Incest Halala...jatt di lottery (Completed)

[DRAGON WOLF]

I have read few updates. Buddy you are trying good but please try to create characters first and then we can feel with them. You see kuch points a jo story nu impractical bana rahe hai. Jiskarke maza khraab ho reha.

1)Saas te bahu sidhi gandia gallan khull ke krn lg gyian.

2)Sikh and Muslim da viah aini asaani nal ho gaya.

3) Viah toh baad kamre ch talak kehen te dharam di gall yaad aa gayi zoya nu par gair dharam de bande nal viah krvan vele nahin aayi.

4)Udda aini open minded Zoya ki phone te gall krdi rehndi c yaar nal and sex krdi rehndi c par kamre ch talak vali gall nu serious lai gayi.

5) Jananian tan iven apas ch gall kar rahian jive jammi hi gastiyan hon.

Don't mind brother . This is just my point of view. Baaki you can continue with story as you like.

 

[Proud Punjabi]

I have read few updates. Buddy you are trying good but please try to create characters first and then we can feel with them. You see kuch points a jo story nu impractical bana rahe hai. Jiskarke maza khraab ho reha.

1)Saas te bahu sidhi gandia gallan khull ke krn lg gyian.

2)Sikh and Muslim da viah aini asaani nal ho gaya.

3) Viah toh baad kamre ch talak kehen te dharam di gall yaad aa gayi zoya nu par gair dharam de bande nal viah krvan vele nahin aayi.

4)Udda aini open minded Zoya ki phone te gall krdi rehndi c yaar nal and sex krdi rehndi c par kamre ch talak vali gall nu serious lai gayi.

5) Jananian tan iven apas ch gall kar rahian jive jammi hi gastiyan hon.

Don't mind brother . This is just my point of view. Baaki you can continue with story as you like.

Short story ha eh. Baki har gal da reason dinda wada ho jana si kam. Kuch reaon jive usa ch main apne koi interfare nahi karda mere 2 k doata ne muslim kudi naal marriage kiti aa. Baki simar ne zoya nu apne dharm ch change nahi kita. Baki which jahe main thoda mention vi kita si k zoya di saas da nala India ch dhilla rehnda si.

 

[Busty_kaur]

Awesome start.. Kudos for a different flavor.

I agree that part was little odd when she talked to her mother in law and maasi about sex.

Another thing I want to say, bhave story short hi si par je zoya de dialogue ohdi asal zubaan vich hunde tan story hor jyada realistic lagdi. Urdu zubaan di liyakat nal eh story gazab lagni si.

All in all good story. Keep it up.

 

[SKELTON]

Gud one but with lot of odd dialogues nd unrealistic storyline

 

[Proud Punjabi]

Awesome start.. Kudos for a different flavor.

I agree that part was little odd when she talked to her mother in law and maasi about sex.

Another thing I want to say, bhave story short hi si par je zoya de dialogue ohdi asal zubaan vich hunde tan story hor jyada realistic lagdi. Urdu zubaan di liyakat nal eh story gazab lagni si.

All in all good story. Keep it up.

Har ik di apni apni thinking hundi writer ki sochda likhan lage. Zoya nu kafi saal ho gye simar naal rehnde 5 saal de ta ode 2 munde ne urdu touch oda punjabi family ch reh k khatam ho gya hona. Duji gal zoya jad bhar ayi ta choti bachi si usa ch reh k bache waise vi english toh ghat bolde nahi. Even with parents they like to talk in English. Baki story aa wadia lagi thik aa na ta ignore kar deo. Hahahaha apa apne time pass layi likhi si.

 

[Proud Punjabi]

Halala 3

Kuch der eda hi lami payi rahi faitma.. koi 10 15 minute baad odo uthi jad ohnu apni fuddi ch sarsarhat jahi hoyi te pishab karn da icha hoyi. 1 vaar ch hi thaka dita si ohnu ode nave sohar ne. Eda da ohnu shugraat nu laga si jad odi seal tuti si baad ch kade nahi. Fatima lang mardi uthi te almari toh long nighty kad pa k bathroom wal chal payi. Bathroom hal de naal hi duje pase si. Jad faitima ne darwaja kholyea apne room da ta sare bhar hi bethe hoye si aaje vi. Ik vaar ta faitma sharma jahi gyi k sare odia cheekan sunde hon ge ithe bethe...

Kher oh bina bole chup chap pishab karn chali gyi. Imarn apni begum nu eda begnae bande de kamre cho langda k chaldi dekhda riha par bolyea kuch nahi. Bathroom ch apna muh hath,fuddi dho k fatima rasoi ch chali gyi juice vegra pean layi. Ohnu rasoi ch jandi dekh zoya vi ode piche aa gyi.

Zoya: hun main thanu babhi ta keh nahi skdi waise...anyway kida riha darling...bada rola pawyea mere sohar ne..lagda darwaja khulyea nahi si thuda...

Fatima: mainu pata hunda ehna da eda wada te eda thokde de main kade na nikha karwandi...

Zoya: heheheh koi na chalo jao hun wait karda hona thudi..

Faitma: ha jana ta pena...

Ehna keh faitma apne kamre ch chali gyi jithe simar already betha oda wait karda piya si. Lun oda fer khada ho gya si. Fatima ne ohnu juice dita te aap vi pi liya.

Bhar zoya vi apni masi naal kamre ch soan layi chali gyi. Kuki ghar sirf 2 bedroom da si. Imran ne bhar sofe te sona si. Zoya ta goodi need so gyi te odi masi vi. Par imran sari raat bhar sofe te piya apni gharwali fatima dia cheekan sunda riha. Kade awaj uchi ho jandi te kade ghat par awaj aa lagtaae rahi si.

Os raat simar ne 4 vaar faitma di raaj k wakhre wakhre pose ch fuddi mari. 5 wa round vi laga hoya si par fatima di halat dekh ohne apna lun bhar kad liya te chupe marwa k so gya.

Apni adat de hisab naal simar uth k tyar ho bhar aa gya. Fatima aaje vi nangi suti payi si. Bhar aya ta breakfast tyar si.

Breakfast karde karde hi imran ne darde darde simar nu puch hi liya" bhaijaan thanku thuda tusi help kar diti meri begum mainu wapas mil jao hun dubara nikha layi...main kal di chuti le lao ga dubara nikha layi...ahne bhane oh simar nu talak da keh riha si..

Zoya aaje vi hasdi payi si oh uth k fatima de kamre ch chali gyi.

Simar: nahi bhai jaan help ali khedi gal aa eho jahi madad layi ta main hamesha tyar aa. Baki tusi aaje chuti na lao main fatima nu kuch din layi apne naal le k ja riha...

Imran: bhaijaan pls eda na karo...imarn nu pata ta si bus ik vaar kosish karda piya si.

Ehne nu zoya vi bhar aa gyi ode hath ch ik vada suitcase ch jide ch ohne kafi saman pack kar liya si fatima da...

Zoya: imran bhai jaan eve na karo fatima nu aaun deo sade naal koi gal nahi...asi khyaal rakha ge oda...

Imarn kol hor rasta ha vi nahi si. J kuch jada bolda ta odi maa nu which bol k odi insult kar deni si. Ene nu fatima vi bhar aa gyi. Ode face toh hi thakwat da pata lagda si. Duja chalan lage oh langda k halkia jahia lattan khol k turdi payi si.

Fatima kuch nahi boli oh chup chap simar te zoya naal ohna de ghar aa gyi. Simar di maa ne phela hi simar de bapu nu sab das dita si es layi koi panga nahi si. Agle 3 month fatima simar te zoya kol rahi..pregnant ta ohnu simar ne phele hi month kar dita si par fer vi ohne fatima nu 2 month apne kol hor rakh liya si. Ehna 3 month ch ohne raj k fatima di fuddi te odi kawari bund wajai. Zoya di ghat te fatima jada chudi si fuddi ehna dina ch. Hun fatima nu swad aaun lag piya si. Roj 2 ya 3 vaar fuddi mare bina nahi soanda si simar odi. 3 month baad pregnancy da asar ode te dikahi den lag piya si. Oh moti hon lag payi si te pet vi bhar nikaln lag piya si mumme ode vi mote ho gye si.

3 month baad simar te zoya fatima nu imarn de kol chad aye. Fatima da fulyea hoya pet dekh zoya di masi bhali hi kush si. Imarn vi apni gharwali nu wapas pa k bada kush si. 3 month ch jheda sabak ohnu milyea si oda oh sari umar nahi bulna si ohne. Kher ohnu kushi vi si k odi maa hun vaar vaar bache layi tang nahi kare gi.
The end

 

[Sidhu saab]

ghaintt

 

[Gillsaab13]

Veere bhtt sohna update aa

Upr read kita c ik veer ne keha k eh kida ho skda

Veere eh short story aa ess lyi jassi 22 ne point to point likhya

Jive tuc kehne o j oss way nl.likhde ta bhtt long story ho jni c te punjabi section ch long story likhna bht aaukha kyn k long story nu ena reponse ni milda

Te jassi 22 ne ess ch sirf ik riwaaz da zikr kreya k kis trah ik riwaaz nl simr nu faida hoyaa

J nau n saas de rishte bre likhde ta ohde te hi 10 12 update chahide c k kis trah oh eniyn bold hoyiyn

J marriage di gl krde o ss lyi v updates bhtt likhne paine c k kive oh close aaye kive ghre pta lgeya kive sbb manage hoya

So veere story da maza lau

Bki jassi veere bhtt sohna likh rhe o

End jldi krta veere thoda jeha ohna da romance dikha dinde simr n fatima da ta hrr v vdia lgna c

Bki as a readr maza aaya read kr k tuhadi story

J ho ske ta next time koi romantic short story likheyo

Waiting for ur next blast

 

[Proud Punjabi]

Veere bhtt sohna update aa

Upr read kita c ik veer ne keha k eh kida ho skda

Veere eh short story aa ess lyi jassi 22 ne point to point likhya

Jive tuc kehne o j oss way nl.likhde ta bhtt long story ho jni c te punjabi section ch long story likhna bht aaukha kyn k long story nu ena reponse ni milda

Te jassi 22 ne ess ch sirf ik riwaaz da zikr kreya k kis trah ik riwaaz nl simr nu faida hoyaa

J nau n saas de rishte bre likhde ta ohde te hi 10 12 update chahide c k kis trah oh eniyn bold hoyiyn

J marriage di gl krde o ss lyi v updates bhtt likhne paine c k kive oh close aaye kive ghre pta lgeya kive sbb manage hoya

So veere story da maza lau

Bki jassi veere bhtt sohna likh rhe o

End jldi krta veere thoda jeha ohna da romance dikha dinde simr n fatima da ta hrr v vdia lgna c

Bki as a readr maza aaya read kr k tuhadi story

J ho ske ta next time koi romantic short story likheyo

Waiting for ur next blast

Sure bro dm kareo othe pej deo thanu story kuki kai stories ithe post nahi kar sakde

 

[Proud Punjabi]

Veere bhtt sohna update aa

Upr read kita c ik veer ne keha k eh kida ho skda

Veere eh short story aa ess lyi jassi 22 ne point to point likhya

Jive tuc kehne o j oss way nl.likhde ta bhtt long story ho jni c te punjabi section ch long story likhna bht aaukha kyn k long story nu ena reponse ni milda

Te jassi 22 ne ess ch sirf ik riwaaz da zikr kreya k kis trah ik riwaaz nl simr nu faida hoyaa

J nau n saas de rishte bre likhde ta ohde te hi 10 12 update chahide c k kis trah oh eniyn bold hoyiyn

J marriage di gl krde o ss lyi v updates bhtt likhne paine c k kive oh close aaye kive ghre pta lgeya kive sbb manage hoya

So veere story da maza lau

Bki jassi veere bhtt sohna likh rhe o

End jldi krta veere thoda jeha ohna da romance dikha dinde simr n fatima da ta hrr v vdia lgna c

Bki as a readr maza aaya read kr k tuhadi story

J ho ske ta next time koi romantic short story likheyo

Waiting for ur next blast

Baki duji story vi read kaeo ik pind te ik privaar oh long story aa.