Moushmi
Sway!
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Jab Baarish Sach Bolne Lagi
Mujhe Mumbai kabhi properly pasand nahi aaya tha.
Log kehte the city of dreams, city that never sleeps, city that teaches you hustle. Mere liye Mumbai bas ek aisi jagah thi jahan baarish bina permission ke aa jaati thi, local trains tumhari personal space ka concept uda deti thi, aur har insaan ko kahin bahut jaldi pahunchna hota tha. Main Lucknow ki ladki thi. Thoda dheere bolne wali, thoda observe karne wali, thoda zyada feel karne wali. Mumbai mere jaise logon ke liye bana hi nahi tha, at least mujhe pehle aisa lagta tha.
Phir bhi main yahan thi. Andheri West ke ek rented flat mein, do flatmates ke saath, ek digital production house mein assistant video editor ki job karte hue. Job glamorous bilkul nahi thi. Instagram pe creators jo neat behind-the-scenes reels daalte hain na, unke peeche jo aadmi ya aurat 4 baje subah tak timeline pe clips drag karke baithi hoti hai, woh main thi.
Us din bhi kuch aisa hi tha.
July ka mahina, baarish full form mein, office ka AC ya to Antarctica mode pe hota tha ya band. Main pichhle teen ghante se ek beauty brand ka campaign edit kar rahi thi jahan same line ko client ne chaar baar change karaya tha because "emotion thoda aur premium chahiye." Mujhe aaj tak samajh nahi aaya premium emotion exactly hota kya hai.
Shaam ke 8:40 ho rahe the jab finally render complete hua. Team mein sirf main aur motion designer Parth bache the. Usne apna bag uthate hue bola, "Mira, chal? Last local miss ho jayegi."
"Tu ja, main mail bhej ke aati hoon."
"Phir baarish mein atakna mat."
Maine sarcastic face banaya. "Mumbai mein baarish se bachne ka koi subscription plan hai kya?"
Woh hasta hua nikal gaya. Main final export upload karke, client ko mail karke, system shut karke uthi. Body mein woh wali thakan thi jo chair se chipka deti hai. Bahar dekha to building ke glass ke us paar bas paani hi paani. Seedha girta hua nahi, tircha, hawa ke saath, aggressive type.
"Perfect," maine khud se bola.
Mere paas umbrella tha. Broken umbrella. Ek side ka rod already tedha tha. Mumbai ne do mahine mein uski original shape khatam kar di thi. Main lift se neeche aayi, security guard ko bye bola aur road pe kadam rakhte hi shoes ke andar paani chala gaya.
Yahi meri love story ki beginning thi.
Exactly romantic nahi lag raha na? Mujhe bhi nahi laga tha.
Main auto dhundhne ki hopeless koshish kar rahi thi jab ek bike mere paas slow hui. Helmet pehne hue aadmi ne visor uthaya aur bola, "Aapko station jaana hai?"
Normal circumstances mein agar koi random biker mujhse aise baat karta to main seedha ignore karti. But usne pehle hi next line bol di, "Main cab driver nahi hoon. Bas lag raha hai aap 20 minute se auto ko aankhon se bula rahi ho."
Maine usse dekha. Late twenties maybe. Rain jacket, black helmet, face pe thoda sa amused expression.
"Main theek hoon," maine cautious tone mein bola.
"Sure. Lekin aaj auto milna mushkil hai. Main station side hi ja raha hoon. Drop kar sakta hoon. Agar uncomfortable ho to ignore kar do, I get it."
Maine instantly haan nahi boli. Mumbai ne ek cheez sikhayi thi, trust ko instant noodles ki tarah 2 minute mein prepare nahi karna.
"ID dikha sakte ho?" maine seedha pooch liya.
Woh ek second ke liye surprise hua, phir hansa. "Fair enough." Usne wallet nikala, company ID dikhayi. Naam tha Aarav Menon. Ek audio production studio ka access card.
"Ab thoda less serial killer lag raha hoon?" usne poocha.
"Thoda."
"Good. Decision?"
Maine road pe phir nazar daali. Auto zero. Rain infinite. Station tak walk impossible.
"Sirf station," maine kaha.
"Ji madam. Sirf station."
Maine bike pe awkwardly baithte hue apna bag tight pakda. Raincoat ka extra half usne peeche ki taraf spread kiya. "Footrest mil gaya?" usne poocha.
"Haan."
"Grip side handle pe rakh lo. Mujhe mat pakadna, warna aapko aur awkward lagega."
Maine irritate hoke kaha, "Main waise bhi nahi pakadne wali thi."
"Good. Boundaries healthy hoti hain."
Station tak hardly 12 minutes लगे, but mujhe uski commentary yaad reh gayi. Traffic pe sarcasm, potholes ko "Mumbai ke surprise pools" kehna, aur ek jagah signal pe rukke casually bolna, "Aap office se aa rahi ho na? Editor ho kya?"
Maine almost turant pooch liya, "Kaise pata?"
"Bag pe production house ka tag hai, aur aapka face wohi hai jo deadline wale logon ka hota hai."
"Deadline face?"
"Haan. Aankhon ke neeche thoda existential crisis."
Mujhe hansi aa gayi. "Main editor hoon."
"Thought so. Main sound designer hoon."
Station pe utar ke maine bas formal thanks bolna chaha. But usne bola, "Umbrella seedha rakhiye, warna hawa usko tod degi aur aap mujhe blame karengi."
Main automatically umbrella dekhne lagi. "Tum strangers ko free advice bohot dete ho?"
"Sirf jab unka umbrella marne wala ho."
"Theek hai. Thanks. For drop."
"Welcome, deadline face."
"Main Mira hoon."
Usne slight nod diya. "Aarav. Ab officially."
Local ke platform pe khadi hui tab mujhe realize hua ki mere face pe smile hai. Random. Unnecessary. Thoda irritating.
Maine us encounter ko wahin khatam maana. Mumbai mein aise chhote interactions hote rehte hain. Kisi se milo, phir kabhi na milo. City badi hai, log zyada hain, chances kam.
Lekin teen din baad main usse phir mili.
Is baar Versova ke ek tiny coffee place pe, jahan main usually Sundays ko laptop leke baithti thi. Flat mein dono roommates hamesha ya to calls pe hoti thi ya reels chala rahi hoti thi, isliye mujhe kaam ya personal editing karne ke liye bahar bhaagna padta tha.
Main window ke paas baithi thi, headphones neck pe, timeline open, jab counter se awaaz aayi, "Deadline face."
Maine upar dekha. Same aadmi. Is baar without helmet. Curly hair slightly messy, dark green t-shirt, aur haath mein coffee token.
"Tum?" mere muh se nikal gaya.
"Disappointed ho?"
"Surprised hoon."
"Main bhi. Ye meri regular coffee shop hai."
"Ab jhooth lagega."
"Fair. Proof chahiye?" usne counter wale bhaiya ko dekha. "Rafiq bhai, main regular hoon na?"
Counter wale ne bina interest ke bola, "Haan bhai, aap udhari bhi regular karte ho."
Main hass padi. Aarav ne haath dil pe rakha. "Character assassination."
Woh meri table ke paas aaya. "Yahan baith sakta hoon? Ya editor privacy mode on hai?"
Maine laptop side kiya. "Baith jao."
Us din hamari pehli actual conversation hui.
Pata chala Aarav originally Kochi ka tha, Mumbai mein paanch saal se reh raha tha. Ads, indie films, podcasts, jingles, jo kaam mil jaye uska sound design karta tha. Stable salary wala banda nahi tha. Project to project. Kabhi workload itna ki sone ka time nahi, kabhi do hafte gap. Main usually aise unpredictable careers ko thoda scary samajhti thi, but uske bolne ka tareeka aisa tha jaise uncertainty se dosti kar chuka ho.
"Tumhe stress nahi hota?" maine poocha.
"Hota hai. Bohot hota hai. Bas main usko chai pila ke side bitha deta hoon."
"Ye line rehearsed thi?"
"Nahi. But achhi thi, maan lo."
Maine coffee sip ki. "Tum bohot baat karte ho."
"Tum kam karti ho."
"Main strangers se reserve rehti hoon."
"Main bhi."
Main usse dekhti reh gayi. "Tum bilkul bhi reserve nahi lagte."
"Outer packaging misleading ho sakti hai."
Uski ye baat mujhe baad mein bahut baar yaad aayi.
Us coffee shop ke baad milna pattern ban gaya. Planned nahi, but frequent enough to feel suspicious. Kabhi main Sunday ko hoti aur woh aa jata. Kabhi main office ke baad wahan se pastry le rahi hoti aur woh kisi client call ke beech khada milta. Ek baar to main bookstore mein ghus gayi sirf baarish se bachne ke liye aur woh wahin music magazine section mein mila.
"Mumbai chhota hai ya tum har jagah ho?" maine poocha.
Usne shoulders uthaye. "Main soundtrack hoon. Background mein mil jaata hoon."
"Very filmy."
"Industry side effect."
Mujhe धीरे धीरे uski company achhi lagne lagi. Aarav mein woh easy charm tha jo pehle thoda annoying lagta hai, phir comforting. Woh har cheez ko lightly leta hua dikhta tha, lekin jab tum actual baat karo to surprisingly dhyan se sunta tha. Main jab edit timelines, rude clients, rent anxiety, ya ghar ki yaad ke baare mein बोलती thi, woh बीच में apni kahani ghusane ke bajaye meri बात पकड़ता था.
Ek baar maine bas casually mention kiya ki mujhe Lucknow ki chai aur ghar ka verandah miss hota hai. Next Sunday jab hum coffee shop mein mile to usne counter pe bol ke adrak-elaichi wali strong chai banwayi aur proudly bola, "Closest approximation."
"Mumbai mein Lucknow recreate karoge?" maine cup lete hue poocha.
"Attempt kiya hai. Fail hua to blame city."
Chai surprisingly achhi thi. Maine sip leke kaha, "Okay, not bad."
Usne grin kiya. "Compliment mil gaya."
"Overconfident mat ho."
Mera schedule messy tha, uska aur zyada. Isliye hum kabhi fixed date pe nahi milte the. Phir bhi somehow baat regular hone lagi. Pehle Instagram pe memes. Phir WhatsApp. Phir late night voice notes. He hated typing long texts. Main hate karti thi voice notes. So obviously hamari friendship wahi shift hui.
Uska pehla proper voice note 2 minute 37 second ka tha jisme usne sirf ye rant kiya tha ki ek director ko "more blue but warm blue" type sound chahiye tha. Maine reply mein 14 second ka message bheja, "Tum creative log sab pagal ho."
Usne turant लिखा, "Hum? Tum bhi."
Fair point.
Mere flatmates ko pehle hi lag gaya tha ki someone was happening.
Sana, jo ad agency mein copywriter thi aur duniya ka har situation romanticize kar deti thi, ek raat directly bed pe ulta let ke poochne lagi, "Ye Aarav kaun hai?"
"Koi nahi."
"Voice note wale koi nahi?"
"Friend."
"Tu uske messages sunke smile karti hai."
"Main funny cheezon pe smile karti hoon."
"Tu uske liye ready ho ke coffee shop jaati hai."
"Main sabke liye ready hoti hoon."
Room ke dusre bed se Ishi ne bina upar dekhe bola, "Jhooth. Kal mere saath kirane tak chappal mein aayi thi."
Maine dono pe pillow feka. "Tum logon ke paas kaam nahi hai?"
Sana ne dramatic sigh li. "Mira in denial. Classic season."
Sach ye tha ki denial thoda tha. Attraction clear tha, but main cautious thi. Mere previous relationship ka hangover fully gaya nahi tha. College ke final year mein mera ek long relationship tha jo itna badly end hua tha ki mujhe apni judgement pe doubt ho gaya tha. Jab koi insaan tumhe repeatedly choose karne ka promise kare aur phir bina closure ke disappear ho jaye, to tum future mein har achhi cheez ke peeche loophole dhoondhne lagte ho.
Main Aarav ko like karne lagi thi. Ye accept karna mushkil nahi tha. Mushkil ye tha ki main khud ko us direction mein jaane dena nahi chahti thi.
Ek shaam hum Bandstand side mile. Uska kaam nearby tha, mera shoot Bandra mein khatam hua tha. Baarish ruk ruk ke ho rahi thi, hawa mein namak aur mitti mix wali smell thi. Hum parapet pe thoda side mein baith gaye, log aas paas the, couples, joggers, tourists.
Aarav ne poocha, "Tum kabhi fully relax hoti ho?"
"Matlab?"
"Matlab tumhare shoulders hamesha thode tense rehte hain. Jaise body bhi overthink karti ho."
"Wow. New insecurity unlocked."
"Arre insult nahi tha."
"Mujhe habit hai shayad."
"Kis cheez ki?"
"Prepared rehne ki."
"Worst ke liye?"
Maine sea ki taraf dekhte hue kaha, "Haan. Shayad."
Usne kuch seconds kuch nahi bola. Phir very gently poocha, "Kisi ne train kiya aisa?"
Question halka tha, impact nahi.
Maine uski taraf dekha. Uski aankhon mein woh curiosity nahi thi jo gossip wali hoti hai. Bas samajhne wali.
Maine sigh kiya. "Ek banda tha. Long story. Bas uske baad se lagta hai ki agar main pehle se mentally ready rahun to hurt kam hoga."
"Hota hai kam?"
"Nahi."
"Phir bhi karti ho?"
"Haan."
"Theek strategy nahi hai."
"Thanks. Consultant fee kitni hai?"
Woh hasa nahi. Sirf bola, "Mira, tum funny bana ke sab bol deti ho, but sach mein thak jaogi."
Us line ne mujhe ajeeb sa quiet kar diya.
Us raat ghar aake maine bahut der tak socha. Aarav ke saath problem ye thi ki woh mera easy version dekh ke impress nahi hota tha. Woh walls notice karta tha, aur knock bhi karta tha. Force nahi, bas presence se.
August ke end tak hum almost har dusre din contact mein the. Mumbai ki baarish bhi ab mujhe utni hostile nahi lagti thi, shayad kyunki uske saath chai, traffic, puddles sab pe jokes ban jaate the. Ek baar to hum literally ek bus stop ke chhote se shade ke neeche 35 minute fase rahe because rain suddenly cloudburst mode pe chali gayi thi.
Usne apna phone nikala aur bola, "Aise moments mein do options hote hain. Ya to existential crisis ya antakshari."
"Main ghar jaungi," maine deadpan tone mein kaha.
"Third option bhi hai. Good."
Phir usne bina permission old Hindi songs gaane shuru kar diye. Sur theek the, attitude extra tha.
"Tumhe sharam nahi aati?" maine poocha.
"Public embarrassment tolerance high hai."
"Pata chal raha hai."
"Join karogi?"
"Never."
Paanch minute baad main bhi ga rahi thi. Low volume mein, but ga rahi thi. Usne instantly point out kiya, "Aha."
"Chup."
Woh moments dangerous hote hain. Jab tum kisi ke saath silly ho sakte ho without self-consciousness. Wahi jagah hoti hai jahan dil quietly slip kar jata hai.
Phir ek twist aaya jiska mujhe bilkul andaza nahi tha.
Office mein ek internal opening nikli. Senior editor role. Better pay, bigger projects, but location Pune branch. Mere manager ne casually bola, "If you're interested, apply. Tumhari growth ke liye achha hoga."
Main pure din confuse rahi. Career-wise ye solid move tha. Mumbai mein survival mode se thoda upar jaane ka chance. Better salary matlab better savings, maybe own room, maybe less chaos. But Pune shift? Matlab sab naya. Again.
Shaam ko maine Aarav ko bataya. Hum us coffee place pe baithe the jahan hum pehli baar proper मिले थे.
"Apply karna chahiye?" maine poocha.
Usne bina delay bola, "Career-wise? Haan. Definitely."
"Bas itna?"
"Tum kya answer chah rahi ho?"
Maine spoon stir karte hue kaha, "Pata nahi."
"Main selfish answer dun to bolunga mat jao. Practical answer dun to bolunga try karo."
"Selfish answer kyun?"
Usne meri taraf dekha. "Because I like having you here."
Meri heartbeat thodi fast hui. Usne pehli baar itna direct kuch bola tha. But phir usne line continue nahi ki. Main bhi nahi.
Maine apply kar diya.
Interview hua. Second round hua. Final discussion hua. Process expected se fast nikla. Aur jab offer aaya, main office ke washroom mein jaake do minute mirror ko dekhti reh gayi. Mujhe khush hona chahiye tha. Main khush thi bhi. But saath mein chest mein ajeeb pull sa feel hua.
Raat ko maine Aarav ko message kiya, "Got it."
Uska reply turant aaya, "Proud of you. Call?"
Call pe usne genuinely congratulate kiya. Benefits, role, growth sab discuss hua. Main half excited thi, half off.
Finally usne poocha, "Kab tak decide karna hai?"
"Teen din."
"Kya feel ho raha hai?"
Maine sach bola, "Mixed."
"Scared?"
"Haan."
"Jaana chahti ho?"
Long pause.
"Career ke liye, haan."
"Baaki cheezon ke liye?"
Maine answer nahi diya. Woh samajh gaya, shayad.
Next teen din main literally pendulum bani rahi. Sana bola, "Take it. Growth." Ishi bola, "Mumbai koi soulmate nahi hai." Mummy ne phone pe kaha, "Achha opportunity hai beta." Papa practical mode on. Sabke answers logical the.
Mera problem logical nahi tha.
Mujhe Aarav se baat karna aur mushkil lagne laga. Kyunki ab underlying question clear tha. Agar main jaati hoon, hum kya hain? Agar main rukti hoon, kyun? Kya uske liye rukna stupid hoga? Kya woh waise bhi kuch serious nahi soch raha? Kya main ek undefined connection ko itna importance de rahi hoon?
Last day se ek evening pehle hum मिले. Versova beach ke paas. Monsoon sky grey tha, hawa sticky, sand wet. Hum kaafi der tak bas walk karte rahe bina kuch substantial bole.
Finally maine hi kaha, "Main probably Pune jaungi."
Usne sar hilaya. "Hmm."
Bas hmm?
Mujhe gussa sa aaya. "Tum kuch aur nahi bolna chahte?"
"Woh depend karta hai. Kya bolun?"
"I don't know. Something."
"Mira, main tumhe rokun to unfair hai. Na rokun to detached lagta hoon. Isliye carefully chal raha hoon."
"Carefully kyun? Kab tak carefully?"
Woh ruk gaya. Main bhi.
Aarav ne deep breath li. "Because mujhe laga tum ready nahi ho."
"Kis cheez ke liye?"
"Mere saath us conversation ke liye jahan main bolun ki I don't want this to be just random. Ki tum mere din ka important part ban chuki ho. Ki jab tum message nahi karti to main phone check karta hoon. Ki main stupidly tumhare coffee orders yaad rakhta hoon. Ki main chahta hoon tum raho, but sirf city mein nahi... meri life mein properly. Isliye carefully."
Mere pair literally wet sand mein freeze ho gaye.
Usne aankhen hatayi nahi. "But tumhari job usse chhoti nahi ho sakti. Aur main ye guilt kabhi nahi chahta ki tumne mere liye kuch chhoda."
Main kuch bol hi nahi pa rahi thi. Saare rehearsed defenses gayab.
"Say something," usne softly kaha.
Maine finally kaha, "Tumhe lagta hai mujhe kuch feel nahi hota?"
"Nahi. Mujhe lagta hai feel hota hai. Bas tum bolti nahi."
This man and his accuracy. Mujhe us moment pe irritate bhi hona tha, emotional bhi.
Maine bahut dheere kaha, "Main dar rahi thi."
"Pata hai."
"Nahi, matlab seriously. Agar maine maan liya ki ye important hai aur phir ye toot gaya to? Long distance, work, life... sab complicated ho sakta hai."
"Ho sakta hai," usne seedha kaha.
"Great. Bahut reassuring."
Woh halka sa hasa. "Main jhooth nahi bolunga. Complicated hoga. But Mira, tum har baar possible pain se bachne ke chakkar mein possible happiness bhi skip kar dogi?"
Mujhe uski ye line seedha andar utarti feel hui.
Us raat main ghar aayi aur offer letter laptop pe khol ke bahut der tak dekhti rahi. Career option mere saamne tha. Saath hi ek aur sach tha jisse main ab ignore nahi kar sakti thi.
Main Pune gayi.
Ye twist nahi tha. Ye choice thi. Aur mushkil bhi.
Maine job accept ki kyunki sach mein ye mere career ke liye sahi tha. Aur maine Aarav ko choose bhi kiya, but city ke opposite nahi. Saath mein. Ye decision lena mere liye huge tha. Pehli baar mujhe laga main fear ke against kuch kar rahi hoon, fear ke according nahi.
Shift ke din se pehle hum phir mile. Main chaotic packing ke beech thaki hui, woh apne studio se seedha aaya hua.
"Tum sure ho?" usne poocha. Is baar job ke baare mein nahi, humare baare mein.
Maine haan mein sir hilaya. "Nahi hoti to bol deti."
"Distance easy nahi hoga."
"Main easy dhoondh hi kab rahi hoon."
Usne slow smile ki. "Fair."
"Ek condition hai," maine kaha.
"Bolo."
"Half-truths nahi. Agar mood kharab hai to bolo. Agar miss kar rahe ho to bolo. Agar fight hai to fight. Silent mat hona."
Usne haath badhaya. "Deal."
Maine uska haath pakda. "Deal."
Uske baad jo hua woh koi magical montage nahi tha. Pune shift exhausting tha. Naya office, nayi team, PG se apartment, setup, commute, loneliness. First few weeks main itni busy thi ki raat tak body shut down mode mein chali jaati thi. Aarav bhi projects mein phasa rehta. Hum calls miss karte, texts late hote, irritability aati.
Ek baar to proper fight ho gayi. Main teen din se overloaded thi aur usne ek planned call cancel kar diya last minute because studio emergency. Maine bas "cool" likh diya, but actually cool bilkul nahi thi. Usne samjha main okay hoon. Main expect kar rahi thi woh samjhe ki main okay nahi hoon. Classic disaster.
Agli raat call pe maine finally snap kar diya. "Tumhe agar time nahi hai to seedha bolo."
Usne confused tone mein poocha, "Maine wahi to bola tha."
"Nahi. Tumne bas cancel kiya. Ek baar pooch bhi nahi ki main kaisi hoon."
"Mira, maine poocha tha subah."
"Subah aur hota hai, raat aur hoti hai."
"To tumne bola kyun nahi ki you needed me there?"
Main chup.
Usne sigh kiya. "Ye wahi half-truths wali problem hai."
Fight uncomfortable thi, but useful bhi. Call ke end tak dono ka tone soft ho gaya. Maine accept kiya ki mujhe zarurat bolne ki habit nahi. Usne accept kiya ki usse kabhi kabhi cheezon ka emotional weight underestimate ho jata hai. Humne solve nahi kiya magically, but samjha.
Aur shayad relationship wahi hota hai. Perfect compatibility nahi. Repeated adjustment.
September, October, November. Pune aur Mumbai ke beech buses, trains, occasional impromptu visits. Kabhi main weekend pe aati, kabhi woh recording ke baad night bus leke aa jata. Hum fancy dates se zyada simple cheezein karte. FC Road pe misal, Koregaon Park mein walks, mere apartment ke floor pe baith ke Chinese takeout, uske saath headphones share karke rough mixes sunna, mere edits pe uska opinion, uske sound pe mera overanalysis.
Ek baar woh Pune aaya aur mere kitchen mein chai banate hue bola, "Tumhara ghar gradually tum jaisa lagne laga hai."
"Kaisa?"
"Thoda cluttered, thoda warm, aur har jagah sticky notes."
"Mere baare mein itna deep analysis band karo."
"Impossible."
Main counter pe baithi usse dekh rahi thi. Mujhe suddenly woh bus stop, bike ride, deadline face sab yaad aa gaya. Kitni random beginning thi. Kitna real outcome.
December mein mujhe Mumbai office ke liye ek three-day workshop pe jaana tha. Same city, different phase. Is baar mujhe Mumbai utni sharp nahi lagi. Maybe because now it held memories instead of just pressure.
Workshop ke second day raat ko Aarav mujhe Marine Drive le gaya. Tourist-heavy tha, lekin late hour mein thoda calmer. Hum sea-facing wall pe baith gaye. Hawa strong thi.
Usne casually poocha, "Agar us din office ke bahar auto mil gaya hota to?"
"Mera umbrella bach jata," maine kaha.
"Bas?"
"Shayad main tumse kabhi milti hi nahi."
"Milti."
"Again overconfidence."
"Main serious hoon."
"Mumbai mein? Impossible."
Usne shoulder se halka sa bump kiya. "Tum underestimate karti ho pattern ko."
Maine uski taraf dekha. "Ye line tum pehle bhi bol chuke ho?"
"Nahi. But lagta hai good line hai."
"Thoda."
Phir woh thoda quiet hua. Ye uska serious mode signal tha.
"Mira."
"Hmm?"
"Main ek cheez kabse bolna chahta hoon."
Mera heartbeat instantly active. "Bolo."
"Main tumse pyaar karta hoon."
Koi drumroll nahi. Koi dramatic pause nahi. Bas straightforward, jaise sach ko zyada styling ki zarurat nahi.
Maine usse dekha. Uske face pe nervousness thi, but woh peeche nahi hata.
"Tum answer process kar sakti ho. Immediate pressure nahi hai," usne jaldi se add kiya.
Mujhe hasi bhi aayi, aankhon mein paani bhi. "Shut up."
"Okay."
Main do second tak bas usse dekhti rahi. Phir kaha, "I love you too."
Woh literally exhale kar gaya. "Good."
"Bas good?"
"Inside bohot fireworks hain. Bahar controlled reaction."
"Achha."
Usne mera haath pakda. Warm, steady. "Tumne kaafi late bola."
"Excuse me? Tumne bhi."
"Haan but main emotional honesty ke liye award deserve karta hoon."
"Delusion ka."
Us raat ke baad kuch fundamentally shift hua, lekin simultaneously kuch bhi dramatically change nahi hua. Hum waise hi the. Bas ab words clear the. Aur kabhi kabhi words clarity ke alawa aur kuch nahi karte, but woh bhi bahut hota hai.
Ek saal baad, main Pune mein settled thi. Better role, better confidence, own rented 1BHK, plants jo surprising way mein zinda the. Aarav ka kaam bhi achha chal raha tha. Still unstable in the freelancer way, but stronger. Humne distance manage karna seekh liya tha. Not perfectly, but honestly.
January ke last weekend pe woh Pune aaya. Mere apartment ki balcony chhoti si thi, but sunset decent dikh jata tha. Main uske liye chai bana rahi thi jab woh peeche se aake wall se tik gaya.
"Kya soch rahi ho?" usne poocha.
"Mujhe Mumbai ab pasand aane lagi hai."
"Wow. Character development."
"Haan. Tumhare wajah se thoda."
"Sirf thoda?"
"Thoda zyada."
Usne grin kiya. "Acceptable."
Maine chai uske haath mein di. "Mujhe lagta tha mujhe sirf safe cheezein chahiye. Predictable. Controlled. But tumhare saath mujhe samajh aaya safe ka matlab boring ya distant nahi hota. Safe ka matlab maybe ye hota hai ki tum honest ho sakte ho aur saamne wala bhaagta nahi."
Aarav ne cup side table pe rakha. "Mira."
"Haan?"
"Ye bohot achhi line thi."
"Mera serious moment tha."
"Main bhi serious hoon." Usne mera haath pakda. "Tum mere liye wahi ho. Safe. Home jaisi. Chahe city koi bhi ho."
Main uske shoulder pe sir rakh ke khadi rahi. Neeche road pe traffic tha, upar halki thand, andar kitchen sink mein do cups aur ek pan pada tha. Bohot ordinary scene. Bohot beautiful.
Aaj bhi mujhe baarish mein bheegna pasand nahi. Local trains ab bhi exhausting lagti hain. Deadlines ab bhi jaan leti hain. Main ab bhi overthink karti hoon. Aarav ab bhi extra advice deta hai. Hum ab bhi kabhi kabhi stupid fights kar lete hain. Uska "main call karta hoon 5 minute mein" kabhi kabhi 25 minute ho jata hai. Main "main bas ready ho rahi hoon" bolke 18 minute aur leti hoon.
But ab mujhe ye sab life ke annoying details kam aur shared rhythm zyada lagte hain.
Kabhi kabhi jab bohot tez baarish hoti hai na, main balcony se dekhte hue us first bike ride ke baare mein sochti hoon. Ek tedha umbrella, bheege shoes, exhausted mood, aur ek ladka jo bina weird hue help offer kar raha tha. Kaun sochta hai ki love kab enter karega? Koi violins ke saath warning thodi aati hai. Kabhi kabhi woh rain jacket pehen ke aata hai aur tumhe station drop kar deta hai.
Aur phir dheere dheere tumhari life mein ruk jaata hai.
Mujhe ab lagta hai kuch log storm ki tarah nahi aate. Woh baarish ke baad ki mitti ki smell ki tarah aate hain. Pehle halki si mehsoos hoti hai, phir tum realize karte ho ki hawa badal gayi hai.
Aarav mere liye wahi tha.
Unexpected. Gentle. Dheere dheere har jagah present.
Aur shayad pyaar ka best version bhi wahi hota hai. Jo tumhe hila ke nahi, samet ke rakhe. Jo tumhari pace samjhe, tumhari khamoshi padhe, aur jab tum finally sach bolo, to bas itna kahe, "Theek hai, main yahin hoon."
Mumbai mujhe tab se thodi kam thakane lagi.
Baarish ab bhi achanak aati hai.
Bas farq itna hai ki ab mujhe pata hai, kabhi kabhi baarish ke saath achhi cheezein bhi aa jaati hain.
Log kehte the city of dreams, city that never sleeps, city that teaches you hustle. Mere liye Mumbai bas ek aisi jagah thi jahan baarish bina permission ke aa jaati thi, local trains tumhari personal space ka concept uda deti thi, aur har insaan ko kahin bahut jaldi pahunchna hota tha. Main Lucknow ki ladki thi. Thoda dheere bolne wali, thoda observe karne wali, thoda zyada feel karne wali. Mumbai mere jaise logon ke liye bana hi nahi tha, at least mujhe pehle aisa lagta tha.
Phir bhi main yahan thi. Andheri West ke ek rented flat mein, do flatmates ke saath, ek digital production house mein assistant video editor ki job karte hue. Job glamorous bilkul nahi thi. Instagram pe creators jo neat behind-the-scenes reels daalte hain na, unke peeche jo aadmi ya aurat 4 baje subah tak timeline pe clips drag karke baithi hoti hai, woh main thi.
Us din bhi kuch aisa hi tha.
July ka mahina, baarish full form mein, office ka AC ya to Antarctica mode pe hota tha ya band. Main pichhle teen ghante se ek beauty brand ka campaign edit kar rahi thi jahan same line ko client ne chaar baar change karaya tha because "emotion thoda aur premium chahiye." Mujhe aaj tak samajh nahi aaya premium emotion exactly hota kya hai.
Shaam ke 8:40 ho rahe the jab finally render complete hua. Team mein sirf main aur motion designer Parth bache the. Usne apna bag uthate hue bola, "Mira, chal? Last local miss ho jayegi."
"Tu ja, main mail bhej ke aati hoon."
"Phir baarish mein atakna mat."
Maine sarcastic face banaya. "Mumbai mein baarish se bachne ka koi subscription plan hai kya?"
Woh hasta hua nikal gaya. Main final export upload karke, client ko mail karke, system shut karke uthi. Body mein woh wali thakan thi jo chair se chipka deti hai. Bahar dekha to building ke glass ke us paar bas paani hi paani. Seedha girta hua nahi, tircha, hawa ke saath, aggressive type.
"Perfect," maine khud se bola.
Mere paas umbrella tha. Broken umbrella. Ek side ka rod already tedha tha. Mumbai ne do mahine mein uski original shape khatam kar di thi. Main lift se neeche aayi, security guard ko bye bola aur road pe kadam rakhte hi shoes ke andar paani chala gaya.
Yahi meri love story ki beginning thi.
Exactly romantic nahi lag raha na? Mujhe bhi nahi laga tha.
Main auto dhundhne ki hopeless koshish kar rahi thi jab ek bike mere paas slow hui. Helmet pehne hue aadmi ne visor uthaya aur bola, "Aapko station jaana hai?"
Normal circumstances mein agar koi random biker mujhse aise baat karta to main seedha ignore karti. But usne pehle hi next line bol di, "Main cab driver nahi hoon. Bas lag raha hai aap 20 minute se auto ko aankhon se bula rahi ho."
Maine usse dekha. Late twenties maybe. Rain jacket, black helmet, face pe thoda sa amused expression.
"Main theek hoon," maine cautious tone mein bola.
"Sure. Lekin aaj auto milna mushkil hai. Main station side hi ja raha hoon. Drop kar sakta hoon. Agar uncomfortable ho to ignore kar do, I get it."
Maine instantly haan nahi boli. Mumbai ne ek cheez sikhayi thi, trust ko instant noodles ki tarah 2 minute mein prepare nahi karna.
"ID dikha sakte ho?" maine seedha pooch liya.
Woh ek second ke liye surprise hua, phir hansa. "Fair enough." Usne wallet nikala, company ID dikhayi. Naam tha Aarav Menon. Ek audio production studio ka access card.
"Ab thoda less serial killer lag raha hoon?" usne poocha.
"Thoda."
"Good. Decision?"
Maine road pe phir nazar daali. Auto zero. Rain infinite. Station tak walk impossible.
"Sirf station," maine kaha.
"Ji madam. Sirf station."
Maine bike pe awkwardly baithte hue apna bag tight pakda. Raincoat ka extra half usne peeche ki taraf spread kiya. "Footrest mil gaya?" usne poocha.
"Haan."
"Grip side handle pe rakh lo. Mujhe mat pakadna, warna aapko aur awkward lagega."
Maine irritate hoke kaha, "Main waise bhi nahi pakadne wali thi."
"Good. Boundaries healthy hoti hain."
Station tak hardly 12 minutes लगे, but mujhe uski commentary yaad reh gayi. Traffic pe sarcasm, potholes ko "Mumbai ke surprise pools" kehna, aur ek jagah signal pe rukke casually bolna, "Aap office se aa rahi ho na? Editor ho kya?"
Maine almost turant pooch liya, "Kaise pata?"
"Bag pe production house ka tag hai, aur aapka face wohi hai jo deadline wale logon ka hota hai."
"Deadline face?"
"Haan. Aankhon ke neeche thoda existential crisis."
Mujhe hansi aa gayi. "Main editor hoon."
"Thought so. Main sound designer hoon."
Station pe utar ke maine bas formal thanks bolna chaha. But usne bola, "Umbrella seedha rakhiye, warna hawa usko tod degi aur aap mujhe blame karengi."
Main automatically umbrella dekhne lagi. "Tum strangers ko free advice bohot dete ho?"
"Sirf jab unka umbrella marne wala ho."
"Theek hai. Thanks. For drop."
"Welcome, deadline face."
"Main Mira hoon."
Usne slight nod diya. "Aarav. Ab officially."
Local ke platform pe khadi hui tab mujhe realize hua ki mere face pe smile hai. Random. Unnecessary. Thoda irritating.
Maine us encounter ko wahin khatam maana. Mumbai mein aise chhote interactions hote rehte hain. Kisi se milo, phir kabhi na milo. City badi hai, log zyada hain, chances kam.
Lekin teen din baad main usse phir mili.
Is baar Versova ke ek tiny coffee place pe, jahan main usually Sundays ko laptop leke baithti thi. Flat mein dono roommates hamesha ya to calls pe hoti thi ya reels chala rahi hoti thi, isliye mujhe kaam ya personal editing karne ke liye bahar bhaagna padta tha.
Main window ke paas baithi thi, headphones neck pe, timeline open, jab counter se awaaz aayi, "Deadline face."
Maine upar dekha. Same aadmi. Is baar without helmet. Curly hair slightly messy, dark green t-shirt, aur haath mein coffee token.
"Tum?" mere muh se nikal gaya.
"Disappointed ho?"
"Surprised hoon."
"Main bhi. Ye meri regular coffee shop hai."
"Ab jhooth lagega."
"Fair. Proof chahiye?" usne counter wale bhaiya ko dekha. "Rafiq bhai, main regular hoon na?"
Counter wale ne bina interest ke bola, "Haan bhai, aap udhari bhi regular karte ho."
Main hass padi. Aarav ne haath dil pe rakha. "Character assassination."
Woh meri table ke paas aaya. "Yahan baith sakta hoon? Ya editor privacy mode on hai?"
Maine laptop side kiya. "Baith jao."
Us din hamari pehli actual conversation hui.
Pata chala Aarav originally Kochi ka tha, Mumbai mein paanch saal se reh raha tha. Ads, indie films, podcasts, jingles, jo kaam mil jaye uska sound design karta tha. Stable salary wala banda nahi tha. Project to project. Kabhi workload itna ki sone ka time nahi, kabhi do hafte gap. Main usually aise unpredictable careers ko thoda scary samajhti thi, but uske bolne ka tareeka aisa tha jaise uncertainty se dosti kar chuka ho.
"Tumhe stress nahi hota?" maine poocha.
"Hota hai. Bohot hota hai. Bas main usko chai pila ke side bitha deta hoon."
"Ye line rehearsed thi?"
"Nahi. But achhi thi, maan lo."
Maine coffee sip ki. "Tum bohot baat karte ho."
"Tum kam karti ho."
"Main strangers se reserve rehti hoon."
"Main bhi."
Main usse dekhti reh gayi. "Tum bilkul bhi reserve nahi lagte."
"Outer packaging misleading ho sakti hai."
Uski ye baat mujhe baad mein bahut baar yaad aayi.
Us coffee shop ke baad milna pattern ban gaya. Planned nahi, but frequent enough to feel suspicious. Kabhi main Sunday ko hoti aur woh aa jata. Kabhi main office ke baad wahan se pastry le rahi hoti aur woh kisi client call ke beech khada milta. Ek baar to main bookstore mein ghus gayi sirf baarish se bachne ke liye aur woh wahin music magazine section mein mila.
"Mumbai chhota hai ya tum har jagah ho?" maine poocha.
Usne shoulders uthaye. "Main soundtrack hoon. Background mein mil jaata hoon."
"Very filmy."
"Industry side effect."
Mujhe धीरे धीरे uski company achhi lagne lagi. Aarav mein woh easy charm tha jo pehle thoda annoying lagta hai, phir comforting. Woh har cheez ko lightly leta hua dikhta tha, lekin jab tum actual baat karo to surprisingly dhyan se sunta tha. Main jab edit timelines, rude clients, rent anxiety, ya ghar ki yaad ke baare mein बोलती thi, woh बीच में apni kahani ghusane ke bajaye meri बात पकड़ता था.
Ek baar maine bas casually mention kiya ki mujhe Lucknow ki chai aur ghar ka verandah miss hota hai. Next Sunday jab hum coffee shop mein mile to usne counter pe bol ke adrak-elaichi wali strong chai banwayi aur proudly bola, "Closest approximation."
"Mumbai mein Lucknow recreate karoge?" maine cup lete hue poocha.
"Attempt kiya hai. Fail hua to blame city."
Chai surprisingly achhi thi. Maine sip leke kaha, "Okay, not bad."
Usne grin kiya. "Compliment mil gaya."
"Overconfident mat ho."
Mera schedule messy tha, uska aur zyada. Isliye hum kabhi fixed date pe nahi milte the. Phir bhi somehow baat regular hone lagi. Pehle Instagram pe memes. Phir WhatsApp. Phir late night voice notes. He hated typing long texts. Main hate karti thi voice notes. So obviously hamari friendship wahi shift hui.
Uska pehla proper voice note 2 minute 37 second ka tha jisme usne sirf ye rant kiya tha ki ek director ko "more blue but warm blue" type sound chahiye tha. Maine reply mein 14 second ka message bheja, "Tum creative log sab pagal ho."
Usne turant लिखा, "Hum? Tum bhi."
Fair point.
Mere flatmates ko pehle hi lag gaya tha ki someone was happening.
Sana, jo ad agency mein copywriter thi aur duniya ka har situation romanticize kar deti thi, ek raat directly bed pe ulta let ke poochne lagi, "Ye Aarav kaun hai?"
"Koi nahi."
"Voice note wale koi nahi?"
"Friend."
"Tu uske messages sunke smile karti hai."
"Main funny cheezon pe smile karti hoon."
"Tu uske liye ready ho ke coffee shop jaati hai."
"Main sabke liye ready hoti hoon."
Room ke dusre bed se Ishi ne bina upar dekhe bola, "Jhooth. Kal mere saath kirane tak chappal mein aayi thi."
Maine dono pe pillow feka. "Tum logon ke paas kaam nahi hai?"
Sana ne dramatic sigh li. "Mira in denial. Classic season."
Sach ye tha ki denial thoda tha. Attraction clear tha, but main cautious thi. Mere previous relationship ka hangover fully gaya nahi tha. College ke final year mein mera ek long relationship tha jo itna badly end hua tha ki mujhe apni judgement pe doubt ho gaya tha. Jab koi insaan tumhe repeatedly choose karne ka promise kare aur phir bina closure ke disappear ho jaye, to tum future mein har achhi cheez ke peeche loophole dhoondhne lagte ho.
Main Aarav ko like karne lagi thi. Ye accept karna mushkil nahi tha. Mushkil ye tha ki main khud ko us direction mein jaane dena nahi chahti thi.
Ek shaam hum Bandstand side mile. Uska kaam nearby tha, mera shoot Bandra mein khatam hua tha. Baarish ruk ruk ke ho rahi thi, hawa mein namak aur mitti mix wali smell thi. Hum parapet pe thoda side mein baith gaye, log aas paas the, couples, joggers, tourists.
Aarav ne poocha, "Tum kabhi fully relax hoti ho?"
"Matlab?"
"Matlab tumhare shoulders hamesha thode tense rehte hain. Jaise body bhi overthink karti ho."
"Wow. New insecurity unlocked."
"Arre insult nahi tha."
"Mujhe habit hai shayad."
"Kis cheez ki?"
"Prepared rehne ki."
"Worst ke liye?"
Maine sea ki taraf dekhte hue kaha, "Haan. Shayad."
Usne kuch seconds kuch nahi bola. Phir very gently poocha, "Kisi ne train kiya aisa?"
Question halka tha, impact nahi.
Maine uski taraf dekha. Uski aankhon mein woh curiosity nahi thi jo gossip wali hoti hai. Bas samajhne wali.
Maine sigh kiya. "Ek banda tha. Long story. Bas uske baad se lagta hai ki agar main pehle se mentally ready rahun to hurt kam hoga."
"Hota hai kam?"
"Nahi."
"Phir bhi karti ho?"
"Haan."
"Theek strategy nahi hai."
"Thanks. Consultant fee kitni hai?"
Woh hasa nahi. Sirf bola, "Mira, tum funny bana ke sab bol deti ho, but sach mein thak jaogi."
Us line ne mujhe ajeeb sa quiet kar diya.
Us raat ghar aake maine bahut der tak socha. Aarav ke saath problem ye thi ki woh mera easy version dekh ke impress nahi hota tha. Woh walls notice karta tha, aur knock bhi karta tha. Force nahi, bas presence se.
August ke end tak hum almost har dusre din contact mein the. Mumbai ki baarish bhi ab mujhe utni hostile nahi lagti thi, shayad kyunki uske saath chai, traffic, puddles sab pe jokes ban jaate the. Ek baar to hum literally ek bus stop ke chhote se shade ke neeche 35 minute fase rahe because rain suddenly cloudburst mode pe chali gayi thi.
Usne apna phone nikala aur bola, "Aise moments mein do options hote hain. Ya to existential crisis ya antakshari."
"Main ghar jaungi," maine deadpan tone mein kaha.
"Third option bhi hai. Good."
Phir usne bina permission old Hindi songs gaane shuru kar diye. Sur theek the, attitude extra tha.
"Tumhe sharam nahi aati?" maine poocha.
"Public embarrassment tolerance high hai."
"Pata chal raha hai."
"Join karogi?"
"Never."
Paanch minute baad main bhi ga rahi thi. Low volume mein, but ga rahi thi. Usne instantly point out kiya, "Aha."
"Chup."
Woh moments dangerous hote hain. Jab tum kisi ke saath silly ho sakte ho without self-consciousness. Wahi jagah hoti hai jahan dil quietly slip kar jata hai.
Phir ek twist aaya jiska mujhe bilkul andaza nahi tha.
Office mein ek internal opening nikli. Senior editor role. Better pay, bigger projects, but location Pune branch. Mere manager ne casually bola, "If you're interested, apply. Tumhari growth ke liye achha hoga."
Main pure din confuse rahi. Career-wise ye solid move tha. Mumbai mein survival mode se thoda upar jaane ka chance. Better salary matlab better savings, maybe own room, maybe less chaos. But Pune shift? Matlab sab naya. Again.
Shaam ko maine Aarav ko bataya. Hum us coffee place pe baithe the jahan hum pehli baar proper मिले थे.
"Apply karna chahiye?" maine poocha.
Usne bina delay bola, "Career-wise? Haan. Definitely."
"Bas itna?"
"Tum kya answer chah rahi ho?"
Maine spoon stir karte hue kaha, "Pata nahi."
"Main selfish answer dun to bolunga mat jao. Practical answer dun to bolunga try karo."
"Selfish answer kyun?"
Usne meri taraf dekha. "Because I like having you here."
Meri heartbeat thodi fast hui. Usne pehli baar itna direct kuch bola tha. But phir usne line continue nahi ki. Main bhi nahi.
Maine apply kar diya.
Interview hua. Second round hua. Final discussion hua. Process expected se fast nikla. Aur jab offer aaya, main office ke washroom mein jaake do minute mirror ko dekhti reh gayi. Mujhe khush hona chahiye tha. Main khush thi bhi. But saath mein chest mein ajeeb pull sa feel hua.
Raat ko maine Aarav ko message kiya, "Got it."
Uska reply turant aaya, "Proud of you. Call?"
Call pe usne genuinely congratulate kiya. Benefits, role, growth sab discuss hua. Main half excited thi, half off.
Finally usne poocha, "Kab tak decide karna hai?"
"Teen din."
"Kya feel ho raha hai?"
Maine sach bola, "Mixed."
"Scared?"
"Haan."
"Jaana chahti ho?"
Long pause.
"Career ke liye, haan."
"Baaki cheezon ke liye?"
Maine answer nahi diya. Woh samajh gaya, shayad.
Next teen din main literally pendulum bani rahi. Sana bola, "Take it. Growth." Ishi bola, "Mumbai koi soulmate nahi hai." Mummy ne phone pe kaha, "Achha opportunity hai beta." Papa practical mode on. Sabke answers logical the.
Mera problem logical nahi tha.
Mujhe Aarav se baat karna aur mushkil lagne laga. Kyunki ab underlying question clear tha. Agar main jaati hoon, hum kya hain? Agar main rukti hoon, kyun? Kya uske liye rukna stupid hoga? Kya woh waise bhi kuch serious nahi soch raha? Kya main ek undefined connection ko itna importance de rahi hoon?
Last day se ek evening pehle hum मिले. Versova beach ke paas. Monsoon sky grey tha, hawa sticky, sand wet. Hum kaafi der tak bas walk karte rahe bina kuch substantial bole.
Finally maine hi kaha, "Main probably Pune jaungi."
Usne sar hilaya. "Hmm."
Bas hmm?
Mujhe gussa sa aaya. "Tum kuch aur nahi bolna chahte?"
"Woh depend karta hai. Kya bolun?"
"I don't know. Something."
"Mira, main tumhe rokun to unfair hai. Na rokun to detached lagta hoon. Isliye carefully chal raha hoon."
"Carefully kyun? Kab tak carefully?"
Woh ruk gaya. Main bhi.
Aarav ne deep breath li. "Because mujhe laga tum ready nahi ho."
"Kis cheez ke liye?"
"Mere saath us conversation ke liye jahan main bolun ki I don't want this to be just random. Ki tum mere din ka important part ban chuki ho. Ki jab tum message nahi karti to main phone check karta hoon. Ki main stupidly tumhare coffee orders yaad rakhta hoon. Ki main chahta hoon tum raho, but sirf city mein nahi... meri life mein properly. Isliye carefully."
Mere pair literally wet sand mein freeze ho gaye.
Usne aankhen hatayi nahi. "But tumhari job usse chhoti nahi ho sakti. Aur main ye guilt kabhi nahi chahta ki tumne mere liye kuch chhoda."
Main kuch bol hi nahi pa rahi thi. Saare rehearsed defenses gayab.
"Say something," usne softly kaha.
Maine finally kaha, "Tumhe lagta hai mujhe kuch feel nahi hota?"
"Nahi. Mujhe lagta hai feel hota hai. Bas tum bolti nahi."
This man and his accuracy. Mujhe us moment pe irritate bhi hona tha, emotional bhi.
Maine bahut dheere kaha, "Main dar rahi thi."
"Pata hai."
"Nahi, matlab seriously. Agar maine maan liya ki ye important hai aur phir ye toot gaya to? Long distance, work, life... sab complicated ho sakta hai."
"Ho sakta hai," usne seedha kaha.
"Great. Bahut reassuring."
Woh halka sa hasa. "Main jhooth nahi bolunga. Complicated hoga. But Mira, tum har baar possible pain se bachne ke chakkar mein possible happiness bhi skip kar dogi?"
Mujhe uski ye line seedha andar utarti feel hui.
Us raat main ghar aayi aur offer letter laptop pe khol ke bahut der tak dekhti rahi. Career option mere saamne tha. Saath hi ek aur sach tha jisse main ab ignore nahi kar sakti thi.
Main Pune gayi.
Ye twist nahi tha. Ye choice thi. Aur mushkil bhi.
Maine job accept ki kyunki sach mein ye mere career ke liye sahi tha. Aur maine Aarav ko choose bhi kiya, but city ke opposite nahi. Saath mein. Ye decision lena mere liye huge tha. Pehli baar mujhe laga main fear ke against kuch kar rahi hoon, fear ke according nahi.
Shift ke din se pehle hum phir mile. Main chaotic packing ke beech thaki hui, woh apne studio se seedha aaya hua.
"Tum sure ho?" usne poocha. Is baar job ke baare mein nahi, humare baare mein.
Maine haan mein sir hilaya. "Nahi hoti to bol deti."
"Distance easy nahi hoga."
"Main easy dhoondh hi kab rahi hoon."
Usne slow smile ki. "Fair."
"Ek condition hai," maine kaha.
"Bolo."
"Half-truths nahi. Agar mood kharab hai to bolo. Agar miss kar rahe ho to bolo. Agar fight hai to fight. Silent mat hona."
Usne haath badhaya. "Deal."
Maine uska haath pakda. "Deal."
Uske baad jo hua woh koi magical montage nahi tha. Pune shift exhausting tha. Naya office, nayi team, PG se apartment, setup, commute, loneliness. First few weeks main itni busy thi ki raat tak body shut down mode mein chali jaati thi. Aarav bhi projects mein phasa rehta. Hum calls miss karte, texts late hote, irritability aati.
Ek baar to proper fight ho gayi. Main teen din se overloaded thi aur usne ek planned call cancel kar diya last minute because studio emergency. Maine bas "cool" likh diya, but actually cool bilkul nahi thi. Usne samjha main okay hoon. Main expect kar rahi thi woh samjhe ki main okay nahi hoon. Classic disaster.
Agli raat call pe maine finally snap kar diya. "Tumhe agar time nahi hai to seedha bolo."
Usne confused tone mein poocha, "Maine wahi to bola tha."
"Nahi. Tumne bas cancel kiya. Ek baar pooch bhi nahi ki main kaisi hoon."
"Mira, maine poocha tha subah."
"Subah aur hota hai, raat aur hoti hai."
"To tumne bola kyun nahi ki you needed me there?"
Main chup.
Usne sigh kiya. "Ye wahi half-truths wali problem hai."
Fight uncomfortable thi, but useful bhi. Call ke end tak dono ka tone soft ho gaya. Maine accept kiya ki mujhe zarurat bolne ki habit nahi. Usne accept kiya ki usse kabhi kabhi cheezon ka emotional weight underestimate ho jata hai. Humne solve nahi kiya magically, but samjha.
Aur shayad relationship wahi hota hai. Perfect compatibility nahi. Repeated adjustment.
September, October, November. Pune aur Mumbai ke beech buses, trains, occasional impromptu visits. Kabhi main weekend pe aati, kabhi woh recording ke baad night bus leke aa jata. Hum fancy dates se zyada simple cheezein karte. FC Road pe misal, Koregaon Park mein walks, mere apartment ke floor pe baith ke Chinese takeout, uske saath headphones share karke rough mixes sunna, mere edits pe uska opinion, uske sound pe mera overanalysis.
Ek baar woh Pune aaya aur mere kitchen mein chai banate hue bola, "Tumhara ghar gradually tum jaisa lagne laga hai."
"Kaisa?"
"Thoda cluttered, thoda warm, aur har jagah sticky notes."
"Mere baare mein itna deep analysis band karo."
"Impossible."
Main counter pe baithi usse dekh rahi thi. Mujhe suddenly woh bus stop, bike ride, deadline face sab yaad aa gaya. Kitni random beginning thi. Kitna real outcome.
December mein mujhe Mumbai office ke liye ek three-day workshop pe jaana tha. Same city, different phase. Is baar mujhe Mumbai utni sharp nahi lagi. Maybe because now it held memories instead of just pressure.
Workshop ke second day raat ko Aarav mujhe Marine Drive le gaya. Tourist-heavy tha, lekin late hour mein thoda calmer. Hum sea-facing wall pe baith gaye. Hawa strong thi.
Usne casually poocha, "Agar us din office ke bahar auto mil gaya hota to?"
"Mera umbrella bach jata," maine kaha.
"Bas?"
"Shayad main tumse kabhi milti hi nahi."
"Milti."
"Again overconfidence."
"Main serious hoon."
"Mumbai mein? Impossible."
Usne shoulder se halka sa bump kiya. "Tum underestimate karti ho pattern ko."
Maine uski taraf dekha. "Ye line tum pehle bhi bol chuke ho?"
"Nahi. But lagta hai good line hai."
"Thoda."
Phir woh thoda quiet hua. Ye uska serious mode signal tha.
"Mira."
"Hmm?"
"Main ek cheez kabse bolna chahta hoon."
Mera heartbeat instantly active. "Bolo."
"Main tumse pyaar karta hoon."
Koi drumroll nahi. Koi dramatic pause nahi. Bas straightforward, jaise sach ko zyada styling ki zarurat nahi.
Maine usse dekha. Uske face pe nervousness thi, but woh peeche nahi hata.
"Tum answer process kar sakti ho. Immediate pressure nahi hai," usne jaldi se add kiya.
Mujhe hasi bhi aayi, aankhon mein paani bhi. "Shut up."
"Okay."
Main do second tak bas usse dekhti rahi. Phir kaha, "I love you too."
Woh literally exhale kar gaya. "Good."
"Bas good?"
"Inside bohot fireworks hain. Bahar controlled reaction."
"Achha."
Usne mera haath pakda. Warm, steady. "Tumne kaafi late bola."
"Excuse me? Tumne bhi."
"Haan but main emotional honesty ke liye award deserve karta hoon."
"Delusion ka."
Us raat ke baad kuch fundamentally shift hua, lekin simultaneously kuch bhi dramatically change nahi hua. Hum waise hi the. Bas ab words clear the. Aur kabhi kabhi words clarity ke alawa aur kuch nahi karte, but woh bhi bahut hota hai.
Ek saal baad, main Pune mein settled thi. Better role, better confidence, own rented 1BHK, plants jo surprising way mein zinda the. Aarav ka kaam bhi achha chal raha tha. Still unstable in the freelancer way, but stronger. Humne distance manage karna seekh liya tha. Not perfectly, but honestly.
January ke last weekend pe woh Pune aaya. Mere apartment ki balcony chhoti si thi, but sunset decent dikh jata tha. Main uske liye chai bana rahi thi jab woh peeche se aake wall se tik gaya.
"Kya soch rahi ho?" usne poocha.
"Mujhe Mumbai ab pasand aane lagi hai."
"Wow. Character development."
"Haan. Tumhare wajah se thoda."
"Sirf thoda?"
"Thoda zyada."
Usne grin kiya. "Acceptable."
Maine chai uske haath mein di. "Mujhe lagta tha mujhe sirf safe cheezein chahiye. Predictable. Controlled. But tumhare saath mujhe samajh aaya safe ka matlab boring ya distant nahi hota. Safe ka matlab maybe ye hota hai ki tum honest ho sakte ho aur saamne wala bhaagta nahi."
Aarav ne cup side table pe rakha. "Mira."
"Haan?"
"Ye bohot achhi line thi."
"Mera serious moment tha."
"Main bhi serious hoon." Usne mera haath pakda. "Tum mere liye wahi ho. Safe. Home jaisi. Chahe city koi bhi ho."
Main uske shoulder pe sir rakh ke khadi rahi. Neeche road pe traffic tha, upar halki thand, andar kitchen sink mein do cups aur ek pan pada tha. Bohot ordinary scene. Bohot beautiful.
Aaj bhi mujhe baarish mein bheegna pasand nahi. Local trains ab bhi exhausting lagti hain. Deadlines ab bhi jaan leti hain. Main ab bhi overthink karti hoon. Aarav ab bhi extra advice deta hai. Hum ab bhi kabhi kabhi stupid fights kar lete hain. Uska "main call karta hoon 5 minute mein" kabhi kabhi 25 minute ho jata hai. Main "main bas ready ho rahi hoon" bolke 18 minute aur leti hoon.
But ab mujhe ye sab life ke annoying details kam aur shared rhythm zyada lagte hain.
Kabhi kabhi jab bohot tez baarish hoti hai na, main balcony se dekhte hue us first bike ride ke baare mein sochti hoon. Ek tedha umbrella, bheege shoes, exhausted mood, aur ek ladka jo bina weird hue help offer kar raha tha. Kaun sochta hai ki love kab enter karega? Koi violins ke saath warning thodi aati hai. Kabhi kabhi woh rain jacket pehen ke aata hai aur tumhe station drop kar deta hai.
Aur phir dheere dheere tumhari life mein ruk jaata hai.
Mujhe ab lagta hai kuch log storm ki tarah nahi aate. Woh baarish ke baad ki mitti ki smell ki tarah aate hain. Pehle halki si mehsoos hoti hai, phir tum realize karte ho ki hawa badal gayi hai.
Aarav mere liye wahi tha.
Unexpected. Gentle. Dheere dheere har jagah present.
Aur shayad pyaar ka best version bhi wahi hota hai. Jo tumhe hila ke nahi, samet ke rakhe. Jo tumhari pace samjhe, tumhari khamoshi padhe, aur jab tum finally sach bolo, to bas itna kahe, "Theek hai, main yahin hoon."
Mumbai mujhe tab se thodi kam thakane lagi.
Baarish ab bhi achanak aati hai.
Bas farq itna hai ki ab mujhe pata hai, kabhi kabhi baarish ke saath achhi cheezein bhi aa jaati hain.