spritemathews
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Thriller Dastan-ae-aladdin=》X~FORUM no.1 Thriller story
- Thread starterSuryaa
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Thanks bde bhaiya
for your comment be along and stay tuned with us
your chota bhai
SURYAA
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Hello bro.....
So finally I'm here.....for the reviews....
First of allfor the new thread....
So now let's talk about the plot......
Waise story fantasy section me likhi hui hai or jaisa ji title hai.....ALADDIN.....us se lagta hai ki.....magic bhi hoga.....
Agar magic nahi ho to bhi koi na......kyoki ak magical story ko likhna aasan hota hai.....thriller story ke mukable me.....
OR kyoki abhi tak koi magic ka use nahi hua hai to thriller hone ke jyada chances hai......dekhte hai aap aage kahani ko kaha modte hai....
Baat kare plot ki to.....plot thik hai......thoda old hai....premi.....premika......pyar.....dhoka.......family separation......etc.....
Lekin jis hisaab se first 2 updates likhe gaye hai.....agar aage bhi waise hee story chalti rahe to.....kaafi sambhavnaaye hai....
Ab baat karte hai updates ki.....
Dono update kaafi achche the....
Prison escape scene kaafi behtar ho sakta tha....agar use thoda detail me describe kiya jata....
OR phir wo blast uske baare me bataya hee nahi gaya.....KI kese hua.....possibly aage uska pata chale.....
Ak suggestion tha....KI aap likhne ke baad ak bar dubara update ko check kare.....
Kyoki kai jagah mistakes hai........aisa lagta hai jaise kisi south Indian ko hindi bolne ko kaha jaaye....OR phir wo jis hisaab se thoda alag or azib tarah se bole ga.....
Usi tarah se likha hua hai.....
So iss par dhyaan dene ki jarurat hai.....
At last.....
Aap update dete rahi ye....ham saath dete rahenge.....
Keep update.....
Entertain us.....
Thanks.....
Thanks for your support
Asif khan
Well-Known Member
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Daastan-ae-aladdin
Ab tke,Episode ~ 3
Ali- ha pr mai gunhai-ghaaro ko bhoute acchi se janta hu.....aur tumhare soch vesi nahi hai
Kabir- lagta hai tumnai kafi karibe se gunhai-ghaaro ko dekha hai.....vesi y sbe chodo aur batao k tumnai vo sb kise kiya
Ali- jarur pr pahali yaha se niklo aur ha vo kapdai bhi le kr chlo ......kyuki meri khayal se vo ek bar yaha jarur aae gay
Kabir- tke hai
Ab aage,
Phire Ali aur kabir vaha se nikale gae
Khuch der bade vo dono vaha se kaafi dure nikale chuke the tbe kabir na pucha
Kabir- Lo bhai ...ab hme vaha se kaafi dur aa chuke hai...ab kya karna hai
Ali-Sab se pahale y kapde jala nai hai....kyuki enhai sathe mai rakhana sahi nahi hoga
Kabir- Tum sahi kah rahi ho.....pr hme enhai jalaegay kise
Ali- uske chinta tum mte karo....maire pass lighter hai...y to tumhai acchi tarek se yaade hoga
Kabir-Ha....kise bhul sakta hu....lighter dekh te hi vo dhamaka maire samnai kise picture ki tarah
play ho gaya......vesi ab to bata to tumnai vo akele kise kiya
Ali-akele kaha tum the na
Kabir- may pr maine kya kiya???
Ali- tumnai hi to maine kaam kiya.....aur agar tum mujhe vo samane nahi la kr dete to mai y nahi kr
pata
Kabir(chock kr)- Kya tumnai y sbe unse kiya hai
Ali- ha
Kabir- pr kise
Ali- uske liye chlo flashback mai .....tumhai pure kahani short mai bata deta hu
(chttkkeeeee)
In flashback:-
Tumnai jo lighter diya tha uske madade se maine khuch lakdiyo ko jalaya aur phire unke raakh
eekhata kiya ....aur phire usmai tumnai jo masala diya tha vo mila diya.....aur phire mai jo pathar
ghesh raha tha use se maine police jeep ki petrol ki tanke toode kr usmai se petrol le liya aur
phire use us rakh aur masale k sath mila diya,,,,,en sabe ki quantity ko sahi rakh kr maine enhai
mila diya jes se ancient baarudhe bne gaya aur phire use maine vaha devare k pass bhicha diya ....aur phire boooooooooooooooooom
Flashback ends
(chttttttkkkkkkkkke)
Kabir-ancient baarudhe...en sbe se kise
Ali-eske shurwate china mai hue thi....aur tumhai pata hai ek bare eske quantity jayada ho jae tb
jese teer se unhoni y baarodhe bandha tha vo fhatnai ki jagah aage chla gaya ....jese se rocket ki surwate hue
Kabir- pr tumhai y kise pata
Ali- Bs general knowledge hai
Kabir- sach mai kamale hai....hme y pata hi nahi tha ki en sbe chizo se dhamaka bhi ho sakta hai
Ali-ab to pata chle gaya na.....lo y kapde bhi jale gae ....ab hme chlna chahiye
Kabir- tke hai.....pr hme abe chle kaha
Ali- tume apne raste aur mai apne......hmara sath yahi tke ka tha
Kabir(maushe ho kr)- sahi kaha.....kya mai.....kya mai tumhare sath chle sakta hu
Ali- nahi...tume maire sath jane k jagah apne pariware k pass jana chahiye
Kabir(bhawuke ho kr)- Mera koe pariware nahi hai.....mai ek anath hu.....ek doste tha....pr use bhi
wakte mujhe se chine liya
Ali- maff karna mujhe malum nahi tha ki tum bhi maire tarah anath ho
Kabir- tum bhi mtlb....kya tum bhi
Ali- Ha....tumhai takdeer nai anath banaya ....to mujhe maire apno nai
Kabir- mtlb?....kya ab tumhare pariware mai aur koe nahi hai
Ali- hai ....ek bhen....aur mai ab use k pass ja raha hu
Kabir- kaha hi vo
Ali- Satara mai
Kabir- kya mai bhi tumhare sath chle sakta hu
Ali- ha...pr kyu
Kabir- tumhare es kyu ka jawabe y hi k "khuch loge kismate k tarah hote hai, jo duwa se milte
hai...aur khuch loge duwa k tarah hote hai jo kismate se milte hai".....aur tum ese ho jesnai kismate bne kr mujhe mair duwa kabol ki aur mujhe nae zindagi de....jab y zindagi de hi tumnai hai to kyu na y zindagi tumhare naam kardu
Ali- zante ho tumhare baate mujhe maire doste ki yaade dilate hai.....vo bhi ese hi bate kiya karta
tha.....khire chodo ......soch lo maire raha pr kevle kate bhiche hogay
Kabir- jenke kismate hi kaato bhare ho....vo kaato se kya daregay....ab chahiye khuch bhi ho mai tumhare sath chaluga
Ali-Lagta h tumhai zindagi mai kaafe dard mila hai...kyuki tumhara dard tumhare baato mai jhalake ta hai
Kabir- ha...pr tumse jayada nahi....maira dard to phire bhi maire baato mai jhalake ta hai...pr tumhara to tumhare aakho mai dekhta hai......ek bate bolu
Ali- Bolo
Kabir- kya hme ab doste hai
Ali- ha....y bhi khuch kahne ki bate hai
Kabir- agar tum mujhe apna dost mante ho....to y batao k aakhire tumhare sath kya huva tha...jo
tume etne dard mai rahte ho
Ali-chodo en batao ko....hme ab yaha se chlna chahiye
Kabir- tumnai kaha tha na....ki maire bate tumhai kise ki yaade dilate hai....to tumhai uske kasam
...mujhe batao
Ali-y tumnai kya kiya.....uske kasam tu mujhe jahar bhi khila sakti hai.....pr
Kabir- pr ...kya agar doste mana hai to batao
Ali- tke hai agar tumne suna hi chahte ho to suno
(Phire ali nai kabir ko apne saare kahani batae )
Kabir- sach mai doste ....tumhare aapbiti sune kr rooh kaap gae.....samjhe nahi aa raha ki koe kise
es hade tke gir sakta hai...pr
Ali- pr kya
Kabir- jesa tumnai bataya ab tke to yasmine ko pata chle gaya hoga ki tume jail se bhag chuke
ho....agar ese huva to vo jarure tumhai dhun-dhane ki kosis karege
Ali- vo esa nahi karege
Kabir- tum etni yakine se kise kah sakte ho
Ali- kyuki jail se bhagnai walay hme nahi balki lukha aur aslam hai.....hmare moute to use dhamake mai ho gae thi
Kabir- kya bakwaas kr rahi ho....ek min. kahi jo mai samjhe raha hu....vahi to nahi
Ali- Vahi hai....duniya k liye lukha aur aslam jail se bhage hai .....aur hme dono use dhamake mai mare gae
Kabir- pr kise
Ali- lukha aur aslam dono hi strong background k hai agar media mai y news aae ki vo dono mare gae to police department pr kichade uchalnai mai koe bhi kasare nahi chodega....jes k result mai jo jailor aur constable duty de rahi the unhai suspend kr degey....es liye vo y baate media mai aane nahi degay
Ali- aur jaha tke mujhe lagta hai ab tke yasmine ko maire moute ki khabare bhi mile gae hoge.....aur vo jashane mana rahi hoge
Vahi yasmine ki tarf
Zafar- princess yasmine ......princess yasmine......gajab ho gaya
Yasmine- Kya huva chief head aap u pareshan kyu lage rahi hey
Zafar- pareshani k hi bate hai princess yasmine
Yasmine- jo bhi kahna hai saaf saaf kah e ye
Zafar- vo ladka....kya naam tha uska ....ha aladdin...uske moute ho gae....khabro se pata chla
hai...es dhamake mai uske jale kr moute ho gae
Yasmine- to ese mai pareshani waali kya bate hai....accha huva na vo mare gaya....allah nai apna fesla kr diya....jo usne hmare sath kiya tha uske saza to use milne hi thi....ab aap jaey aur jashane ki tayari ki g ye...sabhi ko aaj hmare taraf se dawate digya
Zafar-tke hai jesa aap kahi princess yasmine
Y kah kr zafar vaha se chla gaya....aur yasmine apne kamre ki aur
Apne kamre mai ja kr yasmine nai darwaja band kiya aur ja kr music system on kiya
or phire jor jor se rone lage
Yasmine(rote huvi)- Alllaaadddddinnnnnnn.......Alllaaadddddinnnnnnn.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....kyu kiya tumnai esa .......maine tumhai sache dile se mohbate ki thi.....aur tumnai.....mujhe dhokha diya
....nafrate karte hai hme tumse .....nafrate......beintehaa...nafrate kyuki pyaar ki hade hote hai
Vahi ali ki tarf
Ali- Nafrate ki nahi
Ali-Mai yasmine se beintehaa nafrate karta hu.......kevle nafrate
Vahi yasmine ki tarf
Yasmine- Mai tum se nafrate karte hu........kevale nafrate
Vahi ali ki taraf
Kabir- vese ab hme kaha chle
Ali- Maire bhen ki pass pata nahi uske kya halate hue hogi
Y kah kr ali aur kabir satara k liye ravana ho gae
aur phire khuch hi ghanto mai vo dono satara pahoch gae
Jaha pahoch kr kabir bola
Kabir- ab kaha chle bhai
Ali- Aman mahola k taraf maine t.v mai vahi mohla dekha tha
Kabir- tke hai
Aaj k liye itna hi
Thanks for reading
AAPKA BHAI
SURYAA
Last edited:
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Ok raat ko update pad kar apni pratikriya deta hu. Filhal to ek salah hai ki story me itni badi pic ka istemal na kare to behtar hai. Pic se jyada update par dhyan de.
Thank you pritam dada
Unique intro style...
next....
Haan bhai ye he hota h..
Ek kahawat h...
'Kawwa chala hans ki chaal aur apni chaal bhi bhul gaya.'
To bhai jia bhi writer ne apne tarike se kahani likhi h wo kamyaab rahi h.
Apna tarika apnao aur kamyaabi pao
Update 1
Brilliant
To bhai shahb per full family ke murder charges hai...
Ali ka gusse mein dimag kaam kar gaya...
Ab tarika aur maloom chal jaye
Update 2
Jail ke bahar tazi hawa ek saath ek imandaar policiya free
rebu
badiya surya bhai
Story read krke review deti hun
Hello bro.....
So finally I'm here.....for the reviews....
First of all
So now let's talk about the plot......
Waise story fantasy section me likhi hui hai or jaisa ji title hai.....ALADDIN.....us se lagta hai ki.....magic bhi hoga.....
Agar magic nahi ho to bhi koi na......kyoki ak magical story ko likhna aasan hota hai.....thriller story ke mukable me.....
OR kyoki abhi tak koi magic ka use nahi hua hai to thriller hone ke jyada chances hai......dekhte hai aap aage kahani ko kaha modte hai....
Baat kare plot ki to.....plot thik hai......thoda old hai....premi.....premika......pyar.....dhoka.......family separation......etc.....
Lekin jis hisaab se first 2 updates likhe gaye hai.....agar aage bhi waise hee story chalti rahe to.....kaafi sambhavnaaye hai....
Ab baat karte hai updates ki.....
Dono update kaafi achche the....
Prison escape scene kaafi behtar ho sakta tha....agar use thoda detail me describe kiya jata....
OR phir wo blast uske baare me bataya hee nahi gaya.....KI kese hua.....possibly aage uska pata chale.....
Ak suggestion tha....KI aap likhne ke baad ak bar dubara update ko check kare.....
Kyoki kai jagah mistakes hai........aisa lagta hai jaise kisi south Indian ko hindi bolne ko kaha jaaye....OR phir wo jis hisaab se thoda alag or azib tarah se bole ga.....
Usi tarah se likha hua hai.....
So iss par dhyaan dene ki jarurat hai.....
At last.....
Aap update dete rahi ye....ham saath dete rahenge.....
Keep update.....
Entertain us.....
Thanks.....
Aap sabhi nai second episode ko itna support kiya uske liye dil se thanks
third episode aa chuka hai
aap padh saktai hai
and agar accha lagi to plzz comment karnna na bhulay
Vikram singh rana
Active Member
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Hmmmm....
Good update.....
Barood banane ka tarike kaafi azib tha....lekin koi na.....
Aakhir yasmin ko scene me le hee liya.....
Baato se lagta hai dono hee galat fahmi ka shikar hai....
Dekhte hai aage kya Hota hai....
Anyways
Good update...
Thanks
Hayaan
●Naam to Suna Hi Hoga●
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Chalo ye Pata Chala Apni Heroine Yashmine Sachi Mohabbat karti hai...aur Achhi bhi hai.....Bas koi Shadyantra racha gaya hai dono ke beech...
Yani dono milenge....
Aage aage sab pata chal jayega...
Mastt hai Surya bhai..!!
Yani dono milenge....
Aage aage sab pata chal jayega...
Mastt hai Surya bhai..!!
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