NONVEG JOKES

[IMUNISH]

लड़की- झूठ बोलने की कोशिश मत करना वरना मैं पकड़ लुंगी।.लड़का- wao .... तब तो मैं रोज झूठ बोलूंगा और तुम रोज पकड़ोगी।लड़की- मादरचोद.... मैंने कहा मैं तेरा झूठ पकड़ लुंगी।। कमीना....

 

[IMUNISH]

 

[IMUNISH]

 

[IMUNISH]

 

[IMUNISH]

 

[IMUNISH]

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai..

Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle
Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai....

Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game
bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey
hain...

Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat
karta hai... kuch is tarah se...


Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?

Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?

Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey
hua?

Mujrim : Abhi kya na.. Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye
aaya...

Chaman : Phir ?

Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha... aur utney mein
samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi...

Chaman : Aage bol

Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke
liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.... to apun
builidng ke neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya... apun seedi
chadte yehich sochrela tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda
nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol

Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.... kya kaam hai.. kaiko
ishara kiya apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech
liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?

Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki
"Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol

Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha... Phir?

Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha
"Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Phir kya tha... Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?

Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne apna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mammey (boobs) they
saali ke...lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka area
hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega.....
zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka....
Aakhir, "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Toh phir ?

Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.... sacchi bolta hai bhai
aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.... Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)

Mujrim : Phir kya tha.... apun ne kiss kiya, mammey (boobs) bhi
dabaya... lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka
area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol ?

Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha
tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai.... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?

Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?

Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?

Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!

Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman
Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..

Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)

Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi..... phir bhi apun yehi soch
raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey... aagey bol saley...

Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii.....lekin bhai kasam
se......main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai.....
Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman: Abey teri to... Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney..... tu
aage bol !

Mujrim : Yehich...... yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai.....aur
game baja dala.!!!

 

[IMUNISH]

Ek couple - ek raat apni mast chudai khatam karke relax the....

Wife : dear kal hamne chudai ki, aur mai mood me so gayi, to raat me maine ek sapna dekha.

Hus : achha, kya dakha?

wife : maine dekha ki mai ek EXHIBITION me gayi thi.

hus : kaisa exhibition?

wife : vo ek LUND ka exhibition tha. bahut mast mast lund the, lambe, mote aur kadak lund the vaha.

hus : kya mera lund bhi tha usme?

wife : ha.... tha to sahi.... ek kone me sikudke pada tha.

Husband kuchh bola nahi, dono haske so gaye. Dusre din fir raat ko dono ki chudai hui, aur fir

hus : darling maine bhi kal ek sapna dekha

wife : achha, kya dekha?

hus : mai bhi ek EXHIBITION me gaya tha, CHOOT ka exhibition, sirf choote hi choote

wife : achha, fir

hus : kya mast chute thi, gori gori, chikni, tight kasi, mulayam chute..... vah... maza aa gaya.

wife : meri choot bhi hogi hi, nahi?

hus : are yaar, usee me to exhibition laga tha.

 

[IMUNISH]

Once in Delhi a "RAM Leela" was about to take place. The scene which
was to take place was that Hanuman was supposed to get sanjivini
booti for Laxman. Unfortunately on that day Hanuman got sick so the
organisers took another replacement from near by state Haryana,
a "jaat" who was requested to perform.

He was nervous of performing the feat on rope to go and get sanjivini
booti. But he tried and suddenly the rope broke and he fell on Ram in
front of public.

To save the scene Ram says: "HEY DAAS, YEH KAISAA MILAN"

Hanuman replies in a typical Jaat language:

"DAAS KI MAA KA BHOSDA
MILAN KI MAA KI CHUT
BEES FOOT SE GIRA HUN
GAAND GAYI MERI TOOT

MAA CHUDANE GAYI TERI SANJIVINI BOOTI
LUND KE SAATH DO GOTI BHI TOOTI
YEH BATA PEHLE RASSI KAISE TOOTI"

 

[IMUNISH]

Sardar 2 CALL GIRL : Ur price???

she says :$50 on the bed, $25 in the car & $10 on the grass.

Sardar gvs him $50.

She says : Sir ur a man of class.

Sardar replies :Leave class, I want 5 times on grass...!

 

[IMUNISH]

JOKE - 1 :- Ek balaat'kaar kee shikaar mahila police station pahoonch'tee hai aur us'ka saam'na ek vinamr policiye se ho jaata hai.

Police waala:- "aaeye behenji kya hua"

Mahila:- "mera balaatkaar ho gaya"

Police waala:- statement likhaana padega behanji". Aur us policiye ne ek register nikaal liya aur us mahila ka bayaan darz kar'ne laga.

Mahila:- "mai bus se utree, voh mera peechha karne laga"

Police waala:- "phir kya hua behanji"

Mahila:- "mai apne ghar kee taraf mudi, voh mere peechhe tha".

Police waala:- "phir kya hua behanji"

Mahila:- "raat ka time tha, nukkad pe uss ne mujhe pakad leeya. bachaane wala koi nahin tha.

Police waala:- "Oh ! phir aage bhee boliye, behanji".

Mahila:- "phir uss ne mere saare kapde utaar diye".

Police waala:- "Oh ! Oh ! Bahenjee. phir aur aage kya huwa?".

Mahila:- "phir hona kya tha ... teree behan chud gayi"

 

[IMUNISH]

बाईक का ओनर (पंचर वाले से)…
बाईक घसीट-घसीट कर गांड फट गयी।
confuse पंक्चर वाला…
तो पंक्चर कहाँ लगाना है, बाईक में या गांड में?