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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2022 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

Prem pyasa

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Review - ye kaisi Bidaai

Writer - SANJU (V.R)

har kahani us kahani ke lekhak ke jazbaat se juda hota hai Lekin har kahani har paathak ke jazbon se juda nahi hota. Har readers ki apni alag choice Hoti. Kisi Ko jasusi kahaniya achhi lagti hai to kinhi Ko romantic. To koi kuchh padhna pasand karta hai, to koi kuchh. Yahi kaaran hai ki har kahani har kisi ke rooh tak nahi pahunchi. Shayad ye kahani 'ye kaisi Bidaai' bhi har kisi ke jazbon par khara na utar paaye. Lekin bada abhaaga hoga wo readers jo iss kahani ke marm Ko samajhne se mehroom rah jaye.
Lekin main khushnaseeb hoon ki main iss kahani ke marm Ko samajhne mein Samarth hoon. Iss kahani ne mere Dil Ko chhua hai. Mujhe Abhi tak use maa ki peeda ka ehsaas hai Jo ki is kahani ki nayika hai. Bahut hi umda kahani. Writing shaili aisi ki dhudhne se bhi kahin koi galti dikhai na Dein.

Best of luck brother ! Meri shubh kaamnayen aapke sath hai.
 
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Jaguaar

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Title - Pre-plann

Malini park ke teen round Laga kar, park mein hi bane patther ke bench par baith gayi. Roz to Wah iss park ke dus round lagati thi. Kintu aaj uska Mann jogging mein nahi lag Raha tha. Aaj wo behad udaas thi. Yaadon ka ek andhad uske andar uth Raha tha jo uske bechain Dil Ko aur bhi vichlit kiye ja Raha tha.

Malini aankhe band kiye kuchh der baithi Rahi. Phir apna Mobile nikaal kar usme images check karne lagi. Phir ek image Ko open karke dekhne lagi. Usme ek 72 saal ke bujurg ki khubsurat tasveer thi. Tasveer par Nazar padte hi Malini ki ankhen bhaari ho gayi.


" I miss you, grand uncle." Uske honthon se ek siski nikli. _" I miss you."


" Aapko Main kabhi nahi bata paayi grand uncle ki aap mere liye kya they. aap mere liye pita se badhkar the, mere dost they, mere sune Mann ke sachhe Sathi they. Appne Chand dinon mein mujhe jo pyar jo sammnan diya, wo mujhe 20 saalon mein kisi ne nahi diya. Ankhein khulte hi maa ka Saaya chheen Gaya. Baap tha Lekin unke liye to jaise main bojh thi. Unse sivaye dutkaar ke kuchh bhi na Mila. Unki ek Mithi boli ke liye main 18 saalon tak trasti Rahi. Phir ek din wo bhi iss sansaar mein mujhe tanha chhod kar chale Gaye. Phir aapse isi park par pehli mulaqaat ….."aahhhh" main kaise bhul Sakti hoon us din Ko."


Malini ateet ki yaadon mein khoti Chali gayi. Aaj se 3 mahine pehle isi park ke gate par uska Saamna gyanchand uncle se hua tha jab unhone Malini Ko dekhte hue bade hi pyar se "good morning, sunder ladki" kaha tha. Aur tab usne bhi muskurate hue unke good morning ke jawab mein "good morning, uncle" kaha tha. Gyanchand uncle Roz hi us park mein jogging ke liye aate they. Aur jab bhi Malini Ko dekhte isi tarah good morning kehte they. Ek din Malini ne unse kaha bhi tha _"uncle aap mujhe 'sunder ladki' kyun kehte hain?"


"Kyunki tum sunder ho."


"Haan, Lekin mera Naam Malini hai."


"To kya hua. Insan ki pehli pehchan uska chehra hota hai. Aur tumhara chehra behad sunder hai. Isliye main tumhe sunder ladki kehta hoon."


"Aap mujhse flirt kar rahe hain?"


"Nahi, tum to meri poti samaan ho."


"To phir main bhi aapko aaj se uncle nahi kahungi." Malini ne sokhi se kaha tha.


"To kya kahogi?" Unke paon thithak gaye they.


"Aaj se main aapko uncle nahi Balki 'grand uncle' kahungi"


"Ok…..,sunder ladki' done."


"Tring…..Tring….!" Achanak Malini ka mobile baj utha aur uske sath hi Malini ateet ki gehraayi se bahar Nikal aayi.


Usne screen par Nazar daala. Unknown no tha.


"Hello ..!" Malini call receive karke boli.


"Aap milini Verma bol Rahi hain" udhar se lopuchha Gaya.


"Ji...haan. aap Kaun?"


"Main advocate R P Mishra ka assistant Kamal Dubey bol Raha hoon. Boss ne aapka no mujhe diya tha aur aapse contact karne Ko kaha tha."


"Advocate r p Mishra" Malini ka Dil kisi Anjani aashanka se dhadak utha. _"mujhse kya kaam hai unko?"


"Ye to main nahi Bata sakta. Lekin unhone aapko urgently thik 11 baje Apne office mein Bulaya hai."


"Thik hai main aa jaungi."


Udhar se call disconnect ho Gaya. Aur Malini pareshani ke haalat mein bench par baithi sochti Rahi. Na Jane ab Kaun si nayi musibat uske gale padne wali thi.


******


Malini thik 11 baje advocate r p Mishra ke assistant Kamal dubey ke bataye address ke anusaar uske office pahunchi. Jab Malini uske cabin mein daakhil hui tab advocate Mishra ke alawa ek aur Sajjan wahan baithe aapas mein baaten kar rahe they. Advocate Mishra ne Malini ke baithe hi dono ka Parichay karaya.


"Miss Malini Verma inse miliye, aap hain Sooraj Agrawal. Mr gyanchand ji ke grand son. Aur sooraj ye hain Malini verma, son of Sri Kailash Verma. Ye brahampuri ke usi ilaaqe mein rahti hain Jahan aapke nanaji rahte they."


Advocate Mishra ki baat sunkar dono hi aashcharya se ek dusre Ko dekhne Lage.


"Maine aap dono Ko isliye yahan bulaya hai ki swargiya Sri gyanchand ji ne Apne wasiyat mein aap dono ke Naam kuchh properties chhodi hai. Ye rahe wo kaagzaat." Advocate Mishra ne kuchh papers table par failate hue kaha. _"is wasiyat ke anusaar gyanchand ji ki pusatakon ki dukaan ko chhodkar baaki saari property mr Sooraj ke Naam hai. Aur unka pustakalay' aap dono ke Naam hai. Arthaat aap dono hi us dukaan ke aadhe aadhe ke maalik hain."


Advocate Mishra ne apni baat puri karke un dono ki taraf dekha.


Malini aashcharya se advocate Mishra Ko dekhe ja Rahi thi.


"Tumhe is baare mein kuchh kehna hai Sooraj?" Advocate Mishra ne Sooraj se puchha.


"Ji nahi, "Sooraj bola _"mujhe sirf ye Bata dijiye ki main dukaan ki chabhi ka kya Karun jo mere paas hai?"


"Ye aap logon Ko Tay karna hai ki dukaan ki chabhi kiske paas rahegi. Waise behatar hoga ki uski ek duplicate banwa kar aap dono hi ek ek chabhi Apne apne paas rakhein." Advocate Mishra jawab mein bole.


"Ji bilkul, yahi thik rahega." Sooraj ne uttar diya. phir Malini se bola _"miss Malini aap apna no mujhe de dijiye. Main kal subah aapko call karunga. Aap shoap par as jaiyega."


"Ji bilkul…!" Malini hichakte hue boli aur sooraj Ko apna no batane lagi. Phir kuchh aupcharik baaton ke Baad ghar aa gayi.


*****


Agli subah Malini Sooraj ke call karne ke Baad dukaan pahunchi. Sooraj wheel chair par baitha Apne laptop par kuchh kaam kar Raha tha.


Malini dukaan ki dahleez par pahunch kar ghutno ke Bal baith gayi aur apna matha dahleez par Rakhi di, aur mann hi Mann kuchh bud-budane lagi. Sooraj wheel chair par baitha use dekhta raha. Phir Malini khadi hui aur dukaan ke andar Chali gayi. Maa Laxmi ki Murti Ko praam Kiya aur ek stool lekar baith gayi. Dukaan par ek hi wheel chair thi jispar Sooraj baitha hua tha.


"Dukaan ka pehla din Mubarak ho aapko." Sooraj apna hath Malini ki taraf badhate hue bola.


Malini bhi jhijhqktr hue apna hath Sooraj ke taraf badha di. Jise Sooraj ne Apne hathon mein lekar majbooti se thaam Liya.


"Aapko bhi bahut bahut badhai ho." Malini apna hath chhudate hue boli.


"Aji mera chhodiye, mujhe to aadat hai aisi dukaandaari ki. Khair baaki baaten Baad mein pehle kuchh kaam kar lein Lekin usse bhi pehle ek ek cup garma garam chai ho jaye. Chai ke Bina to mera kisi bhi kaam mein mood hi nahi Banta."


Malini chai pee kar aayi thi isliye wo chai nahi Pina chati thi. Lekin wo abhi sooraj Ko mana kar paati usse pehle hi ek ladka do cup chai lekar haazir ho Gaya aur counter par chai rakh kar chala Gaya. Uski dukan paas hi thi. Malini hat-prabh si use dekhti Rahi.


"Ise kaise pata ki aapko chai peena hai." Malini Sooraj se boli.


"Malini ji business ke do tarike hote hain." Sooraj bola _"ek ye ki aao dukaan khol kar baith jao aur grahak ka intezaar karo. Aur dusra ye ki kuchh Aisa plan karo ki aapke dukaan kholte hi grahak aapki dukaan par aa jaye. Jaise ki aapke aate hi chai aa gayi."


"Main samjhi nahi." Malini na samajhne wale bhav se Sooraj Ko dekha.


"Malini ji sochiye, agar main aapke aane ke Baad aapse puchhta ki aap chai piyengi, phir aap inkaar karti. Phir ho sakta hai ki main bhi aapke inkaar ke Baad akele chai peena gawara karta. To is tarah se meri ichha adhuri rah jati. Lekin mujhe chai peena tha. Isliye Maine ye saari formalities chhodkar chai wale Ko pehle hi ye Kah diya tha ki aapke aate hi do cup chai bhej de." Ye Kah kar Sooraj ne chai ka cup utha Liya.


"Lekin ye to jabrdasti ho gayi." Malini boli.


"Ji….nahi, jabardasti to ye hota ki main chai ka cup uthata aur seedhe aapke honthon se Laga deta aur kahta ki 'pijiye nahi to sar par udel Dunga', Lekin Maine Aisa nahi Kiya. Kyonki main Janta tha ki aap sweksha se chai piyengi."


Malini Sooraj ki baat se muskura uthi. Auir usne bhi chai ka cup utha Liya. Phir chai ki chuski lete hue boli. _"aao bahut Chatur hain."


"Ise chaturai nahi kehte malini ji. Ise kehte hain 'pre-plann'. Aaj ke zamane mein agar Apne business Ko market mein stable karna hai to Bina pre-planning' ke nahi kar sakte" Sooraj ne chai ka ghut bharte hue kaha.


Malini uski Kahi baaton par gaur karne lagi.


Sooraj chai khatam karke bola _" Malini ji, hamein Sabse pehle ye karna hoga ki jitni bhi kitabein hain, unki list banani hogi. Jisse ki hamein pata chale ki dukaan mein Kaun Kaun si kitabein hain."


"Ji, nahi ! Hamein Sabse pehle dukaan ki saaf Safai karni hogi. Uthiye, chaliye." Malini chai ka cup rakhti hui boli.


"Are saaf Safai bhi ho jayegi aur list bhi ban jayega. Aap Aisa kijiye ek kaagaz aur Kalam utha kijiye. Us par book ka Naam, author name aur price bhi likhte jaiyega." Sooraj bola aur kursi se uth khada hua.


Dono kaam mein lag Gaye. Agle do dinon tak dono isi kaam mein Lage rahein.


Teesre din Sooraj Malini se bola. _"aapke hisaab se is dukaan ki kya kimat hogi?"


"Kimat….?" Malini aashcharya se Sooraj Ko dekhne lagi.


"List ke hisaab se to barah lakh hote hain. Lekin is dukaan mein zyadatar purani kitabein hain aur purane rate hain, Lekin in kitabon ke daam ab dugne ho chuke honge. Us hisaab se puri dukaan ki kimat 25 se 30 laakh tak to jarur hogi."


"Han ho sakta hai" Malini Ko samajh mein nahi aa Raha tha ki aakhir Sooraj karna kya chahta hai.


"Waise ek aadmi Ko bulaya hai maine jo is dukaan Ko kharidna chahta hai. Dekhte hain wo kya kimat lagata hai" Sooraj bola aur phir kuchh sochne Laga.


"Kharidna chahta hai se kya MATLAB….? Kya aap iss dukaan Ko bechna chahte hain?" Malini aashcharya se Sooraj Ko dekhne lagi.


"Han, kyonki mere paas itna samay nahi hai ki main apna karodon (crore) ka business chhodkar iss 7o saal purani dukaan par aa kar baithun " Sooraj bola. _"Malini ji, na to kitaon ka mujhe oi knowledge hai aur na hi aapko. Iss dukaan se hamein sirf loss hi hoga. Isliye behtar hoga ki is dukaan Ko bechna kar iski jo bhi kimat milti hai wo aadhi aadhi hasn't lein."


"Ji nahi," Malini zor se change chikhi _"wasiyat ke mutabik aap is dukaan ke akele maalik nahi hain. Aap meri marji ke virudh iss dukaan Ko hargiz nahi bech sakte. Main is dukaan Ko kisi bhi kimat par nahi bechungi."


"Kimat haazir hai." Sooraj bola aur kursi chhodkar tezi se bahar ki taraf lapka. _"are aaiye...lala ji. Main kaafi der se aapka intezaar kar Raha tha."


Lala ji apni mahangi gaadi se utre aur dheere dheere dukaan ki seedhiyan chadhne Lage. Dukan ke andar pahunch kar Sooraj ne unke baithne ke liye kursi di aur phir lala ji se sambodhit hua.


"lala ji inse miliye. Ye meri partner miss Malini Verma hain. Iss dukaan ki aadhi maalkin."


"Namaste ji, " lallaji hath jod kar bole.


Malini ne bhi hath jodkar unke abhivadan ka jawab diya.


"Kuchh lenge lalaji, chai coffee.?" Sooraj ne puchha.


"Nahi mujhe sirf kitabon ki list de dijiye."


"Dekhiye." Malini beech mein tokte hue boli _"mujhe ye dukaan nahi bechni. Unhone galti se aapko call kar diya hoga."


"Inhone call nahi Kiya. Balki khud chal kar meri dukaan tak Gaye they. Kyon bhai Bolte kyun nahi?" Lalaji Sooraj ki taraf palte.


"Han….han, main hi Gaya tha inki dukaan." Sooraj ne sahmati mein sir hilaya.


"Thik hai Gaye honge, Lekin ab hamein ye dukaan nahi bechni. Aap krupya karke wapas chale jayen." Malini boli.


"Aap kehti ho ki nahi bechana, ye kehte hain ki bechana hai. Aap log pehle clear karo ki dukaan bechana hai ki nahi." Lalaji chidh kar bole.


"Bechna hai….bechna hai" Sooraj bola aur drower se list nikaal kar lalaji ke hath mein thama diya. _"ekdam clear hai. Ye dukaan bechna hai."


Lalaji ne list le Liya aur dukaan mein padi kitabon se milaan karne lage, sath hi kitabon mein likhe purane price Ko dekhne Lage.


Malini ki haalat to dene wali thi. Uska aur Sooraj ka tu tu main main shuru ho Gaya.


Lalaji do ghante tak dukaan ghumte rahe. Finally unhone Sooraj se kaha


"Mr Sooraj main is dukaan ka 30 lakh Dunga'. Agar aap log taiyar hain to mujhe call kar dijiyega. Main filhaal ye list Apne sath liye ja Raha hoon."


"Dekhiye main aapko Kah chuki hoon ki main ye dukaan nahi bechungi. Kisi bhi kimat par nahi." Malini khadi Hoti hui boli.


"Miss malini, aapko itna achha daam koi nahi dekha." Lalaji bole.


"Main usse dugni daam par bhi nahi bechungi." Malini sapaat lehje mein boli.


"Thik hai, mr Sooraj aapke paas do din ka samay hai, mujhe Bata dijiyega." Lalaji bole aur dukaan se bahar Nikal Gaye.


Lalaji ke jaane ke Baad kaafi der tak dono mein bahas Hoti Rahi. Aakhir Sooraj gusse se uthkar chala Gaya.


Agle Roz ek aur Banda aaya. Jo 40 lakh tak dene Ko taiyar tha, Lekin Malini ne thaan Liya tha wo is dukaan Ko nahi bechegi. Chaar din Baad lalaji phir uski dukaan aaye. Aur sooraj se bole.


"Kya baat hai mr sooraj, Abhi tak aapne bataya nahi ki aaplogon ne kya nirnay Liya hai. Dukaan bechna hai ya nahi."


"Dukaan to bechna hai lalaji, Lekin aapke paas nahi, kisi aur ke paas." Sooraj bola.


"Kya matlab…?" Lala ji chaunk kar bole _"mere paas kyon nahi."


"Lala ji aap to bade Chatur nikle. 30 lakh mein hi sauda patane chale they. Jabki agla party mujhe 50 lakh tak dene Ko taiyar hai. Isliye Maine ab ye dukaan mr Batra Ko bechne ka nirnay kar Liya hai"


"Mr Batra Ko." Lalaji chaunk _"mr Sooraj saudebaji mein oonch nich to Hoti hi hai. Chaliye main aapko 55 lakh de Raha hoon. Ab aap Mr Batra se deal cancel kar dijiye aur ye dukaan mujhe de dijiye."


"Itni bhi jaldi kya hai lalaji. Mujhe mr Batra se baat karne Lene dijiye. Kya pata wo 60 dene Ko taiyar ho jayen."


"Thik hai phir aap unse baat kar kijiye, uske mujhe jarur bata dijiyega." Lalaji bole aur uth khade hue.



"Ji bilkul…" Sooraj bhi uske sath uth khada hua.


Lalaji ke jaane ke Baad Sooraj Malini se bola _" dekh Rahi hain miss malini...jis dukaan ki kimat main 30 lakh samajh Raha tha ab uski kimat 60 lakh tak pahunch chuki hai. Ab bataiye….kya ab bhi aap iss dukaan Ko nahi bechna chahengi?"


Lekin Malini ne koi jawab nahi diya. Wo khamosh sar jhukaye baithi Rahi. Kuchh der wo sochti Rahi phir usne Nazar utha kar Sooraj Ko dekha.


Sooraj ki Nazar usse Mili to Wah chaunk utha. Malini ki ankhein aansuon se tar thi.


"Main nahi janti, aapke nanaji aapke liye kya ahmiyat rakhte they. Lekin mere liye wo pita se badhkar the. Unke jaane ke Baad main bahut roi thi." Malini kuchh der chup hui aur apni bhavnao Ko qaabu mein karne ki bharsak prayas karte hue phir boli _" ye dukaan jise aap Baar Baar bechne ki baat karte hain, ye unki yaadon ka mandir hai. Please mujhse ye mandir mat chhiniye."


Malini ne Sooraj ke aage Apne hath jod diye.


Sooraj aplak use dekhta raha. Phir khamoshi se utha aur dukaan se bahar chala Gaya Malini hairani se use jate hue dekhti Rahi.


*****


Is waqt dopehar ke 3 baje the. Malini dukaan par akeli baithi koi book padh Rahi thi. Sooraj pichhle teen dinon se dukaan par nahi aa Raha tha. Usi din se jis din malini ki baat sunkar achanak hi Bina bole dukaan se chala Gaya tha. Lekin Malini Ko iss baat se koi fark nahi pada tha. Ulta use iss baat ki Khushi thi ki uske na aane se wo Sukoon se dukaan chala Rahi thi. pichhle kuchh dinon se usne Sooraj ki wajah se jo maansik yaatnaye jheli thi, wo kisi saza se kam nahi tha. Wo Roz Ishwar se yahi prarthana karti ke aaj ke din Sooraj se uska Saamna na ho. Lekin Ishwar Ko kuchh aur hi manjoor tha. Aaj Malini ki kismat phir se kharab thi. Kyonki Sooraj ki BMW dukaan ke Baahar aa kar khadi ho chuki bthi. Aur sooraj seetiyan bajata gaadi se Baahar Nikal Raha tha.


Uspar Nazar padte hi Malini ke maathe par Bal pad Gaye.


Sooraj dukaan ke andar daakhil hua. Usne ek Nazar Malini Ko dekha. Malini is waqt jis par barson se Sooraj ke Nana ji mr gyanchand baitha karte they, aur pichhle kuchh dinon se Sooraj baith Raha tha.


Sooraj ne apna bag counter par Rakha aur paas hi padi lakdi ke stool Ko khinch kar us par baith Gaya.


"Good morning miss Malini !" Sooraj ne muskura kar kaha.


"Good morning…!" Malini bhi anmane dhang se uske good morning ka jawab dekar Khamosh ho gayi.


Sooraj Apne bag se kuchh papers nikaal kar dheere se Malini ki taraf khiska diya.


"Ye kya hai?" Malini ne usse puchha.


"Tumhe pata hai is dukaan ki sahi kimat kitni hai.?" Sooraj ne ulta Malini se sawal Kiya.


"Nahi, aur main Janna bhi nahi chahti." Malini boli.


"Lekin main batana jaruri samahta hoon." Sooraj joshilay Andaaz mein bola _" 80 lakh ! "


Malini ne aashcharya se Sooraj ki taraf dekha.


"Miss Malini main pichhle teen dinon se Kolkata mein tha." Sooraj aage bola. _"Maine wahan ke international library mein is dukaan mein padi kitabon ka list dikhaya. Tab pata hai waha ke manager ne kya kaha.?"


Malini Ko uski baton mein koi dilchaspi nahi thi, phir bhi usne sawaliya nigahon se Sooraj ki taraf dekha.


"Unhone kaha.,.ye bahut purani aur mehangi kitabein hain. Aur itni saari behtareen kitabon ka kisi ek dukaan mein hona lagbhag namumkin hai. Jab Maine unse in kitabon ka latest kimat puchha to main hairan rah Gaya." Sooraj kuchh der ruka tatpashchat phir bola _"library ke manager ke kahe mutabik, in kitabon Ko dukaan mein rakh kar bechne se koi laabh nahi. Inki sahi kimat hamein tab milegi jab hum in kitabon Ko online bechenge."


"Ab ye kya Naya chakkar chala rahe hain aap? Meri to samajh mein nahi aa Rahi hai." Malini pareshan hokar boli.


"Aapko meri baat jhooti lag Rahi hai? To phir…." Sooraj achanak se khada hua aur Jeb se dukaan ki dusri chabhi nikaal kar counter par rakh diya. Phir Apne bag se koi paper nikaala aur Malini ke hath mein thama diya. _"ye Raha wo paper jo Maine kal banwayi hai jis par likha hai ki main ye dukaan apni marji se aapke Naam kar Raha hoon. Ab se is dukaan par mera koi maalikana haq nahi."


"K...kyaaa ! Aapka maalikana haq nahi,....m...matlab….?" Malini haklayi.


"Ji….Han, main ye dukaan aapke Naam kar Chuka hoon. Aaj se iss dukaan par sirf aur sirf aapka adhikaar hai. Main wada karta hoon ki ab se main iss dukaan par koi daawa pesh nahi karunga." Sooraj bola aur uski taraf dekhne Laga.


Malini fati fati nazron se uski taraf dekhe ja Rahi thi.


"Malini, na to main iss dukaan Ko kabhi bechna chahta tha.l, aur na hi ab bechna chahta hoon. Balki Maine kabhi is dukaan Ko apna samjha hi nahi. Ise hamesha tumhara hi dukaan samjha hai."


"To phir wo sab…?"


"Wo sab ek naatak tha, mera banaya pre-plann tha. Asal mein main iss dukaan mein padi kitabon ki sahi kimat Janna chahta tha. Aur iss kaam mein tumne bhi meri kaafi madad ki"


"Maine….Maine Kaun si madad ki?" Malini aashcharya se Sooraj Ko dekhne lagi.


"Agar tum lala ke saamne dukaan bechne se inkaar na karti to shayad main iss dukaan ki sahi kimat kabhi na Jaan paata. Main zyada se zyada 30 lakh tak hi anumaan Laga sakta tha"


"Mujhe yakeen nahi ho Raha hai. kya aap sach mein is dukaan bko nahi bechna chahte hain.?" Malini Bhavuk hokar boli.


"Lo kar lo baat. Jab dukaan meri hai hi nahi to bechne ka to sawal hi kahan paida hota hai."


Sooraj ka jawab sunte hi malini ki roolayi foot padi. Uski rota dekh Sooraj pareshan ho Gaya.


"Aap nahi jante, dukaan beche jaane ki baat Sun kar main kitni pareshan ho gayi thi." Malini sisakte hue boli _"mera Sukh, chain aur raaton ki neend gaayab ho gayi thi. Aur aaj main Bata nahi Sakti ki main kitni khush hoon."


"Agar khush ho to phir, ro kyun Rahi ho?" Sooraj ne bahut hi masumiyat se puchha.


"Ye to Khushi ke ansoon hain." Malini Apne ansu pochhti hui boli, aur dheere se muskura di.


"Thankyou !" Malini, Sooraj ka abhaar prakat karti hui boli.


"Kya….kya kaha tumne?"


"Maine kaha thankyou." Malini phir se boli.


"Will you marry me?" Sooraj Malini ki ankhon mein dekhte hue dheere se puchha.


"Kya….kya kaha aapne?" Malini chaunk kar kursi se uth khadi hui.


"Maine kaha, will you marry me?" Sooraj uski ankhon mein ankhen daal kar bola.


"Ye kya majaak hai Sooraj ji? Main ek Gareeb ladki hoon. Please mujhse aisa majaak mat kijiye." Malini ghabra kar boli.


"Main majaak nahi kar Raha hoon. I'm serious !" Sooraj Gambhir swar mein bola.


Malini kuchh der uski ankhon mein dekhti rahi, tatpashchat boli _"Sooraj ji, mujhe itni saari khushiyon ki aadat nahi. Please mujhe itni saari khushiyan ek sath mat dijiye. Main khud Ko Sambhaal nahi paaungi."


"Main hoon Na, sambhalne ke liye." Sooraj Malini Ko uske kandhon se pakad kar Apne Kareeb karta hua bola.


"Kahin ye bhi aapka koi pre-plann to nahi?" Malini uski ankhon mein jhakti hui boli.


"Nanaji ki Kasam…! Koi pre-plann nahi." Sooraj Apne Kanth chhu kar bola.


Malini uske seene se lipat gayi. Uski ankhein aaj thamne ka Naam nahi le Rahi thi.


*****


Aaj Sooraj aur Malini ki sagai thi. Sooraj ka ghar mehmanon se bhara hua tha. Har koi un dono Ko badhai de Raha tha. Malini ke liye aaj ka din behad Khushi ka din tha. Use ab bhi ye sab kuchh Sapna sa lag Raha tha. Lekin inke alawa do aur log the jo is sagai se behad khush they. Unmein ek Sooraj ki Mata ji thi. Aur dusre…. advocate r p Mishra.


Advocate Mishra door khade un dono Ko bade Dhyan se dekh rahe they. Kuchh der unhe dekhte rahe, phir dheere se chakkar unke paas Gaye aur bole.


"Congratulations sooraj. Aur miss Malini aapko bhi. Aaj aap logon Ko iss roop mein dekh kar Sri gyanchand ji ki Kahi ek baat yaad aa gayi."


"Kaun si baat uncle?" Sooraj ne utsuktavas puchha.


"Wasiyat banwate samay unhone ek baat Kahi thi. Us waqt Maine unki baat Ko majaak mein uda diya tha. Lekin aaj wo baat sach saabit hote dekh Raha hoon."


"Kya matlab….?" Sooraj ke samajh ab bhi na aaya.


"Dar-asal , aap logon ki sagai aur shadi, aapke nanaji ka banaya pre-plann tha." Advocate Mishra ne viahfot Kiya.


"Pre-plann….Nana ji ka ! Main kuchh samjha nahi?" Sooraj hairani se bola.


"Malini beti, jis din gyanchand ji behad bimaar hue the aur tumne teen raatein unke ghar mein rah kar jis tarah unki sewa kiya tha. usi kshan unhone tumhe Sooraj ke liye pasand kar Liya tha. Lekin ye baat wo tum logon Ko seedhe taur par nahi Bata paye. Agar wo batate bhi to tum log iss Rishtey se inkaar kar dete. Isliye unhone apni wasiyat ka Sahara Liya aur apni dukaan mein Tum dono Ko barabari ka partner banaya, taki tum dono ek dusre ke sampark mein aa Sako. Unhe tumhari achhai par itna bharosha tha Malini beti ki wo jante they Sooraj tumse Milne ke Baad tumse pyar karne lagega. Aur ek din khud tumhare saamne shadi ka parastaav rakhega. Aur aaj wo din sach hota dikh Raha hai."


Sooraj is rahasyodghatan se hairan tha. Sachmuch unke nanaji ne Jo socha tha, sab kuchh waisa hi hua tha. Yahan tak ki Malini se shadi ka purpossel bhi to usne khud Rakha tha. Lekin Malini hairan nahi thi. Wo behad khush thi aur Mann hi Apne grand uncle ki duwayen de Rahi thi jinhone uske liye itna acha jeevan Sathi China tha. Wo Mann hi Mann unke pre-plann ki prashansha kar Rahi thi.


The end
Story toh achhii thii. Par kuch kuch baate bahot hi ajeeb lagi mujhe.

Pehli Gyaanchand ji 3 mahine pehle mili ek anjaan ladki ke naam apni property ma kuch hissa likh dete hai. Kyaa inn 3 mahino mein woh Malini ko itni achhe se jaan gaye the yaa phir woh Malini ko usse bhi pehle se jaante thee.

Dusri jab Sooraj chal sakta hai toh woh wheel chair pe kisliye baitha hua tha. Uss dukaan mein wheelchair ka kyaa kaam thaa.

Gyaanchand ji ne agar Malini ko itne achhe se hi pehchanliya tha toh unhone sirf dukaan ka aadha maalikana hi kyo Malini ke naam kiya. Aur bhi toh property thi woh kisliye nhi ki.

Mujhe Sooraj aur Malini dono ka character hi bada ajeeb laga. Jab Sooraj ko dukaan bechni hi nhi thi toh itna sab natak kisliye kiya. Sirf dukaan ki asli keemat janne ke liye. Woh uss dukaan ki asli keemat jaanke kyaa karna chahta tha.

Aur Gyaanchand ji itna kaise sure the ke Sooraj ko Malini pasand aajayegi aur woh usse shaadi ke liye propose karega aur Malini maan jayegi.

Kahani mein aise bahot se sawaal the jiska answer nhi diya gaya. Kahani ko aur bhi achhe se dikhaya jaa sakta tha aur bhi thoda bahot likha jaa saktaa thaa.
 
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Review - ye kaisi Bidaai

Writer - SANJU (V.R)

har kahani us kahani ke lekhak ke jazbaat se juda hota hai Lekin har kahani har paathak ke jazbon se juda nahi hota. Har readers ki apni alag choice Hoti. Kisi Ko jasusi kahaniya achhi lagti hai to kinhi Ko romantic. To koi kuchh padhna pasand karta hai, to koi kuchh. Yahi kaaran hai ki har kahani har kisi ke rooh tak nahi pahunchi. Shayad ye kahani 'ye kaisi Bidaai' bhi har kisi ke jazbon par khara na utar paaye. Lekin bada abhaaga hoga wo readers jo iss kahani ke marm Ko samajhne se mehroom rah jaye.
Lekin main khushnaseeb hoon ki main iss kahani ke marm Ko samajhne mein Samarth hoon. Iss kahani ne mere Dil Ko chhua hai. Mujhe Abhi tak use maa ki peeda ka ehsaas hai Jo ki is kahani ki nayika hai. Bahut hi umda kahani. Writing shaili aisi ki dhudhne se bhi kahin koi galti dikhai na Dein.

Best of luck brother ! Meri shubh kaamnayen aapke sath hai.
Thank you so much Prem bhai :hug:
Aap khud ek behtarin writer ho. Aap ke shabd mere liye kafi mayne rakhte hai.
 
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Story - " Pre - Plan "
Writer - Prem pyasa .

कहानी निःसंदेह बढ़िया थी । शीर्षक भी कहानी से मैच करता है । राइटिंग स्किल भी आउटस्टैंडिंग थी । मालिनी के हाव भाव को भी बहुत बढ़िया तरीके से पेश किया गया । नरेशन भी उम्दा था ।

लेकिन कहीं कहीं कुछ मिसिंग भी रहा स्टोरी में । हल्की फुल्की गलतियां भी हो गई थी । जैसे रिवाल्विंग चेयर की जगह ह्वील चेयर का इस्तेमाल कर दिया आपने ।
आप एक उच्च दर्जे के राइटर है । आप की लिखी हुई कहानी पढ़ा है मैंने । बहुत ही बढ़िया लिखते हैं आप । लास्ट डेट होने की वजह से शायद जल्दबाजी में ध्यान न रहा होगा ।

मालिनी की मां बचपन में ही गुजर गई थी और पिता ने कभी उसे बाप का प्यार दिया ही नहीं । बीस साल तक ममता को तरसती रही । लेकिन पार्क में एक दिन एक्सरसाइज करने के दौरान उसकी मुलाकात एक बुजुर्ग ज्ञानचंद जी से हुई । ज्ञानचंद जी तजुर्बेकार व्यक्ति थे । उनके नजरों से मालिनी की वेदना छिपी न रही । मालिनी की सादगी , सच्चरित्र और सेवा भाव से वो बहुत प्रभावित हुए और उन्होंने उसे अपने नाती सुरज के लिए पसंद कर लिया ।
लेकिन वो जानते थे कि युवा पीढ़ी की सोच शादी को लेकर कैसी है । इसलिए मरने से पहले उन्होंने एक ऐसी वसियत बनवाई जिससे सुरज और मालिनी को ज्यादा से ज्यादा समय एक साथ बिताने का मौका मिले ।

किताब की दुकान बेचने की मंशा न तो सुरज को थी और न ही मालिनी को । पर इसी बहाने सुरज को भी मालिनी के चरित्र को समझने का मौका मिल गया । सुरज न एक काबिल बिजनेस मैन ही था बल्कि एक अच्छा इंसान भी था ।
और जब दो अच्छे इंसान मिलते हैं तो उनके बीच एक प्यारा सा एहसास जन्म ले ही लेता है ।
यही प्लान था बुजुर्ग वर का । और उनका प्लान सफल हुआ भी ।

बहुत ही खूबसूरत कहानी थी यह । जैसा कि मैंने कहा मालिनी का किरदार बहुत अच्छी तरह से उभर कर आया ।

आउटस्टैंडिंग एंड अमेजिंग स्टोरी प्रेम भाई ।
अब जल्दी से अपनी कहानी पर भी अपडेट देना शुरू कीजिए ।
 
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Story - " Ajeeb Raat "
Writer - Sigma_Male .

हाॅरर कैटेगरी में लिखा गया एक बेहतरीन कहानी जिसमें थ्रिल , रोमांच और सबसे बढ़कर सस्पेंस का तड़का भरपूर तरीके से किया गया था ।
कहानी की शुरुआत ही थ्रिल से हुआ जब अमन खुद को एक ट्रैन के खाली बोगी में अकेला पाता है । रात का समय... जंगली इलाका.... सुनसान वातावरण । उसके बाद उसका गंतव्य स्थल तक पहुंचने की कठिन कोशिश । फिर सेंट्रो कार मे उसका लिफ्ट लेना ।
पर कहानी में असल रोमांच तब आया जब अमन एक ओटो ड्राइवर से लिफ्ट लेकर रामनगर रेलवे स्टेशन जाता है और उसकी बात ड्राइवर मनोज से होती है ।
यहां पर एक सस्पेंस नहीं बल्कि दो सस्पेंस से पर्दा उठता है ।
पहला सस्पेंस था कि जिस सेंट्रो कार में उसने लिफ्ट लिया था और उस कार में जो सवारी थी - स्नेहा और राहुल - दोनों की मृत्यु उसी सेंट्रो कार में एक ट्रक से भिड़ने की वजह से कुछ दिन पहले हो चुकी थी । मतलब जिन लोगों के साथ उसने कार में सफर किया... जिनके साथ उसने बातें की , वो आम इंसान नहीं बल्कि उनकी आत्माएं थी ।

इस के बाद सबसे बड़ा धमाका तब हुआ जब ओटो ड्राइवर मनोज और एक हवलदार के बीच मोबाइल फोन पर बातें हुई और मालूम पड़ा कि अमन की मौत लगभग एक साल पहले ही एक ट्रैन दुर्घटना में हो चुकी है ।

कहानी से भले ही " डर " का अहसास रीडर्स को न हुआ हो पर रोमांच का मजा खुब आया । और सस्पेंस का तो कहना ही क्या ! बहुत बेहतरीन स्टोरी लगा मुझे ।

हाॅरर मूवी या हाॅरर स्टोरी में सबसे ज्यादा इम्पोर्टेंट होता है भौतिक वातावरण का सटीक वर्णन । एक छोटे से पते की आवाज से रीडर्स डर महसूस करने लगते हैं । दरवाजे की खुलने या बंद होने की आवाज हमारे दिलों की धड़कन बढ़ा देती है । और मेरे अनुसार इस कहानी में सिर्फ यही एक कमी रह गई थी ।
बाकी सब कुछ गजब का ही लिखा आपने ।
आप की यह कहानी कांटेस्ट में जीत का अपना दावा पुख्ता करती है ।

आउटस्टैंडिंग एंड अमेजिंग स्टोरी भाई और
जगमग जगमग भी ।
 
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Batman

Its not who i am underneath
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This Shall Too Pass...
"

"This shall too pass, This shall too pass"


I kept murmuring while I held onto the pendant I wore all the time, it was the last thread attaching me to my mother.


I have witnessed a lot of cold nights, battled through so many storms, life has thrown me a number of hardships but never have I ever encountered such an atrocity.


Am I being melodramatic again? Maybe!


I got curled up into a ball under the fancy cosy blanket which provided no comfort to my aching heart.


"You should handle the situation wisely"


I remembered what my friend Sujata told me this afternoon, she made it sound so easy. But I don't know why, is it my small town girl ethics or my mother's "be a good girl" conditioning that I couldn't accept the fact that Aman, my partner, was cheating on me, and be okay with it.


I was devastated!


And every time I shared it with a Delhiite, they either normalised it, or encouraged me to do the same with him.


But I couldn't.


Maybe with someone else, in some other relationship, but not in this one. With Aman I have taken a leap of faith. I created a life around him because he was everything I have ever wanted.


But was it love?


"No, it is the idea of love, you don't love him, you just love the fantasy you are creating around him, and fantasies are never real!"


The wise words from my mother stabbed me in the heart. The disappointment in her eyes spoke it all. She always criticized my taste in men and when I told her that I was moving in with Aman and we will be in a live-in relationship, she won and proved her point.



I still remember her last look, she held my hand firmly and slipped her pendent in my hand and whispered,


"This shall too pass!"


I never looked back, even in her last statement she wanted me to get over Aman and I couldn't even stand the idea of it.


But don't know why I wore the pendent in a gold chain and in the past 4 years whenever it felt like life is beating me down, I held the pendent and murmured,


"This shall too pass, This shall too pass!"



But last April, it all started, and even my mother's magic spell couldn't save me from the impact.


It started slow, in a silent creeping way. Me and Aman moved to a new apartment, a better one. We started making wedding plans and the best thing, Aman was totally invested in it.


Aman! Well he was not a very emotional kind of person. He looked for logics and potential returns in every situation. He was someone who always kept a door open to walk out of any relationship or situation which did not serve him well. But this time he really wanted to get married.


"See maa, I have made him fall in love with me, I made this relationship work!" I won the battle I continuously fought in my mind with my mother and her beliefs.


But then we met her, Mrs. Padma Iyer. She was our neighbour. The first time we met her was at our housewarming party. She was with her husband who seemed like a nice fellow, he was in his late 40s and brought a wave of laughter every time he cracked a dad joke.


Padma was in her early 40s. She seemed normal to me at first. But then I noticed, her eye contact, her eventual subtle body gestures to expose her deep cleavage hidden behind her kanjivaram, she kept chewing something and curved her lips sexily whenever anyone passed her a compliment. She was pretty and also carried herself nicely.


But why should I give her a damn, until I noticed her extra hip swings in front of Aman. And I was taken by surprise when I saw Aman gawking at her.


First time in so many years I saw him nervous while she checked him out from top to bottom and offered a drink, almost blatantly in front of me. Aman was polite but she made her mark on me. I never felt so powerless in my own home.


I tried to shake it off. I thought about talking about it with Aman, but I knew he would discard my allegations in a moment and prove me wrong in every way possible, after all he was a lawyer, a damn good one. "


"




I sighed heavily as I experienced a sharp pain in my head as I recalled all those memories I wanted to forget.


"It's okay, have some water"


I opened my eyes, Neeraj was holding glass in front of me. I looked at him and my tears rolled down my cheeks. I was still holding my mother's pendant in my hand and kept murmuring "This shall too pass"


I took the glass from Neeraj's hand and gulped the water.


"I'll brew some tea"


I nodded my head and Neeraj got busy with his tea set.


Life seems so uncertain at this point, it's been just two months I have separated from Aman but all the wounds still seem so fresh.


"Here, have it"


I was lost in my thoughts when Neeraj handed me a warm cup.


"It's ok, we have made some progress, it's enough for the first day, we can do the rest in the next session"


Neeraj sipped his tea, his lips were curved in the most charming smile I have ever seen. I also tried to force a smile on my face.


I finished my cup and expressed my gratitude for being so supportive in my healing journey.


I unlocked my apartment, Sujata was still not home. I went to the kitchen, tried to eat but couldn't, lately I have been so much in my head that all I want is to lie down on my bed and be alone.


The day I collapsed in the office, was the acme of my sufferings. In the hospital I was told by the doctor that I was pregnant and had acute depression. I was told that my mental health can cause serious issues for my child and everything went gibberish after that, I zoned out, and detached from everything real and present around me.


I went to my apartment, I knew Aman was not home, I packed my stuff and moved in with my cousin brother and her wife. They were kind enough to give me shelter while I hunted for a new place to live.


All of that was not because I was a mother and I wanted to take care of my baby, I was even thinking about abortion and kept my pregnancy a secret from everyone.


A few days later Sujata offered me to stay with her, she had a nice place and wanted me to be her roommate. I was honestly dumbstruck by her offer, she never seemed like the helping kind. But I took the offer anyway. Since then I have been living with her.


Aman! Well, he took the easy way out. He didn't even contact me. No phone calls, no text, no follow up. Nothing! Puff! Just gone.


But I was stuck in my past, I relived every moment of shame and guilt over and over again in my mind like an endless cycle.


I remember the first night after the party. I was rubbing lotion on my shoulder. I could sense the sexual tension in Aman's body language. He glared at my breasts like a hungry beast. Honestly I enjoyed it.


That day he devoured my pussy, I was surprised by his cunnilingus skills, it was not very common for him to go down on me. The way he played with my clits and kept swiping his tongue up and down, I couldn't hold myself too long.


He didn't waste a moment after it, then and there, on the dressing table he ripped off my panty, spread my knees and put his length inside. He thrusted me up, and with every thrust he became wilder. He cupped my neck and started choking me lightly and by the time he was finished with me I was lightheaded.


It was the first time. But I knew I was not the person in his mind. He wanted to fuck Padma like this, but he couldn't so he fucked me.


After that day I became a tissue paper for him, he became horny often and fucked me like a brainless peice of meat, like a personal slut he owned.


And I let it happen…



I was sexually deprived. Even the kinkiness of staying together without a wedlock couldn't spark the bed anymore. So when Padma entered our life I let it happen.


First I thought it was just harmless banter. She often visited our home with a pot of her extra spicy sambar. Aman seemed to be in love with that. But then she visited in my absence. I knew but I did nothing to stop it.


Aman kept on fucking me hardcore. But after every session I was getting buried under my own guilt. The guilt of letting another woman freely seduce my man so I could enjoy the sex in bed.


For how long?


I knew Aman was eager to fuck her. I saw him clicking his dick pics to send her. I knew they were sexting. It was just a matter of time he was going to fuck her.


It became so intense and so quick and soon grew out of my control.


One Sunday, I was feverish and pretending to sleep when I heard them talk and what I heard made me sick to the stomach.


"Ahhh press harder Aman" Padma moaned


"For how long you are going to starve me Padma, let me fuck you today" Aman's voice was deep and full of anticipation.


I bit my own tongue so hard to keep my cries inside my mouth. They were just there in the living room making out while I was lying sick in the bedroom.


"You know the rule Aman, if you want to fuck me, you have to share your wife too, transactions doesn't work one way, you know that"


It was the first time I zoned out, I felt like falling into my own headspace.


"You know, my hubby is so into virgin asses and your wife makes him drool every time she walks past him.


So next time, when we meet, make your wife ready for a good fuck, otherwise, THIS is over!"



I heard footsteps departing and a heavy silence filled the apartment. For a brief moment I thought it was over, Aman can cheat but he will never share.


I heard footsteps coming towards the room. Aman entered and closed the door behind him. I sensed him opening a drawer. He sat beside me, put a hand inside the blanket and started rubbing my back.


In a few moments he climbed on me, I was wearing a tank top and shorts. I heard him breathing heavily, he came on top of me, without any warning or foreplay he flipped me back, lifted up my hips and ripped off my shorts and panties.


Before I could say anything he penetrated his cock inside me and started fucking. I was not ready, I was not wet, I was actually dry from hearing that conversation. I struggled beneath him, and urged him to let me go. But then my body kept responding, I grew warm, sultry, wet and inviting as he pounded me raw. My screams turned into moans and why not, after all he was my man.


My mind somehow tricked me into believing that he was jealous, he wanted to claim me, he was done cheating on me and wanted to make things right.


But that sunny bright thought turned into a nightmare as he pulled his cock out and started transferring my juices in my ass.



"I own you bitch, I own your ass, I own your every hole, and I will be the one who fucks your ass FIRST!"


Without delaying a moment he pressed his cock in my butthole, I struggled and refused, the pain was unbearable. He started playing with my clits, my body was so used to responding to his touch that I grew softer in just a moment, he pressed his cock hard and kept repeating it.


I was trapped in the cycle of sanity and insanity, his words "I fuck your ass first" kept ringing in my ears. It means he was ready to share me, taking my virgin ass was a necessary ritual.


No matter how much I wanted to resist, I went down the spiral of pain and pleasure, and zoned out again as he started in and out. The physical pain only added to my pussy juices. I wanted to scream, push him out, make a scene, but all I could do was moan in a way that he became addicted to it. He knew exactly how to play with my body, he knew me so well, he made me come so hard that I also became confused!


Do I like it?


He put one of his feet on my head and pushed me hard in the mattress, he grabbed both of my hands behind me thrusted hard, my whole body ached but out of nowhere I came crashing with an orgasm again, this time I cried out loud but couldn't ignore the wave of bliss my pussy was generating, after a few moments he came too, and as soon as he was finished he left the room, left the house, and didn't came home until I was gone to the office the next day.


I could still feel myself in that moment, in that body, one hole filled with his cum and another with my own juices, sore breasts and red hot nipples, and a lump of emotions in my throat. A tornado of guilt and shame generated right in the middle of my chest and engulfed me, I just sobbed silently, the whole night.


I don't remember how I reached office that day, I just remember the thought popping in my head that it was just the beginning, next will be Mr.Iyer and then there will be a next and a next, and a next…


"Let me talk to her once Sujata"


I came out of my thoughts and tears came rolling down my eyes, it's him, he came back, he came back for me. I was surprised to see how my mood changed from hating him to the urge to hug him and kiss him.


"She doesn't want to talk to you or see your face Aman, you have done enough damage now leave her ALONE!" I heard Sujata arguing in my favor.


"Yeah bro leave, unless you want me to beat the shit out of you"


UGH! It's him again, Sujata's annoying boyfriend! Vinay!


I came out of my room and stood in the living room, I saw Aman and Vinay staring at each other, Aman noticed me and tried to come towards me, Vinay blocked his way and a vile argument started. I made eye contact with Sujata and signalled her to make Vinay stop. She did so.


I stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind me, I stood there in the hallway with Aman. He was drunk, which was not very normal for him.


Looking at him I realised I didn't want to go back to him, it was just the idea of the life I had which was alluring, and he was a big part of it.


But not anymore, he wanted to hug me but I took a step back, he tried to touch my face and I looked the other way with disgust. I wanted to slap him, but I just sobbed. We stood there in awkward silence. He seemed ashamed but didn't say anything.


After a while which felt like eternity, He took my hand forcefully and held it on his chest,


"If you ever need anything, any help, I want you to know, that I am here and I always will be"


As soon as he finished his speech he bolted down the stairs and disappeared.


That's it? All he had to say that he was here, to help me? No apologies, no remorse? After ghosting me for two months all I got was a friendly speech! I was furious and wanted to spat on his mouth for being such a bastard.


I turned to the stairs to follow him down, I was so ready to make a scene, but then I saw Neeraj peeking from his door, yes he was Sujata's neighbour. He raised his eyebrow in the most charming way possible and automatically I started breathing deeply, I knew he wanted me to let go of my anger, my pain, my need to hurt him and myself, and that's what I did, or he did, just by existing, just by making the eye contact at the right time, at the exact moment, just when I needed.


I nodded my head slightly, he smiled at me, the most comforting smile I have ever seen. I turned around and went straight to my room. Vinay kept babbling and Sujata tried to comfort me but I paid no attention. I was grateful that they are letting me stay.


I sat in the corner of my bed and hugged myself. I tried to concentrate on Neeraj and his smile. I don't know how it was the only comfort I had right now.


I have met Neeraj here and there whenever I visited Sujata. He was her neighbour for two years or so. He is a psychiatrist and had a reputation in his field. When my doctor told me to get therapy for my mental issues I was highly reluctant. How could I face all of those moments again, I was afraid of Aman and I was afraid of myself.



For most of my sessions I just sat there, Neeraj also sat there. He let the silence fall but never made it awkward. For some sessions I just sat there and cried, for some we both stared out of the window, mostly we sipped tea together, I don't know what he gave me but it was very calming.


Today was the first instance when I spoke. It felt good. My life right now was a dark room and he was the candle, so calm and pure, yet whenever I looked in his eyes I saw fire, a fire which could melt every obstacle in his way.


I liked him, and he liked me too. He was my psychiatrist and I was his patient. I shouldn't feel this way towards him. Maybe I was just depending on him, maybe I was just lonely, I just couldn't believe that I felt that way for someone too soon. I felt like betraying myself. So I tried to pull back my feelings, but every time I do that a string so strong binds me with him.


He accepted me when I couldn't accept myself. I paid him for the treatment but still his warmth was priceless. It melted all my bits and broken pieces, and I was becoming whole again. He gave me a new perspective of life and I was ready to keep my baby.



Two things happened after Aman visited, he kept texting bullshit that I didn't pay much attention and Vinay started really acting up.


Vinay was just another spoiled brat who created a scene out of no reason, like why pizza was taking a bit longer or why cricketers were not playing in a particular match and so on.


I didn't care at first but then his scenes became drunken scenes. His body language grew violent and I sensed he was hitting Sujata. He started showing up even when Sujata was not at home, sometimes drunk and sometimes sober. Worst part, he insisted on waiting inside.


I kept myself locked most of the time or went out for a walk if the time was right. One night I finished a session with Neeraj and came back home. He had a flight to catch, and was going for a conference in Bangalore.


I was just opening the front door, when I noticed it was already open. I could hear Vinay barking on phone on some stupid topic, I peeked inside the room to look for Sujata but she wasn't home. I looked at my wrist watch and it was 10 pm. I couldn't go out for a walk at this time, so I went inside and planned to get locked in my room.


"You, tell me where Sujata is, right now!"


As soon as I entered, Vinay started to bark at me. I was already annoyed and was in no mood to entertain him.


"I don't know" I said and started to walk past him.


"What do you think you are going, tell me where Sujata is or I'll slit your throat right now"


With all my surprise Vinay grabbed my elbow and dragged me towards him. He had a knife in his hand, his eyes were bloody red, his rage shattered all the self confidence I have been building and I was shivering again.


"I know you are also a whore just like her, so tell me where she is or I'll start scaring your face"


Vinay touched his knife on my face, the cold touch of metal only worsened my panic.


"I really don't know Vinay, Please let me go '' A teardrop rolled down my cheeks.


But Vinay was in no mood, I don't know what made him so angry and out of the blue why he was targeting me but he kept pressing his blade on my cheek and soon I felt a sharp sting, with the corner of my eye I saw a thin stream of blood running on my cheek. I gasped and screamed in pain.


I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to push him aside but he was a strong guy. I kept struggling, I don't know how I gathered the strength to use my other hand and grabbed a vase and hit his head. He stumbled and left my hand, the blow was not that strong and he recovered soon, but in that small instance I ran as fast as I could. I knew I couldn't get out of the apartment because he was blocking the way, so I locked myself inside my room.


For eight long minutes, I kept calling all the possible numbers I could imagine saving me from this calamity. Vinay kept banging on my door, calling me names, giving me threats. So I did what I never wanted to do.


I called Aman!


He picked up, I think I mumbled "Please Save Me" I was experiencing breathlessness due to panic and passed out.


I don't know who came first, my landlord, my cousin, Sujata or Aman. I just know when I opened my eyes, Aman was there, he was frantically calling my name. He had tears in his eyes, I have never seen tears in his eyes, I was relieved. I hated him for so long, but at this moment I can't, the idea of love came rushing and I submitted. Forgiveness is the strongest virtue of a woman, and so I did forgive him.




I frantically bit my nails as I was waiting for the most important text of my life. The tick tock of the old clock of my mother's house just added to my palpitation.


It's been one year since that incident. The incident which changed the whole equation of my and Aman's relationship.


My pregnancy got revealed when I was taken to the hospital for treatment. Aman immediately proposed and I said yes!


The blanket of safety and security I experienced in his arms after facing such an adverse situation, I couldn't say no. He seemed like a changed man. His eyes sparkled with tears of joy. He kissed my forehead so many times and asked for forgiveness. He had a look on his face which I always wanted to see, He was in love!


We soon got married! Moved to a new house and started preparing a room for our new family member. Life was blissful.


I am happy, or maybe I should say, I appear to be happy.


I am in love with Aman, or maybe I should say, I appear to be madly in love with Aman.


But the thing is once you touch depression, you are never the same anymore. With depression comes a blessing in the disguise of a boon.


"Overthinking!"


I first started mulling when Sujata asked me to move in with her, her benevolent nature was a whole 180, and after Aman I trusted no one.


One night when she passed out due to over drinking, I accessed her phone, I knew her password was her birth date. She never cared much about her privacy and all.


At first I found nothing suspicious, but then I noticed she had a contact name: "❤️❤️❤️", I searched for Vinay and she had a separate contact on his name.


I found chatting with her lovey dovey in the WA. It took me just one look to figure out who he was. The chatting style, the stoic gestures, the locations where he wanted to hook up with Sujata, all pointed to one person,



AMAN!


I didn't panic that day, I felt intrigued. Aman cheating on me was old news. So I started paying more attention. I noticed the bond Sujata had with Vinay was just a show. They had absolutely no compassion at all. He was more like his bodyguard.


Soon I discovered why I was sharing an apartment with Aman's mistress. Apparently he was cheating on me for almost three years now. Aman was all set to leave me for her. The wedding plans, the new apartment was just a trap to tell me "It's not working anymore"



Stupid stupid me!


Padma's chapter actually prolonged my stay in his life. He enjoyed making me pose as his whore, whom he could use however he wanted.


Me moving out was a bonus for him, but then somehow Aman got a hold on my pregnancy news.


In the first year of our relationship, I came to know why Aman was so reluctant to marry. He had some fertility issues, along with a heart condition. I knew he visited a doctor once in a while in Bangalore and was on medication for both. He wanted a child, I knew all along. Apparently his pills were working, when I lost track of my contraceptive amidst the whole "Padma" chaos I became pregnant.


Aman saw a golden opportunity, and wanted to win me back, so he somehow tricked Sujata to work for him, and keep me with her. I let them fool me.


I couldn't make sense about Vinay's presence though, but the attack solved my query. Aman became my knight in shining Armor. He saved me and I was supposed to be awed.


But I wasn't!


But still I went with him that day, I took him back and let him play whatever game he planned with such preciseness. I knew what he was capable of, I could never win a legal battle with him. If I refused to go with him, with all the contacts he had, I won't be surprised if he kidnaps me someday, makes me disappear and chains me to a dungeon until I deliver his baby.


I knew Aman wanted the child but he didn't want me. He saw me unfit to be the mother of his child, I crossed him by moving out, I could cross him again. I sensed him planning to get rid of me.


So I had to do something!


I knew I was safe until I had my baby inside me. Aman was skeptical at first but still he brought my loving wife act. He put me on surveillance by a nurse constantly watching me.


I had to think harder to figure a way out and Aman himself gave me one.


A man like Aman had many enemies, I just had to search for the right one.


A year back Aman won a case. A member of a politically influential family was accused of killing a son of a well known Pharma company. Quite a high profile case it was. Aman was in the favor of the political family and the Pharma company owner had always held a bitter grudge.


I reached out to him with the help of my Mother's old driver. All I had to do was give him the information about Aman's health conditions. Aman ordered his meds online. The bottle of his pills were replicated and was filled with some other drug and as a loving wife I had to take care of the Unboxing so he could never doubt. He pretended like those were just collagen boosters or vitamins.


I was 6 months pregnant when his new medication started. I saw his health deteriorating, bit by bit by bit. He suffered from high blood pressure, palpitations, occasional chest pains, sleeplessness and so on. The more his sexual power weakened, the more he panicked. But he hid it all very well. He couldn't leave the town due to the pandemic but he consulted his doctor, but no matter what he ordered, he received the wrong meds.


It's been 1 month since my son is born. Today I am visiting my mother. I need to remove myself from the house, so he can book an escort for his personal pleasure.


The escort was already trained with specific instructions. He is been taking a sexual stimulant lately and the escort was advised to overdose him with it so his over excitement and palpillations will lead to an heart attack.


Aman will be killed by his own health conditions. A perfect plan of a perfect murder.


In the meantime my phone chimed with a notification, "It's done"


I immediately deleted the text. A rush of chill ran through my spine. A had a long road ahead. I have to behave normal for the rest of the day and buy them time to clean up the crime scene, switch the medicines and get rid of any possible evidence.


I had to go back to my house the next day , discover the body, call his doctor, and pose like a devastated widow. Some law and order men have already been bribed to take care of legalities.


I don't know how I gathered the strength to do all of these. I slept with a man for months who wanted to snatch my baby and wanted me dead, a complete sociopathic criminal! But whenever I was in doubt I thought about my baby, his future, my future, I would never let a man like Aman be his father, he may have his genes but will never have his shadow.




So whenever my heart sank, I had doubts, I felt nervous, I held my pendent and whispered the wise words,


This shall too pass!
Review :

Story Genre : Thriller + Romance + Drama

Story :
Story constitutes with the inclination of thriller and drama with a Shade of Dark on it, Whole story revolves around the main character and his tangled love story with Aman her lover her husband. The story showed variety of depths in love and pain, love which blossoms and makes you free, love when cheated gives you pain. A girl who was forced to kill the father of her child, a father who was a maniac for lust and violence. i loved the dark angles and turns in the story, characters Growth was shown in the story, how a innocent bubbly girl turned to her dark side which she did not know even existed.

writing skills : Writing skills were outstanding, the pages of story were turning smoothly. and the aura of the story kept on going strong with each turn. in dialogue writing the depth of lines showed the true emotions of the characters. The scenes in the story were described in appropriate manner, you could feel the thrill and horror in the lines.

Reader's view: as a reader, This story is mainly holds the genre of thriller, a reader who loves a mysterious drama with a notion of darkness should totally read it. You could feel the emotions of the characters and you will instantly fall in love with the story. This story is a masterpiece, hats off to you Sasha!
:claps: :applause:
 
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कहानी - " कानपुर से गोवा : एक यात्रा वृत्तांत "
लेखक - DREAMBOY40 .

आप के लिखने का अंदाज बाकियों राइटर्स से बिल्कुल ही जुदा है । एक अलग स्टाइल है आपका जिसमें आप हास्य रस का बेहतरीन प्रयोग करते हैं । पढ़कर रीडर्स के चेहरे पर स्वत: ही मुस्कान आ जाती है । आप अपनी एक अलग पहचान बनाएं रखना !

यह कहानी अधेड़ावस्था में पहुंचे हुए चार मित्रों की है जो उम्र के इस दौर में भी आशिकाना मिजाज रखते हैं । भले ही उनकी उम्र पचपन के करीब पहुंच गई हो लेकिन दिल बचपन का ही है ।

मुझे इस कहानी का प्रमुख पात्र बृजकिशोर तिवारी जी ही लगे । उनकी अपनी पत्नी मालती देवी के साथ जो ट्यूनिंग दिखाया आपने वो मुझे बहुत ही बढ़िया लगा । फिर दोस्तों के साथ एक ओटो में बैठकर स्टेशन जाना...बीच रास्ते में ही जोर का प्रेशर लगना... दोस्तों का उनके साथ मजाक करना , एवरीथिंग वाज आउटस्टैंडिंग। सुबह सुबह जब लैट्रिन ढंग से न हो तो ऐसी परेशानियां सबके साथ आ ही खड़ी होती है ।

ट्रैन जर्नी के दौरान एक खुबसूरत महिला का उनके साथ कुछ दूर तक सफर करना... फिर चारों मित्रों का उसके निगाहों से छुपकर उसके प्राइवेट अंगों को ताड़ना , बिल्कुल ही रियल लगा ।

बहुत ही खूबसूरत कहानी है यह और लिखा भी उतनी ही खुबसूरती से है ।

यह कहानी पढ़कर मुझे एक पिक्चर की याद आ गई थी । अशोक कुमार , ए के हंगल और उत्पल दत्त साहेब की बेहतरीन कामेडी मूवी " शौकिन " ।
वो तीनों भी इसी तरह गोवा जाने का प्रोग्राम बनाते हैं और वहां उनकी मुलाकात रति अग्निहोत्री से होती है । रति अग्निहोत्री अशोक कुमार के ड्राइवर मिथुन चक्रवर्ती की प्रेमिका थी । तीनों अपनी अपनी तरह से छोकरी पटाने की कोशिश करते हैं । बेहतरीन कामेडी फिल्म थी यह ।

इस कहानी में और भी मजा बढ़ गया होता जब गोवा में भी उनकी मस्तीखोरियां देखने को मिलती ।
चूंकि कहानी चार दोस्तों की थी पर ज्यादा फोकस किया गया बृजकिशोर तिवारी जी को । बाकी दोस्तों का किरदार उनके सामने दबा सा रह गया । फिर भी , चूंकि यह शार्ट स्टोरी थी इसलिए सभी किरदारों पर बराबर का तवज्जो देना सम्भव भी नहीं था ।

बहुत लाजवाब रचना थी आप की ड्रीम ब्वाय भाई ।
आउटस्टैंडिंग एंड अमेजिंग ।
 

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Story toh achhii thii. Par kuch kuch baate bahot hi ajeeb lagi mujhe.

Pehli Gyaanchand ji 3 mahine pehle mili ek anjaan ladki ke naam apni property ma kuch hissa likh dete hai. Kyaa inn 3 mahino mein woh Malini ko itni achhe se jaan gaye the yaa phir woh Malini ko usse bhi pehle se jaante thee.

Dusri jab Sooraj chal sakta hai toh woh wheel chair pe kisliye baitha hua tha. Uss dukaan mein wheelchair ka kyaa kaam thaa.

Gyaanchand ji ne agar Malini ko itne achhe se hi pehchanliya tha toh unhone sirf dukaan ka aadha maalikana hi kyo Malini ke naam kiya. Aur bhi toh property thi woh kisliye nhi ki.

Mujhe Sooraj aur Malini dono ka character hi bada ajeeb laga. Jab Sooraj ko dukaan bechni hi nhi thi toh itna sab natak kisliye kiya. Sirf dukaan ki asli keemat janne ke liye. Woh uss dukaan ki asli keemat jaanke kyaa karna chahta tha.

Aur Gyaanchand ji itna kaise sure the ke Sooraj ko Malini pasand aajayegi aur woh usse shaadi ke liye propose karega aur Malini maan jayegi.

Kahani mein aise bahot se sawaal the jiska answer nhi diya gaya. Kahani ko aur bhi achhe se dikhaya jaa sakta tha aur bhi thoda bahot likha jaa saktaa thaa.

Story toh achhii thii. Par kuch kuch baate bahot hi ajeeb lagi mujhe.

Pehli Gyaanchand ji 3 mahine pehle mili ek anjaan ladki ke naam apni property ma kuch hissa likh dete hai. Kyaa inn 3 mahino mein woh Malini ko itni achhe se jaan gaye the yaa phir woh Malini ko usse bhi pehle se jaante thee.

Dusri jab Sooraj chal sakta hai toh woh wheel chair pe kisliye baitha hua tha. Uss dukaan mein wheelchair ka kyaa kaam thaa.

Gyaanchand ji ne agar Malini ko itne achhe se hi pehchanliya tha toh unhone sirf dukaan ka aadha maalikana hi kyo Malini ke naam kiya. Aur bhi toh property thi woh kisliye nhi ki.

Mujhe Sooraj aur Malini dono ka character hi bada ajeeb laga. Jab Sooraj ko dukaan bechni hi nhi thi toh itna sab natak kisliye kiya. Sirf dukaan ki asli keemat janne ke liye. Woh uss dukaan ki asli keemat jaanke kyaa karna chahta tha.

Aur Gyaanchand ji itna kaise sure the ke Sooraj ko Malini pasand aajayegi aur woh usse shaadi ke liye propose karega aur Malini maan jayegi.

Kahani mein aise bahot se sawaal the jiska answer nhi diya gaya. Kahani ko aur bhi achhe se dikhaya jaa sakta tha aur bhi thoda bahot likha jaa saktaa thaa.
Jaguar bhai iss review ke liye bahut bahut dhanyavad. :Love:
Asal mein jo bhi mistakes hue hain , samay ki kami ke kaaran hua hai.
Iss contest ke bare mein mujhe kal hi pata chala. Aur maine likhna aarambh Kiya. Mahaj 3 ghante mein puri story likha hai maine. Aur likhne ke Baad Maine padha tak nahi ki kya kuchh mistakes hua hai. Agar check karta to entry ka samay Nikal jaata.
Khair aapne review diya iske liye shukriya.
 
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Story - " Purwa aur Geeta "
Writer - SultanTipu40 .

नो डाउट , कहानी का कांसेप्ट बहुत ही जबरदस्त था । और कमोवेश लिखा भी बढ़िया है आपने सुल्तान भाई । पर यह कहानी और भी शानदार हो जाती यदि थोड़ा सा इसके स्क्रिप्ट पर और भी मेहनत किया गया होता ।

हमने प्रायः ऐसी फिल्में देखा है या ऐसी किताबें पढ़ा है जिसमें नायक या नायिका पुनर्जन्म लेकर अपने और अपने परिवार वालों के उपर हुए जुल्मों सितम का इंतकाम लेते हैं ।
लेकिन यहां वैसा तो नहीं था पर कुछ मिलता जुलता जरूर था । पुर्वा के पुरे परिवार की हत्या गांव के रसूखदार ठाकुरों द्वारा कर दी जाती है और खुद पूर्वा भी मरणासन्न अवस्था में अस्पताल में भर्ती हो जाती है । संयोग से ऐन उसी समय गीता नाम की एक लड़की भी उसी अस्पताल में भर्ती होती है । उसकी अवस्था भी काफी नाजुक पाई जाती है ।
यहां पर एक चमत्कार होता है । पुर्वा की मौत हो जाती है और उसकी आत्मा गीता के शरीर में प्रवेश कर जाती है । और फिर शुरू होता है पुर्वा का बदला ।

इस पुरे केस की तहकीकात किरण नाम की एक लेडी इंस्पेक्टर करती है और क्या खूब इन्वेस्टिगेशन करती है ! सबसे बेहतरीन मुझे किरण का ही किरदार लगा ।
अंततः पुर्वा / गीता का मिस्ट्री खुलता है । और किरण की इनायत की वजह से गीता पुलिस के चंगुल से मुक्त हो जाती है ।

जैसे कि मैंने कहा कहानी का कांसेप्ट बहुत बढ़िया था । आप की इमेजिनेशन बहुत बढ़िया थी । लेकिन थोड़ी बहुत कसर उन इमेजिनेशन को सही तरीके से पेश करने में रह गई । मुझे विश्वास है इसी कहानी को अगर आप फिर से लिखें तो यह कहानी एक उच्च स्तरीय कहानी बनकर हमारे सामने प्रस्तुत हो जायेगी । मैं समझ सकता हूं कि थोड़ी सी जल्दीबाजी हुई थी और उसका कारण आप की स्टोरी सेक्शन पर जारी कई कहानियां रही होगी ।

जहां तक बच्चों को ऐसी कहानी सुनाने की बात है जिसमें रेप , मर्डर , हिंसा वगैरह का जीक्र हो तो मुझे नहीं लगता कि ऐसे चीजें कोई खास मायने रखती हैं । है तो उपन्यास ही या है तो फिल्म ही । जो कि नब्बे प्रतिशत काल्पनिकता पर आधारित होती है ।

वास्तविक जीवन में कौन सा भुत प्रेत होता है और कहां से किसी की आत्मा किसी दूसरे इंसान के अंदर प्रवेश कर जाती है ?
यदि कहानी में इंतकाम लेने की एक मजबूत थ्योरी प्रस्तुत नहीं करेंगे तो भला पढ़ने में क्या मजा आयेगा ! असल जिंदगी के साथ काल्पनिक कहानी की तुलना करना ही बेबुनियाद है ।

बहुत ही बेहतरीन कहानी थी सुल्तान भाई ।
आउटस्टैंडिंग एंड अमेजिंग ।
सुपर्ब ।
 
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