★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2022 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Lucifer]

Reviews posted on or before 12th March 2022 11:59 PM will be considered for Best Supporting Reader

 

[Sangeeta Maurya]

बहुत ही बढ़िया कहानी लिखी है। ब्रिलिएंट। वास्तविक घटना से प्रेरित होकर इतनी अच्छी कहानी लिखना अत्यंत मुश्किल काम होता है। यह एक व्यंग के साथ ही कटाक्ष भी है। लेखिका ने बहुत अच्छे तरीके से कटाक्ष किया है, लड़ाकू पार्टी का सदस्य होने के नाते मैं भी चुनाव में सम्मिलित था अतः मैं कहानि पढ़ने के बाद यह कह सकता हूं की लेखिका की इस कहानी में कमी ढूंढना मुश्किल ही नहीं नामुमकिन भी है। साथ ही ये कहानी भरपूर मनोरंजन करती है। चुनाव में हुई धांधलियां, पक्षपात आदि विस्तार से वर्णित किए गए हैं। लेखिका के सेंस ऑफ ह्यूमर और लेखन क्षमता का मैं कायल हो गया हूं। धन्यवाद

आपके इस प्यारे रिव्यु के लिए बहुत बहुत आभार ...................मार्च महीने में मैं अपनी जीवनी पोस्ट करुँगी................आशा करती हूँ आप अवश्य पढ़ेंगे

 

[Sangeeta Maurya]

Poori kahani padhne ke baad jo meme mere dimaag mein sabse pahle aaya wo ye tha;

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Haasy-Vyngy arthaat Satire, ki is kahani se achhi paribhaasha nahin ho sakti thi! Har vykti ka apna nazariya hota hai or Sangeeta Maurya ne yahan apne alg nazariye ko bade hi mazakiye dhng se prstut kiya hai, fir chahe wo 'biased' ko pakshpaati likhna ho ya fir kisi vykti vishesh ka naam ho.

Kahani post karne ke baad Sangeeta Maurya :



Meanwhile, jinki ye kahani padh kar jal gai:

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Khair ab or mazaak nahin, thoda serious review de deta hun! Is contest mein adhiktar kahaniyaan love-relationship se judi hain jabki ye akeli ek kahani hai jo apne aap mein ek anuthi hai or sabse alg vishy par hai. Ab dekhna ye hai ki kya admins/mods/sumos is kahani ko prthm page par bnaaye INDEX mein shaamil karte hain ya nahin?! Kya ye kahani top 3 mein aa payegi? Ye jaanne ke liye jude rahein hmaare saath.

P.S. Waise Sangeeta Maurya ji, yadi ye kahani nahin jeeti to agle saal isi ko le kar ek or kahani likh dena!

Ant mein main bas yahi kahna chahunga: 'Jiyo Sangeeta Maurya ji, jo aapne haasy-vyngy or ktaaksh ka sahaara le kar aisi anokhi kahani likhi! All bow the MEME and Satire Writer Queen Sangeeta Maurya ji!

आप ही की शिष्या हूँ......................आपको धन्यवाद देती हूँ जो अपने समय निकाल कर मेरी कहानी में ग्राम्मर और गलतियां सुधारीं.........................ये कांटेस्ट जीतने की भूख मुझ में नहीं है......................बस सभी का मनोरंजन करना चाहती थी......................कुछ का मनोरंजन हुआ कुछ की जल गई..................लेकिन मज़ा बहुत आ रहा है...................अब पता चला की आप क्यों हमारी कहानी लिखते हो

 

[Sangeeta Maurya]

व्यंग थी या थी भड़ास या थी टींस जो पल पल खसोटती रहीं। जो भी था इसे व्यंग का नाम देना माने सच्चाई को गहरे खड्डे में धकेल देना होगा। राजनीति चाहें आपके एक्सफ्राउम पुर की हों यहां फिर बाहरी दुनिया की बडा ही बेगैरत हों गया हैं। कुछ राजनीति के जरिए
आपनी कबीलत चमकने आते हैं तो कुछ ढोंगी गधे च्यवनप्राश खाने आते हैं। ये ढोंगी गधे इतने लालची होते हैं। उन्हें सहीगलत से फर्क न पड़ता बस अपना सिक्का चलाना चाहिए बाकी जनता गई तेल लेने। एक कहावत हैं जो आपके व्यंग के एक्सफ्रूम पुर पर साठीक बैठता हैं। हाय रे गधा जीवन भार चीनी धोता गया कभी चखकर देखा मीठा हैं की खट्टा।

ये कहां बिल्कुल सही होगा की आपके व्यंग के एक्सफ्रूम पुर के कुछ काबिल लोग छीनी चखने गए थे लेकिन हुआ किया। परदे के पीछे चाल रही धांधली के शिकार हों गया। आपके व्यंग की xfroum पूर के चुनाव में हुबाहूं वैसा ही धांधली हुआ जैसे पुराने जमाने में प्रतिद्वंदी को हरने के लिय कुछ नासपीटे घात लगाए बैठें रहते थे कब गाड़ी गुजरे और पेटी में हेर फेर कर दे। ताकि उनका चहेता जीत जाएं। गधा बैठे बैठें च्यवनप्राश खाएं और घोड़ा सिर्फ च्यवनप्राश ढोने का काम करे।

आपकी रचना बहुत कबीले तारीफ हैं ऐसी रचना पेश कराने के लिए जिगरा चाहिएं। आपके जिगर में दम हैं Sangeeta Maurya जी
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आपके इस प्यारे रिव्यु के लिए बहुत बहुत आभार................................आपकी तरह बहुत कम लोग हैं जो सोचते हैं और इस हिम्मत की कदर करते हैं.................बातें सुनाने सब आते हैं..........अपने आप को जस्टिफाई करने सब आते हैं...............तारीफ करने वाले बहुत कम होते हैं................. आभार

 

[Sigma Geralt]

आपके इस प्यारे रिव्यु के लिए बहुत बहुत आभार ...................मार्च महीने में मैं अपनी जीवनी पोस्ट करुँगी................आशा करती हूँ आप अवश्य पढ़ेंगे

Zaroor, intezar rahega

 

[SultanTipu40]

Yehhh huii naa kuchhh baaattt. Jabardastttt Storyyy thiii bhaiii. Mazaaa aagaya padhkee.

Aarti ne apni maa ki ki hui galti ko uske saamne ussi tarah laaya jiss tarah uski maa naa kiya thaa.

Radhika ki ek galti ne pure haste khelte parivaar ko khatam kardiyaa aur 1 bachhe se uska bachpan chinn liyaa. Aur Radhika ko uss baat ka aihsaas tab hua jab wahi chiz uski beti ne ki par tab tak bahot derr hochuki thi.

Kahani bahott hi jabardasttt thiii. Pichlii wali se bahottt achhii. Mazaa agayaa padhkee.

Thanks bhai

main khush huin bhai is bar aap ko ye story achha laga

 

[Jaguaar]

Stori Name- Bete aur maa ka valantine day

Spoiler: Bete aur maa ka valentine day

Mere bhaiyo aur meri pyari bahno aur auntyion ye meri jubani kahani hai ise aap support kre
Mere family me main mummy paapa aur ek choti bahan thi bahan college m padhti thi aur wahi ke hostel me rhti thi aur paapa kaam ke silsile me mumbai gye the (family m sab frank hai ek dusre se)
Main apni girlfriend ke sath bahut khush tha aur wo bhi hamari reletion ache se chal rhi thi

December ka mahina tha aur ham bahut khush the aur college m exam bhi suru hone waala tha aur ham padhai krna suru kr diye the exam k liye mujhe subject kuch kam samjh m aata tha aur m padhne m kamjor tha aur meri gf padhna chahti thi usko koi aisa ladka chahiye tha jo uski padhai main madad kar sake aur college ke sab log meri gf ke diwaane the usme se ek ladke ne meri gf se baat kiya ki ager saath padegi to pass ho jaayegi uske liye meri gf ne mujhse pucha
Gf- yaar mujhe pass hona hai aur rohit bola h ki wo mujhe padha dega
Main-thik h lekin bas padhai krna padhai krke sidha mere pass aana (mujhe pata h saala kitna bada harami h lekin isko padhna h to kuch kr bhi nhi sakta)
Uske baad rohit meri gf ko padhane laga aur padhne k baad m apni gf se raat bhar baate krta
Aur dhire dhire 7 februry bhi aa gya to maine apni gf ko rose diya aur mere se pahle rohit use rose de chuka tha

Kiss day ke din
Main-babu aaj padhne ko rahne do chalo aaj kahi ghumne chalte hai
Gf-nhi aaj rohit kuch important padhane waala h bola h aaj pakka aana hai m jaaungi padhne
Main-thik hai jaao aur wo chali gyi mujhe laga chalo koi baat nhi padhai ki baat hai
Rohit-aa gyi aaj to kiss day hai celebrate nhi krogi apne bf ke saath
Gf-nhi rohit padhai jaruri hai (ye kya ye mujhe aise kyo ghoor kr dekh raha)
Phir dono padhai krne lge meri gf aise jhuk kr padh rhi thi rohit ki nazar uske chuchi pr lagatar thi
Rohit-yaar tum bahut khoobsurat ho mann kr rha hai kiss kr lu
Gf-acha aur kya kya mann kr rha
Rohit-ager tum mere dost ki gf naa hoti to ab tak sab kr chuka hota acha 14 feb ko important question krwaunga miss mt krna aa jaana
Gf-thik hai
14 February ko-
Main-babu aaj valentine day h chalogi kahi
Gf - nhi babu important question hai jaana padega nhi to fail ho jaaungi
Main-thik hai phir m ghar jaa raha hu mujhe maa ki yaad aa rhi hai tum padho rohit ke saath
Gf-babu baad m kr lenge na abhi padhna hai
Main- thik hai yaar jaao padho main ghar jaa rha hu
(phir m waha se nikal gya aur maa ko call lagaya)
Main-maa mujhe apki bahut yaad aa rhi hai ghar aa raha hu aur apna lund chaddi se bahar nikal liya

Maa - thik hai beta aa jaao
Main train pakda aur ghar aa gya maa ko dekha to mann vasna se bhar gya lekin maa ke saath kahi aisa krna galat to nhi hoga kya sochegi
Main maa ke gale lag gya maa aap kaise ho kaash aap hamesha mere saath hoti
Maa-to le chal naa jaha jaata h aur bata teri gf kaisi hai uska kya haal hai
Main-maa wo padh rhi hai is samay mujh pr dhyaan nhi deti isliye to apke pass chala aaya
Maa-aur kaisi rhi teri valentine day
Main-maa wo sab baat na kro kuch nhi huaa sab bakwaas hai
Maa-kyo beta kya huaa
Main-kuch nhi huaa hamare beech ab to aap hi sab kuch ho meri gf bhi maa bhi bolo
Maa-pagal ho kya maa gf kaise ho sakti hai tere papa ko pata chala to Acha nhi hoga beta
Main-papa ko kaun batayega aap to bataogi nhi aur main to aisa kabhi krunga hi nhi phir kaun batayega
Maa-ohhh naughty thik hai jaa phir market
Main-kyo
Maa-are pagal condom to le aa
Main-maa aap bhi naa maa ke saath condom hamara rishta bina condom ka hai
Maa-naugty beta ander mt daalna pr
Main-ohhh maa aap bhi naa itna to pta h mujhe
Khana jaldi bana lo phir aur shrma kyo rhi ho ab bahar jaana nhi hai room lock kro aur khana banao jaldi bhukh lgi hai aur aaj sone nhi dunga apko
Maa-shram dhire dhire chali jaayegi tum naha lo tab tak
Main-thik h maa aap bhi dress nikal lo nhi to m nikalunga to faad dunga
(main bathroom m gya)
Main bathroom m nahane laga nanga hoke aur apna visaalkay lund maa ko Soch kr sahla raha aur imagine kr rha ki kaise chodunga maa ko aaj

Main naha kr nanga hi bahar aaya aur waise hi kamre m ghumne laga towel lene ke liye kitchen m gya to ander ka nazara dekh mera lund salami krne laga ander mummy puri nangi thi

main lund pr haath rakha aur valantine day ke baare m sochne laga main dhire se nange hi kitchen m gya aur maa ko piche se pakad liya aur mera lund maa ki gaand ke darar m jagah bana ke chipak gya
(maa ko lund mahsoos huaa)
Maa-aa gye beta chalo bahar baitho m khana leke aa rhi table pr
Main-(lund ek dam tight h chut ka hole mil jaata to ghusa deta) nhi maa bana lo saath m hi chalenge tab tak m apki kuch sewa kr deta hu maa wo sarso ka tel de do mujhe
Maa-sarso ka tel kya krega (acha samjh gyi naha ke aaya h lagayega)
Main-maa apko bhi lga doo tel
Maa-beta m nahayi nhi hu
Main-are baad m naha lena kal aaj apko ander bahar tel lga ke chikna kr doo
(m tel liya aur apne jaangh se leke pet tak tel lagaya aur maa ko bhi ggaand se leke jaangh tak tel lagaya aur phir haath m tel gira k maa ke chut m lagaya aur lund ka topa chut pr rakh kr ragdne laga tel ache se lag gya aur dhire se lund chut m sarka diya)

Maa-ahhhhh beta khana to bana lene do,
Main-Aap khana banati ho maa main Apna kam kar raha hu
( aur mein maa ko chodne lga Mera land maa ki chut main andar bahar Hone Laga 5 minut bad khana bhi ban Aur Main apna lund chut se bahar nikalkar Bahar table per Chala Gaya)
(tabhi paapa ka phone aaya meri mobile pr)
Main-hello papa kaise ho
Paapa-theek hu Tum batao kaise ho aur kya kar rahe ho
Main-(lund sahlate huye) theek hun paapa Ghar per aaya hu mummy se baat karoge kya

Paapa-han beta mummy ko di Aur bata Teri Valentine Day kaisi rahi
Main-mast Rahi papa aur abhi bhi mast hi jaa rahi hai
( Mein mobile Leke kitchen Mein Maa ki pass gya maa lo Papa ka phone aaya aur chut haath Se ragad Diya)

Maa- hello han ji kaise hain aap beta Ghar per Aaya Hai Usi Usi ke liye khana banaa rahi hun
Paapa- han theek hai acche se bete Ki Seva karo
( main Maa Ke Piche Apna land Sahla raha tha aur Soch raha tha ki Maa Ko Bata Doon ki abhi tak Main Valentine Day Nahin manaya hu lekin Fir sochne laga ki pahle Maa Ki Sath mana Leta Hun isse pahle Ki Main Apna land Maa Ki chut main ghusata phone cut Gaya aur maa Sab khana Lekar Bahar hall Mein table per aai main table pr nange hi baith gya chair hi ek thi
Maa-main kaha baithu ab Acha ruk m room se chair leke aati hu
Main- chair Lene kya jaaogi Ek hi chair par baith kar kha lete hain na khana hi to khana hai
(apna lund sahlate huye maa meri jaangh pr aker baith gyi ham khana khane lge main chut beech beech m sahla deta roti maa door rakh di thi)
Maa- Ohh Roti to main us bagal rakh di
Main- jhuk Kar utha lo table pr
(jaise hi maa uthi main thoda relax feel Kiya aur lund full tight tha) baith jaao maa ab
(jaise hi maa baithe Ko huyi main Apna lund chut ke side khada krke Halka Sa uth Gaya taaki jab maa baithe to apne hisaab se adjust krke turant chut m ghusa du main Kamar Pakad Ke Baithane Laga jab lund chut pr set Ho Gaya aur maa ko pata bhi nahin chala main jhatke se Baithaya aur lund pura chut m chirta huaa chala
Gya)

Maa-ohhhh ahhh kutte kamine harami ahhhh ahhhh nikal pura ek hi baar m ahhhh
Main- bus maa ruk jao thoda time Dard kam ho jaega ( aur mein Maa Ko Uthane nahin diya) ahhhh maa maza aa gya khana kha chuki na chalo ab bedroom Mein Chalte Hain
Maa- apna lund Bahar nikalega tab to chalungi na (uthne lgi)
Main- (uthane nhi diya) Tumko uthne ki kya jarurat hai main uthunga Tum Khud chal chalogi

( waise hi lund chut m ghusa ke m God Mein Utha liya aur Lekar bedroom Mein chala aaya

aur bed par sulah kar Ek Aisa Dhakka Mara ki Pura Sarir hil Gaya
(Aur main aur maa chudai m lean ho gye)

Main maa ko har pose m angle m palat palat kr chodne lga aur maa bhi maze lene lagi

ek ghante ki chudai ke baad m maa ko vaise hi bete per chodkar kitchen Mein Gaya aur vahan se Sarso ka tel Lekar aaya aur maa ki acchi Tarah Se Malish ki aur uske baad m chut ko apne Munh mein liya aur chusne Laga chut pura full kr tight ho gyi thi

Uske bad Ham 69 position Mein Aaye aur maa to mera lund Aise chus rahi thi Mano abhi pura kha Jayegi aur Piche se main bhi chut ko chat chat chat kr laal kr diya

FIR main maa ko Apne Upar Se bed per palat diya aur apna lund uske muhh m daal kr muhhh ko chodne lga ahhh

Kuchh Samay ke bad Maa ki Sas rukne Lagi to wo Mujhe dhakka deker dhakel di aur Is baar maa Achanak Mere hoth per hoth rakhkar chumne Lagi mein bhi maa ke chuche jor jor se dabane lga Uske bad mein bhi Maa Ko Dhakka dekar bagal main kar diya aur turant jakar maa ke chuchi ko Muh mein liya aur nippal pakad kar Peene Laga

5 minut ke baad main bed se Utar Kar niche khada ho gaya aur maa bed pe hi thi
Main- (lund sahlate huye) aa chus ise ab ye teri chut m jaane ke liye taiyaar hai
Maa- aayi aur haath m leke muhh m daal li ahhh ahhh ummmm chus chus kr kha jaaungi ahhhh

Main- Aaj Teri Aisi Halat Karunga na ki Subah tak uth Nahin payegi (is baar mera iraada gaand faadne ka tha tel se surakh dhila ho gya hoga main soch liya tha gaand kaise maarna h Kyunki Kahane se to Marne Nahin Degi)
Chal kutiya ban jaa aur taang faila le pura
Maa- Kutiya kyon aise hi Mar Le Na
Main- Nahin Kutiya banne se chut khul kar Bahar Aati Hai aur Marne mein bahut maja aata hai is pose mein
Maa-thik hai
( aur maa kutiya ban gyi main apna lund chut pr rakha aur ek hi jhatke m ander m pura Bahar nikalta aur pura ek hi bar Mein ander ghusa deta

10 minute Tak marne ke bad Sarson ka tel gand ke hole pr gira ke pura bhar diya aur ungli gaand ki hole m ghusane lga halka halka)
Maa-ahhhh beta waha kuch mt kro dard hota h waha
Main- haa maa bas malish kr rha hu ( main samajh gaya ki ye kam aasani se nahin hone wala hai iske liye Mujhe turant gand ke hole pr lund rakhkar turant ek hi bar Mein andar Ghusana Hoga Bina Pata Chale Mera land chut mein andar bahar ho raha tha Aur Main yah Soch raha tha ki Agar Ek Hi Baar Mein Mera land chut ke andar Nahin Gaya to kya hoga main Maa ke donon chucho ko Hath se Pakda aur chut chodne Laga aur Apna land bahar nikal kar Jaise hi gand ke aur per Rakha Maa Mujhe RokNa chahi lekin mein ek hi short Mein pura land gand ke andar ghusa Diya land gaand ko chirta Hua pura andar jakar Sama Gaya aur maa bed pr gir gyi lekin aur m bhi maa ke uper gir gya lekin lund gaand m jad tak ghus chuka tha)

Maa- ahhh ahhhh kamine haramzade kam se kam itna to Soch Ki Main Teri Maa hu chut hi Marne de rahi thi to chut hi Mar Leta na nikal Bahar Apna land bahut Tej dard ho raha hai Main Mar jaaungi nikal ab Tujhe Nahin karne Dungi
( FIR maa Bura man gai aur Land gand se bahar nikal kar mujhe datne Lagi aur kahne Lagi ki bus ab Nahin karne Dungi Tujhe Ja So Ja)
Main- sorry man lekin Ab To gand ka hole khul chuka hai ab chod LeNe do na Jitna Dard Hona Tha ho chuka hai Gand ka hole khulne Mein Hi bus Dard Hota Hai please Maa Kuchh Nahin Hoga ab bus ab maja aaega Man Jao Na Maa
Maa- pagal Gand Mein dalna Tha To Bata Ke dalta Na Bina Bataye Kyon Dala Bata ke dalta to main koshis karvati tere se mujhe bhi marwani thi gand kitni baar Tere papa se boli thi marne ke liye lekin vo Nahin Mare bolate Hain Ki Kabhi aur marunga Jab time milega tab
( Maa ka itna Kahana Mere Liye Kafi tha main pass aker boobs per Hath Rakha aur hoth par hoth Rakh kar chusne Laga)

Main- maa ab bolo Khush hona
Maa- haa
Main-to maa faad du gaand mera lund tumhari gaand fadne k liye taiyar hai
Maa- (kuch sochte huye) theek hai beta lekin a Raha karna
Main-to ban jaao kutiya aur tang faila lo pura tang faila logi to adhi gaand khud khul jaayegi
( Uske bad Mein Apna lund sahlaya aur pair Halka Sa aur chauda Kiya aur gaand Ke hole pr lund rakhkar lund ka topa gand m ghusa diya maa halka si chikhi aur m halka sa jor lagya thoda lund bhi ander chala gya)
Maa- ahhh Beta bahut dard ho rha hai
Main- thoda time aur basdast kar Lo Uske bad to maja ki maja Aane Wala Hai
( aur mein ek hi short Mein pura ka pura land gaand main ghusa Diya)
Maa-ahhh ahhh ahhh umaaa mar gyi madherchod fat gyi gand ahhh ahhh
Main- bus aap aram ho jaega Kuchh Samay Baad
(phir main Apna land Halka Sa ander bahar karna Shuru kar diya Maa Ko Halka Dard Hone Laga Kuchh Samay bad maa bhi dhakka dene Lagi

main samajh gaya ki Maa Ko maja a raha hai aur yahi samay tha ki main Ma Ko Bata deta ki mera Valentine de aaj man raha hai)
maa main aapko ek baat batana chahta hun
Maa-haa bata
Main- Mera Valentine de aaj mang raha hai
Maa-ahhhh acche se mana beta Apna Valentine De kharab mat kar
Main-bas maa main yhi chahta tha aur m subah ke 4 bje tak maa ki gaand aur chut har angle m palat palat kr choda

aur uske baad m 5 din tak lagatar maa ko choda

(uske baad dophar m paapa ka call aaya ki wo ghar aa rahe hai)
Maa-beta tere paapa ghar aa rhe hai ab ham chudai nhi kr sakte samjh raha h naa tu
Main-haa m mujhe bhi call aaya wapas college jaana hoga lekin m next month aaunga aur pakka chodunga
Maa-thik hai beta jaao jab aaoge to m tumhe aise hi milungi jaisa chor kr jaa rhe ho


Bahan, bhai, mom sab comment krke bataye ki kaisi rhi stori apka apna beta bhai satyam apka support hi apka pyar hai
Thank you

Jyaada kuch nhii kahungaa. Kyoki kuch kehne ko hai hi nhii. Isliye bas Nice Story

 

[Jaguaar]

Waqt Ki Sui....



Location Mumbai...


Ek 24 saal ka ladka mumbai ki bhaag daur mai shorgul se door marine drive par apne kadam rakhe hue hai... Samundar ki uthati chadhti lehron ko dekh kinhi khyaalon me khoya hua hai... Sakhat chehra aankhon mai aansu uske dukh ko byaan kar rahe hai... Haalat bhi uski kuch teek nahi lag rahi shayad kuch din se usne kuch khaya bhi na ho....Yehi hai humara hero chaliye iski kahani iski jubaani sunte hai...

Hii doston mera naam Raj hai... Aur mai aaj aap sabke saamne iss sthiti mai kaise pahucha yeh janne ke liye aapko mere shahar le chalta hoon...



Location Unknown...



Pappaa.. Pappaa.. Dekho bhaiya ki photo aayi hai akhbaar mai.... ( behan TEENA)

Are waah kya baat hai... Are sunti ho dekho aapne Raj ka photo akhbaar mai aaya hai... ( mere papa AKHILESH )

Kya hai kyun subha subha chilla rahe ho... Aaya hoga kisi Rape/Murder ke case mai uss gunde aur umeed hi kya ki jaa sakti hai... ( URMILA meri mother )

Jubaan ko lagaam do Urmila... Subha subha mai nahi chahta koi tamasha ho... Bhoolo mat woh iss ghar ka eklota beta hai... Akhilesh

Bhool aap rahe hain meri sirf ek beti hai... Uss jaise gunde ko aapne beta man rakha hai jiske maa baap tak ka pata nahi kiske gande khoon ki paidaish ho.... Or aap bhoolo nahi iss ghar ka kharch mai uthati hoon toh mujhse oochi aawaaz mai baat karne ka sochna bhi nahi... Urmila

Jaha ek taraf urmila ke kadwe bol sun kar Teena ko dukh hua wohi Akhilesh bhi apni aankhon ko nam hone se nahi rok paaye the... Wahi mai deewaar se sat kar sab kuch sun raha tha dukh bhut hua yeh sunkar lekin main kar bhi kya sakta hoon...

3 saal ka tha jab mere Mata Pita ka ek Accident mai dehant ho gaya tha... Uss waqt car me mujhe meri maa ne kaskar apne aanchal mai chupa liya jiski wajah se mai zinda bach gya... Lekin kiss keemat par mere maa baap ki... Khair uske baad mai anathalay gaya jaha mujhe Akhilesh papa ne goad liya qyunki unki koi santaan nahi thi...

Shuruaat mai Urmila maa ne bhi mujhe bhut pyar diya lekin ek saal baad hi unhone meri choti behan ko janm diya... Jisse mai bhut khush tha par mujhse jayada papa jo mujhe iss khushi ka jimmedaar maante...

Samay raftaar se chala.... Waqt ek baar fir badal gaya Mai har cheez mai hoshiyaar tha padhai se lekar khel kud tak wahi Teena thodi kamjor thi jiske mushkil se passing mark aate the... Jiske chalte papa usko kabhi kabhi daant dete the aur mujhse seekhne ka kehte... Teena roti hui apne kamre mai chali jati waha mai use manata aur apne sath khelkud mai laga leta...

Wahi Urmila maa ko yeh baat jara bhi pasand nahi aati thi... Aakhir unki beti ko koi compair kare kiss maa ko yeh accha lagta... Dheere dheere unka bartaav mere liye badalne laga... Aur kuch hi saalon mai unka gussa iss had badh gya jo aage chal nafrat mai badal gaya... Kabhi woh papa ke gair maujoodgi mujhe maara karti mai bhut roya krta puchta rehta meri galti kya hai... Jiska woh ek hi jawaab deti.. "Tujhe iss ghar mai lana hi humari galti hai".. Pit pit kar mai behosh ho jata magar woh unka gussa shant hone tak mujhe maarti...

Shuruaat me mujhe bhut dard hota dheere dheere mujhe unki maar ki aadat hoti gai... Ek din jab woh mujhe belt se maar rahi thi toh papa ne unhein dekh liya aur meri halat dekh unka gaal laal kar diya... Jisse unhein koi fark na pada aur unhone papa ka muh yeh bol kar band diya ki "iss ghar ki maalkin mai hoon mere paison se yeh ghar chal raha hai agar tumhe jayada dikkat hai toh isse lekar jaa sakte ho" Jispar woh aansun bahane ki sivaay kuch na kar pate aur waha se nikal apne room me chale gaye... Qyunki shadi ke 1 saal badh hi unka ek hath paralyzed ho gya tha jisse unki naukri chali gai.. Lekin Urmila maa ne ghar ki jimmedaari apne kandhon par le li...

Mujhe mere maa baap ki bhut yaad aati shayad woh iss duniya mai hote toh meri haalat aisi na hoti... Unki dhundli yaadon ke siwaye mere pass bas ek locket tha jo meri maa ne mujhe pehnaya tha.. Jo ki guitar ke shape me tha... Meri maa playback singer thi aur mujhe bhi woh singer banana chahti thi shayad...

Mujhe kabhi kabhi ghar par khana bhi nahi diya jata tha aise hi ek din mai school mai behosh ho gaya kamjori ki wajah se toh meri Teacher ne ghar par phone kiya..phone maa ne uthaya aur kaam ka bahana kar mana kar diya.. Teacher ko bhut bura laga koi maa kaise aisa kar sakti hain akhir woh bhi ek maa thi aur class mai bhi mai padhne mai aage tha toh woh mujhe hospital le gayi... Waha doctor ne bataya kuch na khane ki wajah se kamjori ke karan mai behosh hua jise sun unki aanken nam ho gai Aur mujhe gale laga li kuch der mai unhone mujhse karan puchha toh maine sab bata diya yeh bhi ki mujhe pata nahi kyun yeh sab sehna pad raha hai... Magar shayad woh kuch had tak samjh gayi thi aur mujhe apne sath apne ghar le gayi...

Mujhe khana khilaya pehle toh maine mana kiya but bhookh bhi lagi thi toh kha liya... Baton baton me maine unhone sab kuch bata diya mere purane maa baap se lekar maar tak... Woh ek tak sunti rahi boli kuch nahi.. Pet bhar jane par me apne ghar chal diya unhone mujhse wada liya jab bhi mujhe bhookh lage bata dena maine bhi haan mai sir hila diya..

Samay fir beeta meri Teacher se aachi banne lagi... Kuch samay baad unhone mujhe waha ke jaane maane ustaad """"""""" """"' Ke yaha gana seekhne ke liye admission karwa diya jiski fees bhi unhone di... Mai unko bhut mana kiya magar unhone mujhe apni kasam de kar rok diya...

Waqt ki sui ek baar fir ghoomi ab mai apne bach mai sabse aacha singer ban gaya Ustaad bhi mujhe bhut maante the... Meri awaaj mai ek dard tha jo unhone mehsoos kiya aur mujhe ashirwaad diya mai ek din bada singer banunga... Ab mai bacchon ko bhi class dene laga jisse meri thodi bhut earning bhi ho jati thi... Aise hi ek din ustaad ne mujhe kaha **""" **""" Ki selection iss baar humare saher me ho rahi hai... Agar mai woh jeet gya toh mujhe Mumbai jaakar Ek bada singer banne se koi nahi rok sakta tha....

Akhbaar mai jo khabar thi woh mere ******* ***** jeetne ki thi... Kuch din baad mai sabka aashirvaad le Mumbai sapnon ke saher aa gaya... Jaha mujhe kismat ne ek baar fir de patka meri ID mera beg samaan sabkuch station par hi chori ho gaya... Ab mere paas ghar jaane ke bhi paise nahi bache the jaise taise kar mai puch puch kar ****** ****** ke office pahuncha toh unhone bhi mujhe pehchanne se bhi mana kar Qyunki iss waqt mai kisi bikhri se kam nahi lag raha tha unke bole gaye aakhiri sabdh mere kano mai goonj rahe thi... " Bhikhari kahi ka jane kaha kaha se aa jaate hai jinke maa baap tak ka pata nahi kon hai. Iske jaise ko chance diya toh company band karni padegi"

Mai roya khoob roya magar kuch samay baad shaant ho kar waha se chal pada kaha jaun pta nahi tha subh se kuch khaya bhi nahi bhookh bhi lag rahi thi chalte chalte raat ho gai aur mai pass ki hi ek bench par so gaya..... Aise hi teen din beet gye...


Present Time...


Mai samundar ko dekh raha hoon... Lehron mai mujhe meri poori zindagi kisi flashback ki tarah dikhai de rahi hai... Main jab sochta hoon ab sab theek ho jayega waqt ki sui ek baar fir ghoom jaati aakhir kyun? Kya galti hai meri... Aisi zindagi kyun di mujhe jiska koi maksad nahi kiske liye jeeu yehi soch maine apne kadam samundar ki taraf bada liye aur badhta chala.. Paani dheere dheere mere kamar se upar jaane laga tabhi ek hath mere kandhe par aaya....

Beta itni Raat ko yaha kya kar rahe ho? Pata nahi raat mai paani mai jana mana hai... Waise kon ho tum dekhne se yaha ke nahi lagte... (Unknown)

Unke muh se beta sun pata nahi mujhe kya hua mai bilakh bilakh kar ro pada... Jisse woh thode gabra gye aur mujhe kheench paani se bahar le aaye... Woh mujhe tarah tarah ke sawaal puchte rahe magar mai rota raha aur behosh ho gye... Woh jaldi se apni gadi mai gye aur paani ki bottle le mere muh par daal mujhe hosh mai laaye...

Hosh mai aate hi mujhe sab yaad aaya jo bhi hua... Ek nazar Uncle ko dekha toh unke chehre par sawaal the... Mai waha se nikalna chahta magar unhone mujhe nahi jane diya aur mujhse yaha hone ki wajah puchne lage... Mai batana nahi chahta magar zindagi dene waale ko jhooth bhi nahi bol sakta tha toh maine unhe start se lekar End tak Jo bhi mere sath hua sab unhein bata diya... Jise sun woh bhut bhavuk ho gaye aur kas kar mujhe gale laga liya... Fir kuch der baad alag hokar...

Shayad upar waale ne isliye mujhe aaj tak baap nahi banaya tha.. Chalo beta ghar chalte hain.. (Unknown)

Maine unko bhut mana kiya lekin unhone meri ek na suni...


After 3 months...


Aaj hum ******* ***** ji ke ghar ke bahar mojood hain... Jinke bete ki aaj album release hone waali hai waise yeh ladka kon hai kaha se aaya kuch pata nahi... Suna jata ki ****** **** ji ne isse goad liya chaliye dekhte hai aakhir yeh hai kon...


Raaaj jii... Raaaj jii... Chaliye abhi toh humari baat ho nahi payi... Ab hum sedha premier par milenge tab tak ke liye sining off...


Sometimes days later....


Mummy mummy dekho bhaiya T.V. par aa rahe hai.... (Teena)

Urmila maa hairaan ho T.V. ko dekh rahi jaha iss waqt mera gaana chal raha... Unke bagal mai mere papa bhi mojood the jinki aankhe nam ho gai thi... Wohi maa ka muh jaise khula ka khula reh gaya tha unko vishwas nahi ho raha tha ki yeh mai hoon...

Qismat badaldi vekhi main
Ehhe jag badalda vekheya

Main badalde vekhe apne
Main Rabb badalda vekheya

Sab kujh badal gaya mera
Sab kujh badal gaya mera

Chal jar hi javangi

Ve je hun tu vi badal gaya
Main te…

Ve je hun tu vi badal gaya
Main te mar hi javangi



Waqt ki sui mai kiske liye kya likha hai koi nahi jaanta...



The End...

Bahott hi achhi storyy thii bhaiii. Mazaa aagaya padhhh kee. Yaha bhi wohi dikhaya jo real mein hota hai. Sauteli maaye kisi ki sagi nhi hoti. Unke liye apna bachha hi sab hota hai. Aur agar woh sauteli maa hi ghar chalane wali ho tab toh uss bachhe ko bhagwan hi bachaye. Aur yaha bhi wahi hua.

Par yaha Akhilesh ji teena aur woh teacher ka character sach mein bahot achha laga.

Aur aapne ekbaat ekdum sahi kahi Waqt ki sui mein kyaa likha yeh koi jaanta sivaay bhagwaan ke.

Raj jaha apni jaan dene jaaraha tha tabhi uske dukh dard ko khatam karne ke liye woh anjaan insaan bhagwan banke uski zindagi mein aaya aur Raj ki zindagi palat gayi aur uski marhoom maa ka sapna sachh hogyaa.

Bahot hi achha story thi. Aisi hi ek aur jabardast story ka intezaar rahegaa.

 

[Nevil singh]

Purwa our geeta

Spoiler

Chalo ab tum dono dudh pikar so jaao koi badmashi nahi samjhe ek aurat apne beta raja our beti rani se kahti hai

dono thik hai mammy kahte hai our phir dono us aurat ko kiss kar dete hai jo aurat bhi dono ko kiss kar ke room se nikal jati hai

bhaiya mujhe abhi nind nahi aa rahi hai koi geet gaa kar sunao na rani apne bhai se kahti hai

mujhse koi geet weet nahi aata gudiya ayesa karte hai ham nani ke room main chalte hai nani hi hameh koi kahani sunayengi raja kahta hai

jo rani bhi maan jati hai our phir dono bhai bahan apni nanii ke room main chale jate hai

Jab dono apni nani ki room main jate hai to dekhte hai unki nani bhi abhi jaag rahi hai to dono apni nani ke upar kud padete hai haste hua

are bachhon abhi tak tum dono soye nahi kya baat hai unki nani kahti hai nani

abhi ham dono ko nind nahi aa rahi hai please koi kahani sunai na please nani please phir ham sone chale jayenge rani badi hi masumiyat se kahti hai

jo nani muskura padti hai

thik hai chalo sath main tum dono bhi let jaao aaj main tum dono ko ek kahani sunati huin nani kahti hai

ye kahani hai Ek ladki ki jiska naam tha purwa

Ek din tv par news chal rahi hoti hai ki teen aadmi ki kisi ne khun kar diya hai wah teen log gaaon ke rahne wale thakur the our wah log sahar main rahne lage the unke abhi sahar main aaye hua kuch hi din hua the magar kisi ne unka khun kar diya tha jo sahar main bahut hangama macha hua tha har news par bas unki hi bate chal rahi hoti hai our reporter log police ko iska zimmedar maan rahe the jo us khuni ko abhi tak pakad nahi pai thi

wahi police station main ek ladki aati hai our apne siniyar ke office main chali jati hai our slut karti hai

achha hua kiran tum jald hi aa gayi police wala kahta hai

kiran ye raha fail ... jo isme sari jankari hai pahle ek police wala kaam kar raha tha magar wah ab tak khuni ka koi pata nahi kar paya hai upar se bahut pareshan kar rahe hai bade adhikari log q ke marne wale thakur the our unke bahut upar tak pahunch bhi thi usne kuch dost log jald se jald khuni ko pakadne ke mang kar rahe hai is liye maine tumeh khas is khuni ka pata lagane ke liye hi yeha bolaya hai mujhe tum par pura yekin hai tum jald hi khuni ka pata laga logi .. police wala kahta hai

thank you sir main aap ko niras nahi karungi main jitna jald khuni ko pakadne ki koshish karungi kiran kahti hai our fail lekar chali jati hai

kiran ek achhi police wali thi ab tak kai khuni ko pakad chuki thi jo kiran kuch hi dino main apna bada mokam hasil kar chuki thi

20 din baad

raat ho rahi hoti hai our ek aurat apne bed par so rahi hoti hai magar us din us aurat ko nind hi nahi aa rahi hoti raat bhi us din bahut lambi ho gayi thi our wah aurat bed par sone ki kosis kar rahi thi magar use nind nahi aa rahi thi

wah aurat sahar ki sabse amir aadami ki biwi thi madhu Singh our us aurat ka pati ka naam tha Ranjit Singh jo us sahar ka sabse amir aadami tha uska karobar dur desh main bhi faila hua tha

our un dono ki ek pari jaisi beti thi jiska naam tha geeta

magar nani aap ne bola ye purwa ki kahani hai phir ye geeta kaun hai geeta naam to mammy ka bhi hai

abhi koi kuch nahi bolega chup hokar kahani suno phir main sab bata .. nani kahti hai t

o dono bachhe bhi haa main gardan hila dete hai

Wah aurat raat main thik se so nahi pati hai our subah ke 6 : AM hote hi wah aurat apne bed se uth kar abhi bathroom jane hi wali hoti hai ki uska phone bajne lagta hai to wah aurat jakar apna phone uthati hai

hello kaun bol raha hai aurat bina phone ka numbar dekhe hi kahti hai

hello mem main rameshwari hospital se bol raha huin kya aap ki beti ka naam geeta hai dusri tarf se ek aadami ki aawaz aati hai

apni beti ka naam sun kar aurat thodi ghabra jati our aurat usse bhi kahi jayada ghabra jati hai ki uski beti geeta hospital main kaise hai kya ho gaya hai meri beti ko aurat darte hua kahti hai

haa meri beti ka naam geeta hai kya hua hai meri beti ko aap ke pass meri beti ki phone kaise hai kaha hai meri beti aurat pareshan hote hua bolti

aap ki beti ki abhi elaaj chal raha hai aap hospital main aa jaiye udhar se aadami bolta hai

aurat ko badi hairani bhi hoti hai uski beti sahar main kaise hai wah to kal subah main hi apne dost ke sath dusre sahar gayi thi phir meri beti geeta itane subah subah sahar main kaise aai aurat sochte hua usi waqt apne kapde pahan kar ghar se nikal jati hai our raste main apne pati ko phone kar deti hai

jab aurat hospital main jati hai to dekhti hai hospital ke charon tarf police ka pahara laga hua hai our reporters ki bhid lagi hui hai wah aurat jaldi se hospital main jane hi wali hoti hai ki ek police wala aurat ko hospital ke bahar hi rok deta hai

mem aap andar nahi jaa sakti hai police wala kahta hai

Meri beti andar hai hato mere aage se aurat kah kar jane lagti hai ki pichhe se phir se wah police wala aurat ka hanth pakad leta hai jo aurat ko bahut gussa aata hai

our usi waqt aurat ghum kar ek tappad maar deti hai police wale ko jo tappad ki aawaz gunj jati hai aurat ka gussa dekh kar wah sabhi reporter bhi thode pichhe hat jate hai aurat se

teri to tune police wale par hanth kaise uthayi sali bol kar police wala aurat ko marne hi wala hota hai ke ek aawaz uski kaano main sunai deti hai

kosis bhi mat karna uneh marne ki pichhe se uske siniyar ki aawaz aata hai jo wah police wala sp hota hai ... aawaz sun kar hi police wala ruk jata hai

aurat us police wale ko gusse se dekhne lagti hai

bhabhi ji use manf kar dijiye abhi wah naya aaya hai aap ko janta nahi hai warna ayesi galti nahi karta sp kahta hai our aurat ko sath lekar hospital main chala jata hai to pata chalta hai abhi uski beti ki elaaj chal rahi hai our kaphi buri halat hai jo aurat sun kar bahut dukhi hoti hai our usse bhi kahi jayada aurat ko gussa bhi aata hai

q ki uski ek hi beti thi jise ek rajkumari ki tarh rakhti thi wah uski har khawahish jald puri kar deti thi magar wah aaj zindgi our maut ke bich lad rahi thi

meri beti ki ye halat kisne kiya hai main use jaan se mar dungi jiski bhi wajah se meri beti hospital main aai hai meri beti to dusre sahar gayi hui thi phir hotal main kaise pahunch gayi Zarur meri beti ka sath kuch bura hua hai ... Aurat roti hui kahti hai

kuch ghante bit jane ke baad i.c.o se Dr bahar nikalta hai

Dr ko dekh kar aurat Uske pass bhagati hai

Dr kaisi hai meri bachhi kya hua hai meri beti ko ... aurat roti hui kahti hai

dekhiye abhi aap ki beti thik hai magar kabhi khun bah jane se abhi wah behosh hai kab tak hosh aayega main bata nahi sakta huin ...Dr kahta hai

jab aurat sunti hai ki uski beti ka kaphi khun bah chuka hai our wah behosh hai to aurat ka sar chakra jata hai our wah aurat bhi wahi par gir jati hai

phir jaldi se aurat ko lekar room main chala jata hai Dr ke sath sp

kuch hi waqt main hospital ke bahar ek gadi akar rukti hai our usme ek aadami niklta aadmi ke gadi se nikalte hi sare midia wale gher lete hai magar jaldi se waha police wale aa jate hai jo sabhi ko waha se hata dete hai phir wah aadmi hospital main chala jata hai

meri beti ki ayesi halat kaise hui kisne mara hai meri beti ko kya wah pakada gaya hai main use apne hanthon se marunga bolo kaha hai wah pakada gaya hai to ... aadmi bahut gusse main kahta hai

Ranjit please abhi sant ho ja yaar wah abhi tak pakda nahi gaya hai main geeta beti ke bare main sun kar hi yeha aa gaya geeta beti bhi ab thik hai bas kuch waqt main hosh main aa jayegi ... Sp kahta hai

meri beti to apne dost ke sath dusre sahar main gayi thi phir meri beti yeha kaise aai yekinn koi kidneping kar ke lekar gaya hoga kaun hai mujhe pata chal jaye bas use kahi se bhi dhundh ke main apne hantho se marunga
... Ranjit Singh gusse main kahta hai

wahi har news par sirf our sirf geeta our us hotal main hui teen khun ke hi bare main bate ho rahi hoti hai our kuch news par geeta ko hi khuni bol rahe the to kuch news par geeta ki kidnapping ki baate kar rahe hote hai har news par sabhi apne apne banaye hua khayali baate kar rahe the magar kisi ko bhi hakikat main pata nahi tha akhir hua kya tha us hotal main our waha geeta kaise gayi thi q ke geeta subah hi apni maa se bol kar gayi thi wah apne dost ke sath dusre sahar ghumne jaa rahi hai phir geeta us hotal main kaise gayi our geeta ne khun kiya hai to wah phir itani buri halat main q hai bahut se sawal chal rahe the sabhi ke dimag main magar kisi ke pass bhi koi jawab nahi tha

hello kiran kaha par ho tum abhi tak aai q nahi police station ... Sp tension main kahta hai

sir main raste main hi huin bas kuch waqt main pahunchati huin udhar se kiran phone pe kahti hai

thik hai jitna jaldi ho aane ki koshish karo ... Sp kahta hai

Medam aap kaha rah gayi thi sir aap ka kab se intezar kar rahe hai Kiran jaise hi police station aati hai hawaldar bol padta hai kiran thik hai Bolte hua andar chali jati hai

kiran jaldi batao kya pata chala kisne mara hai un 3 aadmi our geeta ko mujhe bahut tension ho raha hai ... Sp kahta hai

sir sayad un teeno ko geeta urf purwa ne hi mari hai .... kiran kahti hai

kya bakwas kar rahi ho tum janti ho geeta singh kaun hai sahar ke sabse bade aadami Ranjit Singh ki beti hai our tum geeta ko purwa q bol rahi ho .... Sp thoda gusse main kahta hai q ke Ranjit Singh Sp ka bahut achha dost tha our dono bhai jaisa ek dusre ko mante the jo kiran uske dost ki beti ko katil bol rahi thi

sir main yeha aap ke bolane par hi aai huin us katil ko pakadne ke liye our main kab se is kes par kaam kar rahi huin par mujhe kuch nahi pata chal raha tha to maine phir se suru se start kiye ... to main sabse pahle us hotal main gayi jis hotal main teen logo ka khun hua tha mujhe us hotal main bahut hi ajib baat pata chali jo mujhe pareshan karne lagi .... kiran kahti hai

Kaun si baat pareshan karne lagi mujhe thik se batao .. Sp kahta hai

sir main us hotal ki cctv camera cheak kar rahi thi jo hotal ke har jagah ka cctv camera us din band pra hua tha jo bahut ajib bat thi tabhi meri nazar bahar ke cctv camera par gayi jo cctv camera thik hotal ke samne laga hua tha our maine us cctv camera ko nikal kar dekhne lagi mujhe itana to pata chal gaya tha koi to sabut Zarur mujhe milegi our jab main cctv footage dekh rahi thi tabhi mujhe ek ladki hital se niklti hui dikhi jo raat ke 2 :27 minat par hotal se nikal rahi thi us ladki ka chehra to nahi dikha magar jab maine usi waqt hotal ke manejar se us ladki ke bare main puchha to manejar bhi us ladki ke bare main kuch nahi bata paya q ki us ladki ki chehra nahi dikh rahi thi

maine usi waqt manejar se boli us din ki puri list cheak karo kaun raat main ruka tha our kaun subah main gaya our kaun rah gaya tha hotal main

koi 20 minat ke baad manejar ne ek ladki ke bare main bataya jo din ke 3 : PM ko hotal main aai thi our raat ko ruki bhi thi magar wah subah se sham tak hone ke baad bhi hotal se nahi nikli thi jo mujhe sakh hua kahi wah raat main jane wali ladki wahi to nahi is liye maine us ladki ki jankari mangi manejar se

manejar ne bataya ki uska naam purwa hai our wah rahne wali hai mangal pure ki our uske maa ka naam padma our baap ka naam raam singh main purwa ki photo lekar hotal se nikal gayi

main mangal pur gaon main jane hi wali thi ke mujhe aap ka phone aa gaya our aap bole mujhe geeta ki birthday party main aane ko main geeta ki birthday party main aai thi tabhi maine geeta ko dekhi jo geeta ki sakal bilkul purwa se milti thi mujhe to laga geeta hi purwa hai magar main yekin nahi kar payi q ki sakal to mil rahi thi magar baki sab alag thi geeta sahar ki ek amir baap ki beti thi wahi purwa gaaon ki rahne wali thi our dono ki maa baap ka naam bhi alag alag tha jo maine geeta par jayada dhayan nahi diya

main agle hi din mangal pur ke liye nikal gayi mujhe waha pata chala kai sall pahle hi purwa our uske maa baap our ek bahan mar chuki hai un sab ki maut kaise hui ye pata nahi chala

sir main to ek waqt ke liye khush ho gayi thi sun kar ki purwa ko main pakad lungi magar purwa ki maut ki khabar sun kar main bahut hi hairan our pareshan ho gayi thi

main sochne lagi jab purwa mar chuki hai to phir hotal main wah ladki kaun thi mujhe kuch samjh main nahi aa raha tha main phir se usi jagah pahunch gayi thi jaha se suru kiya tha

phir mujhe geeta ki yaad aai our main geeta par nazer rakhne lagi magar mujhe geeta

our aaj jab main hotal main gayi to pata chala aaj bhi hotal main purwa hi gayi thi geeta nahi jo mujhe rajister se pata chali hai our sir kal bhi us hotal ki cctv camera kharab thi magar aaj purwa urf geeta us room main jakhmi mili un do lasho ke pass jisse saaf pata chalta hai un dono ko geeta ne hi mara hai magar geeta ki ayesi halat kisne kiya pata nahi hai magar sir phir bhi bahut se sawal abhi adhura rah gaye hai

agar geeta un logon ko jaan se maar diya hai lekin q

our geeta apna id purwa naam se q istemal kar rahi hai

purwa our geeta ka kya rista hai

Ye sare sawal ka jawab geeta hi de sakti hai ya phir geeta ke maa baap .... Kiran kahti hai

kiran abhi ham geeta ko khuni nahi maan sakte hai mana ki geeta hotal main purwa naam se gayi thi magar geeta ne un sabhi ko mara hai koi sabut nahi hai hamhare pas our ham geeta ko pakad bhi lenge to geeta ye bol kar bach jayegi ki use kisi ne kidneping kiya hai pahle hameh geeta ke khilaf koi badi sabut chahiye jo sabit ho sake ki geeta hi un sabhi ka khun ki hai Sp kahta hai ... Sp ko abhi bhi kiran ke baat par puri tarah yekin nahi ho raha tha ye Sp yekin nahi karna chahata tha q ke geeta uske bhai jaise dost ki beti thi jo Sp bina koi thosh sabut ke bina kuch nahi karna chahata tha

sir mujhe phir geeta ki room ki talashi leni hogi sayad kuch ayesa mil jaye jo ham geeta ko khuni sabit kar sake our phir mujhe geeta ki maa baap se bhi baat karni hogi kya wah log kabhi mangal pur gaye hai agar wah log mangal pur gaye hai to yekinn geeta purwa ko janti hogi sayad geeta ke maa baap Ko bhi kuch pata ho ... Kiran kahti hai

chalo hospital main hi chalte hai geeta ko bhi hosh aaya gaya hai Sp kahta hai our dono hospital ke liye nikal jate hai

geeta hosh main aa chuki hoti hai geeta ki abhi bhi halat bahut kharab hoti hai jagah jagah se geeta ka jism kata hua hota hai our geeta ke sar bhi phata hua hota hai lekin geeta apni maa ke samne muskurane ki natak kar rahi hoti hai taki uski maa dukhi na ho

tabhi waha Sp our kiran chale jate hai

ab kaisi hai meri sherni beti .. Sp kahta hai

jo geeta muskura kar thik huin main sar hila deti hai

Sp geeta se phir puchhne lagta hai wah hotal main kaise gayi

geeta batati hai use wah apni dost nita ke sath dusre sahar gayi hui thi our ate hua uski gadi kharab ho gayi thi jo geeta our nita ne ek gadi wale se lift mangi jo gadi wale ne lift diya magar us gadi main kuch log pahle se baithe hua the hameh pyas lagi thi to gadi wale se pani mang kar ham dono ne piya ..pani pine ke baad meri aankhe band ho gayi our jab meri aankhen khuli to main hotal ke room main thi our us hotal ke room main 3 se 4 aadmi the our sharab pi rahe the tabhi mujhe apne jism par dard mahsus hui our maine apni jism ko dekhi to mujhe rona aa gaya meri jism kata hua tha meri jism se khun bah rahi thi our wah log has rahe the mujhe dekh kar q ki main us waqt sirf bra our penty main thi main bahut dar gayi thi main jaldi se room se bhagane lagi ke un gundon ne mujhe phir se pakad liya our mere sath jabardasti karne lage main phir bhi room se bhagane ki koshish kar rahi thi tabhi mujhe ek aadmi ne diwar se lada diya our meri aankhen band ho gayi phir kya hua mujhe kuch yaad nahi wah sabhi bahut darinde insan the jo meri jism ko is tarah kat kar has rahe the aunkal meri dost nita kaha hai ... geeta bata kar puchhti hai

geeta ki baat sun kar uski maa ke aankhon main aansu aa jate hai ki itane bura hua uski beti ke sath

wahi kiran geeta ko ajib nazar se dekh rahi thi jaise kiran ko geeta ki baat par yekin hi na hua

beti abhi tumhari dost nita ka pata nahi hai ham jald hi use dhundh lenge .... sp kahta hai

our phir Sp kiran ko sath lekar room se nikal padta hai

sir mujhe nahi lagata geeta jo bhi bata rahi hai wah sach hai q ke maine khud rajister dekhi thi jo purwa ke naam se geeta ne khud room book kiya hai phir wah log kaise lekar ja sakte hai geeta ne ye khud se kahani banai hai our geeta agar sach bol rahi hai to phir un logon ko kisne mara hai .. kiran kahti hai

ab to sachhai kya hai geeta ki dost nita hi bata sakti hai tum jaldi se nita ke ghar jaao our pata karo nita kaha hai agar geeta sach bol rahi hai to nita bhi abhi mosibat main hogi main nita ko achhi tarah se janta huin wah bahut achhi ladki hai wah hameh sachhai Zarur bata degi .... Sp kahta hai

tabhi hospital main ek ladki ko kuch log lekar bhagate hui aate hai jo bahut hi jayada jakhmi hoti hai wah ladki jaise hi Sp ke pass se gujrti hai Sp ka hanth pakad leti hai tabhi Sp ki nazar ladki pe padti hai

nita kya hua tumeh kisne kiya hai ayesi halat tumhari Sp kahta hai

aunkal geeta

nita bas itana hi bolti hai ki uski aankhen band ho jati hai

to jaldi se nita ko lekar i.c.o main bhagte hai our nita ka elaaj hone lagta hai nita ki halat dekh kar Sp ko bahut dukh hota hai

sayad geeta sahi bol rahi thi nita ke sath bhi kuch bura hua hai Sp kahta hai wahi phir

Sp geeta ki maa ko bhi bata deta hai kuch der main nita ke maa baap bhi aa jate hai

nita ko agale din hosh aata hai our phir nita sp ko wahi batati hai jo geeta ne bataya hota hai jo Sp ko geeta ki baat par yekin ho jata hai

idhar kiran ko kuch samjh main nahi aata hai wah kya kare q ke kiran ko pura yekin tha ke geeta ne hi khun kiya hai our geeta our purwa ek hi hai kiran khuni ka talash to kar rahi thi magar kiran geeta ki maa se har waqt milti rahti thi our geeta ke bare main har waqt kuch na kuch puchhti rahti thi

tabhi ek din geeta ki maa ne ayesi baat batai ki kiran ka sar hi chakra gaya

geeta ki maa ne kiran ko bataya ki geeta jab 10 sall ki thi tabhi geeta ka accident ho gaya tha our us hospital ke Dr ne geeta mar gayi hai ayesa bol diya tha main to bahut dukhi ho gayi thi our main apni beti ko pakad kar sirf roti hi jaa rahi thi phir meri tadap our aansu dekh kar bhagwan ko mujhpe tars aata gaya our meri geeta beti ne apni aankhe khol kar mujhe maa pukari us din mujhe phir se maa banne ki khushi mahsus hui thi

aunty geeta ka accident kaha par hui thi our geeta ka elaaj kis hospital main hui thi ... kiran ne puchha

geeta ki accident mere gaaon main hua tha mangal pur main our wahi ke hospital main geeta ka elaaj ho raha tha

mangal pur ka naam sun kar kiran ko purwa ki yaad aa jati hai our kiran ko yehi samay thik lagta hai purwa ke bare main bhi puchh lene ka

aunty us gaaon main mere ek aunkal rahate the sayad unka naam raam singh tha kya aap uneh janti thi ... Kiran kahti hai

kya baat kar rahi hai beti raam singh bhaiya ko kaun nahi janta hai us gaaon har bachha uneh janta tha magar afsos kisi kamine insan ne unke sath unki pure parivar ko maar diya wah din main kabhi nahi bholi sakti huin jab main apni geeta beti ke liye ro ro kar tadap rahi thi tabhi raam singh bhai hospital main aaye apni beti purwa ko lekar wah khud jakhmi the our unki beti purwa bhi bahut jakhmi thi uski sanshe ruk ruk kar chal rahi thi raam singh bhai to hospital main aane ke baad hi apna dam tod diya magar purwa ki shanshe chal rahi thi meri hi beti ke bagal wali bed par purwa ka elaaj hone laga tha magar purwa ki bahut khun bah chuki thi our hospital main khun nahi tha Dr sahar se khun lane ke liye apne sathi ko bheja magar khun aane ke pahle hi purwa ne bhi dam tod diya main hospital main dono bachhi ke liye bhag bhag kar ro rahi thi tabhi meri geeta ne mujhe maa pukari jo mujhe bahut bahut khushi hui magar raam singh bhai our purwa ke liye bahut dukh hua maine hi unke pure parivar ki antim sanskar kiya tha geeta ke papa ke sath

aunty kya geeta purwa ko janti thi kiran kahti hai

Nahi beti geeta our purwa ek dusre ko nahi janti thi q ke geeta jab badi tabhi hi main gaon main gayi thi kiran our kuch nahi puchhti hai our apne police station aa jati

Kiran ke dimag main bahut kuch chalne lagta hai our sochne lagti hai pahle geeta ki maut hona our phir purwa ka hospital main aana phir purwa ke marte hi geeta ka zinda hone geeta hotal main jati hai our purwa ki hi id istemal karti hai our us hotal main khun ho jata hai akhir geeta purwa ki id q istemal kar rahi our aunty ke batane se to pata chal raha hai geeta our purwa ek dusre ko janti bhi nahi hai

ye sab kiran ko bahut pareshan karne lagta hai kiran phir se us gaaon mangal pur main jati hai our kiran gaaon ke ek jayada agg wale aadmi ko dekhne lagti hai tabhi use ek aadmi dikhai deta hai jo apne ghar ke bahar nirash hokar baitha hota hai kiran bhi uske pass chali jati hai

aunkal thoda pani milega kya bahut pyas lagi hai kiran kahti hai

wah aadmi kiran ko dekhta hai phir ghar main aane ko bolta hai kiran bhi ghar main chali jati

kiran jab ghar main jati hai to har jagah dekhti hai wah ghar mati ka hota hai tabhi kiran ki nazar ek photo par padti hai jo us photo main 5 loog hota hai 2 ladkiyan our 1 aurat 1 aadmi our pass main baitha hua wah aadmi jiske ghar main kiran hoti hai abhi kiran photo ko dekh hi rahi hoti hai ki wah aadmi pani our chini kiran ko deta hai kiran bhi chini ke sath pani pi leti hai

aunkal wah photo bahut achhi hai kiski hai our aap niche q baithe hua hai kiran kahti hai

magar aadmi kuch nahi bolta hai to kiran jane lagti hai tabhi wah aadmi kiran ka hanth pakad leta hai to kiran ruk jati hai

main ek bhoj lekar kab se dho raha jo mujhe har waqt pareshan karta rahata hai main tumeh ek sachhai batana chahta huin mujhe pata hai tum wahi janna chahti ho maine tumeh us din bhi dekha tha pichhe hua magar maine tumeh nahi bataya magar mujhe kuch din bad hi pata chala wah sabhi bhi mar gaya hai to mujhe ab kisi ka dar nahi hai ye mere Malik raam singh our unki patni malti hai our wah dono ladki purwa our puja hai

mere malik bahut achhe aadmi the har kisi ki madad karte the gaaon main kisi ke sath bhi jayadti nahi hone dete the magar gaaon ke kuch loog the jo mere malik se jalte the q ke Malik ke wajah se gaaon ke log khushali jiwan jine lage the our sabhi malik ko bhagwan ki tarah manne lage the wahi kuch loog din ba din gussa hote hi jaa rahe the q ke unke pas jo gaaon ke logon ka khet girwi padi hui thi wah gaaon wale apne mehant se kama kar unke yeha se apne khet chhadwa rahe the is liye wah loog our paise jayada mangane lage jo gaaon wale Malik ko akar bata dete the our Malik phir jakar chhodwa lete the wah malik ke samne to kuch nahi kahte the magar wah gusse ka ghut pikar rah jate the

Ek raat main jab malik ke haveli jaa raha tha tabhi mujhe malik bhagte hua dikhai diya main unke pichhe jane ko hua ke tabhi dekha haveli se wah thakur log bhi nikal rahe hai our unke hanth main gun our talwar hai wah log jaise hi haveli se nikale main haveli main chala gaya to dekha Malkin zameen par nangi halat main giri hui hai main jaldi se malkin ke upar unki saree dal diya phir Malkin ki shanshe cheak ki to malkhan mar chuki thi tabhi mujhe puja par nazer padi main puja ke pas bhaga magar puja bhi mar chuki thi mere aankhon se aansu girne laga main phir malik ke pichhe bhaga magar malik mujhe kahi nahi mile our subah pata chala malik our purwa beti bhi mar chuki hai main police ke pass jana chahta tha magar nahi gaya maine janta tha police ke pass jane se koi fayada nahi hone wala hai wah loog mere bhi parivar wale ko maar denge main chup rah gaya aadmi bol kar chup ho gaya

aunkal aap un sabhi ka naam bata sakte hai kisne purwa our uske parivar ka khun kiya

un 5 kamino ka naam lakhan singh vikram singh Rajendr singh baldev thakur our Ajay Thakur ye naam tha un sabhi ka

kiran our koi sawal nahi ki us aadmi se our phir sahar main aa gayi kiran yeha aane ke baad fail main naam dekhti hai to un sabhi ka wahi naam hota hai jo ab kiran ko ek bar phir se geeta par sakh hone lagta hai ye kah sakte hai kiran ko pura yekin ho jata hai geeta ki katil hai is liye kiran ke dimag main ek idea aata hai ....kiran ran dusre din geeta ke ghar jati hai our geeta ki maa ko sari baat bata deti hai ki geeta ne hi wah 5 aadami ko mari hai our ye bhi batati hai ke mujhe sakh hai aap ki beti geeta nahi purwa hai

kiran ki baat sun kar geeta ki maa bahut hairan ho jati hai ye kaise ho sakta hai q ki geeta ki maa akhir yekin kare to kaise kare q ki wah janti thi wah unki beti geeta hai

kiran beti ye kaisa majak kar rahi ho wah meri beti geeta hai purwa nahi geeta ki maa kahti hai

aunty aap ko yekin nahi ho raha na main abhi yekin dila deti huin kiran kahti hai

tabhi geeta apni room se nikal kar kichen ki tarf ja rahi hoti hai

purwa ek coffee mere liye bhi bana dene kiran itana bolti hai ki geeta palat kar bol padti hai

thik hai didi

jab geeta ko ahsas hota hai ki wah purwa pukarne par boli to geeta ye soch kar dar jati hai ki ab wah pakadi jayegi

mujhe sakh to ho gaya tha tum geeta nahi purwa ho magar jab aunty ne bataya ki us hospital main purwa ki maut ho gayi thi our uske baad hi geeta ne apni aankhen kholi ye to chamtkar ho gaya hoga aunty ke liye jo sach bhi tha magar aunty ko nahi pata tha ab wah geeta nahi purwa hai jo geeta ki jism main sama chuki hai tabhi to geeta ne ek purwa ke naam se ek id banai our logon ka khun karne lagi .... kiran kahti hai

maine kisi nirdosh ko nahi mara wah sabhi meri maa didi papa ke katil the un darindon ne meri aankhon ke samane maa didi ko maar diya our mujhe our papa ko bhi talwar se maar diya phir papa mujhe lekar bhag gaye magar meri jism se itana khun bah chuka tha ke main marne wali thi main apni jism chhod kar jane wali thi magar maa ko rote dekh mujhe bahut taklif hui maine geeta ki jism main jane ka faisala kiya mujhe yekin nahi tha main geeta ki jism main sama kar zinda ho sakti huin magar main zinda ho gayi thi our maa bhi bahut khush ho gayi thi geeta kahti hai jo uski maa geeta ko roti hui gale laga leti hai

tabhi maine soch liya ek din un sabhi ko jaan se maar dungi our usme meri dost nita ne meri madd ki sabse pahle maine apni ek id banai apne purwa naam se mujhe jayada pareshani nahi hui bas paise jayede main pahle hotal ke ek bandey ko apne sath mila leti thi paise dekar jo unki aukat se jayada hoti thi our badale main chhoti se kaam kahti thi karne ko jo wah aasani se kar dete the

magar mujhe ek baat samjh main nahi aai tum us din jakhmi kaise ho gayi thi phir baad main nita bhi hospital main jakhmi hokar aai thi jo Sp sir our mujhe bhi tumhari baato par yekin ho gaya tha ....kiran kahti hai

wah bhi plan ka hi hissa tha nita se maine bol diya tha main subah tak tumse nahi mili to samjhle mujhe kuch ho gaya hai our tum police station main jakar report likhwa dene ye boli thi maine nita se

magar us din nita ko jaise hi mere bare main pata chala wah police station hi jaa rahi thi tabhi uska accident ho gaya jo nita ke liye mujhe bura to laga magar mere liye achha ho gaya tha our maine hospital ke ek ladke ko 5 lakh dene ka wada kiya our badale main ek letar likh kar nita ko dene ko boli jab nita hosh main ho jo wah ladka maan gaya our phir maine jo bhi baat aap dono ko batai thi wahi likh kar nita ko de diya jo nita ne wahi jawab aap dono ko diya ... geeta kahti hai

geeta ki bat sun kar kiran muskura padti hai mujhe yekin hai ab geeta geeta hi ban kar rahegi phir kabhi purwa nahi banegi kiran bolti hai jo geeta muskura padti hai our kiran phir chali jati

phir geeta ki ek din shadi ho jati hai our geeta ki do bahut saitan bachhe hote hai jinka naam hota hai raja our rani nani kahti hai

nani ye maa ki hi kahani thi na raja kahta hai jo nani muskura padti hai

our phir raja our rani apne room main sone chale jate hai our nani bhi apne room main so jati hai

Bahut badhiya kahani hai bhai
Purwa ki aatmkatha ek badla apne pariwaar ki mout ka thakuro se aur ek beshaara maa ka sahara banna Geeta ke sawrup me bahut achchha kaarye hai aur thanedaarni sahiba Kiran ne bhi inshaniyat ke naate Purwa ko kaatil hote hue bhi chhodna sarahniye hai bhai.

 

[Werewolf]

Sexcapades with sister-in-law (younger brother's wife) by Captain Jack Sparrow

Spoiler

This was a sex-based story. Erotica in other words. The story starts with Jishu and Rashmi being in a hidden sexual relationship. Now, to be honest, I wasn't expecting a completely sex-based story. My mind was still hoping that there might be some twists at the end. Sadly, there wasn't any. That left me disappointed.

The narration was quite rushed in my opinion. However, I can say that the writer does have a powerful vocabulary in his arsenal. Unfortunately, this didn't induce any feelings in me.

There were words like Jishu and Jishnu. Both being nearly same produced an ambiguity and made it hard for me to remember which one was her husband and which one was her brother-in-law? Title was sexcapades with sister-in-law. Everyone knows that sister-in-law means brother's wife. So, according to me there wasn't any need to put extra information like 'younger brother's wife' into the brackets to make the title much longer. You could have described that in the story.

There were paragraphs with no spaces at all. Too long paragraphs can often make reader's eyes go squint.

Anyways! I will say that don't be disheartened. You have a very nice vocabulary. This could come out so much better if only you had a strong grasp at your own writing style. I won't rate the story since I don't like to rate. I hope you will come up with much more interesting stories in future. More Power to you!

 

[Werewolf]

Ajeeb Raat by Sigma Geralt

Spoiler

Ek adhbhut short read! Kahani choti thi. 7k words se bhi choti. Mein chaah raha tha ye thodi aur lambi hoti kyuki mujhe nahi lagta writer ne word limit hit kii thi. Kaafi kuch aur likha jaa sakta tha.

Kherr! Kahani horror genre par thi. Kahani daraavni toh nahi thi utni par entertaining zaroor thi. Shuru se ant tak kahani ne baandh ke rakha aur yahi ek acchi kahani ki sabse pehli nishaani hoti hai. Kahani aisi jo bore hone na de.

Shuruaat hoti hai Aman ki train ko pakadne se jiske baad wo kaha kaha nahi bhatakta. Mujhe aisa laga nahi tha ki Sneha aur Rohit bhoot niklenge. Kyuki baat karne ka dhang bilkul insaan ke roop me prastut kiya writer ne. Same goes for Aman. Last me jo twist diya tha wo waqai boht accha tha. I liked it.

Ye kahani bhi 1st Person Perspective par based thi. Jo ki apni setting ke hisaab se sahi tha. Mujhe ek baat aur kehni hai, ye bhoot kitne friendly hote hai yaar. Matlab kitne pyaar se Sneha ne lift dii. Aman jo khud bhoot tha kitni dua de raha tha. Bhooto ke beech ka ye prem bhara vartalaap mujhe itna pasand aaya ki mann khil utha. Aur wo Manoj toh khamakha jaa ke bhid gaya. Kitne pyaar se baat kar raha tha Aman. Ab agle part me Manoj ko hero rakhna aur uski vyatha bataana ki bhoot bann'ne ke baad uske saath kya hua. Jk! Hehe~

Story, ek choti sii light horror thi with some suspense and twists jo mujhe waqai pasand aayi. It was nice short read!

Critiques ke naam par yahi kahunga ki kuch jagah mujhe 'k' shabd nazar aaya jo ki short form me likha gaya tha. Mein ye expect nahi kar raha tha. Mein story padhte waqt grammatical errors ka boht dhyaan rakhta hu. Especially, jab story contest ke liye ho. Toh udhar thodi sii apni minus marking. Aur thoda sa writing style ke liye. Baaki overall apne ko boht pasand aayi.

Keep writing!