★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2022 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Lucifer]

Reviews posted on or before 12th March 2022 11:59 PM will be considered for Best Supporting Reader

 

[SANJU ( V. R. )]

Thanks bhai

Bhai aap ne sahi kaha sayad ye story mujhe geeta ke nazriye se hi likhta to ye story kuch achha ho sakta hai magar jo dimag main aaya usi par likh diya

koi baat nahi galtiyan to hoti rahati hai

ab bhai dusri kahani to nahi likhne wala main

ye story ne sabhi ko nirash kiya hai sayad mujhe bachhon ko samil nahi karna chahiye tha

बहुत बढ़िया लिखा है आपने भाई ! मुझे बहुत ही बढ़िया लगा । पसंद अपनी अपनी । कहानियों में लाॅजिक ढूंढना शुरू करें तो सभी की कहानी बे सिर पैर की होंगी ।
बिल्कुल भी टेंशन नहीं करने का ।

 

[Nevil singh]

Ajeeb Raat

Spoiler

Main station pahuchne me kafi late ho chuka tha, bus dua kar raha tha ki train na ayi ho, main jaise hi station k platform pahucha train k horn ki awaz sunai di, train chal di thi. Main daud kar train me chad gaya aur apne coach jo ki 3rd AC tha usme pahuch gya. Raat ka time tha to main apni seat pe let gya aur pet already bhara tha to ankh lag gyi.

Der raat meri ankh khuli, main dekh k hairan rah gya train poori khali thi, train kisi jungle me thi aur lights bhi band thi, mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki ye train khali kaise ho gyi aur jungle me kaha ruk gyi. Main seat se utha aur train se bahar nikla to pata chala train ka koi ata pata nahi tha, bus ek coach jisme main baitha tha vo jungle k virane me ek purani abandoned patri pe tha. Dar k mare dil tezi se dhadakne laga. Baki ki train, mere coach k Baki log kahan gaye, main yahan kaise aa gya, ye sub sawal mere dimag me kaundh rahe the, ek pal to mujhe laga ki ye zaroor koi bura sapna hai, maine apne chikuti kaati, ye koi sapna nahi tha ye hakikat hi thi. Fir mujhe ahsas hua ki kisi ne mujhe koi nasheela padarth sungha k mera sara saman hadap liya hai akyuki mera bag mobile and purse wagahra gayab tha. Par mera saman le k hi jana tha to le jate mujhe virane me iss abandoned train me, sunsan jungle me kyu chhod gaye ye samajh nahi aa raha tha.

Iss jungle me raat me dahshat ka mahaul tha, kab koi jungli janwar ya chor daku mujhe maar de koi bharosa nahi tha. Main bahar ek disha me chalna laga, fir maine socha wapas coach me jaa k dhundhta hu Shayad mera purse ya mobile wahan mil jaye kisi cabin me, main wapis coach pe jane k liye muda hi tha ki mujhe kutto k bhaukne ki awaz ayi aur jangli kutto k dar se maine wapas coach me jaa k mobile lene ka irada chhoda. Dar k mare main wapas uss disha me tez tez bhagne laga. Kuchh der to laga ki pichhe kutte aa rahe hain, par meri pichhe mud k dekhne ki himmat nahi hui. Main bhagta raha, thodi der baad kutto k bhaukne ki awaze bhi ana band ho gyi. Ab main hafne laga aur jungle me koi aabadi nazar nahi aa rahi thi. Main thoda ruka aur ab tez tez kadmo se chalne laga kyuk ab aur bhagne ki himmat nahi thi mujhme. Thodi der baad main jungle k kinare pahuch gya aur ek road pe nikla jo sunsan thi. Road k dusri taraf khet tho aur ek taraf yani jidhar se main aya tha jungle. Road sunsan thi aur koi bhi waahan guzarta nahi dikh raha tha, maine jeb tatoli jeb me purse bhi nahi tha, purse bhi coach me hi chhut gya tha. Maine socha agar jeb pe aise hote to kisi commercial gaadi me chad jata ab paise nahi hain free me hi kisi se lift leni padegi. Main sadak pe hi khada raha thodi der, kafi der baad ek car dikhai di maine hath dikhaya par car nahi ruki. Zahir si baat hai sunsan me ek ajnabi k hath dikhane pe car kaun rokega. Aise hi adhe ghante se zyada waqt beet gya is dauran kai car nikli par kisi ne car nahi roki. Main nirash hoke sadak pe kinare baith gya sir jhuka k. Thodi der baad maine notice kiya ki ek car mere paas aa k ruki, main khada hua, dekha car me ek lady baithi thi 25-30 saal ki.

“Aap sadak pe aise baithe hain? Theek to hain ya koi takleef ha?” Us lady ne puchha.

Main socha ki usko train se jungle me pahuchne wali baat bataunga to ye mujhe nashedi ya paagal samajhlegi aur tab shayad meri help na kare, mujhe ise aisa kuchh batana hoga jispe ye yakeen kar sake. Ye soch k maine usse kaha

“Ji mera naam Aman hai, vo meri train chhut gyi hai, actually train jungle me ruki thi main bahar nikla thoda tahalne k liye aage nikal aya aur achanak se train chal di jab tak main train pahuchta train jaa chuki thi, main akela safar kar raha tha train me koi janne wala hota to vo chain khich k train rok leta, mera mobile, purse, sara saman train me hi chhut gya hai”

“Ohh rail line toh I guess yahan se 4-5 km door hogi, aap wahan se paidal aa rahe hain, aiye baithiye.” Usne ye kah k door khola car ka aur main car me sawar ho gaya. Main aage baitha aur tab mujhe ahsas hua ki car me pichhe koi aur bhi baitha hai, koi young ladka tha pichhe baithe, uske halke halke kharrate ki awaz aa rahi thi.

“Ji madad k liye shukriya” maine kaha.

“Main Sneha Pichhe jo so raha hai vo mera chhota bhai Rohit hai, hum dono ek function se laut rahe hain. To apko apne kisi janne wale ka number yaad hai? Agar ho to unse baat kar k apni location bata dijiye ki abhi aap Ramnagar district me hain.” Us lady ne kaha.

Ye sun k maine jawab diya “nahi mujhe koi bhi mobile number nahi yaad hai, bus apna number mujhe yaad hai uspe call kar k dekh lijiye shayad kisi ko mila ho to vo safe rakhe ho mera phone”

Aur maine use apna number bataya jispe usne call kiya par phone switch off aya yani jis kisi ko bhi mera bag aur phone mile the uski wapas karne ki mansha nahi thi.

She said: “Ohh Aman apka number utha nahi aur ab apko dusre kisi janne wale ka number bhi nahi maloom. Aisa karte hain main apko auto rikshaw stand tak chhod deti hu aur kiraye k paise de deti hu taki aap wahan se rail station aur station se wapas apne ghar ya kisi janne wale k paas pahuch saken.”

Ye kahte hue Sneha ne kuchh note purse se nikal kar mujhe diye.

Meri ankho me ansu aa gye the, mujhe ummid nahi thi koi anjan meri help karega, par insaniyat abhi bhi zinda hai.

Me : “Ji bahot bahot shukriya, agar apko aitraz na ho aap apna ya apne bhai ka koi contact number de dijiye jab main apni manzil pahuch jaunga main apko paise lauta dunga.”


Sneha: “Are uski koi zarurat nahi hai, par haan ek contact number main apna aapko de deti hu agar koi problem aye to call kar k bata dijiyega, nahi to safely pahuch jaiyega to bata dijiyega.”


Me: “Thank you again apka sneha, jab main road pe pahucha tha to maine kai cars ko hath deke rokne ki kosish ki thi par koi nahi ruki thi, ant me main nirash ho kar road kinare baith gaya, aap ne car rokne ka risk liye aur meri madad ki main dua karta hu ishwar se, Upar wala apko tarakki de.”


Sneha: “Are bus shukriya ki ab koi zarurat nahi hai, haan aise me help karne me risk to hota hai, par apko aise baithe dekh mujhe feel hua ki shayad apko such me help ki madad ki zaroorat hai aur aapse baat kar k clear ho gya tha ki aapko wakai me madad ki zarurat thi.”

Tabhi pichhe se awaz aayi “What the hell didi ye admi kaun hai.”

Ye 19-20 saal ka Rohit tha Sneha ka Chhota bhai tha jo pichhe baitha so raha tha aur achanak se jaga aur aage ek admi ko baithe dekh ghabra gaya shayad.

Rohit ki awaz sun k Sneha ne usko jawab diya.

“Ohh rohit tum jag gaye are ghabrao nahi ye Aman hain, inka sara saman including Mobile train me chhut gaya, ye train rukne par train se kuchh minutes k kiye nikle the aur train chal di, to ab inke paas kuchh bhi nhi hai even koi contact number bhi nahi yaad hai siwaye apne khud k phone k aur inka phone switched off aa raha hai."

Aman (me): "Hello Rohit."

Rohit: "Hello aman! Sorry main sote se achanak jaga tha to chauk gaya tha."


Khair mujhe sneha se puchhne pe time pata chala ki raat ya balki kahen subah me 2 baje se upar ho chuka tha. Ab humari car kai km chal chuki thi aur akhirkar sunsan rasta khatam hua aur car ek kasbe k paas se guzri kuchh aabadi nazar aane lagi halaki der raat ka time hone ki wajah se sannata hi pasra hua tha makaan zaroor dikh rahe the par koi bhi shakhs sadak pe nazar nahi aa raha tha, khair hum ek auto rikshaw stand k paas pahuche jahan Sneha ko mujhe drop karna tha. Khair maine Sneha se vida liya aur usko ek baar aur shurkiya bol kar main uski car se utar gaya.

Main auto rickshaw stand pe pahucha jahan itni raat ka samay hone k kaaran aur chhota mota kasba k nazdik hone k kaaran 2 auto khade hi nazar aa rahe the. Main auto k paas gaya to ek auto lock the aur koi driver nahi tha dusre auto me driver auto k andar so raha tha.


Mujhe uski nind se jagane me thodi hichak mahsoos hui main thodi der wahi khada raha. Thodi der baad wahan ek aur Auto wala aya, shayad vo kisi sawari ko chhod k aa raha tha kyuki auto khali tha. Mujhe khada dekh k usne mujhe puchha "kahan jana hai bhayya aapko, itni raat me aap yahan kaise, itni raat ko to koi sawari nahi milti main khud yaha auto khada kar k sone aya tha kyuki ghar mera kafi door hain yahan se par apko kahi jana ho to bataiye chhod deta hu"

Me "vo actually mera naam Aman hai mera phone kahi gayab hai aur train se main galti se yahan utar gaya bich me jungle me train rukne pe, mujhe train se Delhi tak jana tha"

He "ohh to aise karta hu apko Ramnagar k Railway station chhod deta hu wahan se apko Delhi ki koi na koi train mi hi jayegi."

Me "theek hai aap mujhe Railway station pe chhod do."

Aur main uske auto pe sawar ho gaya. Khair usne bataya ki uska naam Manoj hai aur railway station tak ka rasta thoda lamba hai to main aur auto driver manoj baate bhi karne lage raste me.

Manoj (auto driver) : "to yahan tak kaise pahuche sir aap."

Me: "Vo ek car me ek ladki aur uska bhai tha unhone lift di thi"

Manoj: "Oh….achha ajeeb baat hai kuchh din pahle ek accident hua tha usi route pe jahan ki aap bata rahe hain uss accident me ek ladki aur uska chhota bhai mare gaye the truck se hua tha accident santro car thi white color ki"

Ye sun k main sann ho gaya kyuki Sneha ki car bhi white thi. Mujhe laga kahi ye auto wala faltu me mujhe dara to nahi raha hai. Par maine socha isne to mujhe Sneha ki car me baithte ya utarte dekha bhi nahi, Balki ye to sneha k mujhe drop karne k kafi der baad mujhe mila. Maine himmat kar k usse puchha.

"Hmm...ajeeb sanyog hai, waise jo log mare the unke naam bata sakte ho kya?"

Driver Manoj: "are sahab ab naam kahan yaad rahenge vo to main wahan se uss din guzar raha tha to accident se damage santro car khud maine dekhi thi jise police kisi tarah raste se hata rahi thi accident k baad, isiliye yaad hai mujhe color."

Me : "kahi ladki kaa naam Sneha to nahi tha?"

He : "kahe dara rahe ho sahab ab koi mara hua shakhs thodi lift dega apko, unko car bhi white santro thi kya?"

Me "yes"

Ye sun k uss auto driver manoj ke expression ek dum badal gaye vo ghabraya hua dikhne laga, usne kisi ko phone milaya. Aur phone pe baat karye hue kaha "haa bhai sorry itni raat ko phone kar raha hu koi serious baat nahi bus vo accident hua tha pichhle month to vo ladki ka kya naam tha?"

Jawab sun k meri taraf dekhte hue usne kaha "achha sneha naam tha"

Me "Aur bhai kaa naam?"

Manoj "haa bhai vo ladki k bhai ka naam?...........achha Rohit"

Ye sun k mere dil ki dhadkane tez ho gayin, how can this be possible? No way they were alive. Sneha ne even mujhe apna number bhi diya tha. Yahi sub main sochne laga. Yahi Manoj phone pe baat kar chuka tha.

He "to uske bhai ka naam bhi Rohit tha kya jisne apko lift di thi?"

Me "yes"

He "hm...ab jo hua so hua ab mujhe dar lag raha hai to abhi ispe charcha ab aur nahi karte hain main apko station chhod deta hu, fir main sidha jaunga apne ghar."

Me "dekho main tumhe dara nahi raha par dar to mujhe lag raha hai tum jiske accident ki baat kar rahe ho usne mujhe lift di lift hi nahi paise bhi diye aur apna phone number bhi diya hai"

Ye bol k main apni jeb tatolne laga ki vo rupay aur vo parchi jisme sneha ne mujhe apna number likh k diya tha vo main driver ko dikha saku. Par meri dono hi jebe khali thi. Ab samajh gaya zaroor mera ghost encounter hua tha. Khair maine manoj se puchha "waise kisse baat kar rahe the tum"

Manoj "are sahab vo local police me hain mere ek janne wala night duty lagti hai unki accident k baad vo bhi wahan pahuche the to isliye maine phone se unse info li, dost hai vo police wala mera."

Tabhi manoj ka phone baja, usi police wale ka phone tha jiske bare me manoj baat kar raha tha, iss baar phone receive kar k Manoj ne speaker pe laga diya, taki baat mujhe bhi sunai pade.

Vo police wala on phone : "haa kya hua Manoj koi bhoot voot to nahi dekh liya? Aur sala tum daru to peete nahi ho kahi aaj pee to nahi li? Itni raat me auto chala rahe ho 3 se upar ho gaya main bhi ab night duty khatam kar k jaa raha hu tum bhi ab so jaao."

Manoj "haa bhai sawari chhod k ab ghar hi jaunga"

Police man "ok waise main dara nahi raha par raat me thoda sambhal k rahiyo, kuchh din pahle ek car wale ko bhoot dikh gaya tha"

Manoj "bhoot? Kiska bhoot? Wahi accident wali ladki Sneha ka?"

Police man: "are nahi re….koi admi tha 30 k aas paas ka uska bhoot, uss admi ki maut kai saal pahle hui thi train accident me yahi apne jile me, par saal bhar ho gaya hai shayad uss accident ko."

Manoj "achha k...kya naam tha uss admi ka ko accident me mara tha….mera matlab rail accident me?"

Police "abe tu naam aise puchhta hai jaise mujhe rata hua ho, aur rail accident me ek nahi kareeb 30 se zyada log mare the bogi k patri se utarne ke kaaran par uss ghata ko saal bhaar ho gaya hai, vo admi bhi un 30 me se ek tha jo mare the, ruk hold kar phone me dekh k batata hu uska kya naa tha jiska bhoot dikhne ki ghatna hui thi……………...haan vo... Aman…Aman Kumar naam tha uska…."

Uss police wale ne Phone pe itna hi kaha tha ki manoj behosh ho gaya aur auto aniyantrit ho k sadak kinare jaa k ek ped se takrayi………...

Shaandaar kahani hai bhai
Jor ka jhatka degai bhai yeh katha toh
Kahan Aman bechara dar dar bhatak raha tha apne gantavye Delhi jaane ke liye aur lift mili bhi to saneha dawara Jo khud sawargiye ho gai thi durghatna me aur idher auto driver Manoj fansh gaya marhoom Aman ke maayajaal me aur bechara khud hi sawargdhaam ko rawaana ho gaya aur phir kahin dushre shikaar me sahayak banege ish khooni sadak per.
Dost yeh vakye gaav dehaat me bahut hote hai
Ishi parkaar se bahut kishse sune hai in khooni raato ke
Bash dua ush rab se parmatma sou dushman se bhi na takraye in aatmao se gher ke gher ujadte dekhe hai inshaan ki laachari aur tadaph anbol kar deti hai do joon ki roti ke liye bhi tarash jaata hai pariwaar.

 

[Sigma Geralt]

Shaandaar kahani hai bhai
Jor ka jhatka degai bhai yeh katha toh
Kahan Aman bechara dar dar bhatak raha tha apne gantavye Delhi jaane ke liye aur lift mili bhi to saneha dawara Jo khud sawargiye ho gai thi durghatna me aur idher auto driver Manoj fansh gaya marhoom Aman ke maayajaal me aur bechara khud hi sawargdhaam ko rawaana ho gaya aur phir kahin dushre shikaar me sahayak banege ish khooni sadak per.
Dost yeh vakye gaav dehaat me bahut hote hai
Ishi parkaar se bahut kishse sune hai in khooni raato ke
Bash dua ush rab se parmatma sou dushman se bhi na takraye in aatmao se gher ke gher ujadte dekhe hai inshaan ki laachari aur tadaph anbol kar deti hai do joon ki roti ke liye bhi tarash jaata hai pariwaar.

Bahut bahut shukriya Nevil singh ji iss khubsurat review k liye. Mujhe khushi hai apko kahani pasand aayi.

 

[harshit1890]

Review For Pari By Indian Princess

The situation of a story is not new to us. Ye ek aisi problem hai jo samaj mein felhi hui hai par koi dikhata nahi. Isliye IP apne us chiz ko likha, uske liye thank you Apka topic sarhana tha. Kuch points bahut ache lage, jaise kahani ka plot, smooth writing, Samaj ke prati logon mein kam jagrukta, Torture for those mentally disabled girls and how they have been treated, Ye sab bahut sahi dikhaya apne. I felt touched with the story ki aisa kyun hota hai? But what i felt reading as a complete story ki kuch chizen missing thi, i don't vo apne word limit ki wajah se aisa kiya ya apka nazariya tha, but end was a little too dramatic and rushed. Though usme Abhinav aur pari ka connection bahut acha tha end mein but ek proper finishing nahi lagi. In the middle part also i feel like ki kuch chizen badi rush mein nikal gayi. It was a good read but it could have been far better ... Thanks for choosing such a topic. Good luck

 

[Indian Princess]

Review For Pari By Indian Princess

The situation of a story is not new to us. Ye ek aisi problem hai jo samaj mein felhi hui hai par koi dikhata nahi. Isliye IP apne us chiz ko likha, uske liye thank you Apka topic sarhana tha. Kuch points bahut ache lage, jaise kahani ka plot, smooth writing, Samaj ke prati logon mein kam jagrukta, Torture for those mentally disabled girls and how they have been treated, Ye sab bahut sahi dikhaya apne. I felt touched with the story ki aisa kyun hota hai? But what i felt reading as a complete story ki kuch chizen missing thi, i don't vo apne word limit ki wajah se aisa kiya ya apka nazariya tha, but end was a little too dramatic and rushed. Though usme Abhinav aur pari ka connection bahut acha tha end mein but ek proper finishing nahi lagi. In the middle part also i feel like ki kuch chizen badi rush mein nikal gayi. It was a good read but it could have been far better ... Thanks for choosing such a topic. Good luck

Thanks for such a quick and awesome review.

Woh kya hai na Hindi me apan ka thoda haath tang hai isiliye apne feelings ko jyada detail mein nahi likh payi

 

[Death Kiñg]

“Pari” by Indian Princess


An Emotional one!! Was literally touched by the story, the way it was written made the storyline even more special. The story revolves around some of the evil practices going around in our society, that everyone is aware of but no one takes an initiative to change it. However, the story starts off with a girl named “Pari” or “Ragini” who is actually a mentally challenged girl, she's just 20 but is 6 months pregnant.

The doctors clearly stated that the pregnancy was the result of a rape... How saddening is that, a challenged girl whose mental condition is just like a kid, has been tormented by some demonic creatures in the skin of humans. But of course every coin has two sides, i.e., people like Abhinav who maintain the balance of the society. There was an “unknown” bond between Pari and Abhinav in the story, which was nicely presented by the writer. Looked like Abhinav knew how it feels to be alone, how it feels without a family... He had faced all this early on, in his life so was not able to see the condition of Pari...

But it was disheartening to see the glimpses of what actually happened with Pari in her past. Those drawings, maybe they were pointing towards the fact that her family was killed by someone and as a result Pari was like this... Especially, the last drawing which was nothing but a page completely black... But she got the love she deserved only from Abhinav. That's why she never wanted to leave him. Of course the last scene clearly showed up with the fact that the Ward Boys or whoever they were, had carried out all the havoc on Pari!

But that feeling she had in her heart for Abhinav helped her to get out of the situation and she did come out but... In the end death of Pari was absolutely saddening but that's how it is... This was of course a story that clearly points out those dark areas of the society and also serves the readers with some heart – wrenching and emotional moments...

Abhinav's Fiance was just like any other rich and let it be attitude kinda girl. Having just a self centred point of view and not caring about what others are facing... So, the story was definitely a beautiful one but of course had some flaws too.

Especially, I felt like the end was a bit rushed. The starting was superb and well calculated, the middle part seemed to be precise again but the end... Then of course the emotions were portrayed very nicely but with the topic and plot you chose, this could have been a better one!

In the end congratulations for writing this beautiful piece and best wishes for the second story, in case you're going to write!

...[8/10]...​

 

[Indian Princess]

“Pari” by Indian Princess


An Emotional one!! Was literally touched by the story, the way it was written made the storyline even more special. The story revolves around some of the evil practices going around in our society, that everyone is aware of but no one takes an initiative to change it. However, the story starts off with a girl named “Pari” or “Ragini” who is actually a mentally challenged girl, she's just 20 but is 6 months pregnant.

The doctors clearly stated that the pregnancy was the result of a rape... How saddening is that, a challenged girl whose mental condition is just like a kid, has been tormented by some demonic creatures in the skin of humans. But of course every coin has two sides, i.e., people like Abhinav who maintain the balance of the society. There was an “unknown” bond between Pari and Abhinav in the story, which was nicely presented by the writer. Looked like Abhinav knew how it feels to be alone, how it feels without a family... He had faced all this early on, in his life so was not able to see the condition of Pari...

But it was disheartening to see the glimpses of what actually happened with Pari in her past. Those drawings, maybe they were pointing towards the fact that her family was killed by someone and as a result Pari was like this... Especially, the last drawing which was nothing but a page completely black... But she got the love she deserved only from Abhinav. That's why she never wanted to leave him. Of course the last scene clearly showed up with the fact that the Ward Boys or whoever they were, had carried out all the havoc on Pari!

But that feeling she had in her heart for Abhinav helped her to get out of the situation and she did come out but... In the end death of Pari was absolutely saddening but that's how it is... This was of course a story that clearly points out those dark areas of the society and also serves the readers with some heart – wrenching and emotional moments...

Abhinav's Fiance was just like any other rich and let it be attitude kinda girl. Having just a self centred point of view and not caring about what others are facing... So, the story was definitely a beautiful one but of course had some flaws too.

Especially, I felt like the end was a bit rushed. The starting was superb and well calculated, the middle part seemed to be precise again but the end... Then of course the emotions were portrayed very nicely but with the topic and plot you chose, this could have been a better one!

In the end congratulations for writing this beautiful piece and best wishes for the second story, in case you're going to write!

...[7.5/10]...​

Thank you for your wonderful review

The could have been better leaves me with an Ouch feeling, but never mind

 

[Jaguaar]

TAASH
​

Spoiler

Subah ke 10 baj rhe the aur nilami office ke bahar kai sari badi badi gadiya park kari hui thi, aur uss gadiyo ke malik apne manager ke sath office ke bahar garden me khade hui the.

Sab thode nervous the kyuki Aaj city ki sabse purani aur sabse badi kapad ki mill ki nilami hone wali thi. City ke jane mane sabhi business persons aye hui the.

Mene businessman na kehkar business persons kha kyuki yha ubharti businesswomen taniya saxena bhi aayi hui hai.

Taniya ne abhi business me apne kadam rkhe hi hai, wo badi ambitious aur bekhof kism ki ladki hai lekin hal hi me uske papa ke accident ka bad hi usse company saupi gyi hai isiliye usse business ke sare davpench ka pata, nhi wo abhi sikh rhi hai.

Taniya aaj yha se deal kisi bhi hal me le jane ke maqsad se hi aayi hai kyuki ye uski company me aane ke bad hone wali pehli deal hogi, isi karan wo sab ko dikha bhi skti hai ki uske papa ne usse company saup ke bilkul sahi decision liya hai.

Taniya ke alawa bhi kai sare log jo apne business ke fayde ki deal ke liye hi yha aye hai lekin usme se aek aadmi aesa bhi tha jo apni virasat bachane ke liye yha aya tha.

Ansh Malhotra, malhotra industriez ka aek lauta waris aur bhut hi passionate aur family emotion type banda. Aaj yha apne dada sukhdev malhotra jinhone ye mill sharu kari thi aur fir kuchh problem ke karan bik gayi thi usse hi wapis lene aya hai.

Shayad yha pe Taniya aur Ansh do hi aese hai jisse business se jyada emotion ke liye iss deal ki jarurt hai. Dono hi alag alag corner me apne manager cum sacratory ko bol rhe the ki kha reh gye nilami officer.

Tabhi nilami officer ravindra Vishwamitra apne official pappers ke sath bahar aate hai aur stage ke upar aake sabko batate hai, "aap sab ko pata hi hai ki aaj yha shakari shree vidhyamti sagar mill ki nilami hone wali hai, shayad apko ye bhi pata hoga ki isi base prise 50 karod rupye rkhi hui hai. To bina kisi deri ke boli lagana chalu kijiye..."

Abhi vishwamitra ne bat puri nhi ki aur wha taniya boli 55 karod, sab uski ki aur dekhne lage, kai to muskura rhe the aur sathe me murmura rhe the ki jawan khun hai phle pehle josh me aah jata hai. Vishwamitraji bole ye lo 55 karod ki boli lag gayi hai, taniya ji ne boli lagayi hai 55 karod... aur koi hai 55 karod aekk...

Tabhi mishra and sons kr manoj mishra ne apne paise ka akad dikahte huae kha ki ye sab chhod de ravindra yahi par 80 karod ka check fad deta hu. Tabhi pritam industries ke arjun pritam ne kha itni bhi kya jaldi hai mishraji thoda sabar kro abhi humne to sharu bhi nhi kiya, me pure 100 ki boli lagata hu.

Vishwamitra jat se bola, to arjun pritamji ki 100 karod ki boli hai, kya koi unse jyada boli lagana chahta hai.... Tbhi taniya ne bola 125 karod. Sabhi ka aakrshan ka center ab taniya thi. Ansh man me hi muskura rha tha, woto apni alag hi soch me tha wo soch rha tha ki pehle in sab ko khelne dete hai fir jo bachega unse mein le lunga lekin ye mill aaj meri hi hokar rhegi.

Pritamji ab 150 karod ki boli lagane hi wale the ki taniya samajh gayi aur usne 180 krod kar diya, aur boli sorry pritamji lekin aaj ye deal meri hai, hahaha. Tabhi ansh entry me aya aur bola mere pure 200 karod. Done.

200 karod sunke sab ki aankhe chaudi ho gyi kyuki ye mill itni bhi profitable ya prise me kisi bhi tarah nhi hai. Ha matlab uski jameen ke dam achhe aa skte hai kyuki wo pura industrial area hai par fir bhi 200 karod ke hisab se bhut kam hoga. Ab ye khel pura emotion pe aa gya tha, isi wajah se jo business deal wale the wo sab apni jagah corner krke beth gye.

Taniya idhar 225 krod to ansh ne 250 karod bol diye hai, Kya pata taniya ki ab jidd ho gyi hai ya to abhi usse business me kuchh pata nhi par usne 275 karod boli laga di. Ufff sabhi bol rhe hai ki ye ladki pagal ho gyi hai.

Idhar ansh bhi pagal ho gya hai, ansh ab isse jyada paise isme nhi dal skta kyuki abhi 300 krod ki property ye busines ya emotion kisi bhi hisab se nhi hai aur ansh ko pata hai ki abhi emotion ke ghode ko kabu kar lena chahiye warna ye ghoda tumhe satve aasman se jameen pe patak dega.

Ansh ne bola no more, aur uski se sath taniya uthi aur huraahhh chillaaa padi... sabhi ne muskura kar use congratulate kiya aur bahar bahar se Good deal.... Good deal ka sambodhan kiya lekin sabko pata tha ki ye deal shayd bahut hi ghate wali hai.

Sabhi apni apni car beth ke ghar ja rhe the, Ansh bhi nikal rha tha par uski aakho me gussa tha ki mene apne purkho ki mill kese hath se jane di. Par shayd me ye mill aasani se le leta agar ye aaj ki nyi ladki taniya nhi ayi hoti.

Ansh ko ab taniya naam se hi chid mach rhi thi. Idhar taniya mast chill mood me ghar pahuch ne ko betab thi kyuki jald se jald use ye khabar apne papa ko sunani thi.

Taniya jese hi ghar pahuchi jor jor se chilla ne lagi, "papa, papa hume wo shakari shree vidhyamti sagar mill ki deal mil gyi". Uske papa anjumanji jo apne bedroom me aaram kr rhe the unhone dur se hi ye bat sun li.

Taniya ne jaldi se aakar sab bate apne papa ko batayi, uske papa ko pata tha ki ye bhut khabar deal thi par wo nhi chahte the ki abhi abhi businesse sambhalne lagi taniya ka confidence jara sa bhi down kre.

Anjumanji ne usse bola ki beta bhut hi achhi deal hai, aur ye tumhari pehli deal hai to isse celebrate krna to banta hai yo aaj sham ko aek party through kre...?

Papa, ye to mast idea haii. Aap sabse best papa ho. Thanks you, Taniya ne kha.

Aur turant hi taniya ne apni secretory cum friend renuka ko call karke bataya ki aaj sham ko humari mill-deal ki success party hai sabhi relatives aur city ke jane mane businesspersons ko invite karne ka kam tumhara. Renuka ne ha krte hue kha hi done.

Sham ko party shuru ho chuki thi anjumanji apne sabhi purane businesse friend se apni beti taniya ko introduce kar rhe the aur uski deal ke bare me prshansha kr rhe the.

Tabhi party me ansh bhi enter hua, taniya ki nazar bhi tabhi gate par padi wo ansh ko dekhti hi reh gyi kale professional suit me bhi uske body muscle saf jalak rhe the, uska ark alag ki aroma aaspas fel rha tha. Wo pas aakar anjumanji ko congratulations bola.

Anjumanji ne bola are beta ansh ye deal to taniya ne grab kri hai wo hai congratulation ki asli haqdar, aur fir ansh ne taniya se hath milaya aur congratulation kha. Anjumanji ne taniya se kha beta ye mere bhut purane dost ka beta hai ansh hal hi me fir se yha business sift kiya hai. Anjuman ne ansh se bola beta kahi bhi business ya fir personal life me to bezijak taniya ko bata dena, tum family hi ho. Tere papa mere khas friend the to tum mere bete jese hi huae.

Ansh ne muskurakar kha, sure uncle. Wese aaj me bhi tha wha mill-deal me, taniya ne bhut achhe se deal ko grab kiya mene dekha. Ansh ke pas se pni praise sun kar taniya ko bhut achha laga.

Aur ansh ke liye bhi aek feeling shi jagi, tabhi ansh ne aek nili saree aur lowcut black blouse pehni ladki ko apni aur bulaya aur anjumanji se kha ki uncle ye hai meri wife rina. Rina ne uncle ko prnam kiya aur thoda muskurai, rina ko dekh kar taniya ko kuchh problem nhi hui par jese hi ansh ne kha ki wife to taniya ka chehra utar gya.

Anjumanji ne kha beta to kbhi dinner pe aao aaram se bate krnege, bhut bate hai businesse ke alawa bhi to pkka rha ki agle week hi jis din aap free ho taniya ko bata dena hum dinner fix krwa lenge. Ansh aur rina ne sir hilate huae kha ki jarur uncle.

Taniya ka mood pata nhi par wo wife shabd sunke thoda off ho gya tha, to wo renuka ko khi ki mujhe thodi taza sans leni hai me terrace pe ja rhi hu. Aek hath me sigaret aur dusre hath me drink ka glass liye taniya chhat ki upar ki diwar pe bethi thi.

Uski aankho me halke se aanshu the, shayad usse bhi ye bat pata nhi thi. Sigaret ka dhua uda rhi thi tbhi ansh upar aya aur uske baju me aakar beth gya, taniya ko aek pal to pata hi nhi tha ki ansh aya hua hai.

Ansh ne uske hath se sigaret le kar aek kash mar kar bola kyu taniya aaj itne khushi ke mauke pe tumhari aankho me aanshu.

Taniya ne kuchh nhi bola, ansh ne fir se puchha taniya kuchh hua hai kya batao mujhe.

Taniya ne jor se ansh ko apni aur khinch kar apne honth uske hoth par rkh diye... Pata nhi kyu par ansh bhi uska sath de rha tha thodi der aek dusre ke hontho ka raspan krne ke bad taniya ansh ki baho me lipat gyi.

Kahani ki lekhak me renuka ye sab dur se dekh rhi thi. Kya ansh jo aaj se pehle kbhi taniya se nhi mila tha wo aaj kyu taniya ke itna karib gya. Kya taniya jisne ansh ko sirf dusri bar dekha hai use uski wife ko dekh jalan hone lagi.

Kya pehli nazar ka pyar yhi hai...? Iske aage kuchh likhne ko hai hi nhi shayad yhi hota hai pehli nazar ka pyar.

Pehli hi najar me unse pyar ho gaya
Uske baad to phir dil ka karar gaya
Uss ek lamhe ne aisa asar kiya ki,
Har lamha jaise khud intejar ho gaya
Apne hokar b apne na ho sake hum
Woh ajnabi hokar bhi rajdar ho gaya


Thanks to you, agar aapne yha tak padha hai to apko dher sara pyar. Me professional writer nhi hu isliye thode shabd aur bhav khi idhar-udhar ho gye hoto maaf krna.

Meri ye story bhut hi alag hai, me yha par aek adhurapan rkhi hu, mene aek alag hi vishay me bat kri hai.

Thanks aap sabko for your support.

Story toh achhi thiii. Par bahot hi jyaada pacy lagi. Taniya ne bhale hi abhi business world mein kadam rakha hai par usne jo deal ki hai woh kisi bhi tarah se nhi darsha raha tha ke woh business ke saare dao pech jaanti hai.

Aur phir last mein party mein jo hua woh toh bahot jyaada thaa. Usko pehli nazar ka pyaar nhi pehli nazar ka hawas bola jaa sakta hai.

Aisa kaun karta hai pehli nazar ke pyaar mein. Maana ke hogya Taniya ko pehli nazar ka pyaar yaa phir yeh kaho ke ek tarah ka attraction. Par Ansh woh kyo gaya upar chatt pe Taniya ke paas apni biwi ko chorke. Uska kaun sa koi emotional attachment tha usse.

Aur gaya toh gaya jab Taniya me kiss kiya toh usne kisliye saath diya. Woh toh alag ho hi sakta tha. Par yaha toh kuch aur hi dikha. Mujhe waha pyaar nhi sirf ek tarah ka hawas dikha. Aur kahani ka naam hai Taash jo kahi se bhi kahani ke saath match nhi kiya.


Khairrr aapki yeh pehli story thi aapne koshish bahot hi achhi ki hai. Umeed hai aap aage chalke isse bhi achha likhengi. Aapki next story ka intezaar rahega.

 

[Kdry9]

Story toh achhi thiii. Par bahot hi jyaada pacy lagi. Taniya ne bhale hi abhi business world mein kadam rakha hai par usne jo deal ki hai woh kisi bhi tarah se nhi darsha raha tha ke woh business ke saare dao pech jaanti hai.

Aur phir last mein party mein jo hua woh toh bahot jyaada thaa. Usko pehli nazar ka pyaar nhi pehli nazar ka hawas bola jaa sakta hai.

Aisa kaun karta hai pehli nazar ke pyaar mein. Maana ke hogya Taniya ko pehli nazar ka pyaar yaa phir yeh kaho ke ek tarah ka attraction. Par Ansh woh kyo gaya upar chatt pe Taniya ke paas apni biwi ko chorke. Uska kaun sa koi emotional attachment tha usse.

Aur gaya toh gaya jab Taniya me kiss kiya toh usne kisliye saath diya. Woh toh alag ho hi sakta tha. Par yaha toh kuch aur hi dikha. Mujhe waha pyaar nhi sirf ek tarah ka hawas dikha. Aur kahani ka naam hai Taash jo kahi se bhi kahani ke saath match nhi kiya.


Khairrr aapki yeh pehli story thi aapne koshish bahot hi achhi ki hai. Umeed hai aap aage chalke isse bhi achha likhengi. Aapki next story ka intezaar rahega.

Thank you so much apne meri story padhi aur uspe review diya.
Par me apke thode prshno ka uttar de skti hu, Taash yani taniya aur ansh ka name jodke banaya hai aur last me jo hua wo kisi ko hawas lag skti hai to kisi ko pehli nazar ka pyar, mujhe pata hai ki pehli nazar ka pyar dikhana iss tarah se sahi nhi tha par fir kahani aur khich jati aur boring ho jati fir.

Me jab dusri koi story likhungi to aapke feedback ko jarur dhyan me lungi, once again thank you for your time and support.

 

[Jaguaar]

Pari​

Spoiler: Spoiler

Barasaat ki raat thi. Abhinav ek sunsaan sadak par gaadi chala kar ghar vaapas ja raha tha. Tej barish mein use samne ki sadak thik se dikhayi nahi de rahi thi, tabhi achaanak unse raaste ke bich mein ek ladki nazar aayi. Abhinav satark tha aur usne samay par par break daba dia. Us ladki ko halka jhatka laga aur woh gir padi. Abhinav turant gadi se utarkar use dekhne ke liye daud pada. Ladki behosh padi thi.


Abhinav ne use utha kar apni car mein bitha liya. Usne dekha ki wo ladki pregnant hai. Abhinav use lekar turant hospital pahuncha, woh ummid kar raha tha ki usne us ladki ko ya uske bachche ko chot nahi pahunchayi, agar aisa hua to woh khud ko kabhi maaf nahi kar payega. Doctor ne ladki ko apni dekharekh mein liya aur turant treatment shuru kar diya. Jald hi use hosh aa gaya.


Abhinav daud ke us ladki ke paas gaya. Use uski bahut chinta ho rahi thi.


"Aap thik ho?" usne poocha. Ladki ne koi jawab nahi diya, bas use ek khaali nazar se dekhti rahi.


Abhinav ne apna sawal doharaya, ladki phir bhi kuch nahi boli.


Kisi ne Abhinav ke kandhe par thapathapaaya aur kaha ki doctor usse baat karna chahte hai. Woh doctor ke kaksh mein chala gaya.


Doctor ne Abhinav se kaha, "Sir, kuch zaroori baat karni thi aap se. Is ladki ki umar lagbhag 20 saal hai lekin yeh ladki mansik roop se viklang hai aur shayad janam se hi aisi hi thi. Aur woh 6 mahine ki garbhwati hai. Humne usse uske parivaar ke baare mein poochhane ki koshish ki, lekin woh kuch bhi bata nahi paa rahi hai. Isake alaava, is ladki ke sharir par purani choton ke nishaan hai, jaise ki use maara peeta gaya ho. Yeh pregnancy bhi shayad zabardasti ke karan hui hai. Haalaanki, kuch mamooli kharonchon ko chhod kar aap ki gaadi se takaraane ke kaaran koi nuksaan nahi hua, aur uske bachche ko bhi koi nukasaan nahi hua hai."


Abhinav shanti se doctor ki baat sun raha tha. Use us ladki ke prati gahari sahaanubhooti thi. Usne kuchh der socha, ek gahari saans li aur kaha, "Main ek FIR darj karna chahta hoon."


Police jald hi pahunchi aur Abhinav aur doctor ke bayaan darj kie. Haalaanki ladki kuchh bhi bata nahi pa rahi thi. Abhinav ne police se anurodh kiya ki woh jald se jald uske parivaar ka pata lagane mein madad kare, aur un logon ko bhi jo uski is haalat ke liye jimmedar the.


Abhinav us ladki ke paas gaya aur uske bagal mein baith gaya aur halke se uska haath thama. Jaise hi usne use chhua, ladki ekdum se ghabra gayi, lekin Abhinav ne shanti se uska haath pakad kar uski or pyaar se dekha. Wo kafi der tak use dekhti rahi aur dhire-dhire shaant ho gai.


Doctor aur police is baat par charcha kar rahi thi ki, jab tak uske parivaar ka pata nahi chal jaata. Use kahan rakha jae.

"Yeh ek chhota shahar hai aur aas-paas aisi ladki on ko aashray dene ke liye koi achhi suvidha nahi hain" police nirikshak ne kaha, "yahaan se lagabhag 200 kilometer door padosi shahar mein ek NGO hai, lekin wahan humne pata kiya hai ki jagah khali nahi hai."


"Mujhe khed hai, lekin ham use hospital mein bhi nahi rakh sakate," doctor ne kaha.


"Agar aapki ijazat ho to, to main uske parivaar ke pata chalane tak use apani dekhabhaal mein rakhana chaahata hoon." Abhinav ne Inspector se kaha

.
"Thik hai Abhinav ji," Inspector ne kaha, "Mujhe pata hai ki aap ek izzatdaar parivaar se hain, main kuch dinon tak uski dekhabhaal karane ke liye aap par bharosa kar sakata hoon."


Abhinav use apne saath le jaakar khush tha. Is nanhi Pari ko kuch dinon ke liye aashray dene ke liye uske ghar mein nishchit roop se jagah thi. Jab woh use apni car mein bitha ke ghar le ja raha tha, to usne use ek bachche ki jigyaasa ke saath car ki khidki se duniya ki sundarata ko nihaarate dekha. Shaayad woh lambe samay tak kahin band thi.


Jab Abhinav ke padosiyon se use apne ghar ke andar ek garbhavati ladki ko le jaate hue dekha to use padosiyon ne use buri tarah ghoor kar dekha, lekin usne paravaah nahi ki.


Abhinav us ladki ko ek aaraamadaayak kamare mein le gaya jise usne uske liye taiyaar kiya tha. Abhinav ne uske liye ek teddy bear bhi laya tha. Woh ladki teddy bear ko dekh kar bahut khush hui, use gale laga ke woh ek chhote bacche ki tarah hasne aur khelne lagi.


Abhinav use dekh kar muskuraya. Jab se woh usse mila tha, usne keval uska udaas, dara hua chehra dekha tha. use is tarah hansate aur khelate dekhkar uske dil ko sukoon mila.


"Pari" Abhinav ne use bulaaya.


Ladki ne Abhinav ki or dekha.


"Tumhaara naam Pari hai'' Abhinav ne uski or ishara karate hue kaha. Usne us ladki ko “Pari” bulane ka faisla kiya tha.


"Main Abhinav hoon." usne apni or ishara karte hue kaha.


"Abhinav kaho" usne jor dekar kaha. Use ise do baar doharaana pada, aur phir woh ladki "Abi ...aav" shabdon se joojhati hui boli. Abhinav use dekh kar muskuraaya aur use gale laga liya.


Abhinav use kuch khana diya, lekin usne khate khate apne upar gira diya. Pari ko ehsaas hua ki usne kuchh gadabad ki hai aur woh udaas ashrupoorn aankhon se kshama maang rahi thi. Abhinav use dekh kar muskuraya, use saaf kiya aur use bistar par sula kar chadar odhada di. Shaayad woh bahut thaki hui thi, woh turant hi so gai.


Abhinav ke darwaje ki ghanti baji. uski mangetar Sheetal aayi thi. Woh bahut gusse me thi.


"Main kya sun rahi hoon Abhinav? tum ek pregnant ladki ko ghar le aaye?" Sheetal ne gusse mein kaha.


"Hann sahi suna hai tumne," Abhinav ne kaha, "Mujhe uski dekhbhal karne ke liye tumhari madad ki zaroorat hai. Mujhe yakin hai ki ek ladki hone ke naate tum use behtar samajh sakti ho. Bechari ke saath bahot bura hua hai. Main bas kuch dinon tak uski dekhabhaal karna chaahata hoon jab tak ki uske parivaar ka pata nahi lag jaata."


"Uske saath bahot bura hua hai? Tumhe yeh sab kisne bataya? Usne khud? Ya tum us doctor ki har baat par yakeen kar rahe ho jo keval is pagal ladki se chhutakaara paana chaahata tha jaise uske parivaar ne kiya? Kya tumne socha bhi hai ki log kya kahenge? Hum jald hi shaadi karne wale hain, aur tumhara aisa karna na keval tumhare liye balki mere liye bhi sharmanaak hai."


"Mujhe nahi lagata ki kisi ki madad karne mein sharminda hone ki koi baat hai." Abhinav ne kaha.


"I am sorry lekin mujhe tumhara is ladki ko ghar laana bilkul pasand nahi aaya. Use kisi NGO mein bhej dete na. Use ghar kyon laen? Kya tumhein meri zara bhi parwah nahi hai?"


"Of course tumhari parwah karta hun Sheetal, I love you,” Abhinav ne kaha.


“Please ek baar aur soch lo Abhinav,” Sheetal ne kaha, “Hum ek samaaj mein rehte hain ... tumhe pata nahi hai ki log tumhare baare mein kya baatein kar rahe hain .."

Bas itna kehkar Sheetal chali gai.


Abhinav udaas ho gaya. Use ummid thi ki Sheetal uska saath degi, use ummid thi ki uska dil uske jaisa achha hoga. Woh duniya ki paravaah nahi karata tha jab use vishwas hota ki woh sahi hai. Usne bedroom mein jhaanka aur Pari ko chain se sote hue dekha. Woh uske baalon ko sahlate hue uske paas baith gaya.


Kuchh saal pahale ek durghatana mein Abhinav ne apne parivaar ko kho diya tha. Tab se woh apne ghar mein akela rehta tha. Woh hamesha kisi ke saath ke liye tarasta tha. Usne Pari ki aankhon mein jo bebasi aur akelaapan dekha, theek waisa hi akelapan woh apne pariwar ke bina mahasoos karta tha.


Ek samay tha jab uske paas kuch bhi nahi tha, kayi baar jab woh itna thaka hota lekin uska duhkh use sone nahi deta, kayi baar uska mann karta ki koi uske sir ko pyaar se tab tak sehlaye jab tak woh so nahi jaata. Sheetal ek achchhi ladki thi, saubhagya se usne jivan mein aisa dukh bhara daur kabhi nahi dekha. Abhinav ke jeevan ka yeh hissa tha jise woh kabhi samajh nahi payi.


Pari ki dekhabhaal ke liye usne ek nurse ko kaam par rakha tha jab woh kaam ke liye bahar jaata tha. Pari ek pyaari ladki thi, haalaanki uske aas-paas ke sabhi log use tiraskaar se dekhte the, phir bhi uske chehare ki maasoomiyat ko koi mita nahi sakte the. Usne Abhinav ke liye kabhi koi pareshaani nahi khadi ki. Woh chup chaap ghar ke chaaron or uska pichha karati aur ek kone mein khadi hokar use dekhti rehti. Woh jab bhi nazron se ojhal ho jata toh woh pareshan ho jaati thi. Abhinav aksar uske saath luka-chhupi khelta. Abhinav chhip jaata tha aur Pari use talaashti. Agar woh use nahi dhoondh paati to woh rone lagati aur Abhinav saamne aa jaata. Use dobara dekh kar woh khushi se chilla uthti.


Woh bahut dukhi hoti thi jab Abhinav kaam par jaata, lekin Abhinav hamesha vaada karta tha ki woh vaapas aaega aur uske lie kuchh laega. Aur woh hamesha Pari ke liye kuch na kuch laata tha, kabhi khilone, kabhi chocolate.


"Abi, abi ..." usne Pari ko khushi se pukaarate suna. jab woh dekhne gaya ki yeh kya hai, to usne khushi-khushi use apani aur Abhinav ki ek crayon drawing dikhai.


"Yeh to bahut sundar hai sweetie!" Abhinav ne kaha. Usne Pari ki us pyari si dawing ko sambhal ke rakha.


Kuch din beet gaye. Pari ko bhi Abhinav ka saath accha lagta tha. Woh har raat usko pariyon ki kahani sunata, aur woh un jaadu bhari kahaniyon mein kho jaati jo usne pehle kabhi nahi suni thi.


Ek raat Abhinav ne Pari ko apne phoole hue pet par hath rakhte hue use chup chaap rote hue paaya. Jaise hi Abhinav uske paas gaya, Pari ne use kasakar gale laga liya.


"Mujhe kya ho raha hai Abi? Mujhe bahut darr lag raha hai..." Pari ne aansoo bahaate hue kaha.


"Yahan ek pyara sa farishta hai'' Abhinav use dilaasa diya, "Jab uske aane ka samay hoga, tab woh farishta in duniya mein aayega aur woh tumhe sabse jyada pyaar karega. Aur tum phir kabhi akeli nahi rahogi."


"Sach mein?" Pari ne use aur bhi kasakar gale lagaate hue kaha, "mujhe bahut dar lag raha hai".


"Mat daro Pari, sab thik ho jaega" Abhinav ne ne uske maathe ko choomte hue kaha, "ab so jao, good night, sweet dreams."


Pari ko Abhinav ke ghar mein rehte hue ab lagabhag 2 hafte bit chuke the, lekin uske parivaar ka koi pata nahi chala. Lekin Abhinav ko is baat se koi fark nahi pada. Use Pari ka saath accha lagta tha. Lekin Sheetal ki naarazgi badhati ja rahi thi.


Ek shaam, Abhinav ke darwaje ki ghanti baji. Usne darwaja khola to saamne Sheetal khadi thi. Woh ek sundar si dress pehen kar taiyyar hui thi.


“Tum phone kyu nahi utha rahe the?” Sheetal ne gusse se kaha.


Abhinav ne phone check kiya to silent par tha. Sheetal ke 12 missed calls pade hue the.


“I am sorry phone silent par tha,” Abhinav ne kaha, “Waise tum itni taiyyar hokar kaha ja rahi ho?”


“Aaj shaam tum mujhe candlelight dinner par le jaane waale the! Bhool gaye?” Sheetal ne gusse mein chillate hue kaha.


“I am so sorry Sheetal,” Abhinav ne kaha, “Darasal, Pari ko subah se bukhar tha isliye main uski dekhbhaal kar raha tha, isiliye mujhe yaad nahi raha. I am really sorry.”


Yeh baat sunte hi Sheetal ne apna aapa kho diya. “Pata nahi is pagal ladki ke peeche aise kya deewane hue ho ki apne mangetar ke saath plan ki hui date bhool gaye.”


“I am really sorry Sheetal,” Abhinav ne shanti se jawab diya, “Lekin sirf ek baar, keval ek baar, apne baare mein sochna band karo aur Pari ke baare mein socho ki woh kaisa mahasoos kar rahi hogi. Aur woh yahan jyada dinon tak nahi rahne wali hai."


"Uske baare mein kya sochna hai? Na shakal hai na akal hai is randi ke paas aur mere mard pe doore daal rahi hai," Sheetal Pari par chillai.


Pari uska gussa dekh kar dar gai aur phoot-phoot kar rone lagi. Usne Abhinav ki or dekha aur kaha, "Pari... sorry.."


Abhinav ne use gale lagaya aur use dilasa dene ki koshish ki. "Mat ro sweetie, tumhe sorry kehne ki zaroorat nahi hai, yeh tumhari galti nahi hai."


"Uski galti nahi?" Sheetal chillai, "Jis tarah se tum uski parwah karate ho, mujhe lagta hai ki shayad yeh bacha tumhara hai ... tumne is mandbuddhi randi ko chod kar pregnant kar diya aur ab usse pyaar ho gaya."


"Bas Sheetal!" Abhinav chillaaya, "Is bechari ladki ko apna naam tak nahi pata, isko yeh bhi nahi pata ki uske saath kya ho raha hai..woh bas itna jaanti hai ki woh bahut dard mein hai... yeh sharm ki baat hai ki tum use samajhne ki koshish bhi nahi kar rahi ho. Mujhe sach mein lagta tha ki tumhare seene mein dil hai, main sach mein tumhe pyar karta tha Sheetal, maine socha tha ki main tumhare saath sab kuchh saajha kar sakta hoon, ... maine socha tha ki tum mujh par vishwas karogi, mujhe lagta tha ki is lachar ladki ke liye tumhare dil mein bhi pyaar hoga...aur yahaan tum kitani gandi baatein kar rahi ho...mujhe khushi hai ki main tumhara yeh roop bhi dekh saka... main ab tumse koi baat nahi karna chahta. Bas chali jao Sheetal."


Sheetal chali gai. Pari abhi bhi uski baanhon mein kaanp rahi thi. Woh bahut dari hui thi. "Please mujhe saza nahi dena...bahut dard…saza nahi…" usne darr se kaampte hue bola.


Abhinav ne uski aankhon mein dekha. Woh keval bhay aur laachaari dekh sakta tha. ‘Koi rakshas hi hogi jo itni pyari ladki ko saza dega’ usne socha.


Mansik roop se vikshipt man jo apna naam tak yaad nahi rakh sakta, saza yaad rakhta hai...kitni dardanaak thi uski kahaani? Usne use apni baahon mein utha liya aur bistar par le gaya. Woh uske bagal mein baitha raha jab tak woh so nahi gai.


Abhinav ki nazar uske drawing book par padi jo uske bistar ke paas padi thi. Usne woh drawing book khola to hairan reh gaya. Kuch bhayank se drawing bana rakhe the uspe Pari ne crayon se. Sabse pahle drawing mein qabar mein ek mrit ladki thi jis ke sir mein chaakoo phansa hua tha aur ek aadami qabar ke upar ek ped pe lage hue fande se latak raha tha aur paas mein khada ek bachcha bebas hokar dekh raha tha. Doosre drawing mein ek teddy bear tha jiske chaaron taraf khoon laga tha. Ek chitr mein bina naakhoonon vaala ek kata hua haath dikhaya gaya. Ek andhere kue ki drawing thi jisme bahut saare bachhe doobte hue dikhai de rahe the, ek ladki drawing thi jiski skin poori tarah se nili thi, ek chitr mein ek pinjare ke andar tooti pankhudiyon wala ek phool tha, agli drawing mein raakshasi praaniyon se ghiri ek tooti hui gudiya dikh rahi thi, aur ek panna poori tarah se kaale rang se ranga gaya tha. Abhinav in chitron ka arth jaan na chahta tha, Pari un drawings ke maadhyam se kuch kehne ki koshish kar rahi thi, lekin kuchh bhi spasht nahi tha.


Agle din Abhinav ko police ka phone aaya. Police waalon ko pata chal gaya hai ki Pari kahan se aayi hai. Woh ek mental hospital tha. Abhinav police aur Pari ke saath wahan pahuch gaya. Jagah ko pehachante hi Pari chikhane-chillaane lagi, lekin karmachaariyon ne jaldi se us par kaaboo pa liya aur use le gaye.


"Yahaan panjikrt uska naam Ragini hai," wahan ke psychiatrist ne police ko bataaya. "use ek anaathaalay se yahaan bheja gaya tha. Woh bahut hinsak bacchi thi aur aksar doosre bachchon ko chot pahunchati thi. Woh “Intermittent Explosive Disorder” se pidit hai, woh jyadatar samay shaant rehti hai lekin jab uttejit hoti hai to woh bahut khataranaak ho sakati hai."


"Kya bakwas hai yeh!" Abhinav ne gusse me kaha, "Woh theek se bol bhi nahi sakti aur aap kah rahe hain ki woh khatarnak hai? Sabase pahale yeh bataiye, uski is halat ke liye kaun jimmedar hai? main chahata hoon ki us kamine ko abhi giraftaar kiya jaye!"


"Mujhe afsos hai ki us vyakti ka pata lagana mushkil hai. Woh yahan ka aadmi nahi ho sakta kyonki Ragini ek saal pahale yahaan se bhaag gayi thi. Yeh rahi police mein darj ki gayi report ki copy. Humne use khojne ki bahut koshish ki lekin uska kuch pata nahi chala, koi nahi jaanata ki woh is dauran kahan thi. Ho sakta hai ki us dauran kisi ne uske saath zabardasti ki ho, sirf Ragini hi hume bata sakti hai ki vaastav mein uske saath kya hua tha," doctor ne kaha.


Achanak, ek aadami ke jor se chikhne ki aawaz aayi. Khatarnak roop se ghaayal ek staff zameen par gira pada tha. Sabhi log use dekhane ke liye pahunche. Pari ke haath mein jang lagi kil thi, jisase usne us aadami ki aankh fod di thi. Woh gusse se kaamp rahi thi, uski aankhen khoon se laal thi. Pari ki is hinsak harakat ko dekhkar Abhinav hairan reh gaya. Jaise hi Pari ne Abhinav ko dekha, woh shaant ho gayi gai aur phoot-phoot kar rone lagi. Usne khoon se lathapath kil ko gira diya aur Abhinav ke paas daudi aur use kasakar gale laga liya.


"Pari ko yahan mat chhodo ...bahut buri jagah ..." usne aansoo bahaate hue bhikh maangi.


Abhinav ne dari hui Pari ko gale laga liya. Use doctor ki baaton ki parwah nahi thi, usne jo dekha us par vishwas bhi nahi kiya...use sirf apni Pari, uski maasoomiyat aur pavitrata par vishwas tha.


"Humein ab jaana chaahiye, Mr. Abhinav," Police Inspector ne kaha, "Woh maanasik roop se bimaar hai, use ab isi hospital mein rehna hoga."


"Main use yahan nahi chhod sakata...main chahta hoon ki woh mere saath rahe.." Abhinav ne kaha.


"Mujhe khed hai, lekin adaalat aapko use ghar le jaane ki anumati nahi degi kyon ki woh khataranaak roop se bimaar hai. Woh samaaj ke liye khatra hai. use yahaan rehna chaahiye aur ilaaj karaana chaahie. Halanki aap usse milne aa sakte hain," Inspector ne Abhinav ko samjhaya.


Bhaari man se Abhinav ne Pari ko jaane diya. Jaise hi woh jaane ke liye muda, woh jor se chillai aur use kas ke gale lagaya.


"Please mat jao..." Pari gidgidate hue boli. Uski pakad itani mazboot thi ki uske naakhoon Abhinav ki tvacha mein dhas kar khoon nikalne laga. Lekin Abhinav mehasoos kar sakata tha ki Pari ka dard usse kahin adhik tivr tha. Woh wahin sthir aur avaak khada raha aur hospital ke karmachaariyon ne Pari ko khinch kar Abhinav se alag kar liya. Jab woh apni poori taakat ke saath sangharsh kar rahi thi to Abhinav ne ne bas ashrupoorn nazron se use dekha.


Ek nurse ne Pari ko injection lagaya aur woh behosh ho gati. Us mental hospital mein kayi pinjare the jahaan paagalon ko jaanavaron ki tarah rakha jaata tha. Un pinjaron mein se ek mein uski Pari behosh padi thi. Uske haath aur pair zanjeer mein jakde hue the taaki woh khud ko ya kisi aur ko chot na pahuncha sake. Woh bahut maasoom lag rahi thi. Abhinav ne ashru bhari nigaahon se uski or dekha. Uske dil maan hi nahi raha tha ki Pari kisi ko chhot pahuncha sakti hai. Lekin uske paas wahan se jaane ke alawa koi chara nahi tha. Woh apni car mein baitha aur bhaari man se wahan se chala gaya.


Mental hospital mein jab injection ka asar chala gaya, Pari ne bechain hokar Abhinav ka naam pukaarane lagi. Magar woh anjaan thi is baat se ke kitne log us par buri nazar banaye hue the.


Darwaja khula aur 2 adami uski cell mein ghuse. Woh achaanak shaant ho gayi.


"Pari kyu ro rahi hai?" woh log haste hue bole, "Pari ko Abhinav ke paas jaana hai?”


Pari dar se kaamp rahi thi. Lekin woh Abhinav ke paas jaana chahti thi. Unse haan mein sir hilaya. "Hum tumhe uske paas le chalenge, chalo hamare saath chup chaap aao."


Pari donon aadmiyon ke saath chup chap chal di.


Ve use sidhiyon se niche ek andheri jagah mein le gaye. Pari andhere se nahi darati thi, use isaki aadat thi. un logon mein se ek ne achaanak use piche se pakad liya aur uske munh ko jor se daba diya taaki woh chilla na sake. Woh keval kamajor roop se virodh kar sakati thi, woh bahut thaki hui thi. Unme se ek aadmi ne use farsh par leta diya aur uske saath zabardasti karne laga. Pari ke paas ladane ya chikhane ki takat hi nahi bachi thi. Uski garbhaavastha ne use kamjor bana diya tha. Usne bas apani aankhen band kar aur Abhinav ke baare mein sochne lagi, Abhinav ke saath bitae samay ki khoobasoorat yaadein shaayad uske jivan ke ekamaatr khoobasoorat pal the.

Abhinav ka khayal aate hi usme mann mein ek umeed jaag uthi. Pari apni poori takat se phir ladhne lagi. Use paas pada ek lohke ka sariya mila. Usne woh uthakar us aadmi ke sar pe de mara. Usne itni takat se maara ki woh aadmi wahin mar gaya. Phir bhi pari ne us aadmi ke mrit sharir par itne vaar kiye ki ab uska chehra tak pechana nahi jaa raha tha. Phir Pari gusse se doosre aadmi ki ooar badhi. Uska hinsak roop dekh kar doosra aadmi gharbra kar wahan se bhag gaya.


Pari bahar nikalne ka raasta khojne lagi. Us hospital ki ke chaaron or ghana jangal tha. Lekin woh bina dare, raat ke andhere mein jungle ki taraf chal padi. Achanak tej barish hone lagi aur Pari baarish mein poori tarah bheeg gayi, lekin Abhinav tak pahunchne ke liye woh kuch bhi seh sakti thi, kisi bhi haalaat se ladh sakti thi. Abhinav shaayad woh ekamaatr aadami jisane kabhi use pyaar diya. Raat ka andhera gehrata gaya aur thand badhti gayi, lekin Pari Abhinav ka naam chillaate hue baarish mein chalati rahi.


Abhinav abhi bhi tez baarish mein apni gaadi chala raha tha. Woh Pari ko bhool nahi pa raha tha. Uske dil ne baar-baar Pari ke baare mein suni hui har baat par vishvaas karane se inakaar kar diya. Bechaari ladki...anaathaalay mein pali-badhi... kya uska parivar kabhi tha? Kya kuch bura hua unke saath? Ya shaayad uska parivaar ne use bojh samajhkar kahin chhod diya…Abhinav ko shak tha ki anaathaalay mein uski thik se dekhabhaal bhi ki gayi ya nahi, aur phir mental hospital - uske jaisi pyari si ladki ke liye itani darawni jagah .


Pari ke baare mein sabhi alag alag kahaniya bun rahe the, lekin Abhinav ne keval us kahaani par vishwas kiya jo Pari ke sharir par ghav ke nishaan aur uski aankhon ki maasoomiyat ne batayi thi. Pari ne jo drawing banaye the, ve ab use samajh mein aa rahe the, woh use apni dardanaak kahaani batane ki koshish kar rahi thi. Ek ladki jis par itne julm hue, jise maara pita gaya, bhookha rakha gaya hai aur zabardasti ki gayi, usse pratikriya karane ka bhi haq nahi hai? Uske gusse ko “Intermittent Explosive Disorder” keh ke kharij kar dena kitna krur hai!


Abhinav ne apne gusse par kaaboo paane ke liye sangharsh kiya. Woh yeh soch kar sihar utha ki Pari ka us mental hospital mein kya haal hoga. Abhinav apne dil ki gaharai use woh saara pyaar aur dekhabhaal dena chaahata tha jiski woh hakadaar thi, lekin woh asahaay tha. Unse apne dil mein ek dardnaak khalipan mehsoon kiya. Usne apni bebasi ko kosa, aur shaayad apne zindagi mein pehali baar woh apne bhagavaan se naaraaj tha.


Pari usi bhagavaan se bhikh maang rahi thi ki woh use Abhinav ke paas le jae lekin shaayad uski aavaaj itani kamajor thi ki unke kaanon tak nahi pahunch saki. Pari ab itni thak chuki thi ki, woh gili mitti par gir gai, kamajor aur bhookhi, thand mein kaampti hui, phir bhi Abhinav ka naam leti rahi. Woh uske pyaar, uske saath ke liye bahut tarasti rahi, lekin berehem thand ne dhire-dhire uski jaan le li.

Main kyaa hi kahu iss story ke baare mein. Koi shabd hi nhi hai mere paas. Agar MODs ki likhi hui story select hoti hai toh aapki iss story ko Top 3 mein se ek position jarur milega.

Kahani ka title kahani ke saath puri tarah match kiyaa. Aaj ka zamane mein Abhinav jaisa insaan milna bahot mushkil hota hai. Usne jis tarah se ek mentally unstable pregnant ladki ko sambhala woh wakai kabile taarif hai. Ek tarah se bola jaaye toh Abhinav aur Pari ek tarah se iss tarah judd gaye the ke unhe alag karna lagbhag asambhav thaa.

Yaha humhe Sheetal jaisi ladkiyan bhi dikhi jo sirf apne baare mein sochti hai. Ek ladki hoke dusri ladki ke dukh jo naa samjhe usse kyaa hi bola jaaye.

Aur last mein jo padha usse kisi ke bhi aankhon mein aansu aajate. Bahot hi dil dukhane wala part tha woh. Uss Mental hospital mein ek Pregnant ladki ke saath jis tarah se behave kiya gaya usi se pata chalta tha ke waha rehke hi Pari ki halat aur jyaada buri hogyi thi.

Aur phir uss hospital ke staffs ne Abhinav ke naam ka lalach deke phir se Pari ke saath balatkaar karne ki koshish usse yehi zaahir hota hai ke woh hospital kaisa hai. Pari 1 saal pehle bhaag gayi thi aur usse koi dhund nhi paaya yeh toh mujhe jhoot laga. Mujhe toh lagta hai unhone dhundne ki koshish nhi ki thi.

Last mein Pari ki dardnaak maut sach mein rula dene wala part tha. Agar maut ki jagah Pari aur Abhinav ka milan hojaata toh kahani ka end Happy hota. Sach mein bahot hi jabardasttt kahaniii thiii.