nain11ster
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nahhhh .. pahle jo maine likha tha wo review nahi balki mere doubts the ... doubts clear hone baad ek review to banta hai na boss ...
smile please
★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★
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smile please
nain11ster
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भूख
by PARADOX
ek papi thakur ... daridr sa gawn .... atyachar sahte log ... jhulashti jindgi ... badla wala scene kewal rah gaya .. i thought mithun da ki entry honi chahiye thi ... Bihar ka jagga daku ....
lekhni achi thi .. infact kamal ki thi ... bhasha aur bhasha ki urja .. dono hi bhut utkristh tarike se kahani me piroya gaya tha ... bus kami rah gayi to ek kahani ki ... mujhe lagta hai NON Competition hone ke karan pradeep ne ye old 70's ki story utha laye ...
waise main bata dun ... jitni image ... ek lala, ek sadhu aur ek thakur ki in filmwalon ne kharab ki hai ... utni agar reality me hoti to desh ke har kone me chamble hota .... khair .... is se jyada kuch nahi likha ja sakta kahani ko lekar ....
aap ki lekhni achi hai ... shayad non competing story thi isliye vishay par dhyan na diye ...
by PARADOX
ek papi thakur ... daridr sa gawn .... atyachar sahte log ... jhulashti jindgi ... badla wala scene kewal rah gaya .. i thought mithun da ki entry honi chahiye thi ... Bihar ka jagga daku ....
lekhni achi thi .. infact kamal ki thi ... bhasha aur bhasha ki urja .. dono hi bhut utkristh tarike se kahani me piroya gaya tha ... bus kami rah gayi to ek kahani ki ... mujhe lagta hai NON Competition hone ke karan pradeep ne ye old 70's ki story utha laye ...
waise main bata dun ... jitni image ... ek lala, ek sadhu aur ek thakur ki in filmwalon ne kharab ki hai ... utni agar reality me hoti to desh ke har kone me chamble hota .... khair .... is se jyada kuch nahi likha ja sakta kahani ko lekar ....
aap ki lekhni achi hai ... shayad non competing story thi isliye vishay par dhyan na diye ...
Champ_AK_81
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Story:- Anokha Bandhan
Writer:- Rahul
Unique story.
Socha nahi tha story mein achanak se aise turn aa jaayega...Bahut acche se aapne flow ko badal diya aur ussi par focus kar ke aage ka story likha.
Story ka wo twist bahut accha laga...Aur saath hi aapne iss baat ko bhi acche se dikhaya ki badla lene ke liye insaan kis hadd tak andha ho sakta hai.
Aur ye bewafaayi ka jamaana...Bahut andar tak ghush chuka hai kaafi logon ke dil aur dimaag mein.
Good story to read...All the best for contest.
Writer:- Rahul
Unique story.
Socha nahi tha story mein achanak se aise turn aa jaayega...Bahut acche se aapne flow ko badal diya aur ussi par focus kar ke aage ka story likha.
Story ka wo twist bahut accha laga...Aur saath hi aapne iss baat ko bhi acche se dikhaya ki badla lene ke liye insaan kis hadd tak andha ho sakta hai.
Aur ye bewafaayi ka jamaana...Bahut andar tak ghush chuka hai kaafi logon ke dil aur dimaag mein.
Good story to read...All the best for contest.
Champ_AK_81
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Story:- Pyaar Karti Ho Mujhse
Writer:- Adirshi
Bahut accha story...Jo ye dikhaata hai ki insaan ko dusre insaan bhale hi wo uska dost ho, gf ho, patni yaa fir koi aur...Usko ussi roop mein swikaar karna chahiye...Jo wo asal mein hai.
Jabardasti ke badlaaw, apne hisaab se unka rahan sahan badalna nahi chahiye.
Bahut acchi tarah se aapne inn baaton ko dikhaya apne story ke jariye.
Aur rahi baat romantic portion ke...To aapne short and sweet mein dikhaya..
unka character aur dhire dhire unka ek dusre ke taraf aakarahan aur pyaar...Aur pyaar ka wo ijahaar.
Bahut acche se inn saari baaton ko dikhaya.
Story ka length shayad thoda aur lamba ho sakta tha.
Overall, bahut accha laga story padh kar.
All the best for contest.
Writer:- Adirshi
Bahut accha story...Jo ye dikhaata hai ki insaan ko dusre insaan bhale hi wo uska dost ho, gf ho, patni yaa fir koi aur...Usko ussi roop mein swikaar karna chahiye...Jo wo asal mein hai.
Jabardasti ke badlaaw, apne hisaab se unka rahan sahan badalna nahi chahiye.
Bahut acchi tarah se aapne inn baaton ko dikhaya apne story ke jariye.
Aur rahi baat romantic portion ke...To aapne short and sweet mein dikhaya..
unka character aur dhire dhire unka ek dusre ke taraf aakarahan aur pyaar...Aur pyaar ka wo ijahaar.
Bahut acche se inn saari baaton ko dikhaya.
Story ka length shayad thoda aur lamba ho sakta tha.
Overall, bahut accha laga story padh kar.
All the best for contest.
nain11ster
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Agnipariksha
By:- Adirshi
Ek niemam ghatna jo man me vikar chhod jate hain ... Manish aur Manisha ki kahani kafi vichlit karne wali thi ... ek cchoti si apriya aur dukhad ghantna jiski jitni ninda ki jaye wo kam hai ... aisi gatnayen padhne ke baad ander ki pratikriya aur krodh bhi charam tak hai ... kyon koi masiha nahi tha wahan ... kya koi bhagwan hai to wo itna rutha aur nisthur kaise ho sakta hai ......
Baat kare kahani ki to kisi ke jivan se liya gaya ek kala hissa hai jisem zindgi pis kar rah gayi ... kshma kijiyega yahan mere shabd nahi bache jisme likha jaye ki kahani ke ye positive ya negative point the... haan lekni ki baat ki jaye to lekni awwal darje ki thi usme kahin koi shaq nahi ...
Short story ka apna ek chhota sa motive aur ek nirnayak anth hota hai taki ek sidha sndesh uske padhne walon tak pahunche .. jisme aap ne purnth negative kar diya hai ... kyonki samaj ke swaroop me yadi kahin koi anyay hota hai yto kahin na kahin nyay ab bhi jinda hai... hum kitna bhi kah le sab bik chuka hai .. nayay prakriya bahut hi dhimi aur bekar ho chuki hai lekin fir bhi logon ke dilon me usi nyay prakriya ke prati viswas to hai jo in chhubd mansikta wale logon par lagam lagaye huye hai .. nahi to aaj ke pariwes me kewal aur kewal arajakta hoti ...
kuch aisi hi apriya ghatnayen hui thi delhi me ... nyay prakriya bhi shuru hui.. aur anth me nyay jaroor mila .. isliye aap se anurodh kewal itna hai ki .. jahan andhera hota hai wahan ujala bhi hota hai ... yadi aisa na hota to is sansar me kuch bhi santulit nahi hota ...
best of luck for the story .. main ummid karunga agli baar jab bhi aap ki kahani mile unme santulan bana rahe
By:- Adirshi
Ek niemam ghatna jo man me vikar chhod jate hain ... Manish aur Manisha ki kahani kafi vichlit karne wali thi ... ek cchoti si apriya aur dukhad ghantna jiski jitni ninda ki jaye wo kam hai ... aisi gatnayen padhne ke baad ander ki pratikriya aur krodh bhi charam tak hai ... kyon koi masiha nahi tha wahan ... kya koi bhagwan hai to wo itna rutha aur nisthur kaise ho sakta hai ......
Baat kare kahani ki to kisi ke jivan se liya gaya ek kala hissa hai jisem zindgi pis kar rah gayi ... kshma kijiyega yahan mere shabd nahi bache jisme likha jaye ki kahani ke ye positive ya negative point the... haan lekni ki baat ki jaye to lekni awwal darje ki thi usme kahin koi shaq nahi ...
Short story ka apna ek chhota sa motive aur ek nirnayak anth hota hai taki ek sidha sndesh uske padhne walon tak pahunche .. jisme aap ne purnth negative kar diya hai ... kyonki samaj ke swaroop me yadi kahin koi anyay hota hai yto kahin na kahin nyay ab bhi jinda hai... hum kitna bhi kah le sab bik chuka hai .. nayay prakriya bahut hi dhimi aur bekar ho chuki hai lekin fir bhi logon ke dilon me usi nyay prakriya ke prati viswas to hai jo in chhubd mansikta wale logon par lagam lagaye huye hai .. nahi to aaj ke pariwes me kewal aur kewal arajakta hoti ...
kuch aisi hi apriya ghatnayen hui thi delhi me ... nyay prakriya bhi shuru hui.. aur anth me nyay jaroor mila .. isliye aap se anurodh kewal itna hai ki .. jahan andhera hota hai wahan ujala bhi hota hai ... yadi aisa na hota to is sansar me kuch bhi santulit nahi hota ...
best of luck for the story .. main ummid karunga agli baar jab bhi aap ki kahani mile unme santulan bana rahe
Champ_AK_81
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Story:- भूख
Writer:- PARADOX
Jaise ki story ka title Bhukh hai...Story ka content bhi Bhukh ke aas paas hi ghumta hai...Aur aakhir mein ek sawaal chhodta hai ki kaunsi bhukh insaan ko jyada majbur kar sakta hai...Pet ka bhukh yaa fir Jism ka?
Abb aate hai positives ke baare mein...Flow aur Narration bahut accha laga story mein...Ek hi flow mein aapne story ko bahut behatreen tarike se pesh kiya...Pehle gaanw ka background...Waha ke log kaise Lala ki aatank se pareshaan hai...Aur unki majburiyan...Fir uske baad Lala ka background...Kitna jaalim insaan hai wo aur kaise logo ko apna gulaam banaata hai wo...Ek Baap aur Beti ka pyaar ko bhi acche se dikhaya ki ek baap ane beti ko bachaane ke liye kis hadd tak jaa sakta hai? Baap ka apne beti ke liye pyaar ke saath saath beti ki manovaigyanik sthithi ko bhi acche se dikhaya ki kaise wo band ghar mein ghut kar jeeti hai...Aur duniya mein ghumne ki aajaadi kitna maayine rakhta hai...Aur saath hi uska khushi jab pehli baar wo apne ghar se baahar gaanw mein ghumne ko nikli...Ye saari baatein bahut acche se likha hai...Aur ending...Especially waha ekdum se surprising scene nahi tha ki achanak se Malhu Lala se badla leta hai itna kamjor hone ke baawjud.
Ye thhe story ke kuch acchaiyaan...Abb aate hai story ke uss part mein jaha story thoda kamjor sa laga...Hariya ka apne beti Munni ko gaanwalo aur Lala ka asliyat na bataana shaadi ke vakt...Agar Hariya Munni ko uske shaadi ke vakt ye baat bataata to shayad Munni wapas gaanw aane ke liye jidd nahi karti...Aur Malhu ka bhi Munni ke jidd ke saamne haar jaana aur usse jaane ki anumati dena jab ki wo jaanta tha iska kya parinaam ho sakta hai...Agar uss vakt bhi Malhu Munni ko Hariya ki wo baatein bata deta to shayad Munni ka wo haal na hota...Inn parts mein story ka narration thoda kamjor laga...Thoda illogical bhi ki aise kaise ye sab ho raha hai...Munni jaa rahi hai aur Malhu bina kuch bataye jaane de raha hai...Agar aap iss scene par thoda aur focus karte to story aur accha ho sakta...Kuch missing wala filling nahi aata.
Overall story accha laga padh kar jis mein aapne kaafi saral aur bhaasha mein likha hai...Story mein majburi ke saath saath sabhi characters ke emotions ko acche se dikhaya aapne.
Writer:- PARADOX
Jaise ki story ka title Bhukh hai...Story ka content bhi Bhukh ke aas paas hi ghumta hai...Aur aakhir mein ek sawaal chhodta hai ki kaunsi bhukh insaan ko jyada majbur kar sakta hai...Pet ka bhukh yaa fir Jism ka?
Abb aate hai positives ke baare mein...Flow aur Narration bahut accha laga story mein...Ek hi flow mein aapne story ko bahut behatreen tarike se pesh kiya...Pehle gaanw ka background...Waha ke log kaise Lala ki aatank se pareshaan hai...Aur unki majburiyan...Fir uske baad Lala ka background...Kitna jaalim insaan hai wo aur kaise logo ko apna gulaam banaata hai wo...Ek Baap aur Beti ka pyaar ko bhi acche se dikhaya ki ek baap ane beti ko bachaane ke liye kis hadd tak jaa sakta hai? Baap ka apne beti ke liye pyaar ke saath saath beti ki manovaigyanik sthithi ko bhi acche se dikhaya ki kaise wo band ghar mein ghut kar jeeti hai...Aur duniya mein ghumne ki aajaadi kitna maayine rakhta hai...Aur saath hi uska khushi jab pehli baar wo apne ghar se baahar gaanw mein ghumne ko nikli...Ye saari baatein bahut acche se likha hai...Aur ending...Especially waha ekdum se surprising scene nahi tha ki achanak se Malhu Lala se badla leta hai itna kamjor hone ke baawjud.
Ye thhe story ke kuch acchaiyaan...Abb aate hai story ke uss part mein jaha story thoda kamjor sa laga...Hariya ka apne beti Munni ko gaanwalo aur Lala ka asliyat na bataana shaadi ke vakt...Agar Hariya Munni ko uske shaadi ke vakt ye baat bataata to shayad Munni wapas gaanw aane ke liye jidd nahi karti...Aur Malhu ka bhi Munni ke jidd ke saamne haar jaana aur usse jaane ki anumati dena jab ki wo jaanta tha iska kya parinaam ho sakta hai...Agar uss vakt bhi Malhu Munni ko Hariya ki wo baatein bata deta to shayad Munni ka wo haal na hota...Inn parts mein story ka narration thoda kamjor laga...Thoda illogical bhi ki aise kaise ye sab ho raha hai...Munni jaa rahi hai aur Malhu bina kuch bataye jaane de raha hai...Agar aap iss scene par thoda aur focus karte to story aur accha ho sakta...Kuch missing wala filling nahi aata.
Overall story accha laga padh kar jis mein aapne kaafi saral aur bhaasha mein likha hai...Story mein majburi ke saath saath sabhi characters ke emotions ko acche se dikhaya aapne.
Champ_AK_81
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Story:- Wasl’e Yar ke din(وصل یار کے دن)
Writer:- Prince Sahil
Lockdown ki haalaath par accha story likha aapne Sahil bhai...Log duniya mein kaise vyast ho jaate hai aur apno ke paas utna vakt nahi gujaar paate ye aapne acche se dikhaya hai.
Lockdown mein bahut saare problems hai...Lekin kuch acchaayi ki baat kare to wo hai free time...Iss mein hum apno ke saath vakt bitaa sakte hai...Jo humaare life mein missing tha usse acche se pura kar sakte hai.
Issi background mein aapne ek accha love story likha...Emotions aur Haalaath bhi acche se dikhaya...Ek dusre ke liye pyaar aur tadap wo bhi sahi tha.
All the best for contest bhai.
Writer:- Prince Sahil
Lockdown ki haalaath par accha story likha aapne Sahil bhai...Log duniya mein kaise vyast ho jaate hai aur apno ke paas utna vakt nahi gujaar paate ye aapne acche se dikhaya hai.
Lockdown mein bahut saare problems hai...Lekin kuch acchaayi ki baat kare to wo hai free time...Iss mein hum apno ke saath vakt bitaa sakte hai...Jo humaare life mein missing tha usse acche se pura kar sakte hai.
Issi background mein aapne ek accha love story likha...Emotions aur Haalaath bhi acche se dikhaya...Ek dusre ke liye pyaar aur tadap wo bhi sahi tha.
All the best for contest bhai.
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