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Critical Point : It looked like, you just described a porn video. She was too easy, it would have been more fun if there was storyline involved.Good Points : Writing was descriptive and contained no unnecessary information. Keep writing, All the best.

Critical Points : Ek strong, chhap nahi chod paya suresh mere dimag me, rather than saying ke usne kya kiya, aap character ke core values ko readers ke saamne laa sakte the jisse vo emotional connect aur majbut ho sakta tha. Taaki ending ki real feel milti. Ananya ka Suresh ko mentor maan lena...

Critical Points : Fillers bahut dikhe story me. Shuruat me hook missing tha jo reader ko kahani ko aage padhne pe majbur kar de. half story to bina interest ke hi padhni padhi.. ke story me ab kuch hoga. "Wanna suck my penis" puch ke khud chut chatne beth gaya vo, kuch chize make sense nahi...

Cuck aur voyeurism ki kahani. Sabse pehle to apne story post ki issi liye dhanyawad. Varna mere jese kai writers itna procrastinate karte hai ki story post karna hi bhul jate hai. Critical Points : Starting thoda lengthy laga, puri family ki introduction dene ki jaroorat nahi thi. kyu ki...

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sab badhiya

Hello bhai kese ho

:sunshine:

iski baato ko seriously mat lo

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