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main ro raha tha. pahad ki choti par khada mai phoot phoot kar ro raha tha. ansu the ki rukne ka nam hi nahi le rahe the. dil ka dard tha ki kam hone ki bajaye har pal badhta hi ja raha tha.
jab se dunya me aaya tha, sivaye pyar ke maine kuch kiya hi nahi tha. badle mujhe apne parivar se dhitkaar mili, thokren mili, galiyan sunne ko mili. pitai se mere sharir ki chamdi udhedi jati rahi. meri apni sagi maa jallad bankar ek naya pati pa kar ameer bankar apne pahle aur iklote bete ko hi bhul gai thi. ameer pati se aur bachhe kya mile usay, mujhe paraya kar gayi. kya mai uska beta nahi tha. mai maine uski kokh se janam nahi liya tha. kyaa mai mere dusre bhai bahno se pyar nahi karta tha.
maine sabse pyar kiya, par kisi ne mujhe pyar nahi dia. ghr ghar me mujhe pyar mila aur na hi ghar se bahar. aur bhi kisi apne ne mujhe pyar dena uchit nahi samjha. papa ka dehant kya hua, sabne mujhe manhoos maan liya. maa apni chut ki aag aur suhane sapno ke liye khud se bade ameer admi se shadi karke sabko chhod mere liye sabke dilon me nafrat bhar gai. kyaa mai dunya me nafrat paane ke liye hi paida hua tha..
apnu ka pyar nahi mila to priya ko dekh usse pyar kar betha.

wo bhi mere dil se khelti rahi.. fir sare dosto ke saamne mera mazak uda kar mujhe zaleel kar gai..

pyar ki talash me mai kahan kahan nahi bhatka. par sab ne mere pyar ka khub mazak banaya. har koi mere dil se khelta aur hasta hua mera mazak uda kar mujhe dhitkarta hua apni life se kick maar kar door bhaga deta.
pahad ki choti par khada hua mai rota hua apni ankhon se bahe ansuon ko saaf karta hua mai ab zindagi se tang aa chuka tha. kab tak.. akhir kab tak mai dil ke tootne ka tamasha dekhta. ab to mere dil ka koi kona bhi nahi bacha tha, jahan ghav nahi the.
der tak mai rota raha... fir akhri faisla karta hua bina kuch aur soche ya darre mai pahad ki choti se neeche kood gaya. mai marr raha tha. mai neeche gir raha tha. kuch hi seconds me mera sharir naukeele pathron se takra kar tukde tukde ho jayega. aur meri kahani mere sare dardon ke sath end ho jaayegi.
mujhse nafrat karne walo.. alvida. ja raha hon mai tum sab ki zindiyon se hamesha ke liye.
khatam tata bye bye goodbye
itni door. jahan se wapsi mumkin nahi.. khush raho tum sab apni apni lives me. ab aakash(umar 22) ko tum kabhi nahi dekh sakoge. kabhi uski yaad aa bhi jaye to uske sath ki gai masti par thodi der ke liye has lena tum. aakash ke dil todne wale lamhon ko yaad kar mujhe khub galiyan dete hue tum khub hasna.. alvida maa.. tere paas to aur bhi tere ameer pati ke bachhe han. un sab ke sath khush rah lena. aakash ab dharti me dafan hone ja raha ha. ab kabhi laut kar nahi aane wala aakash.. kis kam ka tha aakash ab tak.. ek pyar to wo kisi ka pa nahi saka.. bekar me jiya aakash 22 saal.
pahle hi mar gaya hota to itne saal dukhon me to nahi jeena padta
alvida maa.. alvida sabhi.. unko bhi jinse kabhi maine pyar kiya tha.. unse bhi, jinki nazar me mai keval ek hasne hasani ek chiz tha.. ek khilona tha. jiske sath sab khub mann bahlate hue khel lia karte the.. mere dil ke sath bhi khel gaye tum sab....
ja raha hon tum sab ki lives se.. kabhi na laut kar aane ke liye......
mai girta hi ja raha tha. pata nahi ab tak mai kahin gir kar tukde tukde kyu nahi ho gaya tha. meri ankhen band thi. kholne ki himmat bachi thi na hi mannn tha ankhen khol dekhne ka.. maut ki ankhon me ankhen daal kar bhi mai nahi dekh sakta tha.
fir mere kano me ek awaz padi to mai hairat ke maare apni ankhen khol gaya. dekha to mai hawa me latka hua tha. aur mere saamne ek bada hi roshan chahra tha. mai wo chahra dekh mohit hota chala gaya.
sar ke saare baal sufed the, sufed roshan chahra, roshan ankhen, sufed halki dadhi aur sufed hi munchhen bhi thi. mai mantramugdh hone laga.
wo mukusraye...... beta zindagi bekaar ki chiz nahi ha. kyun apni zindagi ko khatam kar rahe ho tum. zindagi to badi hi khubsoorat chiz ha. aur jiski amanat ha. usay khud se lene ka avsar do. jab zindagi ke mukt hone ka samay aayega. wo khud aa kar apni amanat le jayegi
mai ajab trance ki halat me bola..... zindagi kiski amanat ha baba
baba.... maut... zindagi maut ki amanat ha.
baba mujhe liye ek chatan par ja utra.. wahi beth mera sar apni god me rakh wo mere sar par hath ferta chala gaya.. meri ankhen band hoti chali gai. aseem anand meri rag rag me utarta chala gaya..
fir baba ki awaz sun maine ankhen khol kar dekha..
baba... maine sab jaan lia ha putra. tum to bohut hi payare ladke ho.. aaj tak sivaye pyar ke tumne kuch paane ki chah hi apne dil me nahi pali ha.
meri ankhon me firse ansu utar aaye. mai rone laga..... haan baba mai jab se paida hua hon.. pyar ke liye taras raha hon
baba bade prem se bole... beta, pyar pane ki ichha mann me ho to himmat hara nahi karte. ek na ek din pyaar ko pa kar hi rahte han. par beta jo tumhare pyar ko na samjh sake. wo pyaar ko samjhna hi nahi jaante to tumse pyar kaise karenge
mai hairan hua.. baba mai kuch samjha nahi
baba mujhe aur bhi pyar se dekhte hue mere sar par mere chahre par hath ferne lage. achanak se hi mujhe andr wajud me badlav feel hone laga. fir meri ankhen gahri nind ke kaaran band hoti chali gai.....
nind me hi baba ki awaz mere mind me goonjne lagi... jo pyar nahi karte, unke andr pyar jagana padta ha. pyar jagane ke liye dil ke sath sath buddhi ki bhi aur kabhi kabhi kadodhta ki bhi zarurat padti ha beta.. pyar dikhaya bhi jata ha aur samjhaya bhi jata ha. jisse pyar ho. usay iska pura pura ahsas karaya bhi jata ha. aaj tak tum pyar ke peeche bhagte rahe.. khud ko moorkhta hi akhri hadh tak moorkh bhi banate rahe. beta pyaar ke peeche mat bhago. pyar karo. dusron ke dilon par aisa asar karo. pyaar ko mazak banane par unhe khud par afsos ho, nafrat ho. pyar ka falsafa achhe se samjhana aur samjhana padta ha beta. par tum sada pyar ke peeche bhage. pyar pane ke liye bekarar rahe.. par pyar ko sahi se samjh nahi sake. pyar har kisi ke nasib me nahi hua karta. jinke peeche tum bhage. wo surat ke achhe the. par seerat se nahi.. maine tumhe kuch shaktiyan daan kar di han beta. tum mujhe bade pasand aaye ho beta. jaao sada tumhara kalyan ho putra. tum kisi ke bhi mind ko control me kar sakte ho. kisi ka bhi chahra apna mannn me soch apna sakte ho. sharirik taur par bhi tum apni dunya ke insanon se bohut badhkar ban gaye ho ab. jaao pyar paao.. jo pyar ka mazak udate han.. unhe sabak sikhaao
baba bolte rahe.. aur mai dhire dhire gahri aur bhi gahri nind me doobta chala gaya.. pata nahi mai kab tak sota raha. jab meri ankh khuli to shaam hone me kuch hi der baki thi
mai hadbada kar uth betha.. dekha to mai usi pahadi ki choti par tha. jahan se mai kooda tha. mai sochne laga.. kyaa mai kooda nahi tha. kyaa mai rota rota so gaya tha. ankh lagne ke bad mai sapne me baba ko dekhne laga tha.. fir baba ki sabhi baaten yaad aai to mai chunakta hua uth khada hua.
idhar udhar dekhta hua khud ke andr dher sara badlav feel karne laga. mai khud ko chhoo kar dekhne laga. tab khud se mere mind me sab aane laga..... aur mai samjh gaya.. mera pahad se koodna, baba ka hawa me hi mujhe catch kar lene, mere sar par hath fer sab jaan lena, fir mere sar aur chahre par hath fer mujhe shakiyan daan karna, ye sab sapna nahi ek thos haqiqat thi.
mai wahi khade khade ghum fir kar sab sochta chala gaya.. fir mai hasne laga. dono baahen phela kar zor zor se hasne laga
mai badal gaya tha. mere dil ka mausam badal gaya tha. mere sharir me aseem takat aa gai thi. mai buddhi se buddhiman aur sharir se shaktiman ban gaya tha. mai mind conttrolar aur face changer ban gaya tha...
mai shimla me tha. apne freinds ke sath trip par aaya hua tha.. wo sab hotel ke kamron me maze kar rahe the. aur mai atmahatya karne pahad ki choti par a gaya tha.
mai... ab mai marunga nahi.. ab mai na kayar raha hon. na hi pyar ke peeche bhagne wala pahle jaisa ek moorkh ladka.
mai aakash aaj se ek naya aakash ban gaya tha.. mai mann me dheron khushi aur dheron plans liye pahad ki choti se utar apne hotel ki orr badhne laga.. jahan sab the.. wo bhi to ek thi, jisne mere pyar ka mazak uda kar mujhe suicide karne par majbur kar dia tha
mai ye sab sochta hua baba ke bare me bhi soch raha tha. baba kon the.. mai samjh nahi paya.. haan par mai soch raha tha. bhagwan ne meri sahayata ke liye unhe mere paas bheja tha.
jab se dunya me aaya tha, sivaye pyar ke maine kuch kiya hi nahi tha. badle mujhe apne parivar se dhitkaar mili, thokren mili, galiyan sunne ko mili. pitai se mere sharir ki chamdi udhedi jati rahi. meri apni sagi maa jallad bankar ek naya pati pa kar ameer bankar apne pahle aur iklote bete ko hi bhul gai thi. ameer pati se aur bachhe kya mile usay, mujhe paraya kar gayi. kya mai uska beta nahi tha. mai maine uski kokh se janam nahi liya tha. kyaa mai mere dusre bhai bahno se pyar nahi karta tha.
maine sabse pyar kiya, par kisi ne mujhe pyar nahi dia. ghr ghar me mujhe pyar mila aur na hi ghar se bahar. aur bhi kisi apne ne mujhe pyar dena uchit nahi samjha. papa ka dehant kya hua, sabne mujhe manhoos maan liya. maa apni chut ki aag aur suhane sapno ke liye khud se bade ameer admi se shadi karke sabko chhod mere liye sabke dilon me nafrat bhar gai. kyaa mai dunya me nafrat paane ke liye hi paida hua tha..
apnu ka pyar nahi mila to priya ko dekh usse pyar kar betha.

wo bhi mere dil se khelti rahi.. fir sare dosto ke saamne mera mazak uda kar mujhe zaleel kar gai..

pyar ki talash me mai kahan kahan nahi bhatka. par sab ne mere pyar ka khub mazak banaya. har koi mere dil se khelta aur hasta hua mera mazak uda kar mujhe dhitkarta hua apni life se kick maar kar door bhaga deta.
pahad ki choti par khada hua mai rota hua apni ankhon se bahe ansuon ko saaf karta hua mai ab zindagi se tang aa chuka tha. kab tak.. akhir kab tak mai dil ke tootne ka tamasha dekhta. ab to mere dil ka koi kona bhi nahi bacha tha, jahan ghav nahi the.
der tak mai rota raha... fir akhri faisla karta hua bina kuch aur soche ya darre mai pahad ki choti se neeche kood gaya. mai marr raha tha. mai neeche gir raha tha. kuch hi seconds me mera sharir naukeele pathron se takra kar tukde tukde ho jayega. aur meri kahani mere sare dardon ke sath end ho jaayegi.
mujhse nafrat karne walo.. alvida. ja raha hon mai tum sab ki zindiyon se hamesha ke liye.
khatam tata bye bye goodbye
itni door. jahan se wapsi mumkin nahi.. khush raho tum sab apni apni lives me. ab aakash(umar 22) ko tum kabhi nahi dekh sakoge. kabhi uski yaad aa bhi jaye to uske sath ki gai masti par thodi der ke liye has lena tum. aakash ke dil todne wale lamhon ko yaad kar mujhe khub galiyan dete hue tum khub hasna.. alvida maa.. tere paas to aur bhi tere ameer pati ke bachhe han. un sab ke sath khush rah lena. aakash ab dharti me dafan hone ja raha ha. ab kabhi laut kar nahi aane wala aakash.. kis kam ka tha aakash ab tak.. ek pyar to wo kisi ka pa nahi saka.. bekar me jiya aakash 22 saal.
pahle hi mar gaya hota to itne saal dukhon me to nahi jeena padta
alvida maa.. alvida sabhi.. unko bhi jinse kabhi maine pyar kiya tha.. unse bhi, jinki nazar me mai keval ek hasne hasani ek chiz tha.. ek khilona tha. jiske sath sab khub mann bahlate hue khel lia karte the.. mere dil ke sath bhi khel gaye tum sab....
ja raha hon tum sab ki lives se.. kabhi na laut kar aane ke liye......
mai girta hi ja raha tha. pata nahi ab tak mai kahin gir kar tukde tukde kyu nahi ho gaya tha. meri ankhen band thi. kholne ki himmat bachi thi na hi mannn tha ankhen khol dekhne ka.. maut ki ankhon me ankhen daal kar bhi mai nahi dekh sakta tha.
fir mere kano me ek awaz padi to mai hairat ke maare apni ankhen khol gaya. dekha to mai hawa me latka hua tha. aur mere saamne ek bada hi roshan chahra tha. mai wo chahra dekh mohit hota chala gaya.
sar ke saare baal sufed the, sufed roshan chahra, roshan ankhen, sufed halki dadhi aur sufed hi munchhen bhi thi. mai mantramugdh hone laga.
wo mukusraye...... beta zindagi bekaar ki chiz nahi ha. kyun apni zindagi ko khatam kar rahe ho tum. zindagi to badi hi khubsoorat chiz ha. aur jiski amanat ha. usay khud se lene ka avsar do. jab zindagi ke mukt hone ka samay aayega. wo khud aa kar apni amanat le jayegi
mai ajab trance ki halat me bola..... zindagi kiski amanat ha baba
baba.... maut... zindagi maut ki amanat ha.
baba mujhe liye ek chatan par ja utra.. wahi beth mera sar apni god me rakh wo mere sar par hath ferta chala gaya.. meri ankhen band hoti chali gai. aseem anand meri rag rag me utarta chala gaya..
fir baba ki awaz sun maine ankhen khol kar dekha..
baba... maine sab jaan lia ha putra. tum to bohut hi payare ladke ho.. aaj tak sivaye pyar ke tumne kuch paane ki chah hi apne dil me nahi pali ha.
meri ankhon me firse ansu utar aaye. mai rone laga..... haan baba mai jab se paida hua hon.. pyar ke liye taras raha hon
baba bade prem se bole... beta, pyar pane ki ichha mann me ho to himmat hara nahi karte. ek na ek din pyaar ko pa kar hi rahte han. par beta jo tumhare pyar ko na samjh sake. wo pyaar ko samjhna hi nahi jaante to tumse pyar kaise karenge
mai hairan hua.. baba mai kuch samjha nahi
baba mujhe aur bhi pyar se dekhte hue mere sar par mere chahre par hath ferne lage. achanak se hi mujhe andr wajud me badlav feel hone laga. fir meri ankhen gahri nind ke kaaran band hoti chali gai.....
nind me hi baba ki awaz mere mind me goonjne lagi... jo pyar nahi karte, unke andr pyar jagana padta ha. pyar jagane ke liye dil ke sath sath buddhi ki bhi aur kabhi kabhi kadodhta ki bhi zarurat padti ha beta.. pyar dikhaya bhi jata ha aur samjhaya bhi jata ha. jisse pyar ho. usay iska pura pura ahsas karaya bhi jata ha. aaj tak tum pyar ke peeche bhagte rahe.. khud ko moorkhta hi akhri hadh tak moorkh bhi banate rahe. beta pyaar ke peeche mat bhago. pyar karo. dusron ke dilon par aisa asar karo. pyaar ko mazak banane par unhe khud par afsos ho, nafrat ho. pyar ka falsafa achhe se samjhana aur samjhana padta ha beta. par tum sada pyar ke peeche bhage. pyar pane ke liye bekarar rahe.. par pyar ko sahi se samjh nahi sake. pyar har kisi ke nasib me nahi hua karta. jinke peeche tum bhage. wo surat ke achhe the. par seerat se nahi.. maine tumhe kuch shaktiyan daan kar di han beta. tum mujhe bade pasand aaye ho beta. jaao sada tumhara kalyan ho putra. tum kisi ke bhi mind ko control me kar sakte ho. kisi ka bhi chahra apna mannn me soch apna sakte ho. sharirik taur par bhi tum apni dunya ke insanon se bohut badhkar ban gaye ho ab. jaao pyar paao.. jo pyar ka mazak udate han.. unhe sabak sikhaao
baba bolte rahe.. aur mai dhire dhire gahri aur bhi gahri nind me doobta chala gaya.. pata nahi mai kab tak sota raha. jab meri ankh khuli to shaam hone me kuch hi der baki thi
mai hadbada kar uth betha.. dekha to mai usi pahadi ki choti par tha. jahan se mai kooda tha. mai sochne laga.. kyaa mai kooda nahi tha. kyaa mai rota rota so gaya tha. ankh lagne ke bad mai sapne me baba ko dekhne laga tha.. fir baba ki sabhi baaten yaad aai to mai chunakta hua uth khada hua.
idhar udhar dekhta hua khud ke andr dher sara badlav feel karne laga. mai khud ko chhoo kar dekhne laga. tab khud se mere mind me sab aane laga..... aur mai samjh gaya.. mera pahad se koodna, baba ka hawa me hi mujhe catch kar lene, mere sar par hath fer sab jaan lena, fir mere sar aur chahre par hath fer mujhe shakiyan daan karna, ye sab sapna nahi ek thos haqiqat thi.
mai wahi khade khade ghum fir kar sab sochta chala gaya.. fir mai hasne laga. dono baahen phela kar zor zor se hasne laga
mai badal gaya tha. mere dil ka mausam badal gaya tha. mere sharir me aseem takat aa gai thi. mai buddhi se buddhiman aur sharir se shaktiman ban gaya tha. mai mind conttrolar aur face changer ban gaya tha...
mai shimla me tha. apne freinds ke sath trip par aaya hua tha.. wo sab hotel ke kamron me maze kar rahe the. aur mai atmahatya karne pahad ki choti par a gaya tha.
mai... ab mai marunga nahi.. ab mai na kayar raha hon. na hi pyar ke peeche bhagne wala pahle jaisa ek moorkh ladka.
mai aakash aaj se ek naya aakash ban gaya tha.. mai mann me dheron khushi aur dheron plans liye pahad ki choti se utar apne hotel ki orr badhne laga.. jahan sab the.. wo bhi to ek thi, jisne mere pyar ka mazak uda kar mujhe suicide karne par majbur kar dia tha
mai ye sab sochta hua baba ke bare me bhi soch raha tha. baba kon the.. mai samjh nahi paya.. haan par mai soch raha tha. bhagwan ne meri sahayata ke liye unhe mere paas bheja tha.
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