua hai..well in that case welcome in D.A.V Public school..miss umberella..you will absolutely love this school..main kahta hu..

Aur jawab mein..wo kahti hai..yakinan..

Thankyou Mr. …..?????

Aur meri taraf dekhne lagti hai..aur jawab mein

Me - Suyesh..

Thankyou Mr Suyesh mohoday..

Aur tumhara naam..??

Iss sawaal ke suru hote he.. Aakash ne peeche se aa ke Suyesh ko pakad liya tha aur..kahta hai ki..

Kyon be dhokebaaz..ruk nahi sakta tha thoda..badi jaldi thi tujhe nayi class attend karne ki..

Suyesh jawab mein kahta hai ki..

Oooo ultaa choor kotwaal ko daate..beta tu to kabhi time pe aa nahi sakta..ek to sala itni teez baarish upar se ye saari uniform..geeli ho chuki hai aur..

Aur achha sun..issee mil..aur jaise he wo dono palat ke dekhte hai..Ms. Umberella jaa chuki thi..

Aakash puchta hai kon be..???

Pata nahi sala kisse baate karta rehta hai..

Suyesh kahta hai mai naam he puch raha tha tu tapak pada

Waise apni he class mein hai..assembley ke baad milaata hu..bahut cute hai..

Aree..aree..areee..

Ragistaan mein bhi phool khil gye..bhai ko koi bandi pasand aa gyi..kya..??

kab kaise kaha..kaise hua bhai..

Suyesh jawab mein kehta hai saale drama queen chal sab bataata hu..assembely ke baad pahle period mein class Teacher aayi..aur kaha ki..

We have a new student in our class..students please welcome..

Kritika..

Aur phir kritika ne apna intro diyaa..uss ek see deedh min ke intro mein unhone apne pichale school ke baare mein bataya..aur ye bhi bataya unhe iss sehar ki baarishe kitni pasand hai..

Iss pure intro ke dauraan suyesh ki nazare kewal Kritika pe he thi..

Dheere-2 waqt gujraa..

Kritika aur Suyesh ki dosti gehri hoti chali gyi..

Suyesh dheere-2 himmat jutaa raha tha..ki wo ek na ek din wo kritika ko bol he dega ke wo..

Miss Umberella usse kiti pasand hai..

usse judii uski har ek cheez uski handwritting..uske baalo ke clip ka colour..uske chahre ke upar aati baalo ki wo zulfee..uske khamiya..uski khubiyaa..uskaa sab kuch..


Jab zulfee giraa ke wo palke jukaati h..ke jab wo zulfee giraa ke wo palke jukaati h..saansein to chalti h par jaan nikal jaati h


Par wo kabhi kah he nahi paya..aur kisi na kisi dar ke karan dekhte he dekhte 1 saal guzar gya aur ek saal baad 10th ke khatam hote he radhika ke dad ka firse transfer..ho gya..

Aur jab tak ye baat suyesh ko pata chali kaafi deer ho chuki thi..

Kritika sehar chood ke jaa chuki thi..par aaj uss baat ko lagbag kai saal beet chuke hai..kamaal hai naa itnee saal baad bhi har baarish wo malaal wo ghaaw aaj bhi hara kar jaati hai..jiski choote itne saal pahele lagi thi..

Kamal hai naa ki is zakham ki dawa to mr. mohodye ke bhaiya ke us medical store me bhi nahi milti..khair..suyesh ko puraa yakin hai ki ek din..ek naa ek din usse kritika jarror mil jayegi

Kahi kisi anjaan mood pe kisi baarish ke dauraan apna red umberella liye aur puchegi ki..

Suniyee aap chahe to iss chaate mein aa sake hai

Wow kitni khubshrti se ek aam se ladke ki chhoti si ek tarfa chahat baya ki.

Amezing barish sabse alag tarike se jarurat chah ko pesh karna tha.

aisa lagta hai ki..jaise kisi kaafi naaraz saksh ka kisi chotti bachhi ne achank se haath tham liya ho..

Ye line vakei amezing he. par story kisi xforum film se bhi chhoti he. But mast he.

 

[Adirshi]

Adirshi. Sahi kahu to muje aap se jalan ho rahi he. Amezing super hitt. Ye kahani meri taraf se to winner he.

Story ek revolution bhi he. Maa bap bacho ke shapne samaz nahi pate. Natija kuchh bhi ho sakta he. Bete ka dipression bap samaz hi nahi paya. Shukar he ki bhai neel ne use samazne ki kosis ki.

Ek kalpnik duniya ka creation ka asar real jivan me kuchh alag hi rang laya. Khud hi apni duniya ka end nahi likh paya. Aur usi me ulaz gaya.

Par end bata raha he ki vo sab jo shapne me tha vo sayad ek horror ghatna thi. Last me sonne ke sikke milna.

Me nahi janti ki ye aap ke man ki kalpna thi ya kahi ye kissa aap ke pas aaya ho.

Par ye lakshan karn pishajni aur yakshani ke shikar hone ka asar hota he. Khas kar

Same hu ba hu. Same same.


But aap winner ho. Meri taraf se to.

Thank you so much for the review, I am glad that you liked the story, main ye sab kar pishachini, yakshini wagaira me personally nahi maanta, but these are the things that keeps a tale interesting, as horror padhne me dekhne me maja to aata hai, isiliye jaan ke wo end waisa open chhoda hai, jiska jaisa prespective hota wo use waise lega, jaise aapne horror se liya, waise hi maine jab likha tab socha tha ke dev bank me tha wahi se galtiyo ke naam ghotale kar usne wo sikke banwaye ho, jise wo mugdha ka najrana samajh raha tha. anyway, Thank you for the review again

 

[Adirshi]

भूलभलैया By Adirshi

कल्पनाओं को भूलभलैया। बहुत ही अच्छी स्टोरी लिखी गई है।

आप देव के साथ उसकी दुनिया ma खो जाते हो। देव के मां बाप का उसके ऊपर एक अच्छी जॉब का दबाव करना शायद उसके भले के लिए ही सकता है, पर उसी दबाव के कारण देव ने एक ऐसी दुनिया बनाई जिसमे उसे वो खुद उलझ गया।

yup, aur usi ki banayi duniya ne uski ki jaan le li, Thank you for the review mate!

 

[Akki ❸❸❸]

Story : गलती किसकी
Writer : Riky007

Bdiya story ye bhi
Ye bhi sad ending last me
Aditya aur Riya ne bhag kar hi sabse bdi glti ki
Ek bar ias yas bn jate

to fir maa baap ko bhi kya problem hoti aur jbki Nisha ki khani to kuch aur hi thi

 

[Adirshi]

Story - भूलभुलैया ।
Writer - Adirshi.

कुछ मां-बाप अपने उम्मीदें , अपने सपने , अपने अरमानों का बोझ कुछ इस हद तक अपने बच्चों पर लाद देते हैं कि कभी-कभार बच्चा उस बोझ तले दबकर दम तोड़ देता है।
देव के साथ भी कुछ ऐसा ही हुआ । मां-बाप के सपने , उनके प्रेशर और सब समय की डांट-फटकार ने देव की आहूति ले ली ।

yup, correct.

इस कहानी का आकलन दो तरह से किया जा सकता है।
देव की मौत उसकी मानसिक और शारीरिक बीमारी की वजह से हुई या फिर उसके ऊपर मुग्धा नामक एक प्रेत की वजह से हुई ।
देव के लेखक न बन पाने का मलाल , मां-बाप का नाॅन स्टाप प्रताड़ना , जीवन मे प्रेम का अभाव , एकाकीपन जीवन , मानसिक रूप से बीमार होने का कारण बना ।
और जब मन मस्तिष्क स्वस्थ न हो तो उस व्यक्ति के शरीर पर उसका असर पड़ता ही है ।
लेकिन इस थ्योरी मे एक पेंच भी था और वह था उसके कमरे के कवर्ड मे रखा स्वर्ण मुद्राएं से भरा बॉक्स ।
इतनी मात्रा मे स्वर्ण मुद्राएं उसके पास कहां से आई ?

ये स्वर्ण मुद्राएं इस स्टोरी का रूख दूसरी थ्योरी की तरफ ले जाती है और वह है उसके शरीर के ऊपर भुत- प्रेत का साया ।
कुछ लोग ऐसी चीजों को अंधविश्वास मानते हैं लेकिन कुछ लोगों के लिए यह रियलिस्टिक घटनाएं होती है ।

फिलहाल इसे रियल घटना मानकर चलते है । देव अपने सपनों की तलाश करते हुए एक ऐसी चीज तलाश कर लिया जो उसे कभी नही करना था । वह मुग्धा नामक एक प्रेत के चंगुल मे फंस गया ।
भुत - प्रेत , जादू - टोना का इलाज किसी मेडिकल साइंस मे नही है । इसके लिए किसी सिद्ध योगी , कोई सिद्ध फकीर या फिर कोई ऐसे ही सिद्ध चमत्कारी इंसान से सम्पर्क करना होता है ।
पर दुर्भाग्य देव के साथ ऐसा कुछ भी नही किया गया ।
इसका परिणाम यह रहा कि उसकी अकाल मृत्यु हो गई।

jaisa maine kaha likhte huye idhar udhar nikal gaya hu uska yahi matlab tha, , bhoot wali theory sahi hai jo easy bhi hai, second likhte huye jo maine socha tha wo ye tha ke dev was in a bank, aur usse kuch herapheri bhi huyi thi aur unhi rupayo se, usne wo sikke banwaye jo use lagte the wo mugdha ne diye hai, jo ki usne kabur bhi kiya tha ke mugdha ki wajah se hi usse kaam se galtiya huyi thi,

कुछ गलतियाँ देव की भी रही । वो अपने सपने पुरी कर सकता था । एक लेखक बनने के लिए उसे कोई अधिक समय की जरूरत नही थी । वह अपनी नौकरी करते हुए खाली वक्त मे लेखन कार्य कर सकता था । आठ घंटे नौकरी और अन्य बाकी सारे काम करने के बाद भी कम से कम वह दो- तीन घंटे बचा सकता था और इसका सदुपयोग वह अपनी लेखनी मे कर सकता था ।
मै ऐसे कई लेखक का नाम गिना सकता हूं जिन्होंने नौकरी भी किया और लेखन कार्य भी ।

beshak uski galti thi lekin wo yadi koshish bhi karta aur uske gharwala koi use wapis writing me ulajhta dekhta to use aur bhi sunna padta isiliye usne koshish hi chhod di

स्टोरी बहुत ही खूबसूरत थी । स्टोरी मे भले ही हाॅरर का अभाव था लेकिन इमोशंस , रोमांच बहुत ही बेहतरीन था।

Thank you bhai, ab horror likhne ki utni koshish hi nahi ki to abhav lagna main samajh sakta hu, as I said USC mere liye writing me experiment ke liye hai naya naya try karte rehta hu

आउटस्टैंडिंग स्टोरी आदि भाई ।

Thank you so much for this review bade bhai

 

[Adirshi]

Adi bhai bahut achchi kahani likhi hai aapne
Bahut achche se dev ke emotions ko dikhaya hai
Dev ke pita jitna kathor the
Dev pe
Use dekhke yahi lagta hai
Ki jawani mein koi ladki unka kaat gayi thi
Isi wajah se woh frustrated rehne Lage the
Bade hi harrafa type ke pita the
Jab ghar waale hi sath na dein
Toh aadmi phir kar bhi kya sakta hai
Sab yahi kehte hain
Ki Mata pita apne sab bachcho se ek jaisa pyar karte hain
Baat toh sahi hai
Lekin mata pita ko har bachche se alag lagaw hota hai
Pyar toh woh dono se karte the
Lekin lagaw Neel se jyada tha
Dev se kam
Ant mein ham yahi bolunga
Babaji tussi great ho...

Thank you for the review bhai, yeah sometimes parents bahut jyada hi strict ho jate hai aur baccho me uska asar ho jata hai

 

[Mr. Magnificent]

Story - Order Order.
Writer - Mr. Magnificent .

A murder case and the hearing of that case in the court, intense debate scenes between the government lawyer and the accused's lawyer, the defense lawyer proving the accused innocent; That is, it is a very difficult task to present an entire court drama through a short story.

Brother, you have won my heart. What a wonderful thing you have written! The heart has become a garden.

It seemed as if I myself was sitting in the court watching the hearing of Sudarshan Saheb's murder.
You wrote the roles of all the characters keeping their importance in mind.
Be it defense lawyer Viraj Saheb, government lawyer Thakur Saheb, accused Ajay Saheb, Roma Madam or any other person related to this case - everyone's role was clear.

The judge's statement that Objection Sustained and Objection overruled was also at the right time.
Writing court scenes is not an easy task. Writing the cross-examination of the lawyer, the statement of the accused, the statement of the witnesses, the statement of the eyewitness, the role of the judge, the atmosphere of the court etc. are a difficult task for any writer. But you not only made it possible but also did it by writing it in a short story.

There were a few mistakes but these can be ignored. Because you have written a story on a very difficult subject.

I liked your story very much.
In my view you are the winner.
Best of luck

Thank you for this amazing review sir, I have never been to court in my whole life, jitna court ko dekha hai padha hai bas filmo aur kahaniyo me hi padha hai I am glad ke main use justify kar paya aur aapko kahani pasand aayi.